I’m very excited that you’re holding the Kindle edition of
Diary of a Wimpy Kid in your hands.
When I read my first e-book on a Kindle, I was amazed at
the possibilities. Carrying a whole library around with me on a
device I could fit in the palm of my hand? Amazing.
What’s been very rewarding to me as an author has been
seeing kids carrying their dog-eared copies of Diary of a
Wimpy Kid with them. The Kindle allows kids to have the
whole series at their fingertips, and the reading experience
is crisp and clean every time . . . with no chance of today's
breakfast staining the pages.
Thank you for purchasing Diary of a Wimpy Kid on your
Kindle. I hope it gives you lots of laughs and you have as
much fun reading it as I did writing it.
Jeff Kinney
June
Friday
For me, summer vacation is basically a three-month
guilt trip.
Just because the weather’s nice, everyone expects
you to be outside all day “frolicking” or whatever.
And if you don’t spend every second outdoors,
people think there’s something wrong with you.
But the truth is, I’ve always been more of an
indoor person.
The way I like to spend my summer vacation is in
front of the tv, playing video games with the
curtains closed and the lights turned off.
chips
Unfortunately, Mom’s idea of the perfect summer
vacation is different from mine.
you should really
let some sunlight
in here …
hisssss!
yank
chips
Mom says it’s not “natural” for a kid to stay
indoors when it’s sunny out. I tell her that I’m
just trying to protect my skin so I don’t look
all wrinkly when I’m old like her, but she doesn’t
want to hear it.
Mom keeps trying to get me to do something
outside, like go to the pool. But I spent the
first part of the summer at my friend Rowley’s
pool, and that didn’t work out so good.
2
Rowley’s family belongs to a country club, and
when school let out for the summer, we were
going there every single day.
Then we made the mistake of inviting this girl
named Trista who just moved into our neighborhood.
I thought it would be really nice of us to share our
country club lifestyle with her. But five seconds
after we got to the pool, she met some lifeguard
and forgot all about the guys who invited her there.
3
The lesson I learned is that some people won’t
think twice about using you, especially when
there’s a country club involved.
Me and Rowley were better off without a girl
hanging around, anyway. We’re both bachelors at
the moment, and during the summer it’s better
to be unattached.
hel-lo,
ladies!
hot tub for
adult use only
A few days ago I noticed the quality of service
at the country club was starting to go down a
little. Like sometimes the temperature in the
sauna was a few degrees too hot, and one time
the poolside waiter forgot to put one of those
little umbrellas in my fruit smoothie.
4
I reported all my complaints to Rowley’s dad.
But for some reason Mr. Jefferson never passed
them on to the clubhouse manager.
Which is kind of weird. If it was me who was
paying for a country club membership, I’d want
to make sure I was getting my money’s worth.
Anyway, a little while later Rowley told me he
wasn’t allowed to invite me to his pool anymore,
which is fine with me. I’m much happier inside
my air-conditioned house, where I don’t have to
check my soda can for bees every time I go to
take a sip.
5
Saturday
Like I said, Mom keeps trying to get me to go to
the pool with her and my little brother, Manny,
but the thing is, my family belongs to the town
pool, not the country club. And once you’ve tasted
the country club life, it’s hard to go back to being
an ordinary Joe at the town pool.
snack
trash
Besides, last year I swore to myself that I
would never go back to that place again. At the
town pool you have to go through the locker
room before you can go swimming, and that means
walking through the shower area, where grown
men are soaping down right out in the open.
6
The first time I walked through the men’s
locker room at the town pool was one of the
most traumatic experiences of my life.
patrons
must
shower
before
entering
pool
I’m probably lucky I didn’t go blind. Seriously,
I don’t see why Mom and Dad bother to try
and protect me from horror movies and stuff like
that if they’re gonna expose me to something
about a thousand times worse.
I really wish Mom would stop asking me to go to
the town pool, because every time she does, it
puts images in my mind that I’ve been trying
hard to forget.
7
Sunday
Well, now I’m Definitely staying indoors
for the rest of the summer. Mom had a “house
meeting” last night and said money is tight this
year and we can’t afford to go to the beach,
which means no family vacation.
that really stinks. I was actually looking
forward to going to the beach this summer.
Not because I like the ocean and the sand and
all of that, because I don’t. I realized a long
time ago that all the world’s fish and turtles and
whales go to the bathroom right there in the
ocean. And I seem to be the only person who’s bothered by this.
8
My brother Rodrick likes to tease me because he
thinks I’m afraid of the waves. But I’m telling
you, that’s not it at all.
scream!!!
splish
Anyway, I was looking forward to going to the
beach because I’m finally tall enough to go on the
Cranium Shaker, which is this really awesome ride
that’s on the boardwalk. Rodrick’s been on the
Cranium Shaker at least a hundred times, and he
says you can’t call yourself a man until you ride it.
9
Mom said maybe if we “save our pennies” we can go
back to the beach next year. Then she said we’d
still do a lot of fun stuff as a family and one day
we’ll look back on this as the
“best summer ever.”
Well, now I only have two things to look forward
to this summer. One is my birthday, and the
other is when the last “Li’l Cutie” comic runs in
the paper. I don’t know if I ever mentioned
this before, but “Li’l Cutie” is the worst comic
ever. To give you an idea of what I’m talking
about, here’s what ran in the paper today —
Daddy, is rain just God sweating?
10
But here’s the thing: Even though I hate “Li’l
Cutie,” I can’t stop myself from reading it, and
Dad can’t, either. I guess we just like seeing
how bad it is.
look at
this
garbage!
gimme
that!
“Li’l Cutie” has been around for at least thirty
years, and it’s written by this guy named Bob
Post. I’ve heard Li’l Cutie is based on Bob’s son
when he was a little kid.
If I eat this
gween bean,
will its
mommy and
daddy be sad?
ka-ching!
11
But I guess now that the real Li’l Cutie is all
grown up, his dad’s having trouble coming up with
new material.
shake
shake
A couple of weeks ago the newspaper announced
that Bob Post is retiring and the final “Li’l Cutie”
is gonna be printed in August. Ever since then me
and Dad have been counting down the days until
june
When the last “Li’l Cutie” comes out, me and Dad
will have to throw a party, because something like
that deserves a serious celebration.
12
Monday
Even though me and Dad see eye to eye on “Li’l
Cutie,” there are still a lot of things we butt
heads over. The big issue between us right now is
my sleep schedule. During the summer I like to
stay up all night watching tv or playing video
games and then sleep through the morning. But
Dad gets kind of crabby if I’m still in bed when
he gets home from work.
zzzzz
Lately, Dad’s been calling me at noon to make sure
I’m not still asleep. So I keep a phone by my bed
and use my best wide-awake voice when he calls.
I think Dad’s jealous because he has to go to
work while the rest of us get to kick back and
take it easy every day.
13
But if he’s gonna be all grumpy about it, he
should just become a teacher or a snowplow
driver or have one of those jobs where you get
to take summers off.
Mom’s not really helping improve Dad’s mood,
either. She calls him at work about five times a
day with updates on everything that’s going on
around the house.
guess what manny
did in the potty
today? guess! guess!
Tuesday
Dad got Mom a new camera for Mother’s Day,
and lately she’s been taking lots of pictures. I
think it’s because she feels guilty about not
keeping up on the family photo albums.
14
When my older brother, Rodrick, was a baby,
Mom was totally on top of things.
Rodrick’s first
time trying peas
Rodrick’s second
time trying peas
Rodrick’s first
steps
Kaboom!
Once I came along I guess Mom got busy, so
from that point on there are a lot of gaps in
our official family history.
15
welcome Gregory
to the world
Taking Gregory home
from the hospital
Gregory’s 6th
birthday party
Gregory’s first
day of middle school
I’ve learned that photo albums aren’t an accurate
record of what happened in your life, anyway.
Last year when we were at the beach, Mom
bought a bunch of fancy seashells at a gift shop,
and later on I saw her bury them in the sand
for Manny to “discover.”
16
look at what
you found,
manny!
snap
Well, I wish I didn’t see that, because it made
me re-evaluate my whole childhood.
Gregory really “digs” seashells!
Today Mom said I was looking “shaggy,” so she
told me she was taking me to get a haircut.
17
But I never would’ve agreed to get my hair cut if
I knew that Mom was taking me to Bombshells
Beauty Salon, which is where Mom and Gramma
get their hair cut.
beauty
n
I have to say, though, the whole beauty salon
experience wasn’t that bad. First of all, they
have tvs all over the place, so you can watch a
show while you’re waiting to get your hair cut.
Second, they have lots of tabloids, those newspapers you see in the checkout lines at grocery stores. Mom
says tabloids are full of lies, but I think there’s
some really important stuff in those things.
18
Miracle Pill to
Make you
97% Smarter
Books, Libraries to
Become Extinct
Gramma is always buying tabloids, even though
Mom doesn’t approve. A few weeks ago Gramma
wasn’t answering her phone, so Mom got worried
and drove over to Gramma’s to see if she was ok.
Gramma was fine, but she wasn’t picking up her
phone because of something she read.
cordless telephones
erase the memory of
the elderly.
19
But when Mom asked Gramma where she got her
information, Gramma said —
Um…the new
york times.
Gramma’s dog, Henry, died recently, and ever since
then Gramma has had a lot of time on her hands.
So Mom’s dealing with stuff like the cordless phone
thing a lot these days.
Whenever Mom finds any tabloids at Gramma’s
house, she takes them home and throws them in
the garbage. Last week I fished one out of the
trash and read it in my bedroom.
I’m glad I did. I found out that North America
will be underwater within six months, so that kind
of takes the pressure off me to do well in school.
20
I had a long wait at the beauty salon, but I
didn’t really mind. I got to read my horoscope
and look at pictures of movie stars without their
makeup, so I was definitely entertained.
When I got my hair cut, I found out the best
thing about the beauty salon, which is the gossip.
The ladies who work there know the dirt on just
about everyone in town.
…and then marlene says to
vanessa, “if you’re gonna get
up in my face, you’d better be
ready to back it up ! ”
mm mm
mm.
Unfortunately, Mom came to pick me
up right in
the middle of a story about Mr. Peppers and his
new wife, who’s twenty years younger than him.
21
Hopefully my hair will grow out fast so I can
come back and hear the rest of the story.
Friday
I think Mom’s starting to regret taking me to
get my hair cut the other day. The ladies at
Bombshells introduced me to soap operas, and now
I’m totally hooked.
but marissa…
I…I love
you!
girlfriend,
you can do so
much better
than him!
Yesterday I was in the middle of my show,
and Mom told me I had to turn off the tv
and find something else to do. I could tell
there was no use arguing with her, so I called
Rowley and invited him over.
22
When Rowley got to my house, we went straight
to Rodrick’s room in the basement. Rodrick is
off playing with his band, Löded Diper, and
whenever he’s away I like to go through his
stuff and see if I can find anything interesting.
The best thing I found in Rodrick’s junk drawer
this time around was one of those little souvenir
picture keychains you get at the beach.
summer
memories
23
If you look into it, you see a picture of Rodrick
with some girl.
I don’t know how Rodrick got that picture,
because I’ve been with him on every single family
vacation, and if I saw him with that girl, I
definitely would have remembered her.
I showed the picture to Rowley, but I had to hold
the keychain because he was getting all grabby.
24
We dug around some more, and then we found a
horror movie at the bottom of Rodrick’s drawer.
I couldn’t believe our luck. Neither one of us had
actually seen a horror movie before, so this was a
really big find.
HELLO,
YOU’RE
DEAD
I asked Mom if Rowley could spend the night,
and she said yes. I made sure I asked Mom when