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    The Road In Is Not the Same Road Out

    Page 4
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      the most expensive in the history of film.

      We can laugh about it now. This feels like work to me.

      The generations’ attempts to interface explain

      the music. Last time I saw you, you were wearing a hat!

      Inattention wounds her. Hence, her bandage dress.

      There are those you’d rather walk in on in the shower than see dance.

      But there are good people everywhere, really lovely.

      And each of us absolutely wasted, in our own way.

      CONVERSION

      First impression of a hasty once-over. Of universal

      solvent and under-the-bed. An atmosphere both

      apologetic and hostile, orphaned

      amenities procured at clearance, curtains synthetic

      and religious in their weight and ability

      to absorb guilt. A thriving ecosystem’s residents

      stared from fringes of the textiles, the debased

      baseboards, and would grow bold. A doorknob

      came off in my hand like a joke prosthetic.

      Rooms like this have followed me around

      for twenty years. It’s as though I married into a bad

      family of many cousins. I was the only one

      who loved them. That’s what I thought.

      Even as a family steakhouse vented its cruel exhaust

      across my threshold, even in the resurrected mystery

      of how the moths get in—

      by morning they’d hung themselves everywhere

      like little coats by their own hooks—

      I was at peace in the luxury of all that lack of care.

      It was a skill, like tying knots. When all else

      had gone, it would still be there. Blame

      for the propane explosion that demolished

      the Monte Vista Motel, rendering it only slightly

      less habitable, though not registered

      in the paperwork, remains, a secret

      crouched in the rebuild. In cinder block and flat tarred

      roof it rose again, innocent, under the same name, as if

      what could accrue had yet to do so. Don’t

      send me back out there again. That final night

      in Salmon Arm, maybe Wainwright, Shaunavon, or

      the Sault, wherever it was the last built-in fell out,

      or the fold-out fell in, I thought of you then.

      THE NATIONAL GALLERY II

      Nor is the twentieth century accessible

      in Edinburgh. As though, post-concept,

      one needs only a velvet rope and a sign

      stating it’s not here, whatever you came to see.

      Move along. Here’s Jan Weenix

      at the height of his decorative powers, this wall-sized Landscape

      with a Huntsman and Dead Game

      the largest of his allegories representing the senses.

      A springer spaniel’s inflated proportions

      might signify the breed’s extravagant stubbornness

      as well as a commitment to symbolism.

      Misfortune figures in its provenance:

      Catholic nuns who acquired the home of an insolvent

      sugar merchant sold all five to William Randolph Hearst

      whom they entertained and instructed

      until his bankruptcy, whereupon it was purchased

      by RKO, then Paramount, resurrected as a backdrop

      for Monsieur Beaucaire, a carefree

      adaptation and Bob Hope vehicle

      which delivered unto Hollywood an anxious period of decline.

      Taste and Sight reside at the Carlyle.

      Hearing among the eternal winds

      of Ohio. The Sense of Touch is lost.

      In a clearing, a seaside forest, a typical wooden setting,

      the huntsman reclines, back to a tree, alert

      to the proximity of his rifle.

      Before him, the dead in surfeit are arranged in poses

      of sacrifice, liberated even of the void

      in their animal souls with which they were content.

      They decorate a plinth on which sits a bust of Pan, leering,

      externalized, a gaze the tired huntsman evades,

      head turned over his right shoulder toward the focus

      of the dog’s attention, so that all kingdoms

      appear to detect the approach

      of consequence, and the ugly infinities.

      THE MIDLANDS

      In an otherwise green field. A black stump

      smouldering in a circle of burn. Land

      near Doncaster flat enough to make visible a parallel

      realm where that thing hasn’t happened. The science

      of original laws excludes it. Purpose-built

      is the mainline from which the long view hastens

      counter to the middle distance, and purpose-

      built the middle distance, its fences,

      hedgerows, ancient oaks lending perspective,

      foreground at high speed a series of precise

      and irrecoverable losses. Warmbloods, spirits

      of immediacy, graze margins of the River Don

      heeding its true course through the realities.

      They speak plainly. The lie must be inside you.

      LORD OF FOG

      It rises from the North Atlantic’s stacks

      as radio silence, a generalized lack

      of discursive tone or narrative movement distinguished

      by its density. A mob of spirits enacts freedom of assembly

      under a Carmelite aegis. Friendly, to a point; but no

      rhythm. The fight goes out of us, highbeams

      make it worse. Our dissent voiced frankly in the way

      we’re put together, in claims to an ill-defined

      sixth sense—clairvoyance, gaydar, sensitivity to the dead

      and their unending list of grievances—

      staring into the infinite regression of our inabilities.

      Everything to the right resembles everything

      to the left, GPS prompts ring hollow though we were so close

      once. Unimaginable speed behaving like stillness.

      A confused dream the land entertains. Lay down

      your whatever-you’ve-got-there, don’t need to know what it is

      to be sure we don’t like it. We’ve no idea

      what we’ve just had a brush with. Unseen

      beneath beaded grass tops, the meadow vole pokes

      his nose out, scoots among stems of sedges, forbs.

      A bad neighbour, his own kind crowd him. Justice

      the predaceous gods of land and sky fail to exact in their satiety

      or extinction he will carry out himself,

      to keep what’s his. Full of ire, in rage, deaf as the sea,

      he scuttles under cover to the sleeping places of his kin.

      DARKLANDS

      Reclaimed from brushwood,

      from coarse rank grass interspersed

      with stagnant bog water,

      it’s a rich black mould

      upon which ruminates

      the Georgian country estate,

      walled garden abandoned,

      antipodal, wanting discipline,

      private intentions never more

      realized. The door was built

      for shorter times. Loose stone

      and trippy tufted hillocks spoke

      harshly to me. Stinging nettles withheld

      ameliorative properties,

      broke bottles on my shins.

      They supply their own remedy—

      who wouldn’t like to say

      the same? I collected a few

      contused apples, impaled

      my denim on the blackberry,

      stumbled on a buzzard’s killsite

      as if onto an ashtray in a pile

      of paperwork, and that night

      in bed imagined a factory

      feral and largely silent,

      concept and subject both,

     
    ; fabricating itself out of the initial

      qualification from raw principles

      of deficiency and excess.

      Around it the mad, heavyhearted

      wall, the heartbroken

      schizophrenic wall argued all

      positions. When we’re of no more use

      we will invent one, a foundation

      our own weight dismantles.

      I couldn’t project my awareness

      through the house, it was

      too big. Did bootsteps

      in the gravel skirting stop at doors

      and windows? I was not alarmed,

      as the property was highly so,

      but would learn I was more alone then

      than I thought. At 3 a.m.

      I sat with mobile on the foyer stairs

      just inside the door

      he stood outside of

      speaking into his phone

      to a third party, who didn’t matter.

      We were a single being split

      into primary antagonists

      likewise inhabited

      by opposing pairs, and they

      by theirs, so two infinite armies—

      at odds but constitutionally identical—

      occupied the field

      of this decision.

      My unknown presence

      was my weapon. I waited for him

      to initiate the next stage

      of our lives.

      A GOOD HOTEL IN ROTTERDAM

      A baby is crying in a good hotel in Rotterdam.

      From the hallway it’s impossible to determine

      in which guest room the baby cries,

      if it does so on the mezzanine,

      in the lobby, unfrequented stairwell,

      breakfast room, or business centre.

      One moment its cries flare behind you, the next

      precede you like a herald.

      Tonight Oranje will lose to Germany in the Euro Cup

      group stage and babies will cry

      all over the Netherlands

      as parents proclaim their own anguish in the streets

      at the feet of the great pre-

      and post-war architectures. It’s difficult

      to sort where the trouble lies, in the public

      or private spaces, as you lie in bed

      in Rotterdam with the TV on, TripAdvisor

      review form loaded on your iPad like a gun to the head

      of the good hotel, one of the few

      to survive 1940. To ask why looks for meaning

      where there is none. Two blocks away

      a Tom Cruise import plays

      without subtitles in the Pathé

      Schouwburgplein bordered by cranes

      pulling the new city from the ground, and bars

      that draw like water from the air

      partiers kitted out in franchise colours.

      TROUBLE LIGHT

      Sun of breakdown, sun

      in a cage, risen over

      a concrete floor, gutting table,

      beer bottles. Form

      from function dislocated,

      the hood is up

      in an unsound hour.

      Five-gallon pail, rag

      and cord on the unshadowed

      stage, which is

      exclusive. Burning

      in the shop in the middle

      of the night.

      Something isn’t right.

      BITUMEN

      One might understand Turner, you said, in North Atlantic sky

      east-southeast from Newfoundland toward Hibernia.

      Cloud darker than cloud cast doubt upon muttering, pacing water, even

      backlit by a devouring glare that whitened its edges,

      bent the bars. Waters apart from society by choice, their living room

      the aftermath of accident or crime. When the storm comes,

      we will see into it, there will be no near and no far. In sixty-five-foot seas

      for the Ocean Ranger, green turned to black then white as molecules

      changed places in the Jeanne d’Arc Basin, the way wood passes into

      flame, and communication errors into catastrophic failure

      for the Piper Alpha offshore from Aberdeen.

      It burned freely. If I don’t come home, is my house in order?

      Big fear travels in the Sikorsky. Twelve-hour shifts travel with them,

      the deluge system, aqueous foam. Machinery’s one note

      hammering the heart, identity compressed with intentions, drenched,

      the tired body performs delicately timed, brutal tasks no training

      adequately represents and which consume the perceivable world.

      In beds on the drilling platform in suspended disbelief,

      identified by the unlovely sea’s aggression, no sleep aids,

      should a directive come. Underwater welders deeply unconscious.

      Survival suits profane in lockers. By dreams of marine flares

      and inflatables, buoyant smoke, percolating fret,

      one is weakened. Violence enters the imagination.

      Clouds previously unrecorded. Unlocked, the gates of light

      and technology of capture in bitumen oozing from fractures

      in the earth or afloat like other fatty bodies, condensed

      by sun and internal salts, harassing snakes with its fumes.

      Light-sensitive bitumen of Judea upon which Joseph-Nicéphore Niepce

      recorded the view from his bedroom. It looked nice. A new kind

      of evidence developed from the camera obscura of experience

      and memory, love-object to dote on and ignore. Collectible

      photochrome postcards. Storm surge as weather segment,

      tornados on YouTube relieve us of our boredom. In the rain,

      drizzle, intermittent showers, unseasonable hurricane threatening

      our flight plans, against a sea heaving photogenically,

      straining at its chains like a monster in the flashbulbs, on wet stones

      astonishingly slick, we take selfies, post them, and can’t undo it.

      Meaning takes place in time. By elevated circumstance

      of Burtynsky’s drone helicopters, revolutionary lenses

      pester Alberta’s tar sands, sulphur ponds’ rhapsodic upturned faces,

      photographs that happen in our name and in the name

      of composition. Foreground entered at distance, the eye surveils

      the McMurray Formation’s freestanding ruin mid-aspect

      to an infinity of abstraction. A physical symptom assails

      our vocabulary and things acquire a literal feeling from which

      one does not recover. Mineral dissolution, complete. Accommodation space,

      low. Confinement, relatively broad, extremely complex stratigraphy,

      reservoirs stacked and composite. An area roughly the size

      of England stripped of boreal forest and muskeg, unburdened

      by hydraulic rope shovels of its overburden. Humiliated,

      blinded, walking in circles. Cycle of soak and dry and residue.

      The will creates effects no will can overturn, and that seem,

      with the passage of time, necessary, as the past assumes

      a pattern. Thought approaches the future and the future,

      like a heavy unconventional oil, advances. Hello infrastructure,

      Dodge Ram 1500, no one else wants to get killed on Highway 63,

      the all-weather road by the Wandering River where earthmovers remain

      unmoved by our schedules. White crosses in the ditches,

      white crosses in the glove box. The west stands for relocation, the east

      for lost causes. Would you conspire to serve tourists in a fish restaurant

      the rest of your life? I thought not. Drinks are on us bushpigs now,

      though this camp is no place for a tradesman. Devon’s Jackfish is five-star,

      an obvious exception. But McKenzie, Voyageur, Millennium, Borealis—


      years ago we would have burned them to the ground. Suncor Firebag

      has WiFi, but will track usage. Guard towers and turnstiles at Wapasu—

      we’re guests, after all, not prisoners, right?

      Efficiently squalid, briskly producing raw sewage, black mould,

      botulism, fleas, remorse, madness, lethargy, mud, it’s not

      a spiritual home, this bleach taste in the waterglass, layered garments,

      fried food, bitter complaint in plywood drop-ceiling bedrooms strung out

      on whatever and general offence and why doesn’t anyone smoke

      anymore. Dealers and prostitutes cultivate their terms

      organically, as demand matures. The Athabasca River’s colour isn’t good.

      Should we not encourage a healthy dread of the wild places?

      Consider the operator crushed by a slab of ice, our electrician mauled

      by a bear at the frontlines of project expansion

      into the inhumane forest. Fear not, we are worth more than many sparrows.

      They pay for insignificance with their lives. It’s the structure.

      Jackpine Mine photographs beautifully on the shoulders of the day,

      in the minutes before sunset it’s still legal to hunt. One might,

      like Caspar David Friedrich’s Wanderer, at a certain remove

      from principal events, cut a sensitive figure in the presence

      of the sublime. Except you can smell it down here. Corrosive

      vapours unexpectedly distributed, caustic particulate infiltrates

      your mood. As does the tar sands beetle whose bite scars, from whom

      grown men run. Attracted by the same sorrowful chemical compound

      emitted by damaged trees on which it feeds, its aural signature

      approximates the rasp of causatum rubbing its parts together.

      The only other living thing in situ, in the open pit where swims

      the bitumen, extra brilliant, dense, massive, in the Greek asphaltos,

      “to make stable,” “to secure.” Pharmacist’s earth that resists decay,

      resolves and attenuates, cleanses wounds. Once used to burn

      the houses of our enemies, upgraded now to refinery-ready feedstock,

      raw crude flowing through channels of production and distribution.

      Combustion is our style. It steers all things from the black grave

      of Athabasca Wabiskaw. Cold Lake. Rail lines of

      Lac-Mégantic. The optics are bad. We’re all downstream now.

      Action resembles waiting for a decision made

      on our behalf, then despair after the fact. Despair which,

     


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