‘Well,’ he said, ‘I hope you manage to rearrange your Saturday evening. Who else is going to dinner?’
‘As of last night, Jon and Romy. I was going to take Stephen but obviously…’
There was a pause before he spoke. ‘Obviously what?’ he asked.
My grip tightened on the telephone. ‘Obviously, Hugh, I can’t take Stephen because I’ve told him to piss off.’
‘I see, yes.’
‘Sorry,’ I said, rubbing my eyes, ‘I’m just a bit tired.’
‘Hmm,’ he sounded distracted.
‘Go on. You must be busy, with patients to see,’ I sighed. ‘I won’t keep you.’
‘All of my patients, as you call them, are dead,’ said Hugh. ‘They’re in no hurry.’
I smiled but it was beyond me to reward him with laughter. ‘That’s funny, Hugh,’ I said. ‘And I’m being sincere.’
‘You sound disgruntled,’ he said.
‘I am disgruntled,’ I replied.
‘I’ll come,’ he said.
‘What?’
‘I’ll come to dinner with you on Saturday.’
‘But what about your thing?’
‘I’ve thought about it and I would rather come to your thing,’ he said. ‘Now, I have to go because, although all my patients are dead, there are several people waiting for me who are not. Text me all the details and I’ll arrange a taxi for us from your flat.’
‘You don’t have to come just to be nice, you know,’ I said. ‘I don’t want you cancelling something important just because I’m being moody.’
‘I wouldn’t do that,’ he said. ‘I would rather come to dinner with you than go to the college dinner, so that’s what I’m going to do.’
‘Oh… OK.’
He said goodbye and, before I could reciprocate, I heard the dialling tone.
I put down the phone, lowered my head and placed my cheek on the cool surface of the desk. It was a surprisingly calming sensation. I took several deep breaths and reflected upon my conversation with Hugh. Perhaps I should be more like him; more straightforward, simplistic, direct. He judged a situation, considered the options, reached a conclusion and then told it like it was. Yes, he could do with a little more humour and tact at times but he had acknowledged these shortcomings and worked hard to address them. Hugh had a clarity of purpose and approach which I envied. He spotted problems and potential problems early and sought speedy, or even pre-emptive, solutions. In contrast, my issues seemed to crash down on me like pianos from first floor windows. By the time I spotted them and thought about dealing with them, they were usually crushing the life-breath out of me.
I lifted my head as I heard Sophie and David climbing the stairs: no conversation, just footsteps.
I smoothed my hair and attempted to appear busy and brisk. ‘Good morning,’ I said brightly as they entered. ‘How did that go?’
David looked at me. ‘Very productive, thank you.’
I looked at Sophie. She offered me a smile and nodded.
‘Marvellous,’ I said.
David went into his office and closed the door. Sophie turned on her computer. I suppressed a rising urge to scream.
‘Your Saturday’s sorted then,’ said Sophie suddenly.
I looked at her. ‘Who told you that?’
‘No one,’ she shrugged. ‘I was just wondering.’
‘Good. So you found someone to take?’
I frowned at her. ‘How did you know that I was looking for someone to take?’
‘I didn’t,’ she smiled. ‘It was an enquiry not a statement. God, I really must work on my intonation.’
I had a sense that she hadn’t quite answered the question posed, but as I didn’t have the energy for arguing semantics, I let it go. ‘I’m taking Hugh, and Jon is taking Romy because he and Suzanna are no longer together.’ Sophie nodded. ‘In any sense,’ I added significantly. ‘She will not be visiting him this weekend.’
She nodded again. For someone so intrigued by the topic just twenty-four hours earlier, she now seemed to be teetering remarkably close to the edge of disinterest.
‘Well,’ I sighed, turning in my chair to face my screen, ‘I’ll be getting on then.’
‘Nothing else to report?’ she asked.
I looked up to find her now peering at me intently. I knew I could trust her implicitly, both to give sensible, considered advice and to be entirely discreet and maintain a confidence. I could, if I chose, confess to her my feelings for Jon, and share the crushing sense of defeat and disappointment I felt upon realising that they weren’t reciprocated. But what would be the point of that? She couldn’t change the situation any more than I could and besides, she had enough worries of her own.
‘Nothing else,’ I said, shaking my head and forcing a smile. ‘Just business as usual.’
Chapter 52
I hesitated for just a moment before picking up the phone from my bed. ‘Hi, Miriam.’
‘Hello!’ she replied excitedly. ‘I’m so glad I’ve caught you.’
I smiled. ‘OK, but before you start, you should know that I’m still in my bathrobe and that Hugh and the taxi will be here in less than twenty minutes.’
‘I know, I know and it’s only a quickie, I promise,’ she laughed. ‘It’s just that I haven’t heard from you all week and I’m itching for a gossip about your dinner this evening!’
I experienced an immediate, and highly uncomfortable, mixture of guilt and dread. Miriam had texted me three times during the week with various bits of news, each time also telling me how excited Romy was about her evening out with Jon, Hugh and myself. I, meanwhile, had been doing my best to forget about the event and to stifle wholly unjustified feelings of negativity towards Romy – with distressingly little success. And I was now starting to dread the evening to such an extent that if Hugh hadn’t been missing an important dinner engagement to keep me company, I would have cancelled without hesitation. The last thing I therefore wanted right now was to be having this conversation with Miriam. Despite my feelings of guilt, I cursed myself for answering the call.
‘Look, I’m sorry for not calling, Miriam, but work is insane at the moment,’ I said.
‘Oh, that’s OK,’ she said generously. ‘I know you’re really busy and I know you’re rushing now, but you will tell me how it all goes, won’t you?’ Her voice had reached squeak pitch.
I heard Craig say something in the background. Miriam laughed. ‘Hang on a moment, Alice… I am not turning into my mother, Craig!’ she called. I heard another indistinct response and then more laughter. ‘Sorry, Alice,’ she said. ‘Craig doesn’t quite share my enthusiasm for romance. Although, to be fair, he did buy me flowers yesterday.’
‘That was nice,’ I said, grateful for an opportunity to change topic. ‘What kind of flowers?’
‘A bouquet. I’ll text you a pic. But anyway, call me as soon as you can for a debrief.’
I sighed and flopped down on the bed. ‘Why not just let Romy tell you herself?’
‘Oh, she won’t tell me anything,’ she huffed. ‘She’s forever accusing me of being nosy and interfering.’
‘I wonder why,’ I murmured.
‘I know I’m dreadful,’ she giggled. ‘But I can tell she’s really excited about this evening. She’s usually as cool as a cucumber but she’s just not today. It took her quite a while to decide whether to wear her green dress or a floral one.’
‘Ooh,’ I said, ‘call the fire brigade.’
She laughed again. ‘I know you think I’m silly, but she’s my little sister and I just want the very best for her.’ She sighed audibly. ‘If it was just about looks, they’re a match made in heaven. They look like something out of a magazine when they’re sitting next to each other, don’t they?’
‘Yes,’ I admitted, ‘they do. So does Romy think he’s keen?’ I asked after a moment, steeling myself for the reply, aware of the internal agony it m
ight cause.
‘Oh,’ Miriam sounded disappointed, ‘I was hoping he might have had a chat with you about it.’
‘No,’ I said, with a certain amount of relief. ‘I haven’t had a chance to chat with anyone about anything all week.’
‘Well, you know what Romy’s like,’ tutted Miriam. ‘She’d never declare it if she thought he liked her. But at the same time, I don’t think she’d be this excited if she thought there was no hope. Besides, how could he not be attracted to her?’
‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘He’d have to be made of marble, wouldn’t he?’
‘Exactly!’ she exclaimed and then sighed again. ‘I know I’m biased. Alice, but she is lovely, isn’t she?’
‘She is,’ I acknowledged sullenly, now desperate for the conversation to end. ‘But I must go, Miriam, or I shan’t look lovely in the least. At the moment,’ I stood up and inspected myself in the full-length mirror which hung on my bedroom wall, ‘I look like a crack addict.’ I leaned towards the mirror and homed-in on the dark circles under my eyes. ‘A crack addict with a heavy cold. There isn’t enough Touche Eclat in the country to hide these bags. They’re more suitcases than bags actually.’
‘Oh, Alice,’ Miriam went into mother mode, ‘you’ve been so brave about everything that I forget what you’ve been through. I’m sorry. Are you sleeping OK?’
I came over all Hugh. ‘No, I’m not,’ I said. ‘I am sleeping really badly.’
‘Gosh,’ said Miriam, ‘you must be exhausted.’
‘I am,’ I said petulantly. ‘Anyway, I’d really better go or I’ll be wearing aged towelling to dinner. I know no one will be looking at me, but I’d better make some sort of effort.’
There was silence for a moment before she spoke. ‘You’ll look beautiful,’ she said quietly. ‘You always do. And you don’t realise it, which just adds to it. Romy was saying earlier this evening how very beautiful you are. We both loved that dress you wore to the book group dinner. Apparently Jon commented on it too. Romy was wondering if you’d mind her buying one like it – but in russet, I think. She’ll probably ask you about it this evening.’
I bit my lip, feeling both anguished and complimented, as well as guilty for my lack of patience with Miriam, who was always so supportive and well-meaning. ‘Of course, I wouldn’t mind. I’d be flattered.’
‘Lovely,’ she said. ‘Anyway, I’ll stop pestering you and let you go and gild the lily.’
‘Bye, then. Oh and it’ll probably be too late to run through my notes with you tonight. But I promise I’ll call tomorrow.’
‘You’re a star,’ she laughed. ‘Have fun.’
‘I’ll try. Bye.’ And with that, I hung up the phone, pulled both myself and my bathrobe together, and headed into the bathroom in search of cosmetics.
Chapter 53
‘I am considering inviting Romy out and I should be grateful for your thoughts.’
We had left the restaurant, said our farewells to Jon and Romy, and Hugh was walking me home when he made the shock announcement. It took me completely by surprise and for a moment I was lost for words.
‘Inviting her out?’ I managed at last.
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘And I would be grateful for your thoughts.’
I decided some clarification was required. ‘Do you mean you are considering inviting her on an outing for two people who share a common interest? Or on an outing for two people who are attracted to each other?’
‘I mean the latter,’ he said. ‘I find her very attractive.’
I resisted an urge to slap my hand against my forehead and groan. Romy had, that evening, looked particularly stunning. She was often described as effortlessly beautiful, but I realised that Miriam had perhaps been right about the importance with which she viewed her date with Jon, as an effort had clearly been made. Dressed in an understated, but impeccably fitted, olive-green silk shift dress, her long red curls had been swept up and held in place by invisible pins and five or six visible diamante flower clips. The result was quite breath-taking and, at the same time, strangely and unexpectedly calming. I had left home with Hugh, fearing that I would spend the evening consumed by feelings of bitterness and rivalry towards one of the most lovely people I knew. However, immediately I set eyes on her, all sense of resentment and competition fell away. How could I compete with that? She was a worthy winner. And so I had shrugged internally and retired gracefully, without even approaching the start line.
I sighed. ‘Look Hugh, lots of men find Romy very attractive. She gets a lot of offers,’ I added, in preparation for trying to dissuade him from chancing his arm.
‘I have no doubt,’ he said. ‘So, what would you advise?’
‘Well,’ I said, feeling increasingly out of my comfort zone and conscious of a growing sense of responsibility, ‘as I say, she’s very popular but I’m aware of only two serious relationships. And I’m not sure those men were quite like you. Not quite as thoughtful, or as intellectual as you, I mean. It’s hard to say what her type is. Although, I do wonder if she and Jon might be quite attracted to each other. Did you notice that?’ My heart sank a little at the recollection of the numerous, unmissable knowing looks and smiles which had been exchanged by Jon and Romy during the meal, together with a certain shyness and awkwardness I had not seen in her before.
Hugh shook his head. ‘I detected nothing.’
I stifled another sigh. ‘Really? Because it seemed to me that they were getting on very well indeed and well, you know, I think there’s potential there. So I just wonder…’ I heard myself beginning to gabble and took a deep breath before continuing more slowly. ‘I just wonder if it might be best to hold back for the moment and give yourself a chance to work out the lie of the land.’ I turned and smiled up at him, feeling that despite my aversion to this kind of discussion, I wasn’t doing too badly.
He looked down at me, his face registering no emotion. ‘When I said I wanted your thoughts,’ he said, ‘I meant regarding where I should take her on a date.’
‘Oh.’
‘Not whether you thought I was too boring for her.’
‘I see.’ Only the fact that we were walking quite briskly prevented my toes from curling.
‘I believe she is attracted to me.’
‘Ooh.’
‘You clearly do not,’ he said.
‘Hmm, well, it’s so difficult to say, isn’t it? I’m absolutely rubbish at that kind of thing.’
‘I very much suspect you are,’ he said.
‘Well, why ask me, then?’ I said, feeling affronted.
‘I’ve just told you. I wasn’t asking for personal advice. I was asking for recommendations regarding days out. You know her quite well. You must have an idea of what she would enjoy.’
‘Well, if you’re determined to go for it…’
‘And I am,’ he said flatly.
‘Well, why don’t you offer her a tour of the abattoir, or whatever it’s called, and then take her to the theatre?’ I suggested, giving the matter genuine thought, despite knowing full well that his chances of success were hovering around the zero mark. ‘See if there’s anything on at the Old Vic – she loves theatre. Or do the harbour walk if it’s fine, then have a drink outside – or on one of the boats.’
We walked on in silence for a short way, whilst he considered his options and I reflected that my main concern was not that Romy would turn Hugh down flat but that she would accept the invitation, failing to recognise his romantic interest, cloaked, as it almost certainly would be, by his on-the-spectrum manner. That situation, I thought, would be painful for everyone. I decided not to beat about the bush but to instead voice this concern with Hugh-like candour.
‘You must be clear with Romy that this is a date,’ I said. ‘As opposed to a matey walking tour of death, followed by food.’
He nodded. ‘I’ll be clear,’ he said. ‘But I have asked women out on dates before, you know.’
‘Any of them ever said yes?’ I asked.
‘No
t one,’ he said.
I looked at him and smiled.
‘In fact,’ he said, ‘they all said yes. I never ask unless I’m certain to my own satisfaction that they’ll agree to a date,’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t want to risk their embarrassment, or my feelings.’
I looked up at him and it occurred to me that whenever I thought I had Hugh’s personality type pegged, he threw something in to upset the Myers Briggs applecart. ‘And you’re certain about Romy?’ I asked gently. ‘You wouldn’t like me to do some fishing first?’
He smiled. ‘I hope you won’t be offended, Alice, when I say that I suspect you would be either highly ineffective, or highly unsubtle, when it came to fishing. So, if you don’t mind, I think I’d like to handle this one by myself.’ And with that, he held out his left arm for me to link, and the last Myers Briggs apple tumbled into the gutter.
* * *
Hugh stayed for coffee, calling a taxi at just after eleven. I waved him off fifteen minutes later, reflecting that, overall, I had enjoyed the evening, and the company of all three friends, despite the slightly painful circumstances.
I had brushed my teeth and was just climbing into bed when the phone rang. It was Miriam. I sighed wearily but answered nevertheless.
‘Hello, Miriam,’ I said.
‘Hello, it’s me… Miriam,’ she giggled, making it immediately apparent that she had been drinking. Probably no more than a glass or two, but with Miriam that was all it took to prompt either giggling, gross indiscretion – or both. ‘And I’m whispering, so Romy can’t hear.’
‘Cunning like a fox,’ I said. ‘You after details?’
‘No need,’ she replied. ‘I was phoning to say that Romy came home full of it. Couldn’t stop talking about him.’
I lay back on the pillow and closed my eyes. ‘Really? You didn’t expect that, did you?’
‘No,’ she said, sounding suddenly subdued. ‘She likes him a lot, Alice. Could you tell?’
I took a deep breath. ‘Well, there was nothing too obvious; just the odd smile, as if they had a shared secret.’ With my eyes still closed, I was unable to keep an image of Jon smiling from entering my mind and I sighed over an evening spent constantly keeping myself emotionally and physically in check. More than once, I had found myself leaning involuntarily towards him, watching a mouth I desperately wanted to kiss, forming words, rather than listening to the words themselves. I opened my eyes, dragging myself back to the conversation with Miriam. ‘I think I spotted something between them because I know them both so—’