U N E X P R E S S E D F E E L I N G S
Copyright © 2016 Khadija Rupa.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or in any means – by electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise – without prior written permission.
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Editor: Hend Hegazi
Book Design: Niyah Press
Cover Artist: Liza’s Brushes
ISBN: 978-1-945873-00-3 (print)
ATTENTION: SCHOOLS AND BUSINESSES k12
Khadija Rupa books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational, business, or sales promotional use. For information, please visit the author at:
http://khadijarupa.tumblr.com/
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
About the Book
Unexpressed Feelings is a book which begins with the unbearable melancholy that creeps under one’s skin, into the bones, when an unexpected heartbreak takes place. Priceless lessons, that only mistakes and sorrow can teach, leap out from the middle part of the book with the forethought to heal an inner wound that is still raw, still painful. This book of yearning, heartache and realisations gradually comes to a beautiful end in part three by unveiling how love is supposed to look like when it truly enters one’s life. By expressing some of the sweet feelings of falling in love and being consumed by it in this last section, with the right person this time, the aim of the book is one: to give hope to souls that propels them to the continuous search for Love.
True Love.
Throughout this book, loss, lessons and love have been portrayed in a brief, whimsical, poetic manner with meanings that are intensely deep.
About the Author
With writings consisting of genuine feelings rather than mere words, Khadija Rupa, a contemporary author, has already attracted a worldwide following of many wonderful souls. Her uncanny ability to express complex feelings with simplicity has made her well known for fixing broken hearts.
Many of her readers affirm that through her writings they find instant relief since some of her personal beliefs serve as life-changing reminders for them. Currently she is writing the sequel to this book, exploring deep emotions with the hope to unveil more unexpressed aches, more epiphanies.
More longings.
For Sumel—
Even before we met,
I’ve known you in a way.
As if since the beginning of existence,
we two have been soul mates.
Special Thanks—
When everyone’s eyes
have been designed
to see what is visible,
she, my mother,
breaks all the rules
and sees the soul.
Table of Contents
About the Book
About the Author
Part One Crying Is Allowed Here
Part Two School of Lost Souls
Part Three Darling It’s Me: Love!
Index k12
Part One
Crying Is Allowed Here
Soul’s Void
Do you love me enough
that I am allowed
to be damaged?
Do you love me enough
that I am allowed
to be weak in some places?
That I am allowed
to not be
the fairytale?
That when I am so hungry,
you would feed me so much love
that I can’t take it any more?
The Change
You promised me once,
the emotions we blossomed together,
nothing would ever wither,
not even in the darkest of nights.
Then came the days,
day after day,
month after month,
year after year,
that it’s nothing and no one else,
but your own protected-love,
that un-protected me,
even in the brightest of daylights.
………………………………………
Do you know why you keep saying that things are not going to work between us the way they used to before? She was overly irritated this time.
We can always go back to the time when everything was like a dream between us. But the problem is, she looks at him angrily, you will go there to meet me. And you are not the you I used to know back then.
Inequality
When you hurt me,
I hurt you, too.
The only difference is:
I hurt you
just for a little time,
right at the moment
when you hurt me,
with an unexpected wound
lasting a lifetime.
An Unfair Loss
You owned me
in a way,
I never wanted
to be owned.
I owned you
in a way,
you never thought
someone ever would.
To you I gave,
what you wanted to have;
to me you gave,
what you wanted to get;
In all my giving
love for you was pure;
in all your getting
loss was just mine, for sure.
Complicated We
The words of your hands,
the promises of your touch,
the whispers of your silence,
are all a language,
I don’t understand.
The hands of my words,
the touch of my promises,
the silence of my whispers,
are all a language,
you don’t understand. k'12
Unpromising
Your promises
are like a dark night.
Without any moon,
without any stars.
In them,
I see no light.
Blank History
Yesterday
you were
my I.
But today
you are
my you.
Gradually taking both of us
towards a tomorrow
with no I, no you. k`1`2
When You Hurt
I know exactly where it aches
when I am hurt
by the people for whom I care.
But when it’s you,
it doesn’t hurt me
just anywhere,
not here or there.
I feel the pain—
everywhere.
The Saddest Thing
She pretends,
she doesn’t.
He pretends,
he doesn’t, too.
And they can’t understand,
what hurts more—
Missing the other person,
or pretending not to.
Crying in the Shower
When the people,
who wake you up
from—dreams,
start waking you up,
so horrifically,
from—nightmares.
False Empathy
When I tried to tell you
so many things,
you claimed—
you knew everything.
Today when there is nothing
left to say,
in your silence I realise,
you knew nothing.
Not a single thing.
Mean
The people who mean the most,
in the end, always become
the ones who are mean—the most.
It’s not an overreaction.
It’s not a matter of who is weak
and who is strong.
I find it hard and indigestible,
that the moment you let somebody go,
they walk off and never look back.
Why don’t they try?
And if they do why do they not
persist until convincing you?
Someone is always there.
Even here. But only when—
I hold on to them.
Self Torture
In all my haste,
I attached myself
to an unfeeling soul,
to whom neither I belong,
nor must I ever own.
The backbone of my voice fractures
as I invent words,
using all the metaphors
using all the aches,
I ever came to know.
My tears blur my vision,
watching you move on
so very quickly,
whilst I still,
don’t want to let go. k'12
I do want—
to walk away,
to release you,
and let both of us live.
But I can’t—
I know if I do,
you won’t ever
come after me.
That’s what—
hurts the most.
That’s what,
breaks me the most.
……………………………………….
Would you miss me ever again?
I don’t know. He says. Maybe. Or maybe not. There’s no difference between the two anymore, right? He asks. Or maybe he answers.
Heartbreaker
All her life she believed—
a Princess
she could be.
But deep down,
somewhere far within,
she knew he would never
conduct himself—
like a charming Prince.
One Way Love
A thousand hopes
in a hundred dreams,
under my skies
fly all your whims.
The heavy screams
my heart squeals,
why only to me
are they distinct?
The hope we sew
hung on a finish line,
the love I gave you
all its pain is only mine.
A Black Lie
Things you saw
in my eyes,
were the only things
you ever desired.
Yet when I was hurt,
you so easily blamed,
said I never heeded—
all the things you cared.
Misunderstanding
I thought,
you came
from a world—
Where I enter
to dream.
It’s Over
He cried that day.
All day,
all night.
She cried, too.
Sadly,
all her life.
Closure
Nothing has been
sorted out—
I reminded the universe again and again
with loudness
that was deadly silent.
Yet our book
was being closed;
the mystery remained unsolved.
We were folded, and stamped—
as the unfinished story
in a forgotten history. k12
When There’s Nothing
Left to Say
Beyond all our times of ending
until it came to an unconditional end,
I will meet you in such a way
that you will wake up
and call it—a dream.
I will speak to you
in a way unspoken,
neither you will hear
nor will it be ever clear,
yet you will call it—silence.
A destination we left far behind,
I will remind you of its triumph
in such a way,
you will keep moving on
and call it—forgotten.
Moving On
It’s you,
whom I always
wanted to keep.
But now the feelings,
once I had for you,
are completely gone.
It’s a poem,
that doesn’t rhyme.
A story,
never meant to have,
a happy end.
Broken Dreams
My tears risked their lives
climbing down a precipitous cliff
of dreams in total darkness and grief;
I could clearly see
how tightly every drop
held a piece of me.
Please don’t tell me,
it was less painful
than a broken backbone,
a forgotten poem,
a lost home.
………………………………………..
They tell me, that my eyes are intense, and speak louder.
“What do you see through them?” they ask me.
“Stories I couldn’t live,” my hands reply.
Loving Him
Swimming to the impossible shore
when my ship wrecked
amidst the ocean—
felt like loving him.
Throwing away my unpublished manuscript,
that took years and years
to complete—
felt like loving him.
Shrinking and suffocating in a corner,
when everyone else
celebrated my victory—
felt like loving him. free@symbianize
When We Two Parted
The sun still left on time,
time didn’t stop either;
the ocean was still silent,
the sky was still there.
I thought,
today the sun would be late for others,
time would stumble;
the ocean would rage in war,
the sky would definitely fall over.
But my world fell apart,
and all they could do,
the whole universe,
was to silently move on.
I am Nowhere
Whenever my own time becomes
a stranger;
whenever my own breeze becomes
a stranger;
my own silence becomes
a stranger;
my own solitary becomes
a stranger;
when to recognise the voice
I have been hearing
since the beginning,
I struggle;
when to understand the words
I have been speaking
since the first day,
I wrangle,
my heart stops beating.
It blinks.
My eyes stop blinking.
They beat.
Wi
th the same pause.
With the same hope.
That someday,
even my existence would be felt.
I Don’t Want to Know
I still don’t know exactly why you left,
and why you forgot
long before you should.
Why you decided not to try,
and why you didn’t stop
seeing me cry.
Why you didn’t look back
and why later
you came back.
And then why,
once again, you left,
without saying farewell.
I just know, some answers
shouldn’t have
questions;
And some questions,
mustn’t have
any answers.
Well Wishes
When you are tired