I thought that he was
very brave and pure
My name is John the Baptist
I had my glory
on the riverbed
how can you leave me
you must not leave me
even to masturbate
even to eat or to pray
the Levi’s shirt on the back of the chair
the hotel where the King of Hanover
died in 1878
the poem of Paris
to break my heart when I’m eighty
how can you leave me
how can you desert this work
to carry a small-caliber revolver
with which to threaten
your New York business partner
the mind of a rich human being
you must not leave me
Look at yourself
sitting on the wooden steps
in the morning sunlight
you are wearing an old white shirt
from the button-down days,
sandals you bought with Meredith
when you lived with her in Mexico,
corduroys become work pants
from two weeks of painting
Sitting on the wooden steps
in the morning sunlight
trying to learn how to die
Goodnight, goodnight you evil ones
may you rest at last
There is a happy ending
to all the bloody past
This is the night of July 20, 1972
***
Dear Steve
Thanks for helping me
across the road
The last fellow tried that
they had to scrape off the corner
Since I no longer wish to explain myself
I have become a stone
Since I no longer long for anyone
I am not alone
***
to V.R Jan 19, 2002
and it won’t be wine and roses
from now until the end
but it will never, it will never
be that dark again
***
May 10, 2002
you said I was lying
you called all my tricks
but you never did nothing
your lips couldn’t fix
and all you want to do
is breathe easy
be in any place
hang alone
or with people
but breathing easy
all I ever wanted
that’s the truth
but now I’m out of breath
which is why I work
otherwise I wouldn’t work
I’d just lie around
breathing easy
***
I put my voices in your life
you can listen without stopping
you can listen
in your car tonight
I sang for you Nico
your face was in my song
I knew what beauty was
the lines of the moon
on your mouth
as I entered my song
***
I never got the girl I wanted
did you, Jack?
***
I never held you in my arms
I never watched you go to school
Sometimes I think of you
The child I never had
The child I never knew
Sometimes I long for you
my baby, oh my baby
my lullaby in blue
It’s lost in a rush of emptiness
I cross my arms against my breast
& I’m lost in a nest of emptiness
& you’re lost in me, you’re lost so deep
that I rock myself
& I rock you to sleep
I do, my child I really do
my lullaby, my lullaby in blue
& it’s lost in me, it’s lost so deep
I cross my arms
against my breast
and I sing you to sleep
I do, my child, I really do
my lullaby, my lullaby in blue
***
Nov ’88
Someone that
who I never knew
my lullaby in blue
and I’ll never know
what my mother knew
***
And all my brave companions
where are they?
Working for the women in
the sad café—
No wonder there is money
on the throne
No wonder there is oil
Babylon
Here with the
devil
here with the
lord
here with the
plowshare
sword
here with the glory
here with the hoof
here with the wisdom {knowledge}
here with the proof
***
7715 Woodrow Wilson
May 12 1976
quickly quickly
give Jerusalem
to God
***
Swimming Club
Thursday March 10, 2:30 pm
I lost my job today
I hoisted up the sun
to start the break of day
I was a very special one
but I lost my job today
I lost my job today
I was hired by the sun
hired to guide it on its way
I was that very special one
but I lost my job today
I lost my job today
I’d been hired by the sun
to guide him on his way
to hold Him to His way
I was that very special one
but I lost my job today
I lost my job tonight
I’d been hired by the moon
to sweep Her beauty bright
I worked every afternoon
but I lost my job tonight
***
now you know how wide
the net of suffering’s cast
nor will the teachers from Tibet
or the rabbis from New York
assuage the thirst that rises
from the throat of loneliness
here behind the nest of sorrow
waits the one who lets you live and die
whose company is sweet as hell
and mightier than heaven
when your fingers are
too bent to seize the pieces
of the jigsaw puzzle
and you don’t really care
what the picture’s going to be
you may hear the little
useless song
of the one who’s given up
I’ve been {was} here too long
But I’ve crossed the line
but the train’s on time
and the will is strong
for it is not mine
***
I have witnessed many great events, some of which were sorrowful: the birth of children, the death of friends, the ends of time & the intermediate wildernesses. A chill goes down my spine and up, when I reflect how graciously I have been placed in the mazes of creation. My beloved is with me, the wife of my youth, and in the midst of suffering, when it is our lot, if I remember to incline my self toward the source of light, I know that I have never strayed too far from my bridal days. As it was promised, I have inherited the gates of my enemy, and I fear with him, rejoice with him, at the irresistible tides of majesty that sweep across the world.
I am on one side
but I affirm both sides
in this war
that is not why we are losing
we are not losing
but that is why the victory is slow
Patience is our weapon,
prayer our strategy,
and sacrifice our understanding
of the times.
Take heart, you who have
not been gathered yet,
watch for the banner we have
raised,
and come to us when the walls
of your sanctuary begin to
give against the weight of tears
With you again, old friend
with you again
sweeten now our company
soften now the rain
Remember Valentin
The woman of the quarrel
She is concealed from us
who was so beautiful
But why the silence now
the look of bitter knowing
just because it’s getting dark
& we don’t know where we’re going
We often have meandered
such an afternoon
something will turn up
if it’s only the April moon
I agree, it’s getting worse
and they’re stacking up the chairs
that’s what comes from choosing life
above the enemies’ prayers
There are bugs
in my crotch hair
but I can’t find them
contrary to the opinion
of those who have inspected me
I know they’re there
They picnic in the thickets
where once was concentration
and the stillness of desire
I feel ridiculous
in my grey suit
and my pomaded hair
all groomed for love
while the vermin
swarm between my thighs
and lower and higher
(This has been going on
for a long time now
It has driven me to prayer
I never thought I was an animal
I never thought I have free will
Now I’m stuck with both realities)
The saxophone
establishes a mood
the girls, dressed for the evening,
come in & out of the café
and the rabbis sit down beside me
for a good lazy talk
Is this my destiny
to be so attractive & unavailable
The rabbi is deep, but my thought
is deeper, and scratching doesn’t help
O insect host, the backsliders were
burned to save them from the
flames of hell—will
your living filth prevent {forestall} the
grave’s corruption
***
he said, I think
I know your story
you were in love
with Ava Gardner
or someone like her
you were as lonely
as Frank Sinatra
or someone like him
Now that China’s
fallen out of heaven
& rots with Russia
in the mortal pit
and Marx himself
is just a Jewish dreamer
which even Frenchmen
finally do admit
I put my elbows
on the roof of its car
I never want to drive again
& I never want to
feel so bad
about anyone as
I feel about you
I never want
I don’t want to feel
like I do
when I talk to you
I’d rather be dead
like the rose
that I left on the heater
***
You can see it
on their faces
you can feel it
in their stride
It’s the changing
of the races
It’s the changing
of the guard
New York City
to San Francisco
Puerto Rico
Angelino
Fundamental
Fruit of Islam
Heavy Metal
Nothing heavy
Nothing special
Just the music
Just the people
Covered wagons
in a circle
From Moscow
To L.A.
Don’t worry
’bout the missiles
Just point them
the other way
Beethoven
and the Bible & Chuck Berry
Shakespeare
and MGM
Farewell to
New York City
Farewell to
Bethlehem
***
I don’t need no
midnight promise
I don’t need no
wedding ring
Just don’t ask me
how I got here
Don’t ask me
anything
But if you buy me
a yellow sweater
I will love you
till the end of time
I don’t want to
ask the gypsy
what the future
has in store
I don’t want to
ask the doctor
what these little
pills are for
I’ve been looking
out the window
at the people
passing by
I don’t ask myself
a question
I don’t even
wonder why
All the stores are
filled with songs
All the streets are
paved with gold
When it comes to
telling secrets
I don’t tell them
till they’re old
I sincerely hope
you have not
come to believe,
that simply because
you ran off & got
married behind
my back, you
are somehow
entitled to keep
my tape measure
***
You must have heard it in my voice
the sound that I no longer love you
I would never disguise that sound
I would never do that to you
O shining one
you have moved beyond my love
you have turned your face to others
I was not strong enough for this test
I turned away
I wear an iron collar
and I give my chain to anyone
but I never pretend that they are you
O shining one
who held my spirit like a match
in your cupped hands
while I thought I was warming you
O shining one
who teaches with her absence
***
I asked for the check
I’m having too much fun
Several grandmothers
are winking at me
I may do something I’d regret
We will be forgiven
the crummy things
we did to one another
because we
didn’t enjoy them
We’ll be leaving now
we’ll be leaving
for a good long time
and we want to say goodnight
we want to say goodnight
we want to say farewell
We had a little love
we had it for a while
It wasn’t quite enough
but thank you anyhow
Thank you for your kindness
in the field
and thank you for your kindness
in the room
The horses ran away
but we were not to blame
and when they
turned so beautiful
in their silver flight
&
nbsp; it wasn’t our idea
at least it wasn’t mine
I want to be with other people
now I’m growing old
I want to be another drunk
who’s given up the bottle
I want to watch the lonely men
who still go out with women
I want to see the bridal gown
cover up the sequins
This is my very night of nights
the past was a rehearsal
how come you look so good tonight
I thought you’ve given up the fight
your shoulders bare
your eyes so bright
how come you look so good tonight
***
I watch the crowd passing
and I wonder when
they will throw off my burden
and choose me again
for I was a king
in the ancient domain
I ruled over no one
and overthrew pain
My name it is hidden
my friends live alone
I know who they are
when they ring on the phone
And we don’t say a word
we just breathe thru the line
and we never untie
what is yours what is mine
***
To Tinkie
you walked me to school
you slept under my bed
you watched me masturbating
with interested eyes
you protected me
from my enemy loneliness
even in your old age
you greeted me
every time I saw you
you left the house
and died in the snow
under the neighbour’s porch
and you were lost
until the late summer
when I was out of town
and they cleared away
your body
I didn’t believe them
and even today
I stop every scottie
to claim you back
***
HOUSE
it’s my house of olden marriage
nothing much to say
the price of love forbidding
desire had to pay
was sitting in the kitchen
where often I was served
by one who could not stay with me
I said goodbye in words
my house of olden marriage
we were the keepers proud
she of what I could not be
me of whom she mustn’t love
was sitting in the kitchen
talking to myself
which lately had come down to me
from off the trinket shelf
and this is made to keep him strong
who is my lord and trust
and this is made to keep her free
from all the household dust
***
True love is what happens between two people
who no longer need to know each other
***
but you chose me
a young lieutenant
in the palace
a very minor figure
in the general scheme
of cosmic entertainment
I press my uniform
my trousers & my shirt
my holster gleams
in the moonlight
I wait for you in the botanical gardens
which is locked at night