Roland knew that if he opened his eyes he
was going to be NEXT. So when Medusa
tried to trick him, Roland kept his eyes
shut TIGHT.
Then Medusa pretended like she left the
room but Roland knew she was still there
because he could hear her SNAKES.
85
Roland couldn’t keep his eyes shut
FOREVER so he tried to think of what his
friend Sherlock Holmes would do to get
out of this mess. Roland thought about
Medusa’s angry snakes and then he had
an IDEA.
Roland told Medusa the reason her snakes
were so MAD was because she was using
a harsh shampoo that bothered their
EYES. And then Roland told Medusa he
had a travel bottle of GENTLE shampoo in
his bag and maybe if she used it to wash
her hair the snakes would calm down.
86
Well Medusa thought this was some kind
of TRICK but Roland told her his parents
raised him right and he never fibs.
So Medusa got the shampoo from
Roland’s bag and took her second shower
of the day. And when Medusa came out
she sounded happy and told Roland he
could open his eyes because she put
sunglasses on.
Roland wasn’t sure how Medusa’s parents
raised HER and he thought this could be
another trick. But Roland didn’t hear the
snakes hissing anymore so he decided to
trust her this time.
87
Medusa asked Roland if she looked
pretty NOW. But Roland remembered his
mom telling him that if you don’t have
anything NICE to say you shouldn’t say
anything at all.
So that’s what he did.
ef
88
Greg said it was a GREAT idea to have
all those characters from classic books
in the last chapter because librarians go
NUTS for that stuff. Then he said if we
replace Roland with a character people
have actually HEARD of we'd sell a lot
more books.
Greg liked having Medusa as a character
because everyone would know who SHE was.
89
And he said we could sell lots of toys like
one that lets girls style her HAIR.
And I said maybe boys could play with it
too if they liked that kind of stuff.
The only thing that made Greg nervous
was how Sherlock Holmes had a PIPE
because he said grown-ups get touchy
about that and they might not sell the
book at school fairs.
But I told Greg the pipe was just part
of Sherlock Holmes's detective costume
and didn't have anything IN it. And Greg
said we should be OK then.
CHAPTER 7
91
Medusa thanked Roland for the shampoo
and told him he was free to go. But
Roland knew he couldn’t leave without
his best friend Garg and his NEW friend
Sherlock Holmes.
Roland asked Medusa if she could turn
them back to normal but she said only a
she knew was the One-Eyed Wizard who
lived in the Burnt Swamp.
So Roland left Medusa’s cave to search for
the One-Eyed Wizard. And even though
Roland was scared to be on his own for the
first time he tried to be brave for his mom.
92
The Burnt Swamp was even more awful
than Roland imagined and he got totally
LOST. But then Roland saw a light coming
from a hut deep in the swamp and he
went toward it.
Sure enough the hut belonged to the One-
Eyed Wizard who told Roland to come
inside and take a seat.
Even though Roland’s parents told him to
never talk to strangers he figured they’d
let him make an exception this one time.
93
The One-Eyed Wizard said he had been
watching Roland for a long time in
his crystal ball and he knew all about
Roland’s mom and the White Warlock
and Medusa and Garg and even Sherlock
Holmes.
And even though Roland was a little
creeped out that this guy had been
watching him all this time, Roland was
kind of glad he didn’t have to tell him the
whole story from the beginning.
The wizard said the White Warlock wanted
to make it winter FOREVER and the
reason he kidnapped Roland’s mom was
so he could make her his QUEEN.
94
Roland said the White Warlock COULDN’T
make his mom his queen because she’s
already married to his DAD. But the One-
Eyed Wizard said the White Warlock could
just snap his fingers and make his mom
forget all about her old life.
Then he told Roland the WORST part. He
said Roland would be the White Warlock’s
STEPSON and he’d make Roland play
catch with him and call him “Dad.”
95
But the One-Eyed Wizard said there was
still time to save his mom because the
White Warlock couldn’t make her his
queen until there was a crescent moon.
And that was still ten days away.
The One-Eyed Wizard said the Ice Fortress
was protected by a wall that was twenty
feet thick and thirty feet high. And nobody
had ever gotten THROUGH it before.
But Roland knew a guy who was good at
smashing things. And right now he was a
statue in Medusa’s cave.
ef
96
Greg said the new chapter was pretty
boring because it was basically just two
dudes talking in a swamp.
But when I said maybe I could add some
more ACTION he said I should just keep
it the way it is because this will be the
scene in the movie when everyone gets
up to use the bathroom and goes to refill
their sodas and popcorn.
97
Then he said the BIGGER problem was
that there were way too many GUYS
in the story. I said MEDUSA is a girl
but Greg said she doesn't really count
because she's a MONSTER.
He said I need to put a few REGULAR
females in the story to give girls a
reason to come see the MOVIE. Because
if we DON'T, we'll only make HALF the
money.
Greg's other big comment was that the
"endless winter" thing has been done a
million times in other stories and I need
to change it to something ELSE.
98
I said maybe the White Warlock can make
an endless SPRING instead. But Greg said
that was the worst idea he ever heard
because everybody LIKES spring.
So I guess I'll just keep it winter unless
I can think of another season everyone
HATES.
CHAPTER 8
100
When Roland and the One-Eyed Wizard got
to Medusa’s cave she wasn’t ther
e. But
she left a note that said she went off to
New York City to become a model.
Roland showed the One-Eyed Wizard the
statue of Garg, and the wizard used his
wand to turn him back into a regular
barbarian.
The One-Eyed Wizard turned Sherlock
Holmes back to normal too. And then the
wizard kind of got on a roll and unfroze
everybody ELSE.
101
102
And when Roland saw how EASY it was
for the wizard to turn everyone back to
normal he felt a little bad about what
happened to the statues Garg smashed.
103
Most of the creatures hurried out of the
cave in case the modeling thing didn’t
work out for Medusa and she came BACK.
But a few of them stuck around because
they wanted to thank Roland for saving
them and hear how he GOT there.
So Roland told them about his mom and
the White Warlock and the stuff about the
endless winter.
Then the elf girl said she’d come WITH
Roland to help him rescue his mom. Then
everyone ELSE said they’d go TOO.
And that made Roland happy because he
knew his mom would be proud of him for
making so many new friends.
106
Greg said this was another boring chapter
because it was mostly talking. But what he
DID like were all the new CHARACTERS.
He said it's really important to have
lots of characters so when the movie
comes out you can do a different poster
featuring each one.
107
Plus he said we could make little plastic
figurines of all the characters and put
them in those kids' meals you get at
fast-food restaurants.
Well I didn't really like THAT idea because
I don't wanna encourage kids to eat fast
food. But Greg said kids could always
swap out french fries for apple slices
and that made me feel a little better.
I also said I don't wanna add a lot of
plastic junk to the world because that
stuff hurts the PLANET.
108
So Greg said we could make the toys out
of BIODEGRADABLE plastic so they'd
turn to mush after a little while. And
that made me feel better too I guess.
Greg really liked the girl elf whose name
is Shae'Vana. He said girls would think she
was cool and they'd all wanna dress up as
her for Halloween.
109
Greg said Shae'Vana should have a special
TALENT and that maybe she could be a
master THIEF. I said stealing is WRONG
but Greg said it's OK if it's her job. And I
guess that kind of makes sense.
But Greg wasn't crazy about some of
the OTHER characters in this chapter.
He said I should ditch the alien because
this book is supposed to be FANTASY and
not sci-fi.
And Greg didn't like the half-man, half-cow
whose name is Stephen.
110
Greg said if I was trying to draw a
CENTAUR then it's supposed to be
half-man, half-HORSE. I said I'm pretty
sure centaurs can be cows too and he
said yeah but all cows are GIRLS so
if I wanted to keep it as a half-cow
then Stephen would have to lose the
mustache.
I said this was getting too complicated
so maybe I'll just ditch Stephen too. But
Greg said we should KEEP him because
those udders are gonna come in handy
when we do our fast-food deal.
CHAPTER 9
112
Roland and his team went through the
Boulder Pass to cut across the Razor
Range. That’s where they were attacked
by ogres who threw giant rocks down
on them. And Roland was really glad he
remembered to wear his helmet.
Everyone thought they were going to get
squished by the boulders but then the
One-Eyed Wizard created a giant magical
hand to PROTECT them.
After they got clear of the Boulder Pass
the team was so happy to be alive that
they took a minute to CELEBRATE with
cold glasses of milk. And everyone agreed
it tasted WAY better than a sugary drink
like soda.
But they celebrated too SOON because five
seconds later they all got scooped up off
the ground by giant EAGLES.
At first Roland thought it was kind of
FUN to be that high in the air. But then
he realized the eagles wanted to feed
them to their BABIES.
115
Luckily Shae’Vana was really good with
her BOW and she SAVED everyone. And
the magical hand caught each of them and
set them all down on the ground safely.
So now everyone was calling the magical
hand “Lefty” and giving high fives and
fist bumps to thank him.
116
And that made Lefty feel good.
Everyone thought it was too dangerous to
stay out in the open so they decided to cut
through the Mines of Murlak. But after
everybody was inside, Garg hit his head
on a stalactite which made the tunnel
COLLAPSE.
So now they were TRAPPED and the only