LOSING CONTROL
written by Lindsey Powell
Book one of The Control Duet
Content copyright © Lindsey Powell 2020
Cover copyright © Wicked Dreams Publishing 2020
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilised in any form, or by any electronic or mechanical means, without the prior written permission of the author.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional. Any similarities to other fictional workings, or real persons (living or dead), names, places, and companies is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The right of Lindsey Powell to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents act 1988.
A CIP record of this book is available from the British Library.
Except for the original material written by the author, all mention of films, television shows and songs, song titles, and lyrics mentioned in the novel, Losing Control, are the property of the songwriters and copyright holders.
Other books by Lindsey Powell
The Perfect Series
Perfect Stranger
Perfect Memories
Perfect Disaster
Perfect Beginnings
Part of Me Series
Part of Me
Part of You
Part of Us
The Control Duet
Losing Control
Stand-alone
Take Me
Fixation
Checkmate
A note from the author
*** Trigger warning ***
This story is intended for readers 18 years and over due to scenes of domestic abuse and violence.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
At first glance
Chapter Two
The first interaction
Chapter Three
The first date
Chapter Four
A budding relationship
Chapter Five
A little deeper
Chapter Six
The morning after
Chapter Seven
Love is blind
Chapter Eight
Moving forward
Chapter Nine
A bright beginning
Chapter Ten
Subtle differences
Chapter Eleven
The start of the breakdown
Chapter Twelve
Mediation
Chapter Thirteen
A beautiful bromance
Chapter Fourteen
Commitment
Chapter Fifteen
The honeymoon period
Chapter Sixteen
Silly mistakes
Chapter Seventeen
Work woes
Chapter Eighteen
Sorry
Chapter Nineteen
Forgiveness
Chapter Twenty
Reality check
Chapter Twenty-One
Confrontation
Chapter Twenty-Two
Trapped
Chapter Twenty-Three
Familiar faces
Chapter Twenty-Four
Playing catch up
Chapter Twenty-Five
Going back
Chapter Twenty-Six
All is quiet
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Unexpected introductions
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Walking on eggshells
Chapter Twenty-Nine
What could go wrong?
Chapter Thirty
Punishment
Chapter Thirty-One
He’s got me
Chapter Thirty-Two
Numb
Chapter Thirty-Three
Wishful thinking
Chapter Thirty-Four
Good behaviour
Chapter Thirty-Five
False pretences
Chapter Thirty-Six
No way out
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Unrecognisable
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Broken hearts
Chapter Thirty-Nine
A dangerous game
Chapter Forty
I can’t win
Chapter Forty-One
Separation
Chapter Forty-Two
The storm brews
Chapter Forty-Three
A wake up call
Chapter Forty-Four
Walking away
Chapter Forty-Five
Blurred reality
Chapter Forty-Six
Truth
Chapter Forty-Seven
Recuperation
Chapter Forty-Eight
Normality
Chapter Forty-Nine
Fronting it out
Chapter Fifty
I’m in hell
Chapter Fifty-One
Reality sucks
Chapter Fifty -Two
Trying to build bridges
Chapter Fifty-Three
The climax
About the Author
Author Acknowledgements
Prologue
I remember the first hit as if it were yesterday.
The first time that his hand connected with my cheek.
The first time that he caused me physical pain.
The first time that he shattered my already fragile heart.
He preyed on my vulnerability. He took my confidence away from me. He ruined my perfect ideas of a loving relationship.
I let him control me.
I let him abuse me.
I let him break me.
I don't want to be this person.
I don't want to be weak.
I need to save myself, but to do that, I must understand why.
Why did I let him dictate?
Why did I let him hurt me?
Why did I lose control?
Chapter One
At first glance
His eyes met mine from across the room, and his smile made me go weak at the knees. I thought that he was looking at someone stood behind me; I even turned around to check, but there was no one there. My friend, Kim, told me a few weeks ago that he fancied me, but I just laughed at her.
Why would he fancy me? I mean, there is nothing special about me.
I had just gotten out of an unhappy relationship, I was sleeping on Kim’s sofa as I had no home of my own, and I was working as an office temp. My appearance had become a little gaunt over time due to the relationship that I had just come out of, and I hadn’t made an effort with my looks for months.
My long, blond hair was limp, my skin had paled, my cheeks had become gaunt, and I had lost my curves that I used to love so much. But more soul-crushing than that was my eyes. My once bright, vibrant, full of life baby blues were now dull and lifeless. You could tell a lot from someone’s eyes, and every morning that I looked in the mirror, I was ashamed of what I had become.
A shadow of my former self.
A recluse.
A fucking heartbroken mess.
I couldn’t even call myself a hot mess. I had kept the ‘mess’ part and dropped the ‘hot.’
I used to be able to command a room, have men’s eyes following me as I sashayed past them, knowing how good I looked.
It’s amazing how one earth-shattering revelation can destroy you and make you become someone that you despise.
“Lucy,” I hear Kim say loudly, disrupting me from my thoughts. I turn to look at her, my gorgeous brunette-haired, green-eyed best friend. She is the total opposite of me. She radiates beauty, sh
ines like a beacon, and gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside.
We’ve been friends for years, and I thank God every day that she is in my life.
Kim is sat at her desk, which just so happens to be next to mine.
“What?” I reply, quieter than she was in saying my name.
“Finally, she listens,” Kim says in a sarcastic tone. “That’s the third time that I have called your name in the last few minutes.”
“Sorry,” I reply as I chew on the end of my pen.
“What the hell were you thinking about? Or should I say who were you thinking about?” I watch as her eyes glance over to the same place that mine were looking a few minutes ago. Kim giggles as I feel the blush start to creep across my cheeks.
“I wasn’t thinking about anything, or anyone, in particular,” I respond, trying to sound innocent but failing miserably.
“Mmm hmm.”
“I wasn’t,” I insist.
“Lucy, you don’t need to pretend with me. I have known you since the age of fourteen, and I know when you are lying,” she says as the corners of her mouth threaten to pull into a smile.
“Okay, fine,” I admit, conceding defeat. She always has been able to read me like a goddamn book.
“Why don’t you just ask him out?” she asks as if it would be no big deal.
“No way!” I say a little too loudly.
Miriam, sat at the desk to the right of me, looks over and tuts loudly. I give her an apologetic look whilst Kim just glares at her. Kim isn’t one to take notice of what Miriam thinks, seeing as she is well known for being the office busybody. If you want to know anything about anyone in this office, then you just go to Miriam for the details.
“You need to grow some balls,” Kim says, her attention firmly back on me.
“No thanks, I am perfectly fine as I am.”
“Oh come on, Luce,” she says, exasperation creeping into her tone. “You have been single since Tom left you nearly six months ago. You need to get out there and have some fun.”
I grimace slightly at her words.
Has it really been six months? It feels like weeks rather than half a year.
“Kim, it’s not that easy.” This is my usual pathetic answer, and one that I swear has been programmed into me, seeing as I have used it for what feels like the millionth time.
I thought that Tom was the love of my life, my reason to breath, my happy ever after. Of course those illusions were shattered when he went and cheated on me with one of my closest friends. Not that she is a close friend anymore. I can’t even bring myself to say her name.
“Look, I know how much Tom hurt you, but you have to let it go.”
“Easy for you to say,” I reply, a little too harshly and unfairly. It’s not Kim’s fault that I am in this shitty phase in my life.
Kim has been in a relationship with Jeremy for two years, and they are happily engaged. Jeremy was in the same class as us at school, and the three of us have always been friends. It wasn’t until Kim and Jeremy were twenty-five that they finally gave into how they felt about one another. Together they have the perfect partnership, and I am so happy for them, even if my mood right now doesn’t show it.
“Sorry,” I say with a sigh.
“It’s okay,” she says with a flick of her wrist. “I was there, remember? I saw how his and Carley’s betrayal broke you.”
I physically cringe as Kim says her name.
“I don’t want to talk about her,” I reply sharply.
“It was his fault too, Luce.”
“I know that, but she was supposed to be my friend, and she stabbed me in the back in the worst way possible.”
I need to be free of this pain that crushes my soul every day. I deserve more than this. I deserve to be loved, worshipped, and treated like a queen.
My heart aches, and I miss my friend Cal. Cal Bailey, a man who would never so much as give his girl a dirty look, let alone cheat on her. He left to go travelling months ago, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t fiercely miss him.
I wish that he hadn’t gone, I wish that he were here to give me a hug and tell me that everything is going to be okay. But he isn’t. I have to do this on my own, when I’m at my weakest and feeling more vulnerable than ever before.
My hurt over Tom and Carley isn’t going away. It should be going away by now, but it isn’t, and I have no idea how to make it better.
I hear Kim sigh and I sneak a look at her out of the corner of my eye. She gives a little shake of her head and returns to her work. She’s probably sick to death of carrying my miserable ass around with her, and hey, who could blame her? There is only so much anyone can take, but I hope to God that she has more patience left within her because I couldn’t have gotten through the last six months without her.
As I focus back on the figures on the computer screen, I allow my mind to take me back to that awful moment when I walked in on Tom and Carley fucking, in mine and Tom’s bed. The sight of my friend laid on her back with Tom on top of her will forever be ingrained in my mind. Tom’s ass bobbing up and down. Carley’s face showing just how much she was enjoying his dick up inside of her.
I squeeze my eyes shut, begging the image to fuck off out of my head. I don’t need to keep reliving it. I don’t need to stay in the goddamn past.
Carley, a friend for six years, who turned out to be an enemy.
Tom, my boyfriend for two years, who turned out to be a complete asshole.
My desk phone rings, breaking me from the unwelcome images flooding my mind. I shake my head and pick up the phone, putting on a polite voice as I speak.
I feel a tingle creep its way up my spine, and my eyes dart up to see the handsome man across the room staring at me. I bite my lip to stop myself from smiling, and I lower my head to hide the fact that I am blushing.
I don’t need another man in my life.
All they do is cause trouble, and I’ve had more than enough of that to last me a lifetime.
Chapter Two
The first interaction
I turn off my computer and gather my belongings together as I get ready to leave the office.
“Hey, Lucy,” I hear a voice say, making me jump.
I was so busy putting my things into my handbag that I failed to see Michael walking over to my desk. The very handsome Michael who just so happens to have caught me looking at him more than once today.
Michael Chandler. Office sex God. Brown eyes that are the colour of dark chocolate. Light brown hair that has been styled to give that casual, sweeping look. Tall, with a fairly firm body from what I can see with his tight-fitting shirt on.
“Oh, hi,” I say, shyness creeping into my tone and taking over. I feel myself blush as his heated gaze is fixed firmly on me.
Christ alive, Lucy, stop blushing.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump,” he says, flashing me his gorgeous smile. His eyes sparkle, much like they did earlier when he was staring at me from across the room. “Listen,” he continues. “I hope that you don’t think that I am being too forward, but I was wondering if you would like to go for a drink sometime?”
“Me?” I squeak, my eyes widening in surprise. He chuckles, and the noise alone makes my stomach flutter.
“Yes, you.”
“Me and you?” I want the ground to swallow me up from my ridiculous response.
Stop acting like a bloody idiot, Lucy. A gorgeous man is asking you out, and you’re asking daft questions.
“She would love to go,” I hear Kim say from beside me. I turn my head to look at her, utterly shocked that she has just answered for me.
“She would?” I manage to say to her.
“Yes,” she replies with a stern look.
Michael clears his throat, reminding me that he is still stood there. Dear God, please let the ground swallow me whole, now.
“How about Friday night af
ter work?” he suggests. He’s looking at me, but once again Kim answers his question.
“Perfect,” she says with a smirk on her face. If she wasn’t such a good friend to me then I might have been more than a little tempted to reach across and slap her.
“Great. Will I actually be able to talk directly to her when we go for a drink?” Michael asks Kim. I have no idea what shade of red I have gone, but my money is on a deep crimson.
“Of course,” Kim replies, completely unfazed by my flustered state.
“I am still here you know,” I say, managing to get my voice to work.
Kim has the decency to shut her mouth at this point.
“I look forward to it,” Michael says as he starts to walk away from my desk.
“Okay,” I answer feebly as I watch his retreating back leave through the office doors.
Once he is out of sight, I turn to Kim. She is smiling at me, mischief twinkling in her eyes.
“Kimberley Jenkins, how dare you,” I scold her.
“What?” she replies, feigning ignorance.
“You know damn well what. Why did you just agree for me to go on a date with Michael?”
“Because he’s hot, he’s single, you’re hot and you’re also single. You like him, and he likes you. Why wouldn’t you want to go out with him?” She makes a good point, but I’m still not over what Tom did to me.
“Kim,” I say on a sigh.
“Look, you’re only going out for a drink. This isn’t a commitment of marriage or anything. It’s just one drink, Luce.”
“But what if it makes things awkward?”
“Awkward how?”
“I work with the guy. How awkward would it be if the drink didn’t go well?” Nerves start to bubble up within me.
“If that happens then you just suck it up and get on with it,” Kim says with a shrug of her shoulders.
“Oh, jeez, thanks for the advice,” I say as I pick up my handbag and stand up. Kim links her arm through mine and we start to walk out of the office.
“Just have a little faith, Luce.”
“Hmmm,” I mumble.
I have been severely lacking in the faith department for months now.
Maybe Michael will be the one to bring it back for me?