On the Rocks
Pub Fiction – Book 2
by
Gillian Jones
Copyright © 2015 Gillian Jones
Kindle Edition
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading and sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Inquiries please email gillianjonesauthor@gmail.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Gillian Jones is in no way affiliated with any brands, songs, musicians or artists mentioned in this book.
First eBook edition: Dec 2015
Editing: Quoth the Raven Writing Co., and Deliciously Wicked Editing Service
Cover design: © Ashbee Designs
Image: Shauna Kruse
Models: Josh McCann and Chelsea Kristine
Formatting: Paul Salvette
Dedication
To the two A.G.’s. You are everything…
Fall seven times, stand up eight.
—Japanese proverb
Always.
xx
“The person who completes suicide dies once. Those left behind die a thousand deaths, trying to relive those terrible moments and understand …why?”
(Clark 2001)
Playlist
(can be found on Spotify)
That Hump – Erykah Badu
Twisted – Keith Sweat
Adam’s Song – blink-182
Personal Jesus – Original Seven Inch Version – Depeche Mode
I Want to Believe – Sass Jordan
Guilty As Sin (explicit version) – Dan Talevski
Where Are Ü Now (with Justin Bieber) – Jack Ü, Skrillex, Diplo, Justin Bieber
You’re The One – Dondria
You Make Me – Avicii
Broken Ones – Jacquie Lee
I Cry – Flo Rida
Your Body Is a Wonderland – John Mayer
Lost On The Way Home (feat. Solange) – Chromeo, Solange
Riptide – Hot Appendix
Free Fallin’ – Tom Petty
Beside You – Phildel
Somebody – Depeche Mode
Sweet Lover – Justin Nozuka
Fade Into You – Mazzy Star
Handcuffs – Prince Royce
Where It All Begins (feat. Lady Antebellum) – Hunter Hayes, Lady Antebellum
Gone Away – The Offspring
Girls Just Want to Have Fun – Cyndi Lauper
Invincible – Hedley
Trip – Hedley
We Belong Together – Mariah Carey
Ice Cream – Sarah McLachlan
Angel – Sarah McLachlan
Follow Your Arrow – Kacey Musgraves
Heal – Tom Odell
Dark Times – The Weeknd, Ed Sheeran
Last Request – Paolo Nutini
Drop Your Guard – Nizlopi
So Deep – Kiesza
No Diggity – Chet Faker
A Real Hero – College & Electric Youth
Wonderwall – Oasis
Can’t Feel My Face – The Weeknd
Omen – Radio Edit – Disclosure, Sam Smith
Latch – Acoustic – Sam Smith
See You Again (feat. Charlie Puth) – Wiz Khalifa, Charlie Puth
Someone Like You – Adele
Fix You – Coldplay
Colorblind – Counting Crows
The Reason – Hoobastank
Broken – Seether
Mad World (Feat. Michael Andrews) – Gary Jules, Michael Andrews
Gravity – John Mayer
B.Y.O.B. – System of a Down
What Do You Mean? – Justin Bieber
Push – Matchbox Twenty
All of Me – John Legend
God Gave Me You – Blake Shelton
You And Me – Lifehouse
I’d Wait For Life – Take That
She Will Be Loved – Maroon 5
Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol
Learning To Love Again – Mat Kearney
Full Of Grace – Sarah McLachlan
Everything – Lifehouse
Yours – Ella Henderson
#Beautiful – Mariah Carey, Miguel
9 Crimes – Damien Rice
Want To Want Me – Juan Derulo
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Epigraph
Playlist
About the Book
Prologue: Braunwyn
Chapter 1: Braunwyn
Chapter 2: Braunwyn
Chapter 3: Braunwyn
Chapter 4: Braunwyn
Chapter 5: Levi
Chapter 6: Braunwyn
Chapter 7: Levi
Chapter 8: Braunwyn
Chapter 9: Braunwyn
Chapter 10: Levi
Chapter 11: Braunwyn
Chapter 12: Levi
Chapter 13: Braunwyn
Chapter 14: Braunwyn
Chapter 15: Levi
Chapter 16: Levi
Chapter 17: Braunwyn
Chapter 18: Levi
Chapter 19: Braunwyn
Chapter 20: Levi
Chapter 21: Braunwyn
Chapter 22: Levi
Chapter 23: Braunwyn
Chapter 24: Levi
Chapter 25: Braunwyn
Chapter 26: Levi
Chapter 27: Braunwyn
Chapter 28: Levi
Chapter 29: Braunwyn
Chapter 30: Levi
Chapter 31: Braunwyn
Chapter 32: Levi
Chapter 33: Braunwyn
Chapter 34: Braunwyn
Chapter 35: Levi
Chapter 36: Braunwyn
Chapter 37: Levi
Chapter 38: Braunwyn
Chapter 39: Braunwyn
Chapter 40: Levi
Chapter 41: Braunwyn
Chapter 42: Levi
Chapter 43: Braunwyn
Chapter 44: Levi
Chapter 45: Braunwyn
Chapter 46: Levi
Chapter 47: Braunwyn
Chapter 48: Levi
Chapter 49: Braunwyn
Chapter 50: Levi
Epilogue
The Facts
Talk to Someone
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
Find Me
About the Book
Braunwyn
Four years ago, losing the love of my life almost destroyed me.
Years of being labeled and looked upon with disdain by everyone in my hometown almost wrecked me.
Four years ago, I became a mother and together we were enough…until I met him.
He wanted to rebuild my broken—I just didn’t know how to let him.
This is my story, of how one man’s love changed everything I thought I knew about life, love and myself.
Can Levi Eddison prove to be my restoration?
Levi
Everything in my world changed the day Braunwyn Daniels walked into my pub.
She was a woman of many contradictions. I recognized the happiness and sorrow each fighting its way to the surface from deep within.
I was drawn to her immediately.
Behind her long legs, chestnut br
own hair and beautiful eyes lay a damaged soul.
I needed to change that—I just didn’t know how.
This is my story of how I met a broken girl and vowed to make her whole.
In the end, it turns out I knew nothing about true happiness until Braunwyn Daniels let me love her.
Prologue
Braunwyn
I stand stock-still as I read the letter, the words written in his messy scrawl. I can’t stop myself from reading it again and again, sentences I want to make disappear.
“Wynnie, don’t blame yourself.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Forgive me.”
Still not believing the words, or the fact that this is really happening, my eyes move over the rest of the letter. No, please. Shawn, no.
I close my eyes, my heart knows what my mind refuses to believe. He’s gone.
I read the blurred lines over and over through my tears, replaying the words like a song I can’t get out of my head.
“Don’t blame yourself.”
How can I not?
“Move on.”
How can I?
“I love you and our baby.”
If that’s true, then how could you do this to us?
“Find someone else who will take care of both of you.”
Why? Was I that terrible? How could you?
I stand in the living room of our shabby two-bedroom apartment in the small town of Mount Forest, watching, trying to listen as the coroner speaks to a police officer in the corridor. I watch as two body removal attendants wheel away a stretcher carrying a black bag, a bag that holds the body of my 18-year-old boyfriend.
No, please don’t take him. Please. I need him.
I’d come home from grocery shopping, planning on surprising Shawn with his favourite dinner, and excited to show him the new crib set I’d found on sale. It was perfect. The night I had planned was going to be low-key and relaxing. He’d been having a bad week, was moody, quiet, somewhat withdrawn. I was determined to cheer him up.
Once inside the apartment, an eerie feeling had passed through my body. Shaking it off, I dropped the shopping bags on the kitchen counter before running to the washroom. Always running to the washroom.
That’s when I found him. My Shawn. Lying in the bathtub, completely still, eyes open, his mouth somewhat ajar.
It took me a moment to comprehend the scene unfolding in front of me. To understand this was really happening, that this was real. That I needed to believe what I was seeing.
Blood.
So much blood.
Water.
Razor blades.
An envelope.
More blood.
So much blood.
My Shawn.
Dead.
“Oh, God,” is all I can manage as sobs wrack my body. I clench my swollen belly, trying to comfort our unborn daughter and myself, and fall to the ground clutching the suicide note.
Shawn’s suicide note. A note trying to explain what I will never understand. A note I still can’t believe I had the nerve to pick up off the floor.
The police officer touches my shoulder as she gently removes the crumpled paper and envelope from my shaking hand, bringing me back to the here and now. She helps me lie back on the carpet and then a paramedic appears from somewhere and slips a blood pressure cuff on me. It squeezes my left arm like a boa constrictor, but I don’t care. I hear their radios beeping and chattering.
What the hell am I going to do?
Chapter 1
Braunwyn
“Braun, honey you’re going to be late for your interview if we don’t all get moving.” Grams says, handing me a cup of steaming caffeinated goodness before she flips the last pancake onto a plate. “Why don’t you eat then get everything you need for the day, I’ll tend to Emme.”
I take the mug, steam billowing off the top. Thank you, Juan Valdez and friends, for bringing coffee to my mornings. I smile and take a sip. Its warmth fills my veins and causes me to sigh with pleasure. Glancing at the tiny microwave clock, I cringe. Shoot. Gram’s right. I have to hustle.
Today is a big day for the Daniels clan. I have my first job interview at a bar called Pub Fiction, and Emmerson is starting Junior Kindergarten. As for my Grams, she gets to bear witness to her girls venturing further out into the big bad world, outside of university and playgroups.
I’ll be starting back at Brock University next week, and I’m excited to be close to the finish line. It wasn’t easy staying on track after having a baby, but with Grams’ help and the genius of on-line courses, I’ve been able to keep on schedule. I did have to take a few summer classes, but it’s not like I was busy doing anything else other than being with my sweet Little Miss, so it worked out perfectly. I’m working toward my Masters Degree in Child and Youth studies to become a social worker.
As it’s my final year, I’ll have a bit more of a flexible timetable, especially since I don’t have a full course load—taking courses every summer definitely paid off. With Grams home at night, I’m able to get a job working evenings because Emmerson will most likely be sleeping by the time I’d have to start. If all goes well today and I get the job at Pub Fiction, that would be ideal. On top of wanting to pad my resume with some “human interactions”, I need all the money I can get.
Money for school has always come from government loans and scholarships, along with a few bursaries (and Grams when I’ve been desperate). I hate asking her especially after all she’s done, not that she minds. In fact, she’s always trying to give me money, saying: “it’s no good to me when I’m dead,” but I don’t take it unless I have to. Not after her taking us in and helping me out with Emmerson so much. It’s totally my hang-up; it’s something I struggle with. I hope I get this job so I can start making my own way.
I watch happily as Grams places cut-up pieces of pancakes and syrup in front of an excited Emmerson. I can’t believe my baby’s going to school.
“Oh, frhanks, Grams. I wove pancakes,” Emme says, stuffing her face and clapping, her hazel eyes open wide with excitement.
Laughing at Emme’s glee, I continue to enjoy our morning together. Smiling, I put my index fingers at the sides of my mouth, stretching it out as much as I can. I stick my tongue out at her, causing her to laugh harder before making a monkey face of her own. We continue making silly faces back and forth, rolling our eyes and snickering, all the while ignoring Grams’ reminders.
“All right, you two little troublemakers, we’ve got to settle down now. Emme, you need to eat, and your mommy needs to listen to her elders and get going. There won’t be time for all those pictures she’s going to want to take if we miss the bus.”
Emme giggles messily through a mouthful of syrup and blueberries, but is sitting up tall and managing to look all grown up in her first-day-of-school outfit. We found the cutest pair of pink overalls on sale at Baby Gap, along with a matching pink-and-white polka dot Henley to wear underneath. I topped it all off with the sweetest polka dotted headband to keep her golden ringlets out of her face. And, of course, the sparkly magenta Converse runners Grams insisted on buying, ones that match all of her pink outfits perfectly.
“I know. Does the camera have newer batteries? Do you think I should bring the extra memory card?” I hum, trying to remember where I put the package I bought last night. I cannot wait to update my phone to one that can take a decent photo.
I glance at the time on the microwave clock; I really do need to move it.
“Oh, Braun, honey, relax. I’ve got the camera all ready. I’ve packed the memory card and I’ve put the batteries I bought as well as the ones you bought in the bag too. I’d say we’re all set.” She taps Emmerson’s nose. “Are you planning on leaving your hair wavy today? It might save some time.”
“No, I think it’s better for the interview if it’s straight. I look better without the frizz. I’ll just take ten minutes or so to fix it up.”
“I think that will look nice, especially for all the pi
ctures,” she teases, knowing I hate my half-straight, half-wavy hair. I notice her holding her lower abdomen as she sits. I wish this stubborn woman would just go to the doctor; she’s been having pains on-and-off for months now.
“You need to make that doctor’s appointment, Grams. Don’t think I don’t see you wincing. Are you still getting those cramps?” I shoot her a knowing look, already aware of the answer.
“Yes, yes. I’ll call later. Just let’s focus on the importance of today,” she says, shutting me down. “Go straighten your hair. You haven’t a thing to worry about.” She eyes me, ensuring I catch her double meaning, “I think we’ll be okay for ten or so minutes on our own. Emme and I won’t wreck the place…will we?” Gram teases, her blue eyes twinkling as she looks between Emmerson and me, making me smile. This woman…
“I know, Grams but it’s her first day, I just want all the time I can get. It’s going to be so strange not seeing her all day. You know?” I pout, feeling my stomach drop at the thought.
“I know you’re going to miss her, I will too. Nothing is harder than seeing your babies grow up before you’re ready. Believe me. But unfortunately we can’t stop time from moving on, all we can do is appreciate the here and now. And in this here and in this now we are losing precious time. Now go, Miss-I’m-Gonna-Make-Us-Late.” Grams’ voice becomes a fluctuating and deceptively sweet singsong as she shoos me from the kitchen with a touch of menace, her spatula in hand.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m going.” I raise my hands in surrender and inch back toward the basement door while continuing to make silly faces at Emmerson, causing her to laugh and squeal. I grab a last sip from my coffee mug before putting it on the counter and running downstairs to my apartment.
I don’t know what I would have done without my Grams, she’s the most incredibly giving and caring person I know. Shortly after Emmerson and I moved in, Grams decided I needed my own space, a little place to call my own. Not because she didn’t want us upstairs with her, no, quite the opposite actually. Emmerson has two bedrooms in this house. One downstairs with me and the other upstairs on the third-floor with Grams. This way, Emme can have sleepovers anytime she wants.