Prithee, corporal, said my uncle Toby, as soon as Trim had done it — how often does Mrs. Bridget enquire after the wound on the cap of thy knee, which thou received’st at the battle of Landen?
She never, an’ please your honour, enquires after it at all.
That, corporal, said my uncle Toby, with all the triumph the goodness of his nature would permit — That shews the difference in the character of the mistress and maid — had the fortune of war allotted the same mischance to me, Mrs. Wadman would have enquired into every circumstance relating to it a hundred times — She would have enquired, an’ please your honour, ten times as often about your honour’s groin — The pain, Trim, is equally excruciating, — and Compassion has as much to do with the one as the other —
— God bless your honour! cried the corporal — what has a woman’s compassion to do with a wound upon the cap of a man’s knee? had your honour’s been shot into ten thousand splinters at the affair of Landen, Mrs. Wadman would have troubled her head as little about it as Bridget; because, added the corporal, lowering his voice, and speaking very distinctly, as he assigned his reason —
“The knee is such a distance from the main body — whereas the groin, your honour knows, is upon the very curtain of the place.”
My uncle Toby gave a long whistle — but in a note which could scarce be heard across the table.
The corporal had advanced too far to retire — in three words he told the rest —
My uncle Toby laid down his pipe as gently upon the fender, as if it had been spun from the unravellings of a spider’s web —
— Let us go to my brother Shandy’s, said he.
CHAPTER XXXII
There will be just time, whilst my uncle Toby and Trim are walking to my father’s, to inform you that Mrs. Wadman had, some moons before this, made a confident of my mother; and that Mrs. Bridget, who had the burden of her own, as well as her mistress’s secret to carry, had got happily delivered of both to Susannah behind the garden-wall.
As for my mother, she saw nothing at all in it, to make the least bustle about — but Susannah was sufficient by herself for all the ends and purposes you could possibly have, in exporting a family secret; for she instantly imparted it by signs to Jonathan — and Jonathan by tokens to the cook as she was basting a loin of mutton; the cook sold it with some kitchen-fat to the postillion for a groat, who truck’d it with the dairy maid for something of about the same value — and though whisper’d in the hay-loft, FAME caught the notes with her brazen trumpet, and sounded them upon the house-top — In a word, not an old woman in the village or five miles round, who did not understand the difficulties of my uncle Toby’s siege, and what were the secret articles which had delayed the surrender. —
My father, whose way was to force every event in nature into an hypothesis, by which means never man crucified TRUTH at the rate he did — had but just heard of the report as my uncle Toby set out; and catching fire suddenly at the trespass done his brother by it, was demonstrating to Yorick, notwithstanding my mother was sitting by — not only, “That the devil was in women, and that the whole of the affair was lust;” but that every evil and disorder in the world, of what kind or nature soever, from the first fall of Adam, down to my uncle Toby’s (inclusive), was owing one way or other to the same unruly appetite.
Yorick was just bringing my father’s hypothesis to some temper, when my uncle Toby entering the room with marks of infinite benevolence and forgiveness in his looks, my father’s eloquence rekindled against the passion — and as he was not very nice in the choice of his words when he was wroth — as soon as my uncle Toby was seated by the fire, and had filled his pipe, my father broke out in this manner.
CHAPTER XXXIII
— That provision should be made for continuing the race of so great, so exalted and godlike a Being as man — I am far from denying — but philosophy speaks freely of everything; and therefore I still think and do maintain it to be a pity, that it should be done by means of a passion which bends down the faculties, and turns all the wisdom, contemplations, and operations of the soul backwards — a passion, my dear, continued my father, addressing himself to my mother, which couples and equals wise men with fools, and makes us come out of our caverns and hiding-places more like satyrs and four-footed beasts than men.
I know it will be said, continued my father (availing himself of the Prolepsis), that in itself, and simply taken — like hunger, or thirst, or sleep— ’tis an affair neither good or bad — or shameful or otherwise. — Why then did the delicacy of Diogenes and Plato so recalcitrate against it? and wherefore, when we go about to make and plant a man, do we put out the candle? and for what reason is it, that all the parts thereof — the congredients — the preparations — the instruments, and whatever serves thereto, are so held as to be conveyed to a cleanly mind by no language, translation, or periphrasis whatever?
— The act of killing and destroying a man, continued my father, raising his voice — and turning to my uncle Toby — you see, is glorious — and the weapons by which we do it are honourable — We march with them upon our shoulders — We strut with them by our sides — We gild them — We carve them — We in-lay them — We enrich them — Nay, if it be but a scoundrel cannon, we cast an ornament upon the breach of it. —
— My uncle Toby laid down his pipe to intercede for a better epithet — and Yorick was rising up to batter the whole hypothesis to pieces —
— When Obadiah broke into the middle of the room with a complaint, which cried out for an immediate hearing.
The case was this:
My father, whether by ancient custom of the manor, or as impropriator of the great tythes, was obliged to keep a Bull for the service of the Parish, and Obadiah had led his cow upon a pop-visit to him one day or other the preceding summer — I say, one day or other — because as chance would have it, it was the day on which he was married to my father’s housemaid — so one was a reckoning to the other. Therefore when Obadiah’s wife was brought to bed — Obadiah thanked God —
— Now, said Obadiah, I shall have a calf: so Obadiah went daily to visit his cow.
She’ll calve on Monday — on Tuesday — on Wednesday at the farthest —
The cow did not calve — no — she’ll not calve till next week — the cow put it off terribly — till at the end of the sixth week Obadiah’s suspicions (like a good man’s) fell upon the Bull.
Now the parish being very large, my father’s Bull, to speak the truth of him, was no way equal to the department; he had, however, got himself, somehow or other, thrust into employment — and as he went through the business with a grave face, my father had a high opinion of him.
— Most of the townsmen, an’ please your worship, quoth Obadiah, believe that ’tis all the Bull’s fault —
— But may not a cow be barren? replied my father, turning to Doctor Slop.
It never happens: said Dr. Slop, but the man’s wife may have come before her time naturally enough — Prithee has the child hair upon his head? — added Dr. Slop —
— It is as hairy as I am; said Obadiah. — Obadiah had not been shaved for three weeks — Wheu - - u - - - - u - - - - - - - - cried my father; beginning the sentence with an exclamatory whistle — and so, brother Toby, this poor Bull of mine, who is as good a Bull as ever p — ss’d, and might have done for Europa herself in purer times — had he but two legs less, might have been driven into Doctors Commons and lost his character — which to a Town Bull, brother Toby, is the very same thing as his life —
L — d! said my mother, what is all this story about? —
A COCK and a BULL, said Yorick — And one of the best of its kind,
I ever heard.
TRISTRAM SHANDY
DETAILED TABLE OF CONTENTS
TRISTRAM SHANDY: AN INTRODUCTION BY GEORGE SAINTSBURY
BOOK I
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER
V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXIV
CHAPTER XXV
BOOK II
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
BOOK III
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXIV
CHAPTER XXV
CHAPTER XXVI
CHAPTER XXVII
CHAPTER XXVIII
CHAPTER XXIX
CHAPTER XXX
CHAPTER XXXI
CHAPTER XXXII
CHAPTER XXXIII
CHAPTER XXXIV
CHAPTER XXXV
CHAPTER XXXVI
CHAPTER XXXVII
CHAPTER XXXVIII
CHAPTER XXXIX
CHAPTER XL
CHAPTER XLI
CHAPTER XLII
BOOK IV
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXV
CHAPTER XXVI
CHAPTER XXVII
CHAPTER XXVIII
CHAPTER XXIX
CHAPTER XXX
CHAPTER XXXI
CHAPTER XXXII
BOOK V
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXIV
CHAPTER XXV
CHAPTER XXVI
CHAPTER XXVII
CHAPTER XXVIII
CHAPTER XXIX
CHAPTER XXX
CHAPTER XXXI
CHAPTER XXXII
CHAPTER XXXIII
CHAPTER XXXIV
CHAPTER XXXV
CHAPTER XXXVI
CHAPTER XXXVII
CHAPTER XXXVIII
CHAPTER XXXIX
CHAPTER XL
CHAPTER XLI
CHAPTER XLII
CHAPTER XLIII
BOOK VI
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXIV
CHAPTER XXV
CHAPTER XXVI
CHAPTER XXVII
CHAPTER XXVIII
CHAPTER XXIX
CHAPTER XXX
CHAPTER XXXI
CHAPTER XXXII
CHAPTER XXXIII
CHAPTER XXXIV
CHAPTER XXXV
CHAPTER XXXVI
CHAPTER XXXVII
CHAPTER XXXVIII
CHAPTER XXXIX
CHAPTER XL
BOOK VII
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXIV
CHAPTER XXV
CHAPTER XXVI
CHAPTER XXVII
CHAPTER XXVIII
CHAPTER XXIX
CHAPTER XXX
CHAPTER XXXI
CHAPTER XXXII
CHAPTER XXXIII
CHAPTER XXXIV
CHAPTER XXXV
CHAPTER XXXVI
CHAPTER XXXVII
CHAPTER XXXVIII
CHAPTER XXXIX
CHAPTER XL
CHAPTER XLI
CHAPTER XLII
CHAPTER XLIII
BOOK VIII
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXIV
CHAPTER XXV
CHAPTER XXVI
CHAPTER XXVII
CHAPTER XXVIII
CHAPTER XXIX
CHAPTER XXX
CHAPTER XXXI
CHAPTER XXXII
CHAPTER XXXIII
CHAPTER XXXIV
CHAPTER XXXV
BOOK IX
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXIV
CHAPTER XXV
THE EIGHTEENTH CHAPTER
CHAPTER THE NINETEENTH
CHAPTER XXVI
CHAPTER XXVII
CHAPTER XXVIII
CHAPTER XXIX
CHAPTER XXX
CHAPTER XXXI
CHAPTER XXXII
CHAPTER XXXIII
A SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY
A Sentimental Journey through France and Italy was published in 1768, just weeks before Sterne’s death from consumption. Sterne had travelled extensively in those countries in 1765-66 and, though fictionalised, the novel is based on his own impressions. It is narrated by Parson Yorick, a minor character from Tristram Shandy and a projection of Sterne himself. Written in the sentimental mode typified by an exaggerated emotional response to situations and surroundings, the novel was intended in part as a counterpoint to Tobias Smollett’s more acerbic account of his own travels in France and Italy. Smollett himself appears in the book as the basis for the character of Smelfungus.
While Tristram Shandy parodies the conventions of the eighteenth-century novel, the Sentimental Journey works similarly to undermine the idea of the popular Grand Tour by resolutely failing to take in any of the main tourist attractions and plumping instead for more prosaic situations and people. Like Tristram Shandy, the novel is also full of sexually suggestive double meanings. Four volumes were originally planned, but death intervened after completion of only the first two, meaning that the novel ends before Yorick ever reaches Italy. The cryptic (and characteristically playful) ending to volume two, however, is almost certainly deliberate. In its day, A Sentimental Journey was actually better received than Trsitram Shandy, proving less divisive than the earlier novel, despite being written in a similar style.
The title page of the first edition
CONTENTS
A SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY THROUGH FRANCE AND ITALY
CALAIS.
THE MONK. CALAIS.
THE MONK. CALAIS.
THE MONK. CALAIS.
THE DESOBLIGEANT. CALAIS.
PREFACE. IN THE DESOBLIGEANT.
CALAIS.
IN THE STREET. CALAIS.
THE REMISE DOOR. CALAIS.
THE REMISE DOOR. CALAIS.
THE SNUFF BOX. CALAIS.
THE REMISE DOOR. CALAIS.
IN THE STREET. CALAIS.
THE REMISE. CALAIS.