Bright Minds Empty Souls
By Jennae Cecelia
Bright Minds Empty Souls
Second Edition
Copyright © 2016 by Jennae Cecelia. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author except for the use of brief quotation in a book review or scholarly journal.
ISBN: 978-1541234758
This book is work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
For L-
Without you, these poems would merely be papers scattered around my room in messy handwriting and worn down journals.
Thank you for inspiring me everyday
to be the best me.
Dear Reader,
Writing has always been the easiest way for me to communicate with others. Whether it was passing notes with friends, or sharing my inner secrets with pen to paper.
Over the course of six years I have written the poems that make up this book. Some started out on napkins from Starbucks, others on the sheets of homework I should have been doing instead.
My advice to you is don’t be afraid to face your problems head on. Don’t question if your passions are what you should be pursuing. Don’t be afraid to love unconditionally.
Bright Minds Empty Souls is for the hopeless romantics and those who need a friend to comfort their late night thoughts. It’s a book made with love about falling in and out of love with yourself, and others.
I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
With Love,
Jennae
Instant Gratification
She didn’t need instant gratification,
or want some short-term fling.
But the world was piled
with people looking to
“feel good”
for only a brief moment.
Fast food,
instant coffee,
microwave dinners.
Anything to cut time
and make it easier.
She wasn’t about to settle for
cheap food
and mediocre coffee,
so why would she settle for your need
of instant gratification?
Cream In My Coffee
I stopped putting cream in my coffee
because the more I put in,
the less it resembled
your beautiful
brown
eyes.
Commitment Issues
I was so afraid of commitment
that I couldn’t even
write in pen.
The thought of a permanent
creation with no way to erase it
was overwhelming.
Air
If someone asked me to pick
you or air,
I would pick you every time.
What is worth having air to breathe
if I can’t breathe it with you?
How To Love
I was never good at loving
moderately.
Either loving
too much,
or too little.
There was no happy medium.
You either had every bit of
my attention,
or none of it at all.
Stranger
I spilled my secrets out to you
through written messages and calls.
Told you who I wanted to be,
and what scared me most of all.
But then you let me go.
Now you’re just a stranger
who knows everything I know.
Problem
The problem this time was
I didn’t stay quiet like the rest.
And you hated someone who
talked back with a voice
louder than yours.
Look At Me
You looked at me the same
whether my face showed
my artistic skills or
displayed scars
from pimples I picked
as an adolescent.
To you,
I was a work of art
in every form.
Memory
It is a blessing and a curse
to remember everything.
Remember all the details,
like the songs we used to sing.
When I try to push those moments
to the back of my mind.
It just takes one single note,
to bring them back to life.
Toy
Just like a child does with a new toy,
you played with me for awhile
and then forgot about me
when something better came along.
Taste of Your Name
I hate how when I say your name now
it isn’t the same flavor as before.
It’s tainted by the taste
of bad decisions
and heartbreak.
I hate how when I hear your name now
it doesn’t trigger a smile.
It punctures my ears with a nuclear effect.
Who knew a name could mean so much.
Who knew four letters of the alphabet could make or break my day.
Nothing Compare To It Before
Nothing is better than your eyes locked to mine.
The feeling of your arms around my body and your light kisses pressed against my forehead.
The way you walk into a room with confidence and have everyone admiring your ever-present alluring aura.
Makes me wonder how I got so lucky to have the person they all want to know.
I’m the one who gets to hear all the brilliant thoughts of that mind.
Get to see you unedited.
It’s hard to find any imperfections in the person you love.
Maybe that’s how you still wanted my Sunday morning makeup smeared face.
Or still loved me even with the stretch marks on my naked body.
I never felt weird showing you the places others only guess about.
And you made me feel like nothing compared to it before.
Emptiness
I didn’t know what emptiness felt like until you took happiness out of my mind,
kindness out of my heart,
and beauty out of my eyes
with the toxic,
gray clouds
that made up your soul.
Anxiety
I have a bad habit of stumbling over my words and turning red when I am talking.
My hands start to sweat and my voice sounds like vomit trying to escape.
I am silenced by the awkward stares and whispers hinting at mean comments.
But please don’t mistake my anxiety as
me being unfriendly.
Just Touch It
Touch my soul.
It’s bare and vulnerable.
Touch my hands.
They are embedded with fear.
Touch my spirit.
Just so you can crush it.
Vacant
My spot in your life became vacant.
Like a help wanted sign
on the outside of a store.
A new employee to fill the position.
I wasn’t needed anymore.
Laughter
Every time you laughed
I felt as if our souls were going to get
a few more months of life in the end.
Because experiencing your laugh was like
taking a dose of prescription happiness.
Not a
Home
People feed off of sadness because
they are afraid of happiness.
Afraid of having that fire be lit inside them only to get blown out by a brief disturbance.
Afraid the smile that was once effortless will be forced in place by clenched teeth.
Sadness may be an emotional state
to think and reflect,
but it is no place to give up at and
make your home.
Wine
I can feel this wine going right to my
head,
and you are heading straight for my
heart.
Lunch Break Confession
If you had said goodbye maybe this
would have hurt less.
Closure,
we lacked closure.
One morning it’s, “hello”
and the next nothing.
Your breath stopped, and your heart
didn’t race when I was near.
Everyone said your name in a whisper because saying it too loud might make it real.
Maybe I should have said hello back so
that you could have said goodbye.
I wasn’t your cup of tea because you wanted to add
cream
and sugar
and couldn’t just take me as I was.
Waiting
I couldn’t wait in a line that took longer than 20 minutes.
I couldn’t wait for the commercials to stop playing between One Tree Hill.
I couldn’t wait for much at all because my patience was so slim.
But some how I spent years waiting for you
and I’ll keep waiting until the end.
Cold Turkey
I couldn’t say goodbye to you so soon
and with no explanation.
I couldn’t just stop our conversations
and silly notes to one another.
Being lead down a road with
no warning signs ahead.
It was like I was abruptly met with a cliff
and I continued to fall.
I couldn’t just quit you cold turkey.
Numb
I need Novocain around my heart,
so that I can’t feel the pain of longing for you as you drill into my core.
Human
Imperfections made up her body.
Little red dots,
and stretch marks from growth.
She lived in a world that fell more attracted to the women who looked like they spent
their days lying out on the beach.
But you connected her freckles on her body
and made them into constellations.
You kissed the marks along her hips.
Imperfections to you were
what made her yours.
Because you knew everything
her body had was because
she was human.
The best human.
Tears
You told her that her eyes looked a beautiful shade of blue when they were filled with tears.
So tears were all she made,
just to feel you near.
Shades
Purple.
Lavender and amethyst.
Colors that made up total bliss.
When I see these colors
in the sky at night or
in the morning.
I think of how shades of purple
were all that you were made up of.
Inked
She spilt ink over you.
Wrote about you until her hands had blue ink in each crevice and her fingers would leave visible fingerprints.
Her fingers hurt the next morning from endless printing of letters traced with your name.
She went through 18 sticky notes trying to describe your smile.
But you didn’t know how many ways she tried to explain your mannerisms.
Patience
There were very few minds that
I wanted to explore.
Some call it pickiness.
I call it patience.
True Feelings
What a world it would be
if everyone wore their hearts
on their sleeve.
Feelings displayed for all to see.
No questions about
people’s sanity or
what their intentions might truly be.
Spoiled
Even the best flavor
can be spoiled
by the taste
of a bitter memory.
Settling
Don’t settle.
Be with someone who
wants to hold you hand,
and give you forehead kisses.
Someone who will drive long distances just to spend a few hours with you.
Don’t settle.
Be with someone who will
make you feel loved 365 days.
Someone who says, “us” and not, “me”
when speaking of future plans.
Don’t settle.
You’re better than that.
Goddess
She wasn’t a goddess
to say the least.
With a mind of passion
she made her way through a world
filled of self-absorbed people.
The Answer
She looked at him with eyes
over flowing with joy.
She wondered how anyone before her
had ever let him go.
That there was someone out there
regretting the hand they dropped.
Regretting not getting to hear his laugh.
Regretting giving up on him.
That same person probably wonders
who is making him happy now.
The answer is, me.
Future
I find myself 12 steps ahead.
Living more in the future than the present.
Reminiscing on the past.
Worrying about what’s ahead.
Dreading what I have left behind.
Forgetting to remember.
Remembering all I have forgotten.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Because here I am today still thinking of everything but what is in front of me.
People Always Leave
I took a deep breathe into your cotton shirt to remember every bit of your woodsy scent.
We parted ways even though I was still lingering onto your body.
Afraid of what might never be again.
Your Chevy truck roared to a start and
we snuck one last kiss through
your open window.
And that was the last time I saw you.
Because people always leave.
Blank Canvas
Here I am
with a blank canvas.
All the options spread out
in front of me.
But I can’t pick up the brush
with a shaky hand.
I am afraid of only reaching for
the dark colors and repeating
a project I have put to rest.
I want to start fresh.
Start new.
That’s why I’m keeping it
a blank canvas.
Bright Minds
His mind was
bright
but his soul was
empty.
Unknown Fear
You said that the ocean scared you
because of all the immense unknown
that existed within it.
Now I know why you couldn’t be
committed to me,
because I was vast like an ocean
with deep wisdom and strength.
And I scared you.
Messes of Me
I bet you find bits of me
all around your house.
The comb I left in your drawer.
Little notes I left around for you.
A coffee mug permanently stained
with my lipstick.
I am sure you are still plucking my
hair off of your shirts,
or sink,
or shower.
I wonder how it is so easy for you to look over these things and not think of me.
Because I can barely keep from crying
if I hear your name.
Fixing
I loved all the broken pieces
because I found beauty in fixing things.
Even those shattered upon repair.
But you were the type to destroy it all
again a few moments after spending
months completing it.
Live
Are we surviving
or are we living?
Although the two may be synonyms,
they don’t mean the same.
For one will leave you dried out
and hateful
and the other will make you abundant