Goodbye to you,
the mannequin.
I found love in sheets wrinkled
around his body as I lay next to him.
The way that he called me
six different nicknames
but never once called me
a harsh name out of anger.
I found love in the way he drove
two hours with his hand in mine
every moment,
to surprise me with a gift he
researched for in secret.
In the way he never left me feeling
uncertain about what we were.
The way that I was his,
he was mine,
and we were us.
Together.
He called us a team.
I believe everyone needs a teammate.
One who supports you,
and isn’t trying to compete
against you as an opposing rival.
You can’t change me
like a popped tire
or, a cracked window
I am not physically broken.
You have to learn that
my mental health isn’t just
a simple five-step repair.
-all I need is your support
Some days I feel like I am
physically present
on this earth
with every other human,
but my mind is in
a zone that is way
out of this world.
Command Your Passion
Your clock begins to slowly tick
towards the end.
Your breaths become less frequent.
Your heart is beating at a decreased rate.
Think of the life that you have created.
How do you feel about that life?
Did you accomplish your dreams?
Did your bucket list have
items crossed off or was that just the,
“maybe one day, I don’t know” list?
Were you fair to yourself and
your passions?
Are your grandchildren going to
tell stories about your life
long after you’re gone?
YOU need to be doing what you love.
You NEED to be doing what you love.
You need to be doing what you LOVE.
Don’t do it for the ones demanding
from you.
Do it for you.
Don’t get stuck in the mindset that
you are no more than the people
who raised you or the place
you were born.
This world isn’t made of eggshells.
Stomp on the ground and
command your passion.
You are toes deep
in the water.
Let me pull you out
into the sea of uncertainty.
I promise I won’t let you go
until you are ready to
swim on your own with ease.
While the world sleeps,
I accomplish my dreams.
While the world sleeps,
I sit and watch the sun appear
above the tree lines.
While the world sleeps,
I breathe in the silence.
While the world sleeps,
I rise.
You are always
the first to tell yourself
that you aren’t beautiful,
smart,
or kind.
You are always the first
to beat up your mind.
You take people’s complements
and throw them to the ground
with the thought that you can’t
be any of those things.
But you can,
you are.
Beauty,
intelligence,
and kindness
run through your veins.
I held you close to my ear
like I did with a seashell
as a child,
in hopes of helping me
hear the ocean.
I always longed to
hear the parts of you
that seemed so far away.
Take Time To Yourself
Take time for yourself.
It is not lazy to stop the pen
from flowing for a day.
To put down your phone
and ignore answering
business emails.
To take a day to reply back
to messages or calls from friends.
Read a book,
shop online,
or take a long bath
with candles lit.
Taking time for you is healthy.
Your mind needs a break from
the hustle of your busy life.
Don’t feel bad for taking moments
to yourself.
Spending a day away from
kids or peers.
Spend a day alone with only
your thoughts.
Negativity is a chain reaction
virus that only ends
in devastation.
The problem is,
only a few are vaccinated.
Second chances exist
but I stopped handing
them out
to the people who kept
coming back for
the third,
fourth,
and fifth time
and expected me
to welcome them
with an open mind
and warm arms.
You can be a Queen
without a King
and still
run the world
just fine on your own.
Seek out the positivity
in your life.
Even if everything around you
seems shitty,
search for the one thing that isn't.
It will save you.
I think October 18
sounds like a good day
to start making change
in your life.
Like the leaves on the trees
and the drop in temperature.
Caged
I felt bad for the bird
in its cage that would
look out through its bars
at the blue sky
and trees.
I, too, felt like
I was looking out at
something I wanted but
couldn’t reach.
Until you,
you were the one
to set me free.
Resolutions
5, 4, 3, 2, 1……
The clock ticks down
to a time yet begun.
Pens tracing paper with ink
bleeding ambition
and new beginnings.
A kiss to seal a pressed envelope
filled with hope.
Resolutions have a stigma of failing.
Starting with full force and then
crashing in catastrophe.
Don’t wait until December 31
to start being or doing what
it is you dream of.
Pretend there is no recollection
of time at all.
Just start,
and don’t be sad
if at first it doesn’t work.
Start over the next day.
That’s the beauty of life,
we have every day to
gain and be better.
Your Words
If the words that spewed
out of your mouth
were the clothes wrapped
around your body,
the hair on your head,
the flesh of your skin,
would you think you are beautiful?
Don’t wake up
at six when
school starts at eight,
if all you are trying to
do is impress
someone
who doesn’t give
two shits about
your thoughts,
let alone your hair.
I was a diary
with a lock that could only
be accessed with a key.
Hiding safe under a pillow
from the hands that
tried to pry me open.
You didn’t need to break into
me because you were patient
enough to be granted access.
How amazing it is
to now listen to songs
with blissful lyrics
and not feel sad for my
own lack of happiness.
I am itching for highways
that lead to unknown destinations.
People I may only encounter for hours
but change my life for years.
I am an open road,
head out the window,
eyes wide open.
I think about you holding
me close on our wedding day.
I dreamt of the moment
two hands would wrap
around my waist.
I never knew what to envision
those hands looking like.
Would they be white,
black,
tan,
scared,
soft,
callused?
All I cared about was that
they were the type of hands
that would touch me
beautifully and carefully.
Even on the days we
didn’t dance to the same beat.
We would always find our footing
back to the place we met.
Make Yourself Happy
People may question
your happiness.
People may hate
your happiness.
People may embrace
your new-found happiness.
At least people are noticing
that happiness is in your life.
Forgive Yourself
It’s time to forgive your old self
for the days you put
harm on your body,
placed negative thoughts
in your mind,
and pushed your
dreams away.
It’s time to thank your old self
for teaching you
the love you deserve,
for recognizing
the positive vs. the negative,
and for giving you strength.
You have a past that is daunting
to think about,
but your future is glowing.
You could work your life
at a job you hate for
money that’s guaranteed.
Or, you can live your life
in the way you would choose
to love, and be guaranteed
leaving the world with a
smile on your face
and no regrets.
-I will regret nothing
I see the world in the
eyes of the explorers,
the dreamers,
the wanderers.
Let me show you
the beauty
through my eyes.
-open your eyes and your heart
How beautiful it is
that I no longer write
with sorrow
at the beginning
of every sentence
and still have so much
to write about.
My heart aches for
your pain because
I know how it feels
to bleed
and have no one
to be your Band-Aid.
The Best
Life isn’t about
always being the best.
It’s about facing fears and
growing from them.
You don’t have to be number one.
Just don’t live a life full of,
“what if’s.”
New Soil
Life will always have
horrible moments.
Moments you want to cry
into your pillow
and scream out the agony
that you’ve buried inside.
But there are always
more radiant days ahead.
Life may throw dirt on you,
but it’s up to you to see
the good to come.
Grow in your new soil with
beams of happiness,
do not drown in tears.
Dear You,
You made it.
You are here.
All the moments spent in agony,
wondering when the pain
would end and,
you are here.
You made it.
Your mind is beautiful
and brilliant.
You may not be everyone’s
cup of tea,
some people need cream
or sugar just to take you.
Others enjoy you pure in taste.
But neither of that matters,
because you are at a place
you once dreamed of as your escape.
Who knew you would love smiling,
pure, genuine smiles that didn’t
hint at the firing thoughts behind
your eyes.
You want others to know that
their minds can feel
this wonderful too.
We made it my friend.
Now it’s time for your breakthrough.
Comfort Zone
One life.
Many stories
to make.
should no longer
hold you in place.
Journey
Life is a journey,
full of wonder and worry,
but today I am at peace.
My mind will no longer
over-analyze the past, or
stress about the unknown ahead.
I am present in the moments
in front of my eyes.
Every day you get the chance
to work on being
the version of yourself
that you would be excited
to meet for coffee.
My Mind
I used to think my mind
must be made up of
storm clouds,
lightning,
flooded rain,
and thunder.
But you helped me realize
what I truly embodied:
green grass,
sunshine,
blue skies,
crisp air.
Some days, there are still
sprinkles of rain
and a cloud or two.
But I am no longer near
that awful typhoon.
I cheer for
the people who try.
Who try and better themselves.
Who try and give back.
Who try loving themselves.
Who try appreciating others.
I cheer for the people who try.
Because trying is half the battle.
Feelings
I used to fight tears
like they were lions
pouncing at me from a cage.
Biting my tongue so hard it bled,
because tears meant weakness
and that wasn’t okay.
I remember the feeling
of a hard lump
stuck in my throat from
sucking in so much air
just to make sure no
water could escape.
My body was flooding itself
with unshed tears.
Like a dam that was
soon to break.
Tears showed weakness.
Weakness.
I am weak.
I never knew t
ears
were normal.
Tears made me bleed.
You can tend to me
like a tree
entangled with
telephone wires,
but I will always
end up branching
out on my own.
She Is Spring
She is now who she always
envisioned being.
The person in the reflection of
bodies of water and
mirrors on the walls is
no longer unrecognizable.
She looks just as she feels.
Her soul illuminates through
her skin.
The hate she once embodied
has overgrown to love.
Like a garden never weeded,
she is the flower budding
from the ground.
She is the grass that turned
from singed brown
to soft green.
She is the spring
right after winter.
I Am Better Now
I know that if you saw me now,
you would recognize me.
You wouldn’t turn your head
in surprise.
There would be no lift
of your eyebrow.
What you wouldn’t
recognize though,
is that same girl
laughing and smiling.
I am no longer a victim.
I am no longer your puppet.
I am no longer the girl
you could reach out to
and know you would receive
a quick response.
I hated the person
you turned me into.
Today I am strong.
Today I am worthy.
Today I am successful.
I don’t hate you, though.
Because hate is a feeling and
I feel nothing for you.
I’m neither fat
nor skinny.
I’m just cells
protecting my inner
most important things.