many of these people at the wedding knew Claudia better than
she did. They had shared holidays, special occasions and years
of milestones. She doubted anyone in the room knew she and
Claudia had once been lovers, although Eva’s reference to her as
“the one from Monterey” had been intriguing.
All night she had hoped for a private moment, and while
she suspected she might find Claudia now in the ladies’ room,
she had more tact than to follow her there. That didn’t preclude
stepping into the hallway in hopes of catching her on the way
back to the reception. Since Claudia had made no attempt of her
own to personalize their encounter, Leo had dim expectations
about what any conversation would bring. All she wanted was a
few minutes, seconds even, to tell Claudia she was happy for the
wonderful life Eva had so obviously given her. She would hide
her longing and regret, and continue to fulfill the promise she
had made to both of them long ago—to support the decisions
Claudia had made in pursuit of her own dreams. And she wanted
to prove that she had managed to have a good life as well, despite
her prediction long ago that she wouldn’t, not without Claudia.
She slid her camera off the mount and sauntered through the
crowd to the door. Expecting to see clusters of people milling
about, she was surprised to find the hallway deserted. As she
turned back to the ballroom, a movement from the corner caught
her eye—a hand holding a champagne flute was peeking out from
a large wingback chair. Tiptoeing closer, she spied a pair of black
high heels on the floor…size six was her guess.
The significance of the moment almost overwhelmed her. It
was their first moment alone together since leaving the parking
lot in Big Sur so many years ago, when she had been so anxious
that her promise of love would not be enough to overcome
Claudia’s uncertainty. Though her fears had proven true, her love
had never diminished and she wondered if the woman before
her—now mature and confident—shared even a trace of those
feelings.
Claudia’s eyes were closed and her bare feet were tucked
beneath her, a pose that if not for her silver hair would have
made her look younger than her forty-six years. Leo had always
thought her a lovely woman, but in repose she was especially
beautiful. Any photographer worth her salt would see this as a
scene worth saving.
The flash of the camera caused Claudia to blink.
Leo lowered the camera and smiled apologetically. “Sorry. It
was too good to pass up.”
“It’s okay. I just had to get out of there for a few minutes.”
“I don’t blame you. Believe it or not, I caught your daughter
out here about an hour ago in the same chair.”
“The poor girl’s been running on pure adrenaline for the last
three days. I hope they don’t sleep through their honeymoon.”
“Where are they going?”
“They’ve signed up to work three weeks at a village in Kenya.
They’ve both gone there for projects with their friends before,
0
but they never had time to go together.” The pride on her face
was obvious.
“Sounds like something you would have done.” Eva had
obviously taken after her mother in that vein, just as Claudia had
followed her grandmother.
“I appreciate the compliment, Leo, but Eva’s her own girl.
She runs circles around me with all of her causes and volunteer
work.” She straightened out her legs and wiggled her toes. “My
feet are killing me.”
“I’m not surprised.” Leo picked up one of the patent leather
heels. “I don’t believe human beings were meant to wear shoes
like this.”
“I probably shouldn’t have taken them off. I doubt I’ll be able
to get them back on.”
“Keep pouring the champagne and no one will notice if
you’re barefoot.” Leo set her camera on the coffee table next to
the empty glass, fighting the urge to sweep Claudia’s feet into her
lap for a massage as she took a seat on the adjacent sofa. “It was
a lovely wedding—one of the most beautiful I’ve ever done. And
“I’d drink to that but my glass is empty.”
“You want me to get you another? I can walk back in there
easily because I’m wearing sensible shoes.”
Claudia chuckled. “Thanks, but I’d better not. I’m already
dangerously close to telling my sister-in-law that her earrings
make her ass look big. She’d probably rip them off so fast she’d
hurt somebody.”
Leo joined her in a conspiratorial laugh, appreciating that
Claudia trusted her enough to share an inside family joke. Now
if they could just get past the superficial small talk. Even after
twenty-three years, a part of her felt closer to Claudia than to
anyone else on earth and what she wanted to talk about was deep
and personal.
“Did you get a chance to eat? There’s an obscene amount of
food in there.”
“Yes, I did. Thank you.”
Shifting suddenly, Claudia leaned over and picked a stray
hair off Leo’s pants. “I see you got another cat.”
“No, actually I didn’t. Madeline lived to be almost twenty-
two. I lost her just last year, but I’ve discovered that her fur lives
on forever.”
“Twenty-two years old!” Claudia shook her head in
amazement.
“Most of it was on the windowsill in the parlor. I had to put
a stepstool there when she was about eighteen. And I carried her
upstairs to bed every night.”
“I bet it broke your heart to lose her.”
It had, and as she thought back on their years together, it had
occurred to her that she had gotten Madeline the same year she
met Claudia. “We’ve all had losses.”
Claudia nodded solemnly. “I got your card. Thank you. I’m
really sorry I didn’t write back. I just…”
“It’s okay. I didn’t send it for you to answer. I just wanted you
to know I was thinking of you.”
“It meant a lot to me. All of my friends came through.”
Leo didn’t want to dwell on a difficult time, especially not on
such a joyous occasion. “Speaking of your friends, I was hoping
Maria and Sandy would be here, but Eva said Maria wasn’t able
to get around yet. I haven’t seen them in a couple of years.”
“I don’t see them as often as I’d like, but we still have
Thanksgiving together every year. Even Dad comes with me
now that Mom’s gone.”
When Maria and Sandy had first moved to San Luis Obispo,
Leo had struggled with jealousy to know they remained in close
contact with Claudia. By mutual agreement they withheld their
secondhand updates, though Maria had passed on from time
to time that Claudia was doing well. That had turned out to be
something of a consolation.
Their silence extended for almost a full minute, but it felt
more restful to Leo than aw
kward.
Finally Claudia released a deep sigh and leaned forward
to brace her elbows on her knees. “I think I’ve used up all my
chitchat for today.”
The words cut like a knife, but Leo was determined not to
let it show. Instead, she transitioned into professional mode and
pushed herself up from the couch. “It’s okay. I should probably
go back inside and get some more pictures for your daughter.”
“No, that’s not what I meant at all.” She placed her hand
on Leo’s knee to stop her from standing, her eyes shining with
emotion. “This is the first time I’ve seen you in twenty-three
years and all I meant was that I can’t seem to say anything of
substance. Before we know it the wedding will be over and you’ll
be gone again.”
Leo’s eyes darted between Claudia’s pleading look and the
hand on her leg, the latter like a brand burning through to her
bones. “I’m not the one who leaves.”
“There you are!” A middle-aged woman emerged from the
ballroom. “I thought I might find you hiding out here.”
Claudia groped the floor with her feet for her shoes and
gripped the arms of the chair to stand. “You caught me, Lena.”
“Don’t get up. You deserve to take it easy. I just wanted to say
thank you for everything. Bob’s saying goodbye to Todd and Eva.
They are such a lovely couple.”
“Thank you. Have you met our photographer? This is
Leonora Westcott. She does the most incredible work, and she
happens to be one of my oldest and dearest friends.”
“How do you do?” Leo said as she jumped to her feet, skeptical
of Claudia’s sentiment. It was more likely she was making excuses
for why they were in the hallway talking.
“Lena and Todd’s mother are sisters,” Claudia told Leo.
“Yes, I remember from the photos after the wedding.”
“Are you staying in the hotel?” Claudia asked.
“No, we’re driving back to the city. Bob thought we should
leave now to beat the fog.” Her husband emerged from the
ballroom and joined her.
Claudia walked barefoot with them to the exit.
Leo sat glued to the couch, angry with herself for her cynicism.
Why had she assumed the worst about Claudia’s intentions? She
would never have said something so cutting. And just like the
allusion to chitchat, her own words had come out like a careless
retort. She had meant to offer reassurance that she would always
be there to listen, not to throw it in Claudia’s face that she had
left. “Damn it,” she muttered under her breath. She needed just
another minute or two of privacy to clear that up, but it was too
late. The guests had begun trickling out of the ballroom to leave,
and all of them seemed to want one last word with the mother of
the bride. Leo was determined to wait them out so she could at
least finish their night on an up note.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t to be. When the overnight guests
headed for the elevator as the last band said goodnight, Claudia
had been swept up in the crowd. Her only signal to Leo had been
a furtive glance cut short by Todd’s grandfather, who had been
clamoring for her attention all night. The wedding breakfast
offered another small window to talk to each other, but there was
no reason to think it would be any different from tonight. This
weekend was supposed to be about Eva and Todd, not her and
Claudia. But if Claudia was serious about saying something “of
substance,” she was just as serious about listening.
With a check of her watch, she returned to the ballroom.
It was after midnight and she had a two-hour drive home to
Monterey—in the fog—and then back to shoot the breakfast at
ten a.m. Why on earth had she turned down the offer of a room
in the hotel? Not that she would be sleeping. Her head would
race all night with the uncertainty about where she and Claudia
stood.
A leather pouch containing her two cameras sat by the door
of the ballroom with her tripod. Throughout the evening, she
had ferried her equipment to her car, and had only this final load.
She took one last look around for a stray lens cap, light filter
or anything else she might have overlooked, dragging out the
packing process for as long as she could in hopes Claudia would
return after getting her guests off to bed. Not even a goodnight,
she thought morosely.
The hotel staff had begun to strike the ballroom, breaking
down tables and carting off dishes and used linens. An industrial
vacuum cleaner drowned out most of the banter among the
workers.
Leo shouldered her heavy bag and grasped the tripod, keeping
one hand free for her car keys. The valet had allowed her to park
her Volvo station wagon in the circle so she could load, and he
helped her stow the last of her gear in the back.
She swallowed hard to calm the lump in her throat as she
slid into the driver’s seat and buckled up. Mindlessly she put the
car into gear and started forward, almost hitting a bellman who
suddenly appeared in her headlights.
“Miss Westcott, I have a note for you.”
With shaking hands, she took the envelope and reached for
a bill.
“Not necessary,” he said. “Mrs. Pettigrew took care of me
already.”
In the light from the dashboard, she recognized Claudia’s
hand. Sunset Suite, fourth floor.
The hotel’s luxurious foam slippers felt like clouds on her
feet. It had taken forever to get Karl on his way so she could send
for Leo, but now that twenty minutes had passed, it was likely she
had already gone. Eva had said Leo declined the invitation to stay
at the hotel, which meant she was on the road back to Monterey.
Claudia wanted to think she had left before the bellman reached
her. Otherwise it meant she had waved off the invitation. She also
wanted to believe she was part of the reason Leo had come to
Eva’s rescue at the last minute, and not only as a favor to Maria.
Even if she had, it was clear she harbored resentment about how
things had ended for them so long ago.
Tomorrow would be another circus but she had to try again
to finish what they had started in the hallway. Except now the
problem was bigger than just her inability to articulate all the
things in her head. From Leo’s abrupt reminder of which one
of them had walked away, a thousand apologies might not be
enough to heal the chasm between them. They had lived whole
lives apart. True healing would take the impossible—winding
back the clock so she could choose again—but choosing Leo had
never been an option thanks to Marjorie. All she could hope was
that Leo would let her back into her life, no matter what the
terms.
Once she decided Leo wasn’t coming to her suite, she
scrubbed her face and changed into silk pajamas and the hotel’s
soft terrycloth robe. The eight o’clock alarm would come very
early, and she had to keep up a cheerful mood unti
l the last
guest left. Then she could get plastered in the bar and put it on
Marjorie’s tab.
The king-sized bed, turned down and stacked with six plush
pillows, looked inviting, even as she doubted she would do it
justice once she closed her eyes. What she needed tonight was to
shift her thoughts from worrying about Leo to being happy for
Eva and Todd. They’d had the wedding her mother had hoped
she would have, but her own situation back in 1987 had called
for a bit more decorum. With her baby bump showing in a pale
green dress, she and Mike had married on the veranda of his
parents’ home with only their immediate families in attendance.
If a miserable wedding meant an equally miserable marriage,
then she had high hopes for her daughter and son-in-law after
today’s extravaganza.
Finally convinced she could fall asleep, she turned out the
lights in the parlor and retreated to her bedroom. A faint knock
at the door barely caught her ear.
Through the peephole she could see Leo shifting nervously
from one foot to the other. She flung open the door.
“Am I too late?”
Their eyes met and held for several seconds. Then Claudia
opened her arms as joy erupted inside her. “Never.”
Leo hugged her fiercely, cradling her head against her
shoulder. It was neither romantic nor sexual, but it was the most
intimate sensation Claudia had felt in years.
“I’m so glad you came back.”
“I’ll always come back,” Leo whispered.
Claudia tightened her grip, fighting the urge to risk a kiss.
It was enough for now just to hold each other like this, and her
heart would break if Leo rebuffed her. “I have so many things to
tell you.”
“Just tell me this feels good.”
“Nothing else has ever felt like this.” They had so much
ground to make up, but this was exactly where she wanted to
start, with both of them admitting their feelings were still alive.
“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I could go back and
choose again.”
“No, Claudia.” Leo broke their embrace to look her in the
eye. “You can’t second-guess yourself now. Look at the woman
your daughter has become. That’s all because of the choices you
made. Would you change anything about her?”