Cure for the Common Cold
Bad Kissers
Surprise!
Nighty Night
So Romantic
Living Together
I Love You THIS MUCH
The New Guy
Chapter 3
What’s Cookin’:
Autocorrected Food & Beverage Texts
Don’t Touch the Bowl!
Special Dinner
Anniversary Meal
Bomb Squad
Trader Joe’s
Mom Loves Mexican
Rosemary and Rhyme
Dinner at the Office
Eating Out
Yum-O
Snack Time!
Italian Food
Romantic Dinner
Swine
No Means No, Gary!
Odd Donut Shop Order
Lunch Invite
In Treatment
Empty Fridge
Ahoy, Matey
Other Plans
Edible Filipinos
Snap, Crackle, WTF?
General Tso
Shopping List
New Food Group
Snack Time
Mom’s Hungry
Dinner for One
Deadly Dinner
How to Cook Lentils
No Soup for You
If You Say So . . .
Rain Check
Grandpa Sold His Soul for Lunch
New Side Dish Sweeping the Nation
Chapter 4
Freudian Slips:
When Autocorrect Reads Your Mind
Weekend Cookout
Intriguing Offer
Weekend Plans
Big Boned
Evening Entertainment
Boob Tube
Game Night
Asking a Favor
Such a Hassle
Dirty Mind
Well, That’s Awkward
New Airport Wing
Planning the Evening
Quick Stop
Sounds Really Cold
Working Up a Thirst
Spring Break
Can I See Some ID?
OWN Network
Wasting the Day
So Much Confusion
Dinner at 5
Rachael’s Party
Matthew’s Girlfriend
Crash and Burn
Beware of Santa
Two Hours
Welcome to the Neighborhood
Photo Shoot
The Holidays
Remedy for a Sore Throat
Interesting Turn of Events
Open Schedule
Movie Night
Can You Sense It?
Thanks for Sharing
Take Your Time
Reminders
Dangers of Kickboxing
Chapter 5
Say What?!:
Totally Random Autocorrect Incidents
Shabaka!
Dinosaur Infection
Dancing Queen
Let’s Talk About Plants, Baby
Sounds Serious
Bring Your Bunsen Burner
Greeting Fail
What Do Bearded Vultures Have to Do with It?!
Zionism
Coach Rockne
Periodic Table of WTF
Mom’s Present
Fuzzy Flowers
BADONKADONK!
French Armchairs
Seriously, Phone?
Don’t Be a Joe Bagel
Sounds Kinda Far
Long-Legged Wading Birds
Pizza Toppings
Yellow Flowering Plants
Noisy & Outspoken
Autobiography
Baby, It’s Cold Outside
Cool Feature
Traffic Update
Coffee Run
Random Russian Head Coverings
Yessssssssssss!
Is There a Firefighter in the House?
“Is That Really a Word?!”
A Family of Influence During the Bengal Renaissance (DUH!)
Out of Nowhere
New Year’s Eve
Sisterly Bonding
Stephen Hawking, Is That You?
Chapter 6
Textin’ 9 to 5:
Autocorrected on the Clock
Lawyer Fail
Mondays Are Rough
Rise and Shine
That’s a Bad Day
Lunch Run—and Then Some
Office Party
Work Retreat
Anger Management
Getting (a)Head in the Workplace
Important Meeting
Tough Commute
Is That Harassment?
Before the Meeting
Long Lunch
Helping Hand
Considerate Coworkers
Hey, Whatever Pays the Bills
Office Supply Cabinet
Calling Out
Favors
New Position
Extra Hours
Time for a Raise
Lost Promotion
Stimulating Job
Working from Home
Interesting Day at Work
Hooking Up the New Monitor
Sounds Dangerous
Somebody Call Tech Support
Day Off
Slow Day
Workin’ Day and Night
. . . The Herb?
Early Morning Issues
Servers Down
Chapter 7
With Friends Like These:
When Friends Let Friends Get Autocorrected
Creepy Birthday Present
Dogsitting
What’s That Smell?
Christmas Gifts
Fitness Regime
Hey, Whatever Works
Pics or It Didn’t Happen!
Christmas Music
Concert
Somebody Stage an Intervention
That Time of the Month
Very Presidential
Running Errands
Somebody Call DCS!
They Make Toilets for That, You Know
Accidental Insult
Trendy New Paint Color
Great Seats
The Old Adage
Magical School
Housekeeping
Clothing Options
What’s That Smell?
Insomnia
Uh, Get Well Soon?
All in the Family
Pampering
Great Story, Bro
New Baby
The Wizard of Autocorrect
Never Show Up Empty-Handed
Adopting a Dog
House Hunting
Sounds Painful
Send Help!
Dropping Hints
Dad’s Christmas Present
Happy for You
Bah, Humbug!
Lather, Rinse, Repeat
Sounds Like a Great Party
On the Road Again
Decorations
Day Off
Moving Day
Road Rage
Memorable Pics of Dad
Shhh...
Movie Snacks
Ribbit, Ribbit
Beware of Samantha’s Boyfriend
Wal-Marts
Whoops
Thanks, I Think
Tragic Christmas
Get in the Zone
Higher Learning
Get Some Sleep
Out with the Boys
How Festive
New Puppy
Bikes from Santa
Afterword
TURNING OFF AUTOCORRECT (NOT THAT YOU’D WANT TO!)
So what if you want to avoid the unfortunate fates of the texters in the book? Is there a way to turn Autocorrect off?
Yes, there is! It’s an optional feature that you can elect to shut off at any time.
If you have an iPhone or iPod Tou
ch, tap the Settings icon, then navigate to the General > Keyboard menu. If you have a Droid, go to Menu > Settings > Language & Keyboard > Device Keyboard, and uncheck Auto-replace. If all else fails, refer to the documentation that came with your device for exact directions. That said, why would you want to miss out on all the accidental hilarity! Leave it on! Just remember to proofread before you send something really bad . . . because we’ll be watching!
And if you have any great texting fails, feel free to send them my way!
Find DYAC on the web: http://damnyouautocorrect.com
Submission terms and conditions: http://damnyouautocorrect.com/submission-terms-and-conditions/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/damnyouac
E-mail: submit@damnyouautocorrect.com
About the Author
Jillian Madison is the founder of the Pophangover network, a collection of twelve snarky pop-culture blogs. The sites are visited by tens of millions of people every month, and her content is frequently retweeted by celebrities and referenced by media giants like The Huffington Post, Gawker, and Funny or Die. She lives in coastal Connecticut.
www.damnyouautocorrect.com
Copyright
Copyright © 2011 Jill Smith
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher. For information address Hyperion, 114 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10011.
Original Print Edition ISBN: 978-1-4013-1067-7
EPub Edition © 2011 ISBN: 9781401303884
Hyperion books are available for special promotions and premiums. For details contact the HarperCollins Special Markets Department in the New York office at 212-207-7528, fax 212-207-7222, or email spsales@harpercollins.com
Cover design by Chica Graphics
First eBook Edition
Original trade paperback edition printed in the United States of America
www.HyperionBooks.com
Table of Contents
Dedications
Introduction
Chapter 1 - Parents Just Don’t Understand: Awkward Texts with Mom & Dad
Chapter 2 - Love Gone Wrong: When Couples Text
Chapter 3 - What’s Cookin’: Autocorrected Food & Beverage Texts
Chapter 4 - Freudian Slips: When Autocorrect Reads Your Mind
Chapter 5 - Say What?!: Totally Random Autocorrect Incidents
Chapter 6 - Textin’ 9 to 5: Autocorrected on the Clock
Chapter 7 - With Friends Like These: When Friends Let Friends Get Autocorrected
Afterword
About the Author
Copyright