Though she was known to some
As the toughest white bitch
In Orleans Parish,
And proud of it.
After that, the other brothers in the gang
Gotta go somewhere
And Big Chief Alabama’s got all the paraphernalia
From the bead workshop,
So his lawyer say,
“Look, I’ll run ya home.”
And she goes and gets her car from that parkin’ lot
Over on Elysian Fields
And they be loadin’ up the car with all the bead stuff
And Alabama’s gorgeous purple headdress,
Which he’d removed to do the heavy liftin’
And some drunk fool come through and
Run into both of ’em and knock ’em down.
They drop what they loadin’
And when they look down,
They’s a crack pipe on the ground
Along with all the beads and feathers
And his lawyer’s big black tote bag.
And two white po-lice be hangin’ on the corner.
Two cops from the same Po-lice department that
Not so long before had busted two well-known artists,
(One a teacher at the New Orleans Center for the Creative Arts)
Down by the Santa Fe Restaurant
For walkin’ while gay—
And they spent four whole days in Orleans Parish Prison,
Fendin’ off insults and advances from the
Very ones that put ’em in there.
Now THAT ain’ right!
Well, them same two white po-lice come runnin’.
Help the chief up,
Dust off the lawyer chick
And see that pipe.
So they happen to look in the front seat of the car
And they see somethin’ green
In a plastic bag, which they claim is pot,
Which, if it is, makes it okay
To search the rest of the car
And they say they find
Two big fat rocks o’ crack cocaine
In the trunk with Alabama’s kiddy workshop stuff,
Even though Big Chief Alabama was at the time
A member in good standing
Of Narcotics Anonymous
And his angel and mouthpiece and lawyer-chick
Was a member in good standing
Of the Louisiana State Bar
(Though that don’t necessarily mean nothin’)—
And they know that rock’s a plant.
’Cause somebody don’ like somebody—
But that don’ mean nothin’
And both they skinny asses end up in Central Lockup.
Now ain’t that a bitch?
No wonder nothin’ else went right that year.
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AND WE LISTEN TO OUR READERS
We’ll give you your money back if you find as many as five errors in this book. (That’s five verified errors—punctuation or spelling that leaves no room for judgment calls or alternatives.)
If you find more than five, we’ll give you a dollar for every one you catch up to twenty.
More than that and we reproof and remake the book. Email julie@booksbnimble.com and it shall be done!
PI on a HOT TIN ROOF is the fourth book in the Talba Wallis series. The first is LOUISIANA HOTSHOT. Look for it at www.booksbnimble.com
“A stroke of genius. Louisiana Hotshot is fresh, fast, and touching. Just like New Orleans, it has a lot of ’tude and a big heart.”
—The Times-Picayune (New Orleans)
The Talba Wallis books are a spinoff of the SKIP LANGDON series. The first book in which Talba actually appears is 82 DESIRE. Find it at www.booksbnimble.com
"EXCELLENT ENTERTAINMENT… 82 Desire is fresh and fast paced, gently funny and often touching. In it, Skip Langdon and her creator, Julie Smith, are at their peak”
—The Times-Picayune (New Orleans)
The Talba Wallis Series
LOUISIANA HOTSHOT
LOUISIANA BIGSHOT
LOUISIANA LAMENT
P.I. ON A HOT TIN ROOF
Also by Julie Smith:
The Skip Langdon Series
NEW ORLEANS MOURNING
THE AXEMAN’S JAZZ
JAZZ FUNERAL
DEATH BEFORE FACEBOOK
(formerly NEW ORLEANS BEAT)
HOUSE OF BLUES
THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS
CRESCENT CITY CONNECTION
(formerly CRESCENT CITY KILL)
82 DESIRE
MEAN WOMAN BLUES
The Rebecca Schwartz Series
DEATH TURNS A TRICK
THE SOURDOUGH WARS
TOURIST TRAP
DEAD IN THE WATER
OTHER PEOPLE’S SKELETONS
The Paul Mcdonald Series
TRUE-LIFE ADVENTURE
HUCKLEBERRY FIEND
As Well As
WRITING YOUR WAY: THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL TRACK
NEW ORLEANS NOIR (ed.)
And don’t miss ALWAYS OTHELLO, a Skip Langdon story, as well as the brand new short story, PRIVATE CHICK, which asks the question, “Is this country ready for a drag queen detective?” More info at www.booksBnimble.com.
Acknowledgments and
Another Author’s Note
Though this story takes place in the parallel universe of Talba Wallis’s New Orleans, I’ve tried, as always, to make it as realistic as possible, something I find I can never do without a platoon of kind informers, co-conspirators, and accomplices. Working with them is always not only a huge help, but a great delight—it’s such a pleasure to hear smart people talk about what they know.
All my thanks to Debra Allen, Glen Pitre, Mary Howell, Sam Dalton, Kathy Perry, Joe Delery, retired Captain Linda Buczek (NOPD), Grant Smith, Greg Herren, Ray Ladouceur, George Terrebonne, Laura Lippman, Steve Sidwell (for some of Buddy Champagne’s choicer expressions); and, as always, my husband, Lee Pryor (for a thousand things). All mistakes herein are mine and not theirs.
This book is a work of fiction, yet one thing it describes is very real indeed—the sad decline of Louisiana’s shrimping industry. We’re also a state famous for our colorful judges, and some have been convicted—or at least accused—of most of Buddy Champagne’s crimes and misdeeds. But no one judge, to my knowledge, has been so much as suspected of all of them. Buddy’s misbehavior is truly a composite, and to the extent that the character of Buddy himself was inspired by anybody, it’s a fictional character. I confess that, like Talba Wallis, I found he reminded me of Big Daddy in the Tennessee Williams play from which I borrowed my title.
About the Author
JULIE SMITH is a New Orleans writer and former reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle and the New Orleans Times-Picayune. NEW ORLEANS MOURNING, her first novel featuring New Orleans cop Skip Langdon, won the Edgar Allan Poe Award for Best Novel, and she has since published eight more highly acclaimed books in the series, plus spun off a second New Orleans series featuring PI and poet Talba Wallis.
She is also the author of the Rebecca Schwartz series and the Paul Mcdonald series, plus the YA novels CURSEBUSTERS! and EXPOSED. In addition to her novels, she’s written numerous essays and short stories and is the editor of NEW ORLEANS NOIR.
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