Uncaged Wallflower
Extended Edition
By Jennae Cecelia
Uncaged Wallflower
Extended Edition
Copyright © 2017 by Jennae Cecelia. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author except for the use of brief quotation in a book review or scholarly journal.
ISBN: 978-1548743130
Illustrations by Rylie Moran
Instagram: @gabriellescrapart
Cover art by Islam Farid
www.IslamFarid.net
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to actual events of locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Dear Reader,
Rather than speaking my mind right away, I was always more of a quiet thinker. I was an introvert. A wallflower.
To add to this, my mind was conjuring up negative thoughts I let flow out of my mouth with ease, ignoring the positive outlook I could have if only I could stop focusing on my flaws.
I wrote Uncaged Wallflower for those
who feel trapped in the thoughts their minds produce, unable to express them with the rest of the world out of fear of critique or disagreement.
This is for those who need an extra dose of positivity in their day and a push to follow their dreams.
This is not a poetry book for you to read and relate to in a sorrow filled way. It is for you to read and say, “yes, I can be better and I will.”
So please, don’t ever feel like your opinion is less important than the opinion of others. Don’t let your insecurities and anxious mind dictate your bliss. Never stop being a dreamer.
With love,
Jennae
Reading a book is reading
someone’s story;
their heart,
their mind,
their soul.
This is mine for you.
Happiness is a choice,
and when you choose it
you will find it,
even when the nights
are pitch black
and the days are cloudy.
-I choose happiness
Metamorphosis.
Feeling your wings
break through.
Growing into the best you.
Emerge from
your chrysalis.
Expand and learn
something new.
Don’t get wrapped up in
your same old cocoon.
Live Your Life
How long are you
going to live
your life
for other people?
Answering calls for them.
Emails piling your inbox
with nothing but
bitching and moaning.
Making coffee runs
for six other people.
Curling your hair
instead of leaving it straight
because people told you
that you looked better
that way.
Pressing makeup brushes
to your face
because somehow it
became out of the norm to
show up to work
or events with
your bare face.
Because, how dare you
for showing your true colors.
How long are you going
to live your life
for other people?
Stop conforming to the norm.
It’s hard to say yes
when the voice of anxiety
screams no.
But this world
offers too much to not
explore out of fear.
I’m still learning to live
outside of my comfort zone.
-shut up, anxiety
Some flowers
are tempting to pick
and take with us for our
own selfish reasons,
but they are most beautiful
and will flourish more
when left in their natural form.
Kind of like you.
Ask yourself this:
if not you, then who?
Someone has to be that
doctor,
or musician,
or chef.
No dream is too small.
No job is too big.
-you are a boss babe
If you put a fraction
of the love
you give to everyone else
into yourself,
you would never doubt
your purpose again.
-you deserve your own love
I wonder how our souls are
picked for our bodies.
Is a good soul placed into a
bad body just to show others
not to judge by outer appearance?
Or, is a rotten soul put into a
beautiful body
to show others that looks are
only enough
until times get tough?
Either way, our souls are what
we take from this life to the next
and our body is what is laid to
rest.
No More Tomorrow
If it’s not yesterday,
it’s tomorrow,
or next week,
or next year.
I find myself living in thoughts
of the future more than
the realities of the present.
Hurrying through weekly tasks with
thoughts only embedded with
weekend bliss.
Contemplating if I said the right thing,
or if there was anything I missed.
I have to remind myself that I am
wasting present moments thinking
of a future that will either
come or not,
but that’s out of my control.
So, I take brief moments,
sit and enjoy the stars
and the way the grass
moves in the wind.
Because those are present moments
and I need to exist there more.
You may think
you are caged in
with little room
for growth,
but to every lock
there is a key.
And that’s the thing
about people.
You can wrap them up
in kindness & love,
and they will still have
something cold to say
about you.
Change
I have always hated change.
Even as a child I would
become frustrated
when the store would move
the aisle of dolls
to a different location
than before.
I hated when trees were
torn down and a large empty
space filled the home they
once owned.
I hated when the walls were painted
a new color and I would never
see the hue beneath it again.
I hated not being able to
adapt to change
as quickly as others.
But change is all around us.
We are always getting older,
looking older.
The building built five years ago
will need repairs.
And sometimes I wonder
if landfills are piled
with all the changes peo
ple made.
Discarded items they lost attachment
to or needed to part with in order
to move on.
Change is always there.
Embrace the growth you are making.
Discard the rest.
Learn that change may bother
you at first,
but it will save you in the end.
Moments
We have finite moments
in an infinite universe.
Some that we count as
our best memories,
and others we suppress.
We are made up of moments.
The pictures hidden
between pages of books.
The concert tickets piling up
in a bin,
crinkled from when we shoved
them in our pockets and then
washed the jeans.
Life is beautiful for giving us
these moments.
We may be made of
cells,
bones,
and muscle,
but moments are what make up
our souls.
Embrace your moments.
The good and the bad.
Moments come too quickly,
and one day you will do anything
to have them back.
We are broken people.
cracks,
rips,
tears,
bruises,
cuts,
and scars.
But only a few choose
to pick up the pieces
and form something new
out of the shattered debris.
There is no such thing
as perfect.
No one is free from faults.
No one is ever going to
always say the right things.
The way we look is not perfect,
because perfect is a figment
humans make up in their
minds from pictures
of “ideal” men and women.
Unpredictability
Fear is attached
to unpredictability.
Fear of an expectation
not being met.
Fear of a momentous
time ending.
But for me,
the best things happened
out of unpredictability.
My mind used to limit my options,
leaving little room for new
ideas or endings.
I would call the unknown and
I best friends now.
Because the unfamiliar is my
path to my next great task.
I wake up with excitement
in my stomach thinking
of all the possibilities ahead.
Here’s to living without the fear
of not knowing what is around
the bend.
I used to be envious of
the people who took all the
good kinds of risks.
The ones who packed their
bags and stuffed their car
full of everything they would need
to start over halfway across
the country.
But now I am smiling,
because that person
is someone I could be.
You could hate me with
deep passion
and I’d still love you
with full embrace.
This world just has
too many people
quick to blow you off
for your silly mistakes.
You are hating on your body
that is screaming for
your love.
You ask why we don’t
talk like we used to,
and I tell you we do.
The only difference is this time
I’m the one not
answering anymore and
you get to be the one
hanging on to my every
word, hoping for a response.
-you didn’t know how good I was
until I was gone
Go to the top of a hill,
a mountain,
a building,
and scream out
your dream.
Demand for it, and believe in it.
That echo you hear
is the Universe taking note.
Believe that your vision is the
pathway to your success.
No dream is a fantasy until
you let yourself settle with
the thought that it is.
You need to pave a path.
One that many follow.
A trail people continue down
for years to come.
Hatchet in hand to make
clearance of overgrown weeds
and stumps in the way.
A pathway that is run over
with footsteps of curiosity.
People wondering how you
got to this point.
How you made your vision
a reality,
when it was once only parked
in the depths of your mind.
How you were able to stay
positive and happy
even when you didn’t know
exactly when your next
paycheck would come.
Let them wonder how you got
Let them be the ones to try
and follow the path
you have paved.
Grab your hatchet,
and start clearing your path today.
Let Me Tell You, You’re Beautiful
At a young age, I felt the need to
protect people.
My soon-to-be friend who was
pushed around by the fourth-grade bully.
Who told her she was dumb,
and ugly.
I was at a loss because I wanted to be
liked by the other kids in class,
but I couldn’t help feeling a vast amount of
pain for the girl in the jumpsuit and
red glasses.
She was the outcast and I wanted
to cry right along with her.
As I got older these situations didn’t
really change.
Although the settings were no longer
playgrounds or lunchrooms filled with
adolescents,
it was now an office with grown adults
competing for a higher role.
It was the guys at the bar on a Saturday night,
laughing at the girls with a little extra weight
who were just trying to enjoy drinks
without stares of disgust.
It was the women being cheated on
because the temptation was too strong
for their unfaithful men.
I feel people’s pain, and I want to rescue them.
I want to tell them they are better than
the images people have of them.
That they are beautiful.
Shadows
The shadows looming in
the corners wore colors
similar to bruises.
No way of knowing
when the darkness would end.
Heart racing in your chest.
Staccato breaths.
Sweat staining your palms.
Darkness came in random spouts.
Dripping slowly,
or rushing fast.
Hot or cold,
it was never known.
Oh, how darkness could find you.
Darkness could find you knee deep
in happiness and come slap you
back into the reality of the hate.
Run fast, my friend.
Don’t let the darkness catch you today.
Don’t let the darkness overtake.
She knew t
he universe
had a lot to offer,
but she didn’t realize
the universe was part of her too.
-she is the sun, moon, and stars
You are never going to find
your own voice
while trying to match
the pitch of everyone else’s.
-be a rare composition
Change Is Inevitable
I thought I would go
to a four-year college
a couple states away.
I thought I would have roommates
and attend parties
I would only pretend to like.
I thought I would eat bland cafeteria food
and shower around 10-15 other girls.
I thought I would study in my 12x12 room
under a desk lamp,
and walk to and from class all day.
I thought my weekends would be filled
with late nights with friends that would
one day be the bridesmaids
in my wedding.
These were things I wanted.
Instead, I went to college ten minutes
from my house.
My roommates were my parents,
and the only “parties” I had on the weekends were drinking wine and watching
some overly dramatic Lifetime movie
with my mom.
I ate food that was handed out drive-thru
windows or cooked on the stove
in my kitchen.
I studied occasionally but mostly just
relied on my good memory to help me
pass my classes.
The reality is,
I thought a lot of things
at the age of 18.
And the way things
turned out at that time,
I thought were disappointing.
But now, I am grateful
I didn’t get all the things
I wanted.
I am glad I was different