In your lifetime you will encounter small piles like the ones the lady with the poodle refuses to pick up on your block, and massive steaming piles of it, like the bucketloads the clowns have to clean up as they run behind the elephants at the circus. Some people try to step around it every time, but me, I embrace even the nastiest of it in some small way. Sometimes I step in it, and sometimes I pick it up and throw it aside. Sometimes I even add a few ingredients, stir it up, and voilà—I’ve transformed it into something useful, like (metaphorically speaking) a spa mud mask.
However you choose to deal with the shit in the path of your life, don’t take it personally. After all, neither the dog nor the elephant is thinking about you when it drops a wet load near your shoe. It’s just life.
Found on the Cutting Room Floor: Alternative Titles for This Book
Winging It: The Screwball Method to My Madness
Repeatedly Tarred and Feathered: Confessions of an Outspoken Midwesterner
Shortcuts and Big Butts: Musings on the Kardashian Rise to Fame
From Playmates to Playdates: A Memoir
Mastering the Art of the Artful Fuck-Up
31,437 Words of Advice … and Other Reasons to Drink
Ball Dropping: A Single Mother’s Life
You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby: My Life in Commercial Slogans
Slurping Soup and Busting Nuts: My Get-Ahead Plan for Conquering Hollywood
Truth or Dare: The Jenny McCarthy Story
I’m awake. Thank you!
Acknowledgments
I couldn’t have done this book without you, kids (okay, maybe I could have but it would have been a lot harder). Thanks to:
My dedicated agent, Jennifer Rudolph Walsh.
The most talented editor in publishing, Marnie Cochran.
My creative research team, Amirra Ruotola Behrendt, Paula Killen, and Brett Paesel.
My mother. Sorry I stole your recipes for this book. I love you.
BY JENNY McCARTHY
Belly Laughs:
The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth
Baby Laughs:
The Naked Truth About the First Year of Mommyhood
The Naked Truth About Motherhood,
Marriage, and Moving On
Louder than Words:
A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism
Healing and Preventing Autism:
A Complete Guide (with Dr. Jerry Kartzinel)
Mother Warriors:
A Nation of Parents Healing Autism Against All Odds
Love, Lust, & Faking It:
The Naked Truth About Sex, Lies, and True Romance
Bad Habits: Confessions of a Recovering Catholic
Jen-X: Jenny McCarthy’s Open Book
My Recipe for Getting What You Want Out of Life
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
JENNY MCCARTHY is the author of ten books, including the New York Times bestsellers Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth; Baby Laughs: The Naked Truth About the First Year of Mommyhood; Louder than Words: A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism; Love, Lust, & Faking It: The Naked Truth About Sex, Lies, and True Romance; and Bad Habits: Confessions of a Recovering Catholic. Getting her start as the host of MTV’s hugely popular dating show Singled Out, McCarthy has had a high-profile television and film career and has been a guest on virtually every television talk show, from The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Live, The View, Ellen, and Late Show with David Letterman, to Conan, Hannity & Colmes, and The Howard Stern Show. A co-host of ABC’s The View since September 2013, she also co-hosts Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest, writes an advice column for the Chicago Sun-Times, and tours nationally for her Dirty Sexy Funny stand-up show. She lives outside of Chicago with her son, Evan.
www.jennymccarthy.com
Facebook.com/JennyMcCarthyOfficial
@JennyMcCarthy
Instagram.com/JennyAnnMcCarthy