Cinderalla, now the fierce pirate Mary Read, surprised everybody by slinking in that first night, dressed in a sequined evening gown. She lay across the sofa and told everybody to imagine she was draped across a piano. She did a rousing rendition of that old Sinatra classic “My Way,” which was both disturbing and strangely gripping.
Cankelton was given a small empty cabin as his own, and since the shag rug was too big for it, he just ran it up the walls. The lava lamp cast interesting shadows on the rug, and he said he really was as snug as a bug in a rug. The captain assigned him to permanent anchor watch. As Cankelton had remained firm in his hatred of guests and people in general, this was finally a job he could excel at.
Mrs. Pennypacker and Mrs. Jenkins went shopping in the DR, restocked the kitchen, and threw Kill Devil Ned out of it. Mr. Pennypacker was initially horrified that some of his hard-earned cash was going into other people’s mouths, but he was soothed by the ensuing improvements in the galley. Eggs were out, and hamburgers, spaghetti, and copious amounts of cereal were in.
Olive remained unwilling to give up Jimmy Jenkins. The new plan, since they would not be as fabulously rich as she had hoped, was that Jimmy had to get a job and turn over all his money to his bride. She was going into first grade as an unrepentant gangster.
Charlie’s agreement with Gunter held, and when he got back home he had to break the news to Kyle. Kyle was leery of befriending Gunter, especially since he had been under the impression that he was supposed to hate Gunter Hwang. Charlie had to explain that he might have exaggerated a few things, like when he said “Gunter Hwang is the devil’s son and you should hate him.” Kyle decided to be agreeable about the mix-up.
Gunter was never going to be a perfect friend—he was ornery and prickly, and even though he’d agreed that competition wasn’t the most important thing, he had to be reminded all the time. Kyle had been a perfect friend, until Gunter got a hold of him. Gunter pointed out that the whole world didn’t have to agree with everything Charlie Pennypacker said. Kyle caught on to that idea surprisingly fast.
Mr. and Mrs. Hwang were unhappy that Gunter had lost some of his competitive edge, Mr. Pennypacker was unhappy that Charlie had known where the treasure was and didn’t go after it, and Mrs. Kendreth was unhappy that Kyle had suddenly developed a lot of strong opinions. All in all, Charlie figured they were probably all on the right track.
Captain Ignatius Wisner sent Charlie a few postcards. Kill Devil Ned’s girlfriend had come back to work. He’d finally convinced her to see a doctor after she’d been caught eating pounds of bananas in a grocery store. It turned out she had been riddled with tapeworms. Monsters Inside Me did a whole show about her, and a prescription wiped them out. Now, she could go to a Chinese restaurant without making the chef cry.
Cinderalla, aka Mary Read, made an excellent pirate. Her weathered exterior, raspy voice, and habit of chain smoking suited the character. In the evenings, she transformed herself into a somewhat less excellent lounge singer. In between belting out Sinatra tunes, she liked to regale guests with the gruesome tale of the six-year-old heathen child who caused a blacktip reef shark attack.
The last postcard from the captain explained that his pirate trips had proved so popular that he’d been bought out by a corporation. Sadly, that corporation would not honor any oral agreements, like free trips for life, made by the captain.
Mr. Pennypacker was both distraught over losing something that was free and admiring of the rampant corporate greed.
Mrs. Pennypacker was more sanguine. She had already decided their next trip would be to Paris. Her husband, once apprised of this scheme, began to make lists of French things that could kill a person in a desperate bid to hold her off. He proposed that thousands of people fell down the Eiffel Tower stairs every year, as they were notoriously slippery with French butter, and that French people had sixteen different ways to say “I hate Americans,” because they fervently hoped that Americans would stay in America.
Mrs. Pennypacker was undaunted by these dire warnings and carried her Pfeffernüsse cookie recipe and a pack of matches around in her pocket for the inevitable showdown.
ALSO BY LISA DOAN
Chadwick’s Epic Revenge
The Berenson Schemes series
The Alarming Career of Sir Richard Blackstone
About the Author
Lisa Doan holds a master’s degree in writing for children and young adults from Vermont College of Fine Arts, sits on the board of the Brandywine Valley Writers Group, and is an IPPY gold winner for juvenile fiction. Lisa’s jobs have included Master Scuba Diving Instructor, Wall Street headhunter, owner/chef of a restaurant, set medic for a reality T.V. show, deputy prothonotary of a county court, and author of middle grade novels. She can assure you that writing middle grade novels like Chadwick’s Epic Revenge and The Pennypackers Go on Vacation is the most fun. (You’d think it’d be scuba instructor, but no!) Lisa is a dual citizen of the U.S. and Ireland, has traveled throughout Africa, Asia and Central America, and lived on a Caribbean island. She has backpacked alone from Morocco to Kenya and her top tip on crossing the Sahara Desert is: TURN BACK - YOU HAVE MADE A LARGE MISTAKE. She lives in West Chester, PA. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Also by Lisa Doan
About the Author
Copyright
Text copyright © 2019 by Lisa Doan
Illustrations copyright © 2019 by Marta Kissi
Published by Roaring Brook Press
Roaring Brook Press is a division of Holtzbrinck Publishing Holdings Limited Partnership
175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010
mackids.com
All rights reserved
Library of Congress Control Number 2018956034
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eISBN 9781250154125
First hardcover edition, 2019
eBook edition, June 2019