"Qui-Gon, wait!"
But he ignored his Padawan. He could not wait.
With this new sharpness of mind, he remembered the exact location of
the data room. He did not hesitate but threw open the door. He could hear
Obi-Wan only steps behind him, and he felt a stab of disappointment. He
wished Obi-Wan had stayed behind.
He wanted to meet Balog alone.
The squat, powerful man sat at a tech console. He spun around in his
chair, a look of surprise on his face. So Eritha had not been able to reach
him.
Qui-Gon took in the small dark eyes, the small pursed mouth, the
round head. He focused his hatred on this man. Here was the man who had
watched Tahl's health deteriorate slowly, day by agonizing day, and felt
nothing. Here was the man who had not recognized that he was slowly
crushing an extraordinary spirit.
This little, evil man.
The injustice of it staggered Qui-Gon. This man was alive. Tahl was
dead. His vision blurred at the emotion that roared inside him.
Balog rose, kicking his chair out of his way. He reached for the
blaster on his belt.
Qui-Gon smiled.
Obi-Wan stood next to him, his lightsaber held in a defensive stance,
waiting for Balog to make the first move.
With one hand, Balog reached over to activate the comm unit on the
tech console. "I need help in the data center. Send attack droids - "
With a casual gesture, Qui-Gon buried his lightsaber in the console.
Sparks flew, and smoke curled from the circuits.
Balog fired. Obi-Wan sprang forward to deflect it.
The blaster fire was nothing to Qui-Gon. It was merely a momentary
barrier between himself and Balog. Balog was his prey. A collection of skin
and muscles and bones that must be brought down in a heap.
His lightsaber moved like a trick of light, so fast that each stroke
was a memory. It was so easy to deflect Balog's pathetic fire. Panic rose
in Balog's eyes and made him clumsy. He dropped his blaster. He tried to
run, but his legs tangled in the chair he had kicked away. He fell with a
crash to the floor.
At last, Qui-Gon's enemy lay at his feet, just as he'd imagined. He
bring him so much satisfaction.
"No, Qui-Gon."
The voice seemed to come from far away, yet it was so close to his
ear. It confused him.
He turned and met Obi-Wan's eyes. He felt he was seeing him from a
great distance. Confusion swept over him.
Then it was as though clouds parted, and clarity came. He saw so much
in a moment. In his Padawan's steady glance he saw both fear and
compassion.
He was no longer far away. The distance compressed, and he was in the
same room with Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon returned to himself, and saw how far he had
gone. The dark side had risen in his blood. He had known it and encouraged
it. Shaking, he deactivated his lightsaber and tucked it back in his belt.
He had come close to taking a life out of revenge. Only he would know
how close. He would never forget it. He would never allow himself to forget
it.
Balog closed his eyes in relief. Obi-Wan stood over him and reached
for his comlink as Mace and Bant entered the room.
CHAPTER 18
The four Jedi stood on the landing platform high above the city of
New Apsolon. Qui-Gon looked down at the stately gray buildings, the curving
streets and wide boulevards. From high above it was easy to tell where the
grand Civilized Sector began and the smaller, twisting neighborhoods of the
Workers ended.
Manex had lent them the finest consular ship on New Apsolon, as well
as his personal pilot. Tahl's body had been loaded aboard in a small room
fragrant with native flowers. The Jedi would accompany her on her last
journey back to the Temple.
They left behind them a government still torn by division. Alani,
Eritha, and Balog had been arrested. There had been a huge outcry at the
arrest of the twins. Both Workers and many Civilized did not believe they
could be corrupt. Not the daughters of Ewane. lrini was recovering in a med
center, but charges had been filed against her. The Worker movement had
lost lrini and Lenz in one stroke. They were struggling to find new
leaders.
The turbolift doors opened and Manex stepped out. He was dressed in a
rich robe of his favorite shade of green. He walked forward and bowed to
the Jedi.
"The people of New Apsolon owe you a great debt," he said.
"There is still unrest on New Apsolon," Mace said. "But the
government will proceed with honesty."
Manex nodded. "The elections are now set for next week. Other
Legislators have stepped forward to run. I know the Absolute movement has
been damaged, but it has not disappeared completely. We still have enemies
to fight. No doubt there are more troubles ahead as the Committee to
Reinstate Justice deals with the list of Absolute informers. But I have
committed myself to my world. If I'm elected, I'll take up where Roan left
off."
"If you need us again, we will come," Mace told him.
Qui-Gon turned away. / will not be the one to come, he thought. He
would never return to New Apsolon again.
"We thank you for your transport," Mace said to Manex. "And for all
you have done."
Manex's brown eyes were full of sorrow. "I cannot begin to replace
what you lost here. I can only promise you my service for the rest of my
life, should you need it."
Manex signaled the pilot on board to lower the ramp of the ship.
Then, with a final bow, he walked away.
Qui-Gon stood a short distance from the others. He saw Bent move
closer to Obi-Wan.
"Is Qui-Gon all right?" she asked in a low, concerned tone.
"I don't know," his Padawan said. "But he will be."
Will I? Qui-Gon wondered with a curious detachment.
Obi-Wan glanced at Bant. "Are we all right?"
Qui-Gon felt that if it were possible for his heart to be touched, it
would be, at the warm look in Bant's eyes. He remembered when he and Tahl
had been that close.
"Of course," she told Obi-Wan.
He owed Obi-Wan a word, too. He called him over to his side.
"I need to thank you," he told him. "When I stood over Balog with
hate in my heart, you saved me. It was the sound of my name that brought me
back to myself."
Qui-Gon's heart swelled. It had been Tahl. Of course it had been
Tahl. The voice had been so near and yet so far away. It was her voice,
soft and warm, a voice he had heard rarely, and a tone, he now realized,
she had reserved only for him.
She was still with him. It should have helped him to know that. But
instead, fresh agony ripped through him. It was not enough to have her
voice in a time of need. He needed her physical presence. He needed her
warm and breathing, close enough to touch, near enough to exchange a
private smile.
Obi-Wan must have seen something on his face. He placed a hand on
Qui-Gon's shoulder. Qui-Gon did not feel the pressure. He did not want to
feel his Padawan's touch. He was grateful to Obi-Wan for his compassion. He
owed a debt to Mace and Bant for their silent understanding.
Yet he could not stand to be with them.
Qui-Gon turned away from them and strode up the ramp. He would spend
the journey back to Coruscant watching over Tahl alone.
He knew one thing: This grief must be borne, and it would not be a
load that lessened with time. It would appear and reappear. It would gather
and lose strength, and when he thought it was diminishing, it would rise
again. It was too big for Jedi acceptance to contain it.
And what does that mean, to be a Jedi and be unable to accept? Qui-
Gon wondered. It was a question for another time.
He entered the ship and did not look behind him. He was leaving on
New Apsolon the possibility of a different life, a life that he had looked
forward to with a joy he did not know existed in the galaxy. He would
return to the life he had, a life of solitary service. He did not know
where else to go.
He hoped to find satisfaction in that service again someday. That day
seemed far away. For now, he headed for the small room where Tahl lay for
his last, long good-bye.