he FAILED. And now it was going to
be winter FOREVER and his dad would
REALLY be disappointed in him.
172
So Roland walked down to the riverbank
and then pulled his flute out of his pocket
and played a sad tune.
All of a sudden Roland heard a splash
and noticed a MERMAID sitting on a rock
under the moonlight.
The mermaid said she liked Roland’s song
and that he must practice a LOT. And
Roland asked her if she was the Little
Mermaid and she said yeah but not the
Disney one.
173
The Little Mermaid swam closer to
Roland and they had a really nice chat.
Roland told the Little Mermaid a knock-
knock joke and she LAUGHED. And Roland
could tell she wasn’t faking.
Then they talked about all the famous
women they both admired like Amelia
Earhart and Jane Goodall and the one
who researched radioactivity.
But Roland said the woman he admired
the MOST was his mom.
174
And then Roland got SAD because he
realized he might never SEE her again.
The Little Mermaid wanted to know what
happened to his mom so he told her the
whole story from the beginning. But he
didn’t mind because the Little Mermaid
was a good listener.
When Roland was done the Little Mermaid
told him that this river went straight to
the Ice Fortress and if he followed it he’d
get there in a few DAYS.
But Roland told her a few days was
too LONG because it was going to be a
crescent moon the next night.
175
So then the Little Mermaid pulled out her
OWN flute and played a happy tune. And
Roland thought that was kind of a weird
thing to do right at that moment but he
liked the song so he didn’t say anything.
A few seconds later a NARWHAL came to
the surface.
176
The Little Mermaid told Roland the
narwhal was her FRIEND and it could get
him to the Ice Fortress before the crescent
moon rose.
Then Roland told her about his team and
said he couldn’t go without THEM. So she
played some MORE music and then MORE
narwhals appeared. And before long
Roland and his friends were on their way
to the Ice Fortress.
ef
177
I was really proud of this chapter because
I liked how it teaches kids that if they
listen to their parents and practice their
instruments then good things will happen.
Plus I really liked the part with the
narwhals and I told Greg we could put
one on the COVER.
But Greg said it was a TERRIBLE chapter
and I was gonna have to make a TON of
changes.
178
Greg told me the narwhal stuff felt way
too YOUNG and if we put one on the
cover then only little kids would buy the
book. And he said he didn't wanna have to
babysit a bunch of preschoolers at our
book signings.
But I said I LIKED the narwhals. So Greg
said maybe we could do an early-reader
version of the book and a narwhal could
be on the cover of THAT.
Greg said I should swap out the narwhal
for something COOLER like a seahorse
because then OLDER kids would like it.
179
I said there aren't any seahorses in the
story but Greg said that didn't MATTER
because once someone buys the book
you've got their money.
Then Greg told me it's not even that
IMPORTANT what happens in the book
since the people in charge of making the
movie are just gonna change everything
ANYWAY.
180
Greg said they were gonna have to make
the story a lot more EDGY so teenagers
would wanna see it. Then he said they'd
probably replace Roland with someone
who was twice his age and would say a
lot of swears.
I said maybe we shouldn't even MAKE
a movie if they're just gonna change
everything.
181
And Greg said if there's not gonna be
a movie then I could say good-bye to
video games and personal fragrances and
Halloween costumes and kids' meals at
fast-food restaurants.
I told Greg I was OK with that because I
was only trying to have fun and use my
imagination and now everything was just
getting too COMPLICATED.
So Greg said if we weren't gonna try to
cash in on the book then he wasn't gonna
help me FINISH it. And to be honest I was
kind of OK with that too.
CHAPTER 14
The narwhals took Roland and his friends
all the way to the frozen shores of the Ice
Fortress.
Roland’s team said thanks to the Little
Mermaid and the narwhals for getting
them this far. And when Roland said
good-bye to the Little Mermaid he gave
her hand an extra squeeze to let her
know he thought she was SPECIAL.
184
The Ice Fortress was surrounded by a
thick wall just like the One-Eyed Wizard
SAID it would be. Roland and the team
started looking for the secret door but
without that map they didn’t even know
where to START.
Then the One-Eyed Wizard stopped in his
tracks. He said his magic eyeball must’ve
fallen out of the elf’s pocket because
all of a sudden he could see EXACTLY
where she was.
185
She was nearby looking for the secret
DOOR.
The One-Eyed Wizard said they needed to
move QUICKLY and find the door before
the ELF could. So the wizard and Roland
hurried off ahead of the rest of the group.
They ran along the ice wall and found
the magic eyeball sitting on the frozen
ground. But the elf was GONE.
The One-Eyed Wizard said she had
probably already found the secret door
Roland feel really sad. But he was pretty
tired from all that running so he leaned
against the ice wall to rest.
Then the part of the wall where Roland
put his hand started to GLOW and there
was a loud rumbling noise.
187
It was the secret door! After it opened,
Roland and the wizard stepped inside the
tunnel.
They felt their way through the tunnel
until it started getting light up ahead.
And when they got to the end Roland
knew they were in the White Warlock’s
THRONE ROOM.
The White Warlock was sitting on his
throne but Roland didn’t see his MOM.
188
Roland had been waiting for this moment
for a long time but now he was so scared
he couldn’t even MOVE.
The One-Eyed Wizard WASN’T scared
though. He jumped out of the tunnel and
stood in front of the White Warlock with
his wand raised. But the White Warlock
just LAUGHED.
Roland thought that laugh was really
FAMILIAR. And that’s when he realized
the White Warlock was actually SANTA.
189
Roland was totally CONFUSED so he
asked the One-Eyed Wizard what was
going on. The One-Eyed Wizard explained
EVERYTHING and it was kind of a long
story.
The One-Eyed Wizard said Santa was his
BROTHER. And when they were little
boys their parents let them each pick a
HOLIDAY to represent.
The One-Eyed Wizard said Santa was
totally spoiled so he got to pick FIRST and
of course he got the BEST holiday.
190
And when the One-Eyed Wizard picked
HIS holiday he got one that nobody even
CARES about.
So Santa went on to become world-famous
because his holiday was AWESOME but
the One-Eyed Wizard couldn’t get people
to care about his holiday even though he
tried his hardest.
191
And then one day he got a little careless
while waving a flag and he’s been plotting
revenge on his brother ever SINCE.
The One-Eyed Wizard said he knew he
could never challenge Santa at the North
Pole because his elves would PROTECT
him. But he ALSO knew that Santa goes
to the Ice Fortress to relax during the
summer months so he hatched a plan to
attack him THERE.
The One-Eyed Wizard said the only
PROBLEM was that the Ice Fortress was
protected by a giant WALL and the only
way in was through a secret entrance.
192
Roland told the One-Eyed Wizard he kind
of already KNEW this part but what the
wizard said NEXT was a real surprise.
The One-Eyed Wizard said that only a
person who was pure of heart could OPEN
the secret door. And he’d spent YEARS
searching for someone like that.
Then one day the One-Eyed Wizard was
looking through his crystal ball and he
loved his parents very much. And that
boy was ROLAND.
193
The One-Eyed Wizard knew that if he
tricked Roland into thinking his mom got
kidnapped he’d go on a journey to SAVE
her. And that would lead him right to the
Ice Fortress and the secret door.
So the One-Eyed Wizard whipped up a
snowstorm in Roland’s village and when
his mom went to the store to buy a snow
shovel he hypnotized their next-door
neighbor Mrs. Nettles into telling Roland
the made-up story about the White Warlock.
And that’s how this whole thing got
STARTED.
194
Then he said the story about marrying
the White Warlock and the endless winter
thing was all a big LIE.
At first Roland was HAPPY because this
meant his mom was safe and sound back
at home. But then he got SAD because he
knew his parents were probably worried
SICK about him.
And that made Roland MAD. So he pulled
out his sword and took a step toward
the One-Eyed Wizard. But now it was the
One-Eyed Wizard’s turn to laugh. And
even his LAUGH wasn’t as good as his
brother’s.
195
The One-Eyed Wizard said the whole
reason he picked Roland to BEGIN with
was because he was too NICE to fight.
And Roland knew the wizard was RIGHT.
But now SANTA was mad and he WASN’T
afraid to fight.
196
Santa rose up off his throne and used his
staff to shoot snowballs at the One-Eyed
Wizard. But the One-Eyed Wizard was
READY for that and he blocked them with
a magic SHIELD.
Then the One-Eyed Wizard fired BACK by
shooting FIREBALLS from his wand. But
Santa BLOCKED the fireballs with icicles
that fell from the ceiling.
197
Now the One-Eyed Wizard and Santa were
face-to-face and they went at each other
with everything they HAD. And Roland
was worried because it seemed like Santa
was LOSING.
198
But just when it seemed like the One-Eyed
Wizard was going to WIN, an arrow came
flying out of NOWHERE and knocked the
wand from his hand.
And Roland couldn’t believe his eyes
when he saw who SHOT it.
Shae’Vana shot three MORE arrows at the
One-Eyed Wizard and pinned his robe to
the ice wall so he couldn’t MOVE.
Roland told Santa to look out because he
thought Shae’Vana was going to shoot him
NEXT. But Santa wasn’t scared at ALL. In
fact he seemed pretty happy to SEE her.
200
Now Roland was more confused than
EVER. But Santa and Shae’Vana explained
what was going on. And this was kind of
a long story TOO.
Santa told Roland that Shae’Vana was