Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie

  Before writing stories for a living, Jeff did lots of other jobs, including: delivering newspapers, cleaning toilets, caddying at bridge (the card game) tournaments, umpiring baseball games, ushering at the local cinema, driving executives around, devising business plans, developing new products, marketing washing-up liquid, pushing a mail cart, reading scripts, making movies, running the Enid Blyton literary estate, and developing and producing TV shows.

  With perhaps the exception of ushering at the cinema, writing is his favourite job.

  When he’s not dreaming up stories and writing them down, Jeff is on the web at www.jeffnorton.com and on social media as @thejeffnorton.

  By the same author

  Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie

  The MetaWars series

  Last Train from Kummersdorf

  Shortlisted – Guardian Children’s Fiction Prize

  It’s 1945 in Germany, and Hanno and Effi are on the run.

  An exceptional tale of courage, ingenuity, and the remarkable bonds formed during wartime.

  Five Children on the Western Front

  Winner – Costa Children’s Book Award

  It’s the eve of the First World War.

  An incredible, heart-wrenching sequel to E. Nesbit’s Five Children and It. The children have all grown up – war will change their lives for ever.

  The Spy’s Handbook

  The complete guide to professional spying!

  Whether you’re just a bit nosy, or you want to launch a full-scale investigation into your neighbours, this indispensable handbook will teach you everything you need to know, from codes, ciphers, invisible ink and signalling to guidance on drops and safe houses.

  Faber Children’s Classics

  About Faber and Faber

  FABER & FABER has published children’s books since 1929. Some of our very first publications included Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats by T. S. Eliot, starring the now world-famous Macavity, and The Iron Man by Ted Hughes. Our catalogue at the time said that ‘it is by reading such books that children learn the difference between the shoddy and the genuine’. We still believe in the power of reading to transform children’s lives.

  Copyright

  First published in 2015

  by Faber & Faber Limited

  Bloomsbury House,

  74–77 Great Russell Street,

  London WC1B 3DA

  This ebook edition first published in 2015

  Typeset by MRules

  All rights reserved

  Text © Awesome Media & Entertainment Ltd, 2015

  Doughnut illustration on cover © microvector / Shutterstock

  The right of Jeff Norton to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

  This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly

  ISBN 978–0–571–31189–7