He drained the water, perching at the edge of the claw-footed tub. Once
the tub was emptied, he began to refill it, placing a hand beneath the faucet to
check the temperature. Steam billowed, but I relished in the blistering heat. I
wondered if it could burn away all my sins.
“How long have you been here?” I didn’t recognize my voice. It was
croaky, almost as if I had just gotten out of bed.
“Awhile,” he admitted unashamedly. “I wanted to give you space.”
“And now?”
“I want to take care of you.” He practically breathed the words, his voice
a purr.
When the tub was filled once more, he turned off the faucet and grabbed a
clean rag off the bathroom counter.
“Talk to me,” he pleaded, dabbing the rag with a generous amount of
soap. Slowly, gauging my reaction, he brought it to my shoulders.
His ministrations were slow, cautious, but I leaned into him. Everywhere
the rag touched, goosebumps erupted.
“I don’t know why I feel so guilty.” I stared pointedly ahead at the
golden-edged mirror. A beautiful adornment on the cream painted wall. I
made out my reflection - cheeks sunken, eyes hollow, blond hair tangled. I
wondered if this was how I looked when Diego died. Another innocent
brutality of this war I knew nothing about.
Ryland moved the rag down my arms, paying special attention to each of
my fingers. I never thought that bathing someone could be so erotic, but each
accidental graze of his hand against mine caused my skin to burn.
He didn’t interrupt me as I spoke, focused entirely on his task.
“It wasn’t my fault. Not Jakob’s death. Not Diego’s. So why do I feel
such staggering guilt?” I laughed humorlessly, watching Ryland move around
the tub to wash my other arm. A part of me grieved the lack of his touch for
that brief moment of separation.
Ridiculous.
Utterly ridiculous.
“But Jakob’s eyes...he stared at me with hope, Ry. He truly believed that I
would be his savior. But look at him! Because of me, he’s dead. I may not
have been the one to do the actual killing, but...” I trailed off helplessly.
I wanted Tavvy to bleed for what he had done. I wanted him to suffer.
The need was almost more compelling than the Mage bond. It painted a
beautiful, yet macabre, picture. Striding towards the smug asshole with my
knife held firmly in my hand. Cutting through the tender skin of his neck.
Smiling down at him, as he had smiled down at the six men.
“I think,” Ryland began. He moved to sit inside the tub with me, still fully
clothed. The water played with the edge of his shirt, gifting me briefly a view
of his darkly sculpted muscles. “You feel guilty because you’re a good
person.”
I snorted at his logic, but he continued before I could protest.
“You see the world the way the rest of us want to. Not in black or white
or even gray, but in vibrant colors. You are able to separate the innocents
from the predators. You recognize evil for what it is, and you wish to stop it.”
His hands were wrapped around my calf as he scrubbed at my skin. Tiny
bubbles appeared on my bare leg. Briefly, I wondered if I had shaved
recently. Why was that something I would think about?
I shook my head, the enticing aroma of my body wash finally reaching
my nostrils. The scent was almost decadent. Pomegranates, I believed.
Lupe’s favorite.
“I’ve killed a lot of people in my life,” I whispered harshly. I stared at
Ryland, waiting for the moment when he would realize what a monster I was
and run. His expression remained warm, if not slightly impassive, as he
scrubbed the soles of my feet.
After a long moment of silence, his breathy confession breached the
distance between us.
“So have I.”
I gaped at him, his words sending me reeling. My eyes tracked each and
every scar on his face, so many that his skin was discolored shades of white,
red, and brown.
I hoped that the people he killed were the ones who had done that to him.
Silence stretched between us, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Instead, I
focused on his dark hand moving through the water and up my inner thighs. I
held my breath, need and desperation causing my heart to hammer and
breathing to speed up.
He brought the rag to my stomach, and his thumb grazed my belly button.
The only sound was my sharp intake of breath and the rippling of water.
The rag inched higher, higher, higher, until it brushed the underside of my
breasts. This time, I couldn’t contain the pathetic whimper that escaped me.
“Please,” I whispered. My core was aching, and I rubbed my thighs
together to alleviate the pain.
When he dropped the rag, I thought I was going to die. Literally die.
Die.
Guilt chewed away at me.
“Hey, stay here. Don’t get lost in that mind of yours.” Ryland cupped my
face in both of his hands, eyes searching my own. Only when he found my
assent, did he release my face.
And abruptly cupped my aching breasts.
I gasped, staring at his hand over my skin and loving the contrasting skin
colors as his dark hand held my pale breast. His thumb grazed my nipple, and
I jerked.
Keeping his eyes trained on mine, Ryland removed his hands and lathered
them in soap.
“You don’t see yourself clearly,” he whispered, bringing his hands back
to my skin. I groaned at the contact, the soft pad of his fingers and rough
calluses of his palms eliciting sensations I had never felt before. He paid extra
attention to my nipples, pulling at them, twisting them.
“You don’t either,” I responded, slightly breathless. His hands lifted both
of my boobs, scrubbing soap underneath them, before he dropped them,
watching them bounce with heated eyes.
“What if I told you that the men I killed didn’t deserve it?” His voice was
broken. A stark contrast to the sure, domineering man who had thrown a
book at my face. “Would you leave me?”
His hands cupped water and dropped it onto my chest, washing away the
soap. He did this three times before moving his hands to my thighs.
“Would you?” he whispered hoarsely.
“What if I told you,” I countered, spreading my legs wider so he could fit
comfortably between them, “that I killed an innocent person as well? Would
you leave me?”
“Never.” His answer was instantaneous.
His finger moved up my thigh, the touch reminding me of a first snowfall.
Ironically, I couldn’t help but think how the soft touch burned my skin.
One finger pierced my wet cunt, and I arched my back, moaning.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
He brutally, savagely, fucked me with his finger, pulling it in and out of
me. It was completely different from his soft hands and even softer words
only moments before. This was rough and brutal. Claiming. Punishing. That
one finger was joined by two more - I had to give Ryland credit. He wasn’t
doing anything half-assed.
I was reaching the tip of a mountain, seconds from tumbling over. I had
to decide if I was going to fall and trust him to catch me or remain stranded at
the top. My back arched sharply, fire racing down my nerves.
I pulled his face to mine, and our lips met in a desperate dance. He kissed
me like rain falling on a spring day. Everywhere we touched, we dissolved
into each other until there was no Z and Ryland, but one person.
Finally, I found my relief, sobbing. Ryland continued to finger fuck me
long after my orgasm subsided. He pulled out slowly, lips tilted up in smug,
male satisfaction against my own.
My stomach tightened with lust when I realized we were both bathing in
my release.
Ryland pressed a kiss against my forehead, eyes burning with an emotion
I recognized all too well.
“You won’t become a monster, Z, because you recognize the monsters in
others. Soon, you’re going to recognize the monster in me.”
His words took me back to his earlier question.
Would I still love him if he had killed innocent people?
It had only just occurred to me that I had never answered it.
Ryland’s voice was self-deprecating when he spoke next. “This world is
designed to bring out all our monsters. It’s only a matter of time until you see
mine, little assassin. Only a matter of time.”
THIRTY-THREE
Z
By the time I left the room, my nerves had settled and I found that I
could breathe.
Ryland had receded back into the shadows, a fact that saddened
me. With time, he would be okay with showing his face to the world. Long,
excruciating time.
Dair was uncharacteristically silent when I stepped into the main
bedroom. He sat on the bed, arms crossed over his muscular chest and eyes
contemplative. When he saw me, he sat up, a brilliant smile etching across
his face.
It was nice to see such a smile. The mood with my mates had been tense
and somber since the fight with the Kraken and then the massacre in the
dungeons. We all just wanted to go home, to escape.
To kill some damn Mermaid Princes.
“Z!” Dair rushed from the bed and grabbed my hand in his. “I want to
take you to see my mom and sister today.”
His words froze me in place. I blinked at him wordlessly.
“Excuse me?” I asked on a screech. Meeting his mother? That sounded
more terrifying than fighting another Kraken. Was there something wrong
with me, something so deeply and intricately wrong with me, that made me
fear opening myself up to these men?
“I want her to meet you,” he said softly. His face softened in adoration,
and I could see how much he loved his mom.
I wanted to say yes, to see the glorious smile I knew would cross his face,
to feel his golden hand in mine as he tugged me out of the room.
But something was stopping me. Nothing large, but a diminutive clamp
that tugged at the top of my heart. I knew that if I said yes, if I agreed to
something so monumental, it would alter my life forever. I would no longer
be “Z the assassin” or “Zara the maid.” I would be their mate, their lovers,
first and foremost.
Why did that terrify me so much?
Maybe because you surround yourself with death, I told myself snidely.
Staring into his brilliant blue eyes, I knew that I had feelings for him and
the others that surpassed even my fears. That thought cemented my resolve.
I loved him. Maybe it was the beginnings of love, the slightest trickling of
rain before it down-poured. Maybe it had progressed in the weeks I had been
at the Capital. Either way, it was love. The strength of my conviction took me
by surprise.
Fuck.
“Yes,” I whispered. Did he see how much he meant to me in my gaze?
Hear it in my voice?
“Yes?” He stared at me in disbelief. From his expression, it was obvious
he hadn’t expected me to agree. That disbelief changed to joy, and I was
right. He flashed that brilliant smile at me once more.
I may have had six other mates, but to Dair, I was his only one. He stared
at me as if he had never seen a woman so beautiful before, so perfect, so
deserving of his love.
Utter bullshit, if you asked me. I didn’t deserve this man in front of me
with his golden hair and golden face and a heart that made women
everywhere weep. He was a good man. I knew it from the first moment I had
met him, after he had saved me from what might’ve been a disastrous and
deadly fall. From the very first word, when he had somehow seen through the
mask and to the vulnerable, broken-hearted girl beneath.
Before I could say anything else, Dair rushed at me, grabbing my waist
and spinning me in a circle.
He knew, just as I did, that my yes went beyond merely meeting his
family.
“But first,” I said, tapping his back. He immediately dropped me to my
feet. “I want to see Slippy.”
His nose crinkled adorably.
“That’s an awful name for a scary ass monster,” he pointed out.
I reached a hand up to smooth the skin between his eyes.
“He’s the size of a small dog,” I protested.
“He was once the size of a very large building. And, he tried to kill us.”
I waved a hand dismissively.
“Let bygones be bygones.”
I didn’t know what had possessed the Kraken to attack us. Bash had
deduced that it must’ve been a spell, designed specifically for me. To capture
me.
It made me...sad.
Had Haven, the Gorgon, been acting under a spell?
Bash must’ve somehow broken the spell on the Kraken when he had
made it tiny. That was the only conclusion he could come up with.
Either way, both Dair and Bash had assured me that the sea monster
wasn’t a threat. The water had promised Dair, and Bash...well...I wasn’t sure
how he knew, and he wasn’t in the mood to share with me.
I hadn’t seen the blond asshole since we had left the dungeon.
Dair took my hand and led me down the hall. He stopped only a few
doors down, at the room I had noted during my arrival.
Heat emanated from the open door, choking me. Sweat prickled at my
skin.
The room was unlike anything I had ever seen before, both beautiful and
strange. Jagged, brown rocks lined the walls, melded together in a way that
couldn’t be natural. The flooring abruptly switched from wooden planks to
sand, burning my toes. At the very edge of the sand was a small pool of
water. Waves rippled the shoreline, but from what source, I couldn’t tell.
Slippy chirped happily when he caught sight of me, clambering out of the
water and rubbing against my feet like a cat.
If you hadn’t seen a Kraken before, consider yourself lucky. He was so
ugly that it was borderline adorable. Long tentacles wrapped around my legs,
but unlike before, it didn’t hurt. His one eye stared up at me as if I hung the
moon.
My stomach churned uncomfortably when I noted the dark lines grazing
the white of his iris. From my arrow.
I wondered if he still felt pain.
“Do
you have anyone who could look over him? Make sure we didn’t do
any lasting damage?” I asked Dair nervously, bending down to pick up the
little guy. He cuddled beneath my chin, and I could’ve sworn that he was
purring.
Dair stared at me strangely but conceded with a nod. “I can have the
family doctor check him out. We have five, and at least one always stays
here.”
Five doctors.
I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around that, having spent years
without any medical care at all.
“You be a good boy for when the doctor comes, okay?” I told Slippy
sternly. The little asshole rolled his one eye as if he actually understood me. I
gave him a disapproving frown. “I mean it. No fish for you if you misbehave.
I’ll feed you the shitty tuna from the marketplace.”
That seemed to pierce his monster brain. His eye widened slightly, almost
imperceptibly, and he wiggled to let me know he wanted down. I dropped
him at the edge of the water, and he swam away without a glance back in my
direction.
I feigned sniffles.
“They grow up so fast.” I punctuated this statement by brushing away an
imaginary tear.
Dair snorted, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me out
of the hot room.
“And you’re fucking weird. Come. Let me introduce you to my mother.”
DAIR’S MOTHER lived in a tiny, bungalow-style house a few miles off the
main shoreline. The white paint looked freshly coated, and a long,
wraparound porch held two rocking chairs. Hanging plants adorned the
awning overhead; the ground was surprisingly grass instead of sand like I’d
expected, freshly manicured, and bedecked in shrubs and what appeared to be
tulips. The single tree I noted earlier stood proudly in the waning sunlight, a
brilliant collection of green leaves intermixed with a deep burgundy and light
orange.
It was an entire little world condensed onto a small island.
I shouldn’t have been surprised that it was beautiful, the opulence of the
house nearly unmatched. After all, the Mermaid Kingdom was just as
wealthy as the Genie one.
The seductive pulls of Envy couldn’t be ignored, even by Dair’s family.
I smiled as I took Dair’s offered hand, stepping out of the boat. It was
significantly smaller than the one I had ridden with Bash, but it was cute