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    Heart of Darkness

    Page 8
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    frightful gash; my shoes were full; a pool of blood

      lay very still, gleaming dark-red under the wheel; his

      eyes shone with an amazing lustre. The fusillade burst

      out again. He looked at me anxiously, gripping the

      spear like something precious, with an air of being

      afraid I would try to take it away from him. I had to

      make an effort to free my eyes from his gaze and

      attend to the steering. With one hand I felt above my

      head for the line of the steam whistle, and jerked out

      screech after screech hurriedly. The tumult of angry

      and warlike yells was checked instantly, and then from

      the depths of the woods went out such a tremulous

      and prolonged wail of mournful fear and utter despair

      as may be imagined to follow the flight of the last

      hope from the earth. There was a great commotion in

      the bush; the shower of arrows stopped, a few drop-

      ping shots rang out sharply -- then silence, in which

      the languid beat of the stern-wheel came plainly to

      my ears. I put the helm hard a-starboard at the mo-

      ment when the pilgrim in pink pyjamas, very hot and

      agitated, appeared in the doorway. 'The manager

      sends me --' he began in an official tone, and stopped

      short. 'Good God!' he said, glaring at the wounded

      man.

      "We two whites stood over him, and his lustrous

      and inquiring glance enveloped us both. I declare it

      looked as though he would presently put to us some

      question in an understandable language; but he died

      without uttering a sound, without moving a limb,

      without twitching a muscle. Only in the very last

      moment, as though in response to some sign we could

      not see, to some whisper we could not hear, he

      frowned heavily, and that frown gave to his black

      death-mask an inconceivably sombre, brooding, and

      menacing expression. The lustre of inquiring glance

      faded swiftly into vacant glassiness. 'Can you steer?'

      I asked the agent eagerly. He looked very dubious; but

      I made a grab at his arm, and he understood at once

      I meant him to steer whether or no. To tell you the

      truth, I was morbidly anxious to change my shoes and

      socks. 'He is dead,' murmured the fellow, immensely

      impressed. 'No doubt about it,' said I, tugging like

      mad at the shoe laces. 'And by the way, I suppose Mr.

      Kurtz is dead as well by this time.'

      "For the moment that was the dominant thought.

      There was a sense of extreme disappointment, as

      though I had found out I had been striving after some-

      thing altogether without a substance. I couldn't have

      been more disgusted if I had travelled all this way

      for the sole purpose of talking with Mr. Kurtz. Talk-

      ing with . . . I flung one shoe overboard, and became

      aware that that was exactly what I had been looking

      forward to -- a talk with Kurtz. I made the strange

      discovery that I had never imagined him as doing,

      you know, but as discoursing. I didn't say to myself,

      'Now I will never see him,' or 'Now I will never shake

      him by the hand,' but, 'Now I will never hear him.'

      The man presented himself as a voice. Not of course

      that I did not connect him with some sort of action.

      Hadn't I been told in all the tones of jealousy and

      admiration that he had collected, bartered, swindled,

      or stolen more ivory than all the other agents to-

      gether? That was not the point. The point was in his

      being a gifted creature, and that of all his gifts the

      one that stood out preeminently, that carried with it

      a sense of real presence, was his ability to talk, his

      words -- the gift of expression, the bewildering, the

      illuminating, the most exalted and the most con-

      temptible, the pulsating stream of light, or the deceit-

      ful flow from the heart of an impenetrable darkness.

      "The other shoe went flying unto the devil-god of

      that river. I thought, 'By Jove! it's all over. We are

      too late; he has vanished -- the gift has vanished, by

      means of some spear, arrow, or club. I will never hear

      that chap speak after all' -- and my sorrow had a star-

      tling extravagance of emotion, even such as I had

      noticed in the howling sorrow of these savages in the

      bush. I couldn't have felt more of lonely desolation

      somehow, had I been robbed of a belief or had missed

      my destiny in life.... Why do you sigh in this

      beastly way, somebody? Absurd? Well, absurd. Good

      Lord! mustn't a man ever -- Here, give me some

      tobacco."...

      There was a pause of profourd stillness, then a

      match flared, and Marlow's lean face appeared, worn,

      hollow, with downward folds and dropped eyelids,

      with an aspect of concentrated abtention; and as he

      took vigorous draws at his pipe, it seemed to retreat

      and advance out of the night in the regular flicker of

      tiny flame. The match went out.

      "Absurd!" he cried. "This is the worst of trying to

      tell.... Here you all are, each moored with two

      good addresses, like a hulk with two anchors, a butcher

      round one corner, a policeman round another, excel-

      lent appetites, and temperature normal -- you hear --

      normal from year's end to year's end. And you say,

      Absurd! Absurd be -- exploded! Absurd! My dear

      boys, what can you expect from a man who out of

      sheer nervousness had just flung overboard a pair of

      new shoes! Now I think of it, it is amazing I did not

      shed tears. I am, upon the whole, proud of my forti-

      tude. I was cut to the quick at the idea of having lost

      the inestimable privilege of listening to the gifted

      Kurtz. Of course I was wrong. The privilege was

      waiting for me. Oh, yes, I heard more than enough.

      And I was right, too. A voice. He was very little more

      than a voice. And I heard -- him -- it -- this voice -- other

      voices -- all of them were so little more than voices --

      and the memory of that time itself lingers around me,

      impalpable, like a dying vibration of one immense

      jabber, silly, atrocious, sordid, savage, or simply mean,

      without any kind of sense. Voices, voices -- even the

      girl herself -- now --"

      He was silent for a long time.

      "I laid the ghost of his gifts at last with a lie," he

      began, suddenly. "Girl! What? Did I mention a girl?

      Oh, she is out of it -- completely. They -- the women

      I mean -- are out of it -- should be out of it. We must

      help them to stay in that beautiful world of their own,

      lest ours gets worse. Oh, she had to be out of it. You

      should have heard the disinterred body of Mr. Kurtz

      saying, 'My Intended.' You would have perceived

      directly then how completely she was out of it. And

      the lofty frontal bone of Mr. Kurtz! They say the

      hair goes on growing sometimes, but this -- ah -- speci-

      men, was impressively bald. The wilderness had

      patted him on the head, and, behold, it was like a ball

      -- an ivory ball; it had caressed him, and -- lo! -- he

      had
    withered; it had taken him, loved him, embraced

      him, got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed

      his soul to its own by the inconceivable ceremonies of

      some devilish initiation. He was its spoiled and pam-

      pered favourite. Ivory? I should think so. Heaps of

      it, stacks of it. The old mud shanty was bursting with

      it. You would think there was not a single tusk left

      either above or below the ground in the whole

      country. 'Mostly fossil,' the manager had remarked,

      disparagingly. It was no more fossil than I am; but

      they call it fossil when it is dug up. It appears these

      niggers do bury the tusks sometimes -- but evidently

      they couldn't bury this parcel deep enough to save the

      gifted Mr. Kurtz from his fate. We filled the steam-

      boat with it, and had to pile a lot on the deck. Thus

      he could see and enjoy as long as he could see, because

      the appreciation of this favour had remained with him

      to the last. You should have heard him say, 'My

      ivory.' Oh, yes, I heard him. 'My Intended, my ivory,

      my station, my river, my --' everything belonged

      to him. It made me hold my breath in expectation of

      hearing the wilderness burst into a prodigious peal

      of laughter that would shake the fixed stars in their

      places. Everything belonged to him -- but that was a

      trifle. The thing was to know what he belonged to,

      how many powers of darkness claimed him for their

      own. That was the reflection that made you creepy all

      over. It was impossible -- it was not good for one either

      -- trying to imagine. He had taken a high seat amongst

      the devils of the land -- I mean literally. You can't

      understand. How could you? -- with solid pavement

      under your feet, surrounded by kind neighbours

      ready to cheer you or to fall on you, stepping deli-

      cately between the butcher and the policeman, in

      the holy terror of scandal and gallows and lunatic

      asylums -- how can you imagine what particular region

      of the first ages a man's untrammelled feet may take

      him into by the way of solitude -- utter solitude

      without a policeman -- by the way of silence -- utter

      silence, where no warning voice of a kind neighbour

      can be heard whispering of public opinion? These

      little things make all the great difference. When they

      are gone you must fall back upon your own innate

      strength, upon your own capacity for faithfulness. Of

      course you may be too much of a fool to go wrong --

      too dull even to know you are being assaulted by the

      powers of darkness. I take it, no fool ever made a

      bargain for his soul with the devil; the fool is too

      much of a fool, or the devil too much of a devil

      -- I don't know which. Or you may be such a

      thunderingly exalted creature as to be altogether

      deaf and blind to anything but heavenly sights and

      sounds. Then the earth for you is only a standing

      place -- and whether to be like this is your loss or

      your gain I won't pretend to say. But most of us are

      neither one nor the other. The earth for us is a

      place to live in, where we must put up with sights,

      with sounds, with smells, too, by Jove! -- breathe

      dead hippo, so to speak, and not be contaminated. And

      there, don't you see? Your strength comes in, the

      faith in your ability for the digging of unostentatious

      holes to bury the stuff in -- your power of devotion,

      not to yourself, but to an obscure back-breaking busi-

      ness. And that's difficult enough. Mind, I am not

      trying to excuse or even explain -- I am trying to ac-

      count to myself for -- for -- Mr. Kurtz -- for the shade

      of Mr. Kurtz. This initiated wraith from the back of

      Nowhere honoured me with its amazing confidence

      before it vanished altogether. This was because it

      could speak English to me. The original Kurtz had

      been educated partly in England, and -- as he was

      good enough to say himself -- his sympathies were in

      the right place. His mother was half-English, his

      father was half-French. All Europe contributed to

      the making of Kurtz; and by and by I learned

      that, most appropriately, the International Society

      for the Suppression of Savage Customs had intrusted

      him with the making of a report, for its future guid-

      ance. And he had written it, too. I've seen it. I've

      read it. It was eloquent, vibrating with eloquence,

      but too high-strung, I think. Seventeen pages of

      close writing he had found time for! But this must

      have been before his -- let us say -- nerves, went

      wrong, and caused him to preside at certain midnight

      dances ending with unspeakable rites, which -- as far

      as I reluctantly gathered from what I heard at various

      times -- were offered up to him -- do you under-

      stand? -- to Mr. Kurtz himself. But it was a beautiful

      piece of writing. The opening paragraph, however,

      in the light of later information, strikes me now as

      ominous. He began with the argument that we whites,

      from the point of development we had arrived at,

      'must necessarily appear to them [savages] in the

      nature of supernatural beings -- we approach them

      with the might as of a deity,' and so on, and so on. 'By

      the simple exercise of our will we can exert a power

      for good practically unbounded,' etc., etc. From that

      point he soared and took me with him. The peroration

      was magnificent, though difficult to remember, you

      know. It gave me the notion of an exotic Immensity

      ruled by an august Benevolence. It made me tingle

      with enthusiasm. This was the unbounded power of

      eloquence -- of words -- of burning noble words. There

      were no practical hints to interrupt the magic current

      of phrases, unless a kind of note at the foot of the last

      page, scrawled evidently much later, in an unsteady

      hand, may be regarded as the exposition of a method.

      It was very simple, and at the end of that moving

      appeal to every altruistic sentiment it blazed at you,

      luminous and terrifying, like a flash of lightning in a

      serene sky: 'Exterminate all the brutes!' The curious

      part was that he had apparently forgotten all about

      that valuable postscriptum, because, later on, when he

      in a sense came to himself, he repeatedly entreated me

      to take good care of 'my pamphlet' (he called it), as it

      was sure to have in the future a good influence upon

      his career. I had full information about all these

      things, and, besides, as it turned out, I was to have

      the care of his memory. I've done enough for it to

      give me the indisputable right to lay it, if I choose,

      for an everlasting rest in the dust-bin of progress,

      amongst all the sweepings and, figuratively speaking,

      all the dead cats of civilization. But then, you see, I

      can't choose. He won't be forgotten. Whatever he

      was, he was not common. He had the power to charm

      or frighten rudimentary souls into an aggravated

      witch-dance in his h
    onour; he could also fill the small

      souls of the pilgrims with bitter misgivings: he had

      one devoted friend at least, and he had conquered one

      soul in the world that was neither rudimentary nor

      tainted with self-seeking. No; I can't forget him,

      though I am not prepared to affirm the fellow was

      exactly worth the life we lost in getting to him. I

      missed my late helmsman awfully -- I missed him

      even while his body was still lying in the pilot-house.

      Perhaps you will think it passing strange this regret

      for a savage who was no more account than a grain of

      sand in a black Sahara. Well, don't you see, he had

      done something, he had steered; for months I had

      him at my back -- a help -- an instrument. It was a kind

      of partnership. He steered for me -- I had to look after

      him, I worried about his deficiencies, and thus a subtle

      bond had been created, of which I only became aware

      when it was suddenly broken. And the intimate pro-

      fundity of that look he gave me when he received his

      hurt remains to this day in my memory -- like a claim

      of distant kinship affirmed in a supreme moment.

      "Poor fool! If he had only left that shutter alone.

      He had no restraint, no restraint just like Kurtz -- a

      tree swayed by the wind. As soon as I had put on a dry

      pair of slippers, I dragged him out, after first jerking

      the spear out of his side, which operation I confess I

      performed with my eyes shut tight. His heels leaped

      together over the little doorstep; his shoulders were

      pressed to my breast; I hugged him from behind des-

      perately. Oh! he was heavy, heavy; heavier than any

      man on earth, I should imagine. Then without more

      ado I tipped him overboard. The current snatched

      him as though he had been a wisp of grass, and I saw

      the body roll over twice before I lost sight of it for

      ever. All the pilgrims and the manager were then

      congregated on the awning-deck about the pilot-house,

      chattering at each other like a flock of excited magpies,

      and there was a scandalized murmur at my heartless

      promptitude. What they wanted to keep that body

      hanging about for I can't guess. Embalm it, maybe.

      But I had also heard another, and a very ominous,

      murmur on the deck below. My friends the wood-

      cutters were likewise scandalized, and with a better

      show of reason -- though I admit that the reason itself

      was quite inadmissible. Oh, quite! I had made up my

      mind that if my late helmsman was to be eaten, the

      fishes alone should have him. He had been a very

      second-rate helmsman while alive, but now he was

      dead he might have become a first-class temptation,

      and possibly cause some startling trouble. Besides, I

      was anxious to take the wheel, the man in pink py-

      jamas showing himself a hopeless duffer at the busi-

      ness.

      "This I did directly the simple funeral was over.

      We were going half-speed, keeping right in the middle

      of the stream, and I listened to the talk about me.

      They had given up Kurtz, they had given up the

      station; Kurtz was dead, and the station had been

      burnt -- and so on -- and so on. The red-haired pilgrim

      was beside himself with the thought that at least this

      poor Kurtz had been properly avenged. 'Say! We

      must have made a glorious slaughter of them in the

      bush. Eh? What do you think? Say?' He positively

      danced, the bloodthirsty little gingery beggar. And

      he had nearly fainted when he saw the wounded man!

      I could not help saying, 'You made a glorious lot of

      smoke, anyhow.' I had seen, from the way the tops

      of the bushes rustled and flew, that almost all the

      shots had gone too high. You can't hit anything unless

      you take aim and fire from the shoulder; but these

      chaps fired from the hip with their eyes shut. The

      retreat, I maintained -- and I was right -- was caused

      by the screeching of the steam whistle. Upon this

      they forgot Kurtz, and began to howl at me with

      indignant protests.

      "The manager stood by the wheel murmuring con-

      fidentially about the necessity of getting well away

      down the river before dark at all events, when I saw

      in the distance a clearing on the riverside and the

      outlines of some sort of building. 'What's this?' I

      asked. He clapped his hands in wonder. 'The station!'

      he cried. I edged in at once, still going half-speed.

      "Through my glasses I saw the slope of a hill inter-

      spersed with rare trees and perfectly free from under-

      growth. A long decaying building on the summit was

      half buried in the high grass; the large holes in the

      peaked roof gaped black from afar; the jungle and

     


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