Barry Loser and the trouble with Pets

  ‘Loser!’ I said, waiting for Margot to realise I was the one whose dog she’d stolen.

  But instead of that, she just shook her head. ‘Silly me,’ she chuckled to herself. ‘For a second there I thought I’d found the owner of that dog.’

  She pointed over her shoulder to where Hamburger had been sitting. ‘His name was Barry Harumpadunk though.’

  I rewound my brain to the other day, when I’d pretended my second name was Harumpadunk. ‘That’s me!’ I cried. ‘I’m Barry Harumpadunk!’

  ‘Eh?’ said Margot. ‘I thought you said your name was Loser?’

  ‘It is,’ I said. ‘I mean, that’s my real name. I only pretended it was Harumpadunk so you wouldn’t laugh.’

  ‘But Harumpadunk’s even worse than Loser,’ said Margot, her glasses going all confused.

  I ripped my flat cap off my head and wriggled out of Anton’s jumper.

  ‘Wait a millikeels,’ I said, wiping the chocolate moustache off my lip. ‘So you didn’t steal Hamburger after all?’

  The Doggy Walk Wiggle

  By the time Margot had explained how she’d found Hamburger walking around Mogden the day before, then phoned round everywhere trying to find a boy called Barry Harumpadunk so she could give him back, Banana Moon had finished playing and the lights had come back on.

  DJ Dongles tapped her mike. ‘That’s it for this week, ladies and gents,’ boomed her voice. ‘See you same time next Sunday!’

  Bunky passed me Hamburger and I gave him a cuddle, the way my mum gives me one every day after school.

  ‘Oh Burger,’ I cooed. ‘I’m sorry I got all grumpy with you. Will you ever forgive me?’

  Hamburger woofed and licked my face. ‘I reckon he still likes you,’ chuckled Margot. ‘Hamby, fetch Barry a biccie, there’s a good pooch.’

  The little dog jumped out of my arms and zig-zagged over to the snack table, coming back with a Feeko’s chocolate digestive in his mouth. He dropped it at my feet and grinned up at me.

  ‘How in the name of keelness did you teach him to do that?’ I gasped, picking up the drool-covered snack.

  ‘Easy,’ said Margot, whipping a non-drool-covered biscuit out of her pocket and throwing it into Hamburger’s mouth. ‘I spoil him!’

  Bunky and Nancy wandered over with Fay and Anton, Darren wobbling behind. ‘So . . .’ said Nancy. ‘Everything alright with us now?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I smiled. ‘Who cares if I’m a gooseBarry. It doesn’t stop us being friends . . . does it?’

  ‘Course not!’ smiled Bunky, and I was just about to ask where Sharonella was when I spotted her on the other side of the room, whispering something into DJ Dongles’s ear.

  Mrs Dongle nodded and clicked the lights back off.

  ‘I’m dying!’ croaked an old grandad from the dance floor, then he realised it was just the lights going out.

  Sharonella skipped over to us and grinned. ‘Ready for the Doggy Walk Wiggle?’ she said, and DJ Dongles pressed a button on her music machine.

  ‘Hey, Margot,’ I said, as the Future Ratboy music started to boom out of the speakers. ‘Anytime you wanna see Hamburger, just let me know.’

  Margot gave me a thumbs-up and Hamburger wagged his tail, wee spraying everywhere.

  I looked at my friends, all jiggling on the dance floor, and smiled. ‘I love you guys,’ I thought inside my head.

  And even though I knew they couldn’t hear me, I reckon they definitely knew.

  The end

  BTW, everyone split up a week later.

  About the author and drawer

  Jim Smith is the keelest kids’ book author and drawer in the whole wide world amen.

  He graduated from art school with first class honours (the best you can get) and went on to create the branding for a keel little chain of coffee shops.

  He’s also designed cards and gifts under the name Waldo Pancake.

  Jim’s dream job, apart from writing and drawing stupid little stories, would be to design a can of drink.