Happiness is a
skill you can develop!
Are you tired of self-help books that offer fuzzy anecdotes of inspiration, but leave you wondering what are science-based ways you can improve your life starting today?
Then this book is for you.
Jim McCarthy had a Stanford MBA and a successful career in Silicon Valley. But a cancer diagnosis suddenly changed his life, forcing him to ask questions such as
•How much longer will I live?
•What do I need to repair in my relationships?
•How can I use my work to help others?
•What, after all, would make me happy?
Since then, Jim has spent years studying the latest in neuroscience and psychology in an effort to understand what helps people thrive with abundant pleasure, purpose, and peace. His conclusion: Happiness is a skill you can develop.
Wanting to share his findings, Jim developed an innovative and highly acclaimed “Happiness Workshop,” which he has presented to organizations of all sizes across the U.S. and internationally. His talks aren’t just inspirational — participants take away proven strategies, science-based insights, and daily practices to lower their stress, boost their confidence, and find greater meaning.
Jim delivered the talk "What Cancer Taught Me About Happiness" at TEDx Oakland in November, 2018. You can watch the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0pulJf7Fl0
He has distilled what he’s learned from his research and his workshop experiences into the new book, Live Each Day: A Surprisingly Simple Guide to Happiness. It’s an intriguing, enjoyable, immediately applicable blueprint for anyone seeking to live more fully. Throughout Live Each Day, Jim encourages readers to explore intriguing questions through focused, thought-provoking writing activities, with the ultimate aim of helping each person design their own path to happiness.
Some Praise for
Live Each Day
“Captivating storytelling, intriguing questions, pioneering research, and deceptively doable daily practices — Live Each Day has something for everyone. Grounded in science, but coming from the heart, this book shows you not only how to be authentically happier; it’s a wake-up call to living your life to the absolute fullest.”
Randy Taran
Founder of Project Happiness and author of Emotional Advantage
“Live Each Day is an ambitious achievement. Jim McCarthy takes fascinating anecdotes from his intriguing career, and provides the reader with a robust framework to understand happiness. He is a Modern Elder, sharing his hard-earned wisdom while also asking the right questions. A must-read for anybody who seeks to find more pleasure and purpose in their life — at any age.”
Chip Conley
Strategic Advisor to Airbnb and Bestselling Author of Wisdom@Work: The Making of a Modern Elder
“I’ve read many books on happiness and living a better life, but Live each Day is different — providing the ideal balance of research, personal stories and practical insights. Jim is unique as a writer, showing deep authenticity and relatability, that brings out the humanity in all of us. I recommend this book to anyone who is tired of pursuing a happier life and who simply wants to remember the power to choose to be happy, right now, in the midst of real life.”
Ariane de Bonvoisin
Bestselling Author of The First 30 Days, Speaker and Executive Coach
“For happiness books it is one stop shopping … combining the common happiness activities with practices of depth, wisdom and profound insight. Written with humor, clarity, and humility, I know this great book will help many people live significantly better lives.”
Frederick Luskin, Ph.D.
Senior Consultant, Wellness and Health Promotion, Stanford University
“It would be hard to overstate the incredible value I got from this book. More than just a thoughtful read, Live Each Day is an action-provoking, life-changing vehicle. I highly recommend doing the activities with a close friend or loved one, as you will help each other uncover and implement changes to make your life more fulfilling, peaceful … and even fun.”
Heidi Roizen
Partner, DFJ Venture Capital
“I invited Jim McCarthy to give a TEDx talk. His talk was simply phenomenal — inspiring yet practical. I’m so happy to see that he’s taken his wealth of knowledge and condensed it into this book. A must-read for anybody seeking to lead an intentional life!”
Christopher Ategeka
Serial Entrepreneur, Founder/CEO UCOT Inc.
“With a healthy dose of humility and sense of humor, Jim McCarthy presents a roadmap to help us find meaning in life, live in the present, and connect with people and projects that matter to us. Jim does a terrific job translating complex psychological research into accessible but powerful action steps that can drastically improve your emotional well-being.”
Dr. Daniele V. Levy
Clinical Psychologist
“Jim McCarthy uses a Silicon Valley approach to ‘hack’ happiness. Innovative and practical, science-based but also personal — Live Each Day gives you the strategies and daily tactics to be both successful and happy. His Happiness Workshop was amazing, and this book is even better. Highly applicable for smart, hard-working people everywhere.”
Anil Sethi
Serial Entrepreneur, Founder and CEO at Ciitizen
“In Live Each Day, Jim expertly marries more esoteric happiness concepts with real-world tactics, weaving a highly-readable tapestry that not only inspires, but demands action. Ideal for the modern professional who sees the benefits of happiness in life and work, but needs a blueprint for how to make it happen.”
Chris Butsch
Author, The Millennial’s Guide to Making Happiness
“Jim’s Happiness Workshop helped me achieve a major breakthrough in my life a few years ago. Thanks to the writing and discussion activities, I found a greater sense of clarity on a vital decision I needed to make. I am delighted to see him expand his workshops with this book — sharing practical tools with a greater audience, while guiding readers to develop lasting habits in key areas of personal growth.”
Judith Duval
CEO, Media & Education Startup
“We all face challenges. Some of us know how to respond intelligently and bounce back. For the rest of us, we need Jim McCarthy. Jim’s teachings will help you reset your life, so you become more resilient, make wiser choices, and enjoy a more balanced, meaningful journey. Backed up by real world experience, Live Each Day is a practical guide that truly works. Gift a copy to anyone you love.”
Tony Surtees
Serial Entrepreneur, ex-Yahoo VP, Co-founder of Laava.id
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that neither the publisher nor the author is engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, medical, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Copyright © Jim McCarthy, 2019
All Rights Reserved
Published by: Happiness Media LLC, a Nevada Company
San Francisco, California
Email: HappinessMediaLLC@gmail.com
Text Design and Cover Design by: Mirko Pohle
www.MirkoPohle.com
Photo of Jim McCarthy by: Jason Fang
Library of Congress Control Number: 2019901637
ISBN-13: 978-1-7336750-0-0
Designed in the USA
No part of
this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the publisher or in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of any license permitting limited copying issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.
Please purchase only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrightable materials. The author appreciates your support of his rights.
Although the author has made every effort to provide accurate internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for third-party websites or their content.
TO MY PARENTS, ED AND JOAN McCARTHY
who have always loved and encouraged me, even when they did not understand what I was trying to do.
AND TO MY WIFE, STACY
who has taught me more about happiness than anybody.
Table of Contents
Happiness is a skill you can develop!
Some praise for Live Each Day
Publisher's Note:
Dedication
Contents
Introduction: How to Use This Book The Process: Writing and Exploration
The Process: Practices
Getting the Most Out of This Book
PART ONE: Purpose – Decide What You Want to Do
Chapter One: Live Like You Have Cancer Imagine Your Death Day
Chapter Two: Relationships Family, Friends, and Community
All You Need Is Kindness
How to Practice Compassion
Volunteer Work as a Compassion Practice
How Much Volunteer Work Should You Do?
To Live Long … Be Kind
The Wisdom of Age
"Community? I Don’t Have a Community."
Loneliness by Gender
Compassion at Work?
Chapter Three: Work Your Work … Viewed from Your Deathbed
The Importance of Meaningful Work
Screw Your “Job” — Define Your “Calling”
What Does the World Need from You?
Use Nonnegotiables to Overcome FOMO
How to Know Your Nonnegotiables
Ask, “What Would It Take?”
How to Spend Your Money to Buy Happiness
Write About Your Work
Facing Your Fate … with Love
Think Long Term So You Have No Regrets
PART TWO: What Is "Happiness"?
Chapter Four: Happiness Framework Are You “Happy”? How Happy Are You?
What Would Make You Happier?
A Framework for “Happy”
Balancing Pleasure and Purpose
Finding the Right Balance for You
Happiness, Unhappiness, and Suicide
Chapter Five: The McCarthy Happiness Matrix Low Pleasure and Low Purpose
High Pleasure and Low Purpose
Low Pleasure and High Purpose
High Pleasure and High Purpose
Feeling Awe
Experiencing “Flow”
Chapter Six: How Much of Your Happiness Do You Really Control?
PART THREE: Presence
Chapter Seven: Serenity Prayer
Chapter Eight: Beware the Comparing Mind Why Don’t Comparisons Bring Happiness?
Why Is It Hard to Avoid “the Comparing Mind”?
An Alternative Path
Hope That the Comparing Mind Lessens with Age
Chapter Nine: Enjoy the Journey The “I’ll Be Happy Only When …” Syndrome
Impact Bias and Hedonic Adaptation
Instead, Enjoy Your Journey
What Is "Stress," Anyway?
You Can Have It All — Just Not at the Same Time
A Bucket List for Mindfulness
Looking Backwards and Forwards
Unhappy Ending
Chapter Ten: Forgive The Two Prisoners
What Forgiveness Is and Isn’t
Forgiveness at Work
Forgiveness Practices
Reaching Out for Forgiveness
Forgive and Build Your Resilience
A Mindset for Resilience and Growth
Chapter Eleven: Embrace Equanimity
PART FOUR: Practices
Chapter Twelve: Meditation: How to Keep Calm and Be at Peace “You Will Be Doing Absolutely Nothing.”
Meditation Gains Scientific Acceptance
An Easy Meditation Practice
Meditation’s Immediate Benefits
Pick a Practice - Any Practice!
You Might Be Wondering …
Chapter Thirteen: Affirmations: How to Train Your Brain for Success Your “Negativity Bias”
How Do You Overcome Your Negativity Bias?
Enduring Insights Meet the Latest Neuroscience
Suffering from Anxiety? Do Affirmations
What Do You Want to Affirm?
Are You Bad at Names?
Frequent Questions
Some Affirmations That I’ve Created for Myself
Meditation, Affirmations, or Both?
Chapter Fourteen: Gratitude: How to Appreciate What Already Is Benefits of a Gratitude Practice
Gratitude’s Timeless Wisdom Validated by Modern Science
To Be Grateful, Do This
Chapter Fifteen: The Magical 1 Percent
Chapter Sixteen: Create Good Habits You Are the Sum of Your Habits
The Power of Tiny Habits
Block Out Your Calender
What's Next for You?
Acknowledgments
Notes
Jim’s Keynotes and Master Classes
About Jim
Introduction:
How to Use This Book
Would you like to be less stressed out?
Would you like to be more focused and confident?
Would you like to enjoy your life more?
Great! You’ve come to the right place.
Because all of these are skills you can develop.
Most of us are mercilessly bombarded with the message, “Work harder. Work longer hours. Make more money. The stuff you buy will fulfill you. Do your job, whether you like it or not. Keep up with everyone else. This is what’s important. If you just accomplish that next goal, you’ll be sexy, successful, and eventually happy …”
But according to what you will read in this book, that approach will not bring you happiness.
Instead, there is another way, which will.
By the time you finish this book …
•You will have reflected upon the quality and purpose of your relationships and your work.
•You will have gained knowledge of a simple framework for how to be happy.
•You will have absorbed a variety of practical ways to boost your presence in the here and now.
•You will have followed an easy process for reflecting upon and writing about the choices you make in your life. You will have come up with very specific action items on what you want to affirm, what you need to stop doing, and what you need to start doing.
•You will have learned multiple scientifically proven practices, which you can do daily, starting now, to help you create your pleasure, purpose, and peace. I call the time you invest in these practices “the Magical 1 Percent.”
I’ve tried to organize this book in an intuitive yet methodical way. But each of the chapters can stand alone in its own right. So you might be in the middle of reading the chapter on Relationships, then jump to the chapter on Affirmations.
The Process:
Writing and Exploration
I’ve always loved this quote from Socrates: “The unexamined life
is not worth living.”1
After all … who are you? How did you get here? What are you doing … and why?
Dr. Rick Hanson, a San Francisco Bay Area neuropsychologist, reminds us of the value of self-reflection. In his outstanding book, Just One Thing, he writes, “There are three fundamental phases to psychological and spiritual growth: being with difficult material (e.g., old wounds, anger); releasing it; and replacing it with something more beneficial. In a nutshell, you let be, let go, and let in.”2
I’ve always found diary writing, or journaling, an excellent way to sort through my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. When I was a student in Europe, I wrote in my diary to not only record my travels, but also to process and make sense of different people and cultures. At times of real crisis in my career, I’ve written “Important note to self” emails, which have helped me sort out my plan of action going forward. Whenever I’ve had major problems in my relationships, I’ve found that journaling helped me calm down and see the situation more clearly. Writing has been not only cathartic, but also practical.
A New York Times article notes that “while writing doesn’t solve every problem, it can definitely help people cope.” In that same article, University of Virginia Psychology Professor Timothy D. Wilson goes on to say, “Writing forces people to reconstrue whatever is troubling them and find new meaning in it.”3
When I first started formulating and conducting my “Happiness Workshop: Create Your Pleasure, Purpose, and Peace,” I would tell my story, then ask participants to think about various questions and write out their answers. People found this helpful, but they wanted more discussion, so they could think out loud, learn from others, and gain further insight.