CACKLE
CACKLE
CACKLE
CACKLE
52
Sunday
Well, all the hard work we put into decorating for
Halloween yesterday got wiped out.
A bunch of geese got at the jack-o’-lanterns in
the middle of the night and made a HUGE mess.
Every fall, geese flying south for the winter
make a pit stop in our town and stick around for
a few weeks before heading back out. Usually they
poop all over the soccer field at the town park,
but other than that they’re pretty harmless.
For some reason, though, this year they’re
SUPER aggressive toward people.
53
For the past few weeks, me and Rowley have been getting ambushed just about every day on our walk
home from school.
And the geese aren’t just going after KIDS,
either. Whenever Dad goes out to get the mail,
he’s gotta arm himself for
battle.
Dad wants to call Animal Control to clear the
geese off our street, but Mom won’t let him.
HONK
HISSSSSS
54
She says geese have been flocking to these parts
for thousands of years, and if anything, WE’RE
the ones intruding on THEIR lives.
I’m personally fine with animals, as long as they
keep their distance. But I think if we don’t draw
a line somewhere, we’re just headed for trouble.
My science teacher said that 40,000 years ago,
dogs used to be wild animals, just like wolves. But
then I guess they saw our warm fires and cozy
caves and wanted to get in on the action. So they
wagged their tails and did a few tricks and that’s
all it took.
55
Nowadays, dogs have it MADE. People spend all
kinds of money buying them gourmet food and
cushiony beds.
I’m sure the reason wolves seem so ticked off all
the time is because they’re just jealous THEY
didn’t think of kissing up to people first.
CATS aren’t stupid either. Last summer Mrs.
Fredericks up the street fed a stray cat that
was hanging out in her yard, and each night
after that MORE cats came. Now the cats have
completely taken over her house, and she recently
had to sell her car so she could afford to keep
feeding them.
56
We’ve got problems with our OWN pet, which is a
PIG. Personally, I think it should live outside in
a pen or a shed or something, but instead it lives
inside the house with US. And not only does it
use the same bathtub as me, but I’m 99% sure
it’s been using my TOOTHBRUSH, too.
And that thing is SMART, which makes me kind
of nervous.
DAB
DAB
57
In fact, I think it’s been trying to learn how to
COMMUNICATE with us. Manny has this toy
called a “See-and-Talk,” where you pull a string
and it says a word.
Somehow, the pig figured out how to USE the
See-and-Talk, and every so often it manages to
put together a full sentence.
PIG...EAT...
ICE CREAM
PULL
PULL
PULL
SEE
AND
TALK
58
Lately I’ve been thinking there’s gotta be a way
the two of us can team up. I’ve heard a pig’s
sense of smell is 2,000 times better than a human
being’s. That talent could really come in handy.
Mom always buys the Halloween candy for trick-
or-treaters a few weeks early, and she hides it
somewhere so the rest of us don’t get at it. I’ve
turned the house upside down looking for it, but
so far no luck. And if the pig knows what I’m
looking for, it’s not being very helpful.
This time of year is TORTURE for a kid. There
are all these candy commercials on TV, and every
time you walk into the grocery store it’s like they’re
TRYING to mess with you.
59
But Mom says I can’t have any candy until
Halloween night, which I think is totally cruel.
I think I’ve figured out a way to get my hands
on some candy BEFORE Halloween, though. My
school is having a contest called the “Balloon
Brigade,” which it does every October.
Each student gets a helium balloon, and everyone
releases theirs at the same time. They give you
these little cards to write your name and address
on, and when people find the balloons they’re
supposed to send them back.
STOCK UP ON
CANDY
60
The school has a big map on a bulletin board near
the library, and when a kid turns in a balloon,
Vice Principal Roy uses a thumbtack to mark how
far it went.
At the end of the week he measures the distance
each balloon traveled to find out whose went the
farthest, and that kid gets a REWARD.
GREETINGS
FROM THE
PLEASE
SEND
THIS
BALLOON
BALLOON
BRIGADE!
BACK
TO
THE
ADDRESS
WRITTEN
ON
THE
REVERSE
SIDE
OF
THIS
CARD
AND
LET
US
KNOW
HOW
FAR
IT
TRAVELED!
BALLOON
BRIGADE!
61
Last year, Andrea Gennarro’s balloon traveled
forty-three miles, and she won a thirty-dollar
gift certificate for the book fair.
But THIS year the grand prize is a giant jar of
candy corn, which is sitting in Vice Principal Roy’s
office right now.
The school puts a little code on each balloon so
nobody cheats and turns in a store-bought balloon.
I’ve never had one of my balloons sent back to
me, though. I need to make SURE that whoever
finds mine doesn’t just ignore me, so I wrote
a three-page letter that I’m hoping will get a
response.
62
Because when it comes to free candy, I’m not
messing around.
Monday
After lunch today the teachers led us all out to
the basketball court for the big Balloon Brigade
launch. I still get kind of nervous stepping foot
on the blacktop, because that’s where the Cheese
sat for a year and a half. There’s even a stain
where it used to be.
To whoever finds this balloon:
I am a lonely child without any
friends. I released this balloon
hoping it would find its way to a
kind person who might write me
back and bring some joy to my life.
63
It’s been a long time since the Cheese terrorized
our school, but I guess some people actually
LIKED having something to be scared of. A
few different times kids have tried to start the
Cheese Touch back up, but the teachers are on
the lookout because they don’t want to have to go
through all that nonsense again.
One kid actually managed to sneak a piece of lunch
meat onto the court during recess, but the Roast
Beef Touch didn’t have the same ring to it.
HEY!
YOU'VE GOT THE
ROAST BEEF
TOUCH! HA HA!
64
Still, someone’s ALWAYS trying to start some
new thing. This year it’s all about the chairs in
the auditorium.
The chairs are red except ONE, which is yellow
and has a busted leg. Apparently some kid peed
on it during a really long assembly last month.
And if you’re not paying attention and sit in the
yellow chair, you’re pretty much finished for the
rest of the school year.
If you ask me, people should just be happy
the Cheese Touch is behind us and stop trying
to replace it with something else. Because the
last thing you need in middle school is anything
EXTRA to worry about.
TINKLE SEAT!
65
Today, Vice Principal Roy did a countdown on his
bullhorn and everyone released their balloons. I
have to admit, it was kind of exciting to see all of
them go up in the air at the same time.
But the excitement didn’t last LONG.
Almost all of the balloons went straight into the
new cell phone tower they built on the hill next to
the football field, and didn’t go any farther.
66
Luckily, my balloon was weighed down by the
letter I wrote, so it went UNDER the tower,
and then it cleared the trees on the other side.
I don’t think my balloon is gonna make it as far
as Andrea Gennarro’s did, but I don’t NEED it
to. As long as someone finds the balloon and sends
it back, that jar of candy corn is MINE.
I just hope they write instead of call. I put
Mom’s cell phone number on my letter, but
apparently it’s gonna be a few days before they fix
the tower and people in town can get service again.
67
Wednesday
It’s been two days, and still no word on my
balloon. I’m starting to get a little worried,
because the contest ends Monday, and if nobody
gets their balloon back, I’m sure Vice Principal
Roy is gonna keep the candy for HIMSELF.
Lately I’ve been having trouble staying focused
at school, but luckily my homework hasn’t been
that hard. Our reading assignment was to write
a biography on a famous author, so I chose the
Spineticklers guy.
But it turns out there’s barely ANY information on
him. In fact, the only thing I could find was the
little blurb in the back of
his books.
Who is I.M.
SPOOKY?
Almost nothing is known
about the mysterious I.M
Spooky. Allwe can say for
sure is that he's cooking up
a terrifying new entry in the
Spineticklers series!
68
The good news is that since I wasn’t really able
to find anything on I.M. Spooky, I was finished
with my entire author’s bio in about two minutes.
With a name like I.M. Spooky, I guess you have
no CHOICE but to write scary books for a living.
I kind of wish I had never started reading
those Spineticklers books, though. Because once
you start reading them, it’s hard to STOP. And
they’re starting to affect my everyday life.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY
AUTHOR NAME:
BIRTHDATE:
PLACE OF BIRTH:
HOBBIES:
EDUCATION:
INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT
THE AUTHOR:
I.M. Spooky
69
Going to the dentist was never that much fun to
begin with, but after I read Spineticklers number
67, it got even WORSE.
I’ve checked out every Spineticklers book from the
library, and I even borrowed a few Spineticklers
Junior books from Rowley so I could keep going.
And just like I predicted, the books are starting
to give me nightmares. Spineticklers number 71 is
about this kid who grows a lizard tail and tries to
hide it from his family and teachers.
Spineticklers
MY DENTIST
IS THE
DEVIL
WHIRRR
BY I.M. Spooky
70
That one really stressed me out, and the night I
read it, I had a dream that I was the one with
the tail.
Actually, my dream started off really GOOD,
because there are a bunch of fun things you can do
with a tail that you wouldn’t even think of.
Spineticklers
TAILS,
YOU
LOSE
BY I.M. Spooky
SLURP
SMACK
71
In my dream I wasn’t ashamed of my tail, I
was PROUD of it. And I used it to its full
advantage.
The only thing I didn’t like about it was that when
I got excited about something, everyone could tell.
DO YOU THINK
THAT GIRL IS
CUTE?
REALLY.
WAG
WAG
DRIBBLE
DRIBBLE
72
Then all of a sudden my tail became a PROBLEM.
People got jealous, and the next thing I knew, I
was being hunted like I was some kind of monster.
I ran for my LIFE and escaped through a
window, and the townspeople chased me down the
street and through a shopping mall. I almost got
away, but then my tail got stuck in the escalator.
WHERE'D
HE GO?
73
I swear I could actually FEEL
it happen, and it
In fact, the dream was so realistic that I turned
on the light to see if I actually DID have a tail.
And I have to say, I was a little disappointed
when I realized that nothing was there.
That’s not the ONLY bad dream I’ve had
because of those books, though.
woke me up.
SCREAM!
74
The other night I had a dream where I was
captured by zombie pirates and made to walk
the plank. For some reason, I kept repeating
this stupid rhyme.
Unfortunately, I was saying it for REAL, so
now Rodrick has a video of me talking in my sleep.
STEP, STEP, STEP,
NO, NO, NO! PLOP,
PLOP, PLOP, IN I GO!
STEP, STEP, STEP,
NO, NO, NO! PLOP
PLOP, PLOP, IN I GO!
75
Sometimes my dreams are so ridiculous I actually
KNOW I’m having a nightmare. And when that
happens, I try to snap out of it.
Other times I THINK I’m having a nightmare
&
nbsp; but I’m actually NOT. Then when I try to wake
myself up, I realize I’m not asleep.
WAKE UP,
DUMMY!
SPLASH
CHOMP
GOBBLE
PTOO
76
Mom has this book that explains how to make
sense of dreams, and it’s actually pretty
interesting. Basically everything that happens in
your dreams has some kind of deeper meaning.
Apparently the one about the tail means I’m
ashamed of something in my past. And the dream
about the pirates means I’m stressed out about
not being a good enough friend.
The other night I had a dream that all my teeth
were loose, and apparently that one’s about a fear
of getting older, which kind of makes sense.
Falling
A dream about falling means you
have a fear of losing control of your
life. It could also mean you're afraid
you don't have enough time to get
everything done.
ACHOOO!
77
But it’s gonna take me FOREVER to decode the
dream I had LAST night, because that one was
just completely bonkers.
Thursday
It turns out picking the Spineticklers author
for my reading assignment was a bad call. Almost
ALL the kids in my class did their author
biographies on I.M. Spooky, and NOBODY
could find any information on the guy. I think
our teacher, Mrs. Mott, thought we were trying
to be funny, so she said we all had to stay in for
recess every day until we redid our assignment.
MUSTARD ON MY
TURNIPS, PLEEAAASE!
KICK
FWOOM
FWOOM
78
I think part of why Mrs. Mott got so mad is
that she’s getting sick of everyone doing their
book reports on the Spineticklers series.
Last week at least five kids picked the exact
same book for their assignment, and it just about
pushed Mrs. Mott over the edge.
Spineticklers
MY TEACHER IS A
CANNIBAL
BY I.M. Spooky
79