Oh, stop, I beg you; try to find some way
To help break off the match. I quite give in,
I'm ready to do anything you say.
DORINE
No, no, a daughter must obey her father,
Though he should want to make her wed a monkey.
Besides, your fate is fine. What could be better!
You'll take the stage-coach to his little village,
And find it full of uncles and of cousins,
Whose conversation will delight you. Then
You'll be presented in their best society.
You'll even go to call, by way of welcome,
On Mrs. Bailiff, Mrs. Tax-Collector,
Who'll patronise you with a folding-stool.
There, once a year, at carnival, you'll have—
Perhaps—a ball; with orchestra—two bag-pipes;
And sometimes a trained ape, and Punch and Judy;
Though if your husband…
MARIANE
Oh, you'll kill me. Please
Contrive to help me out with your advice.
DORINE
I thank you kindly.
MARIANE
Oh! Dorine, I beg you…
DORINE
To serve you right, this marriage must go through.
MARIANE
Dear girl!
Dorine
No.
MARIANE
If I say I love Valère…
DORINE
No, no. Tartuffe's your man, and you shall taste him.
MARIANE
You know I've always trusted you; now help me…
DORINE
No, you shall be, my faith! Tartuffified.
MARIANE
Well then, since you've no pity for my fate
Let me take counsel only of despair;
It will advise and help and give me courage;
There's one sure cure, I know, for all my troubles.
(She starts to go.)
DORINE
There, there! Come back. I can't be angry long.
I must take pity on you, after all.
MARIANE
Oh, don't you see, Dorine, if I must bear
This martyrdom, I certainly shall die.
DORINE
Now don't you fret. We'll surely find some way
To hinder this…But here's Valère, your lover.
Scene IV
VALERE, MARIANE, DORINE
VALERE
Madam, a piece of news—quite new to me—
Has just come out, and very fine it is.
MARIANE
What piece of news?
VALERE
Your marriage with Tartuffe.
MARIANE
'T is true my father has this plan in mind.
VALERE
Your father, madam…
MARIANE
Yes, he's changed his plans,
And did but now propose it to me.
VALERE
What!
Seriously?
MARIANE
Yes, he was serious,
And openly insisted on the match.
VALERE
And what's your resolution in the matter,
Madam?
MARIANE
I don't know.
VALERE
That's a pretty answer.
You don't know?
Mariane
No.
VALERE
No?
MARIANE
What do you advise?
VALERE
I? My advice is, marry him, by all means.
MARIANE
That's your advice?
VALERA
Yes.
MARIANE
Do you mean it?
VALERE
Surely.
A splendid choice, and worthy your acceptance.
MARIANE
Oh, very well, sir! I shall take your counsel.
VALERE
You'll find no trouble taking it, I warrant.
MARIANE
No more than you did giving it, be sure.
VALERE
I gave it, truly, to oblige you, madam.
MARIANE
And I shall take it to oblige you, sir.
Dorine, withdrawing to the back of the stage
Let's see what this affair will come to.
VALERE
So.
That is your love? And it was all deceit
When you…
MARIANE
I beg you, say no more of that.
You told me, squarely, sir, I should accept
The husband that is offered me; and I
Will tell you squarely that I mean to do so,
Since you have given me this good advice.
VALERE
Don't shield yourself with talk of my advice.
You had your mind made up, that's evident;
And now you're snatching at a trifling pretext
To justify the breaking of your word.
MARIANE
Exactly so.
VALERE
Of course it is; your heart
Has never known true love for me.
MARIANE
Alas!
You're free to think so, if you please.
VALERE
Yes, yes,
I'm free to think so; and my outraged love
May yet forestall you in your perfidy,
And offer elsewhere both my heart and hand.
MARIANE
No doubt of it; the love your high deserts
May win…
VALERE
Good Lord, have done with my deserts!
I know I have but few, and you have proved it.
But I may find more kindness in another;
I know of someone, who'll not be ashamed
To take your leavings, and make up my loss.
MARIANE
The loss is not so great; you'll easily
Console yourself completely for this change.
VALERE
I'll try my best, that you may well believe.
When we're forgotten by a woman's heart,
Our pride is challenged; we, too, must forget;
Or if we cannot, must at least pretend to.
No other way can man such baseness prove,
As be a lover scorned, and still in love.
MARIANE
In faith, a high and noble sentiment.
VALERE
Yes; and it's one that all men must approve.
What! Would you have me keep my love alive,
And see you fly into another's arms
Before my very eyes; and never offer
To someone else the heart that you had scorned?
MARIANE
Oh no indeed! For my part, I could wish
That it were done already.
VALERE
What! You wish it?
MARIANE
Yes.
VALERE
This is insult heaped on injury;
I'll go at once and do as you desire.
(He takes a step or two as if to go away.)
MARIANE
Oh, very well then.
VALERE,turning back
But remember this:
'Twas you that drove me to this desperate pass.
MARIANE
Of course.
Valere, turning back again
And in the plan that I have formed
I only follow your example.
MARIANE
Yes.
VALERE,at the door
Enough; you shall be punctually obeyed.
MARIANE
So much the better.
VALERE,coming back again
This is once for all.
MARIANE
So be it, then.
Valere (He goes toward the door, but just as he reaches it, turns around.)
Eh?
MARIANE
What?
VALERE
You didn't call me?
MARIANE
I? You are dreaming.
VALERE
Very well, I'm gone.
Madam, farewell.
(He walks slowly away.)
MARIANE
Farewell, sir.
DORINE
I must say
You've lost your senses and both gone clean daft!
I've let you fight it out to the end o' the chapter
To see how far the thing could go. Oho, there,
Mister Valère!
(She goes and seizes him by the arm, to stop him. He makes a great show of resistance.)
VALERE
What do you want, Dorine?
DORINE
Come here.
VALERE
No, no, I'm quite beside myself.
Don't hinder me from doing as she wishes.
DORINE
Stop!
VALERE
No. You see, I'm fixed, resolved, determined.
DORINE
So!
MARIANE,aside
Since my presence pains him, makes him go,
I'd better go myself, and leave him free.
Dorine, leaving Valère, and running after Mariane
Now t' other! Where are you going?
MARIANE
Let me be.
DORINE
Come back.
MARIANE
No, no, it isn't any use.
Valere, aside
'T is clear the sight of me is torture to her;
No doubt, 'twere better I should free her from it.
Dorine, leaving Mariane, and running after Valère
Same thing again! Deuce take you both, I say.
Now stop your fooling; come here, you; and you.
(She pulls first one, then the other, toward the middle of the stage.)
VALERE,to Dorine
What's your idea?
MARIANE, to Dorine
What can you mean to do?
DORINE
Set you to rights, and pull you out o' the scrape.
(To Valère)
Are you quite mad, to quarrel with her now?
VALERE
Didn't you hear the things she said to me?
DORINE,to Mariane
Are you quite mad, to get in such a passion?
MARIANE
Didn't you see the way he treated me?
DORINE
Fools, both of you.
(To Valère)
She thinks of nothing else
But to keep faith with you, I vouch for it.
(To Mariane)
And he loves none but you, and longs for nothing
But just to marry you, I stake my life on 't.
MARIANE,to Valère
Why did you give me such advice then, pray?
VALERE,to Mariane
Why ask for my advice on such a matter?
DORINE
You both are daft, I tell you. Here, your hands.
(To Valère )
Come, yours.
Valere, giving Dorine his hand
What for?
Dorine, to Mariane
Now, yours.
Mariane, giving Dorine her hand
But what's the use?
DORINE
Oh, quick now, come along. There, both of you—
you love each other better than you think.
(Valère and Mariane hold each other's hands some time without looking at each other.)
Valere, at last turning toward Mariane
Come, don't be so ungracious now about it;
Look at a man as if you didn't hate him.
(Mariane looks sideways toward Valère, with just a bit of a smile.)
DORINE
My faith and troth, what fools these lovers be!
VALERE,to Mariane
But come now, have I not a just complaint?
And truly, are you not a wicked creature
To take delight in saying what would pain me?
MARIANE
And are you not yourself the most ungrateful…?
DORINE
Leave this discussion till another time;
Now, think how you'll stave off this plaguey marriage.
MARIANE
Then tell us how to go about it.
DORINE
Well,
We'll try all sorts of ways.
(To Mariane)
Your father's daft;
(To Valère)
This plan is nonsense.
(To Mariane)
You had better humour
His notions by a semblance of consent,
So that in case of danger, you can still
Find means to block the marriage by delay.
If you gain time, the rest is easy, trust me.
One day you'll fool them with a sudden illness,
Causing delay; another day, ill omens:
You've met a funeral, or broke a mirror,
Or dreamed of muddy water. Best of all,
They cannot marry you to anyone
Without your saying yes. But now, methinks,
They mustn't find you chattering together.
(To Valère)
You, go at once and set your friends at work
To make him keep his word to you; while we
And get the step-mother on our side, too. Good-bye.
VALERE,to Mariane
Whatever efforts we may make,
My greatest hope, be sure, must rest on you.
MARIANE,to Valère
I cannot answer for my father's whims;
But no one save Valère shall ever have me.
VALERE
You thrill me through with joy! Whatever comes…
DORINE
Oho! These lovers! Never done with prattling!
Now go.
VALERE,starting to go, and coming back again
One last word…
DORINE
What a gabble and pother!
Be off! By this door, you. And you, by t' other.
(She pushes them off, by the shoulders, in opposite directions.)
1As given at the Comédie française, the action is as follows: While Orgon says, "You must approve of my design," Dorine is making signs to Mariane to resist his orders; Orgon turns around suddenly; but Dorine quickly changes her gesture and with the hand which she had lifted calmly arranges her hair and her cap. Orgon goes on, "Think of the husband…" and stops before the middle of his sentence to turn and catch the beginning of Dorine's gesture; but he is too quick this time, and Dorine stands looking at his furious countenance with a sweet and gentle expression. He turns and goes on, and the obstinate Dorine again lifts her hand behind his shoulder to urge Mariane to resistance: this time he catches her; but just as he swings his shoulder to give her the promised blow, she stops him by changing the intent of her gesture, and carefully picking from the top of his sleeve a bit of fluff which she holds carefully between her fingers, then blows into the air, and watches intently as it floats away. Orgon is paralysed by her innocence of expression, and compelled to hide his rage. (Régnier, Le Tartuffe des Comédiens).
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Act III
Scene I
DAMIS, DORINE
DAMIS
May lightning strike me dead this very instant,
May I be everywhere proclaimed a scoundrel,
If any reverence or power shall stop me,
And if I don't do straightway something desperate!
DORINE
I beg you, moderate this towering passion;
Your father did but merely mention it.
Not all things that are talked of turn to facts;
The road is long, sometimes, from plans to acts.
DAMIS
No, I must end this paltry fellow's plots,
And he shall hear from me a truth or tw
o.
DORINE
So ho! Go slow now. Just you leave the fellow—
Your father too—in your step-mother's hands.
She has some influence with this Tartuffe,
He makes a point of heeding all she says,
And I suspect that he is fond of her.
Would God 'twere true!—'Twould be the height of humour.
Now, she has sent for him, in your behalf,
To sound him on this marriage, to find out
What his ideas are, and to show him plainly
What troubles he may cause, if he persists
In giving countenance to this design.
His man says, he's at prayers, I mustn't see him,
But likewise says, he'll presently be down.
So off with you, and let me wait for him.
DAMIS
I may be present at this interview.
DORINE
No, no! They must be left alone.
DAMIS
I won't
So much as speak to him.
DORINE
Go on! We know you
And your high tantrums. Just the way to spoil things!
Be off.
DAMIS
No, I must see—I'll keep my temper.
DORINE
Out on you, what a plague! He's coming. Hide!
(Damis goes and hides in the closet at the back of the stage.)
Scene II
TARTUFFE, DORINE
Tartuffe, speaking to his valet, off the stage, as soon as he sees Dorine is there
Lawrence, put up my hair-cloth shirt and scourge,
And pray that Heaven may shed its light upon you.
If any come to see me, say I'm gone
To share my alms among the prisoners.
DORINE,aside
What affectation and what showing off!
TARTUFFE
What do you want with me?
DORINE
To tell you…
Tartuffe, taking a handkerchief from his pocket
Ah!
Before you speak, pray take this handkerchief.
DORINE
What?
TARTUFFE
Cover up that bosom, which I can't
Endure to look on. Things like that offend
Our souls, and fill our minds with sinful thoughts.
DORINE
Are you so tender to temptation, then,
And has the flesh such power upon your senses?
I don't know how you get in such a heat;
For my part, I am not so prone to lust,
And I could see you stripped from head to foot,
And all your hide not tempt me in the least.
TARTUFFE
Show in your speech some little modesty,
Or I must instantly take leave of you.
DORINE
No, no, I'll leave you to yourself; I've only
One thing to say: Madam will soon be down,
And begs the favour of a word with you.
TARTUFFE
Ah! Willingly.
DORINE,aside
How gentle all at once!
My faith, I still believe I've hit upon it.