place. "
"Congratulations. That's what you've been aiming
at for years. " "I know. Does this call mean you're coming
home?"
"No, not really. I'm coming down for Rachel's
party on the Fourth. But then I have to get back
here.”
"You'll be at Rachel's?"
"Yeah. Are you going to be there?"
"I hadn't decided until now. Yeah, I'll be there. "
"Oh, okay. I also called to congratulate
you. Looks like you and Bill got the paragraphs
you wanted inserted into the new crime bill. "
"I didn't think you would notice. "
"You know I always notice. " "Where are you staying tomorrow night?"
"At Rachel's; she also called Peggy and Jeanine to
join us. We're going to have an old fashioned
slumber party. "
"Oh, well at least I'll get to see you for a few
hours. Are you coming home permanently soon?"
"It hasn’t been decided. "
"Well, if we're going to get married, you need to
come home. "
"Tad, we'll talk this weekend, okay?"
"Yeah, sure. I have to go. Beth and I are
supposed to have dinner with Bill and Marjorie
tonight. " "Okay, good-bye Tad. "
"Bye, Alex. Take care. "
Alex hung up the phone and knew deep in her heart
that Tad was lying about Beth. The tone in her
voice when she answered the phone was too
comfortable, like she had been there a while. Alex
sighed and went upstairs to get ready for the party.
Alex arrived at Grayson's at seven and was startled
to see the absence of cars that accompanied the
masses for his parties. Shaking her head at the
possibility of being early, Alex knocked on Grayson's
door.
"Alex, come on in," said Grayson upon answering
the door. "Thanks, where is everyone," she asked divesting
herself of her shoes in the entranceway.
"In the dining room playing cards. There's OJ in
the fridge. "
Alex smiled at him and fixed herself a screwdriver
with the vodka she had brought with her then went
into the living room. She smiled again as she
found all of Grayson's band buddies there as well as
Morgan, Joey, David and Shane. Sitting down in
the living room, Alex took a long swig of her drink
and settled in to watch the baseball game.
"Alex, come join us," called Grayson from the bar. "Not this time," she smiled and hollered back.
"Come on, we promise not to play strip poker," he
begged, coming into the room and pulling her off
the love seat. "
"Okay," she decided letting herself be lead into the
dining room. Grayson had thoughtfully grabbed
her drink and set it on the bar next to Morgan.
"Hey sweetie; our talk help?"
"Yeah, it did. Thanks a lot. "
"What talk," asked Grayson curiously.
"Alex called me to ask about. . . “ "Inventory," she interjected noticing Morgan's
questionable look out of the corner of her eye.
"Oh, okay," Grayson said reluctantly returning his
attention to the card game.
Alex had played several hands of "21" and had had
several screwdrivers when James came in. Alex
hadn't heard him come in the door because of the
loud music that thrummed throughout the
house. Glancing at him briefly, she returned her
attention to her hand and announced ’21.’
When James drove up, he noticed Alex's car and
hesitated about staying. He too had recognized
the absence of other cars and realized that the
Hasani employees had come in one car and
Grayson's band had come in another. He decided
to stay and make sure that she would be alright. He remembered her drunkenness from
last week.
"Hey, Jimmy, pull up a stool. Alex is beating the
pants off of us. Good thing we're only playing for
pretzels instead of clothes or money. She gets
better as she gets drinks more," said Morgan
coming into the kitchen where James had posted
himself against the jam.
"How many has she had," asked James.
"Only a couple, she's buzzing. Alex is doing better
this time, Jimmy. Besides, Gray'll take care of
her. "
"Of course, he will," James responded sarcastically.
"Oh, by the way, Alex asked me the strangest
question today. " "Really? What was that?"
"She asked why you and Jean got divorced. "
James took another swallow of his beer and felt it
trace its way into his system. His stomach felt like
somebody had punched him in it. Why was she
asking Morgan? "What did you tell her," asked
James calmly, more calmly than he felt.
"I told her what I knew. "
James' face fell, Morgan knew a lot. "Thanks for
the heads up. "
"Sure, I didn't see any harm in telling her," Morgan
continued as he mixed another JD and coke, but
when he turned around, James had already moved
into the living room. Shrugging, Morgan went
back to the card game. Grayson saw Morgan and James talking in the
kitchen and then watched as James moved into the
living room rather hurriedly. Excusing himself
from the game, he said good-bye to the band as
they left and went to talk to James. Morgan and
Alex sat at the bar, finishing their drinks and the
game.
"What was that about," asked Alex.
"What? In the kitchen? I just told James about our
conversation. "
"You did what," asked Alex astounded. It hadn't
occurred to her to ask Morgan to be quiet about the
phone call. Casually, she glanced at James who
was having a rather animated discussion in the
living room. "Dammit, Morgan," Alex swore, rubbing her
temples.
"What'd I do?"
"Nothing. It's my own fault. I have to go. Tell
Grayson I said goodbye and to keep the vodka. I'll
see you Tuesday," she stated sliding off the
barstool.
"How could you let Morgan tell Alex about my
divorce," questioned James anxiously. He saw any
hope he had of a future with Alex fading before his
eyes.
"Jimmy, calm down. I didn't even know they had
talked about it until now. "
"Bullshit, Grayson, anything to get what you
want. " "It's true. I don't want to see her hurt and this
could hurt her."
James took a long drag on his cigarette and
followed it with a swallow of his beer. He wanted
to believe Gray, but could only think about
Alex. "Look, let's go talk to her. She'll tell you."
James and Grayson turned their attention back to
the dining room only to find Morgan playing
solitaire.
"Where's Alex?"
"She had to go get ready for her trip to D.C., I
guess. She left rather suddenly. She said to tell
you good bye. "
"What trip to D.C.," asked James. "Some friends invited her to a party for the
Fourth. "
"Damn. I suppose Tad will be there,"
Grayson
thought aloud.
"Probably; I guess that's that," responded James
"Yep. "
Morgan watched silently and shrugged. He didn't
understand what was happening, but he noticed a
rift between his two best friends that he hadn't
seen before.
Morgan and the rest of the Hasani employees left
shortly thereafter. He was sure that Grayson was in
love with Alex. And he would have bet money that
James loved her too. But, he had no idea where Alex's emotions lay. He supposed her questions
about James answered that question, though.
"I'm stepping aside, James," offered Grayson.
James looked up from the bar in surprise.
"Yeah, I'm giving you a clear shot at Alex. Just
don't hurt her. "
"After what Morgan told her, I doubt she'll have
anything to do with me. But thanks for the
offer. "
"Why don't you find out? You should at least try,
James, and you should also get rid of Francine."
"Alex knows. Or at least I think she knows. "
"She knows;' 'responded Grayson. "I thought so. She must think I'm the biggest dirt
bag. "
"Call her or go see her, James. Neither one of you
will be happy until you explore these feelings.
"I'll talk to her on Tuesday. "
"Then you'll be too late. You know she's going to
D.C. tomorrow. She may never come back"
"I'll see you Tuesday, Gray. I need to make a
phone call," said James grabbing his coat and
running out the door.
Grayson moved from the dining room to the couch
as James left to claim Alex. Sighing, he sunk into
the couch, grabbed his guitar and played a sad
melody, a song of lost love and desperation. He felt as if the future he could have had with Alex now
belonged to James.
Halfway home, Alex pulled over and beat her head
against the steering wheel. She was furious with
herself for getting involved, but she had no
choice. She cared for each of them and against
her better judgment had fallen in love with James.
Frowning, Alex flicked on the interior light and
reaching into the back seat. After rummaging
around for a while, Alex located the piece of paper
she was looking for. Last fall, when she first got to
Hasani, James had invited her to a cookout, which
she declined. Fortunately, she had stashed the
invitation in her car that provided her directions to
his house. Flicking the light off, Alex turned her
car around and headed for James'. He only lived a few miles from Grayson's and she should be there
in a few minutes. She was aware that James might still be at Grayson's partying, but was ready to wait.
Chapter 13
James pulled into his driveway and stared at the car
absentmindedly. It didn't click right away, but
soon realized it was Alex's. Alex saw the
headlights and emerged just as James was shutting
his car off. Quietly, James got out of his car and
approached her. The cool night air served to sober
the both of them.
James reached out and brushed his fingertips
against Alex's face causing her to inhale sharply in
the darkness. James traced her face with his palm,
let his hand trail down her arm, clasp her hand and
lead her into the house. Closing the door behind
them, James directed Alex to the living room, while
he let the dogs out into the yard. "Can I get you something to drink," his voice
erupted from the kitchen. Alex jumped briefly at
the noise.
"No thanks," she declined.
James re-entered the room, deciding against a beer
and left it in the kitchen. He stood briefly, outlined
by the kitchen light, staring at her there in his living
room as she watched the stars and moon play in the
sky above.
Alex could see the dogs playing in the yard, chasing
the fireflies. She had caught his motions out of the
corner of her eye and watched his reflection in the
darkness of the window as he approached
her. Alex took deep breaths to calm the rush of
raw emotions that threatened to consume her. Halfway across the room, James stopped again in
his tracks purposefully making her unreachable.
"Tell me what you're feeling, James," asked Alex still
with her back to him.
"You mean, why aren't I honest with you?"
"Why aren't you honest with yourself?
"Alex, don't you know that every time I look at you I
see my second chance at a future. A future filled
with children and commitments and all the things
I've long denied that I needed. I look at you and I
see somebody that can make me feel alive
again. I'm astounded by your beauty and
strength. And every time you look at me it feels as
if you're staring into my soul. Don't you know how
hard it was to let you go last week? If I took one kiss from you, one caress I would be lost forever. I
could never let you go to another man," James
declared. Sighing, he took the final steps he
needed to embrace her shoulders with his hands.
Alex trembled at the touch. The urge to turn to
him was too strong. A part of her wanted to run
from the pure physical power and sexuality that
was consuming them but another part realized that
she was desperately in love with James and would
"James," she whispered finally, "I feel what you're
feeling. I know I've felt it since the day we
met. When we danced together, I wanted nothing
more than for you to ask me to go home with
you. I wanted to feel your lips touch mine, to feel
you inside me. " "Alex, are you sure these are things you want from
me?"
Alex spun quickly around and was face to face with
him finally. She had expected him to triumph at
her statement, not question it.
James had let go of her shoulders when she turned
and now gripped her arms to prevent her from
leaving him. He felt her confusion, he too was
confused. She talked about sex and he talked
about love.
"What," she asked incredulously.
"Are you sure these are the things you want from
me," he repeated, "Alex, you're a beautiful woman
and a man would have to be nuts to turn you
down. But, I want to know whether you just want sex, like with Grayson, or the love I can give you. "
Alex had worked her arm free and the hand lashed
out against his face. "How dare you," she hissed,
"how dare you judge my needs separate from your
own? You who goes around sleeping with women
like it's his God given right."
James caressed the offended cheek and watched as
her temper unleashed.
"Damn you! I came here because I love you and
wanted you to know and you humiliate me. You
treat me as if I'm some slut going from man to man
while you fuck Francine in your office. Damn you,"
Alex shouted, turned and grabbed her purse before
&nbs
p; attempting to flee the room. James took three long strides and cut Alex off
halfway across the room. Grabbing her arm and
jerking her against his chest, James looked down
into her angry and flushed face. "Let go of me,"
she demanded trying to twist away from him.
"No," James said evenly, "I cannot and will not let
you go, Alex. You're right, I shouldn't have judged
you. My sins are far greater than yours. But it
was like a knife to my heart to find out you had
slept with Grayson. At night when I closed my
eyes, I would see his hands on you and hear you
breathing heavily with him inside you, making love
to you, feeling what I should have been
feeling. He knows what it's like to feel how soft
your skin is. He knows how sweet your lips
are. He knows what it's like to have you hold him
inside you and scream his name." "No, James, he doesn't. "
"What," James questioned, letting go of her
arms. James sighed and shook his head at his
foolishness. The fact that she was here with him
alone in his house, should have been enough for
him. But he questioned it and her.
"Never once did I utter his name. It was you I
begged for to give me my release. It was your
name on my lips, James. Yes, Grayson may know
all those other things, but he doesn’t know what it's
like to hear me speak his name in passion. “
James looked into her eyes and saw the truth of her
words. She had indeed had sex with Grayson, but
she had imagined it was him. Alex saw the pain retreat from his face and be
replaced by embarrassment. She knew that that
would be the final point to get through to him.
Alex let her hands move to James' chest and rest
there as they continued to stare into each other’s
eyes.
"James, I do love you. There is nothing I wouldn't
do for you at this moment. But until it is over
between you and Francine, we can't take this any
further. I want you more than anything, but I
won't play second fiddle. "
"Alex, I love you too and you don't need to play
second fiddle to anybody. I told Francine that it
was over this afternoon. "
Alex looked up into James' face and
smiled. Noting that the fight seemed to have left Alex, James leaned down and tenderly placed his
lips on hers. James moved a hand along her back,
caressing it and then bringing to rest on her hip as
the other hand brushed against her face and
interweaved itself into her red hair. Alex leaned