I Am More Than
a Daydream
By Jennae Cecelia
Illustrations by Riley Moran
Instagram: @gabriellescrapart
Cover Design by Islam Farid
www.islamfarid.net
I Am More Than a Daydream
Copyright © 2017 by Jennae Cecelia. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author except for the use of brief quotation in a book review or scholarly journal.
ISBN: 987-1544237190
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.
For my daydreamers -
You are always more
Contents
All I Am ……..pg.10
All I Can Be ……..pg.29
daydream (noun)
All you want in the future.
reality (noun)
All you know in the present.
How often do you daydream?
For most, it is many times a day.
We stare out the window
instead of the task in front of us.
We fantasize about where we would
much rather be,
the significant other we long for,
our ideal job,
the body we hope to see in the mirror,
a healthier mindset,
pure happiness in our lives
and the lives of others,
peace in this chaotic world.
However, how many of us daydreamers believe these pleasant thoughts will truly turn into our reality?
Daydreams are more than just short bursts of happiness that only our minds can see.
I know I am more than a daydream; and you are, too.
With love,
Jennae
All I Am
Just like the moon,
brightness is the only
side you see of me.
Darkness lingers on the
other side,
only exposed in catastrophe.
- I am the wo(man) in the moon
Raw
I stand;
water rushes down my face,
drips off my hair
and along my back.
I turn the knob;
the water scalds.
My skin quickly changes to
a vibrant shade of red.
I can’t burn off the pain;
it lives inside my head.
I can only scrub so much,
before my skin becomes raw.
This shower isn’t going to fix
my problems.
But I am at least trying,
right?
The pain you feel hurts me just
as much as it hurts you.
There is nothing worse than watching
the person you love ache
and there is nothing your human
strength can heal.
- I want to be your medicine
I wish I could be as bold
as the people who spend
the twilight hours
with their lights on and
curtains wide open.
The people who do not fear of who
is peering in on their belongings and
personal moments exchanged.
- I prefer my do not disturb signs
I went through phases
of loving
and hurting.
I went through phases
of hating
and growing.
I went through phases
of stealing kisses
and forcing laughter.
I went through phases
of burning bridges
and then attempting the rebuild.
I went through phases
of my mind yearning
and my heart burning.
I went through phases
but those phases always
cycled back to a fresh start.
- I am the new moon
Cacti
I am a cactus;
made up of thorns,
but still managing to
grow flowers.
I Am a Forest
I am the unexpected
pit stop;
one that was only intended
to last for a brief
catch your breath,
and refresh
before continuing on
to your destination.
You quickly learned
I am not a well-manicured shrub
trimmed daily for perfection.
I am the whole damn forest.
With 72 foot tall trees,
and flowers out-blooming the weeds.
He was as deceiving as the
false warmth of a sunny day
from a window pane in March.
- good thing I am an ice princess
Growth
I was your tree
to nourish,
but I was neglected
sun and water.
I lacked the beauty you
desired.
You chopped me down.
Little did you expect,
I now plant
myself flowers in the spot
you left vacant.
I am growing just fine
on my own.
I am the sky.
I am the plants.
I am the moon.
I am the sun.
I am the soil.
I am the wind.
I will never end.
I will live forever;
growing more
powerful,
plentiful,
peaceful.
- no evil will put an end to me
I cannot simply be read from
front to back.
I am all the moments
between the lines
of the story you already think
you have memorized.
- I am a poem with many interpretations
Our eyes met with assurance
and ease.
I felt like he could read
the book of me.
I wasn’t placed down on a
nightstand for a moments rest,
nor was I skimmed over in boredom.
He read me with desire and passion.
Wanting no cliff hanger,
no melancholy ending.
I was the book filled with
highlighter marks and
notes in the margins.
I wasn’t one that
would be passed on,
or borrowed.
For he knew I was filled
with many sequels.
-I am his never-ending story
I am a woman with a mouth
of wisdom.
You better be man enough to
listen with patience,
not talk over me because you
can be louder.
- you can’t silence this woman
You
can
tear down
my tiny shed
made of rotted wood
but I will build back
a tower made of gold.
- women are architects and builders
My thoughts are purely in the present,
not distorting reality.
My mind is aligned with my body,
just like the moon pulling the tide.
One force regulating another.
- I am zen
; Mirror Images
I catch a glimpse of my aged
secrets in the mirror
during early mornings
before my makeup is evenly painted
on my skin,
or late at night when I have
nightmares of the places my mind
once had been.
I don’t ever want to be made up
of those secrets again.
All I Can Be
The cells I used to embody
no longer live inside these walls.
I have shed away the loathing
and filtered in passion.
My body is a temple
that will never be broken down.
- I am reborn
their beady eyes staring you
down with hunger.
Glare back at them until it cuts them
through their soul.
- we shouldn’t have to walk with our keys interlocked between our fingers
Her
outer
beauty
sprouted from
the nourishment
of her inner confidence.
- she’s alive even in a drought
Scars
You turned my gray scars
into
colorful tattoos
and my mind
into
new flowers
sprouting
from the nourished roots.
Living in the same
four bedroom
three bath
house since birth
has me itching
for more than familiar walls
and knowledge of where
the floors creak.
- pack my bags, leave the baggage
We Are Desirable
We are spray tans, fake tones,
because pale now means sickly and
orange means at least you’re trying.
We are eyelash extensions,
10 coats of mascara,
because if the small hairs
attached to her eyelids
have increased in a length
that are borderline wings,
then you need those too.
We are hate toward those
who resemble
what we aren’t
and where we wish to be.
Because sometimes we forget that the
thin
body we are envying wants the
CURVES
you read hate letters to in
the morning mirror.
We, she, he, her, it, his, theirs, ours,
have pieces no one else will.
We are desirable.
Happiness is a personal experience.
My happiness is not your happiness.
Daydream
I don’t want a white picket fence life.
2.5 kids in the backyard,
my spouse and I complaining
about jobs we hate.
I want the sun and the stars.
The whole damn universe.
I want to breathe in the fresh grass
and kiss in a canoe,
on my fifth vacation of the year.
Would I still be loved if the
long hair society wants,
was chopped off into what
society hates;
women who don’t all look the same?
- eliminate gender norms
If you saw me out now
sipping my drink with the man
who loves me madly,
I bet you would feel a
pit in your stomach and
rage in your throat.
You were the one
who thought my anxiety
was embarrassing in all
the public scenes.
With worry building
that I would ruin your
so-called image.
Now I have a hand to hold
if he sees my breathing
become uneasy.
- how does it feel to be without
my so-called virus?
How different would we treat
people if they were stamped
with expiration dates?
Who would we savor every
minute of, and who would we
let go to waste?
- we are all milk jugs in the end
I wonder if landfills are piled
with all the changes we’ve made.
Love notes crumpled under
broken picture frames,
surrounded by the clothes too big
from all the lost weight.
What are landfills,
other than a potluck of change?
Starving artists may be lacking in material possessions,
but they are flourishing in dedication
to their dreams.
- I prefer happiness over diamonds
The less makeup I wear,
the more I start to connect
with the girl smiling at me
in the mirror.
- unedited is just as beautiful
Bodies
There are many bodies on this earth.
My body of water is clear and deep,
filled with colorful fish and green plants.
Yours is shallow and murky
from the lack of weeds
being picked and toxins dripping in
that cause death to the fish.
It’s time to cleanse
your body,
your mind,
your soul.
Are we working for future goals
or are we working to get by
until we are dead?
After all, the future is nothing more
than the outcome of what you are
doing in the present.
- daydreams become reality
Our moons were different
on the night of our births.
One just shy of being full,
the other barely a sliver
of a crescent.
Now I know why you made me whole.
- together we are the full moon
I have spent way too many days
staring at a dressing room mirror
saying,
someday I’ll look good in these
skinny jeans.
But today I say,
fuck it.
I can wear what I want,
because life is too short to
care about a damn pair of pants.
- size zero or 20, you are beautiful
If you feel insecure in your relationship,
your significant other must suck and
I suggest moving on.
- love doesn’t always mean security
In the end,
we have only ever seen
our faces in
reflections and pictures.
Our true beauty is
a secret to us
and maybe that’s why we
are the last to believe in it.
- mirror, mirror, on the wall
You say you prefer a woman
with curves,
yet your facial expression
reads disgust
when she says she weighs 185.
Thankfully she has confidence
running over her
hips,
belly,
and thighs.
Ignoring your immature thoughts.
She can recognize an ugly mind.
- women aren’t here to please your eyes
She is already a river
flooding with ideas,
and no matter how much debris,
the flow of her wisdom will never
be slowed down.
- no dam will stop her
Your roots were planted eight feet
below the surface
in stale earth.
While mine were
only
three inches deep,
ready to be plucked up
and planted in richer soil.
- be adaptable
I taught myself that
independence
does not mean
loneliness,
it means
hopefulness.
- I found myself first
before I searched for you
You could pluck a 1,000 flower
petals.
He loves me,
he loves me not.
But all you will be left with is
a bunch of limp stems
and a boy who doesn’t deserve
you if you have to question where
you stand.
- you can gift yourself flowers
Rain drops drip
like tears down his cheek.
you saw that he too was weak.
As a grin appeared on his face,