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    By His Rules

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      eyes. “I appreciate the offer. I really do. But I can’t do

      that again.”

      “Do what again?”

      “Can’t live with someone I don’t really know,”

      Aiden mumbled.

      Their food arrived. Keaton thanked the waiter.

      “Take some time to think about it. You don’t have to

      decide today. You can call me anytime. I mean that.”

      Aiden toyed with his sandwich. He managed to eat

      a potato chip before nausea overwhelmed him. He

      excused himself to the bathroom, where he threw up,

      then washed his face and lectured himself in front of the

      mirror.

      Pull it together. Think about what he’s saying. You can’t

      stay with Hera. You’re driving each other crazy.

      He returned to the table.

      “All right?” Keaton asked.

      “Just feeling a little—I don’t know.”

      “Could be low blood sugar. Dessert’ll help with

      that.”

      Aiden shook his head. “I… I think I might need to

      go home.”

      Keaton nodded. “Can I offer you a ride?”

      “No, thanks. The walk will help.”

      “Aiden?”

      “Yeah?”

      “I want you to know, before you go—I know we

      saw each other briefly that night at Obey. I have been

      involved in the BDSM community for a long time. Even

      if you don’t stay with me, if you ever want to talk about

      what happened with Scott, or anything relating to the

      lifestyle, I’ll listen.”

      Aiden looked at the floor. “Thanks. I’m okay,

      though.”

      They parted with Aiden promising he’d think more

      about Keaton’s offer. Aiden went home and slept.

      He woke when Hera came home, and heard Sloane

      rush downstairs to join her in the kitchen.

      “I can’t take it anymore,” Sloane stage-whispered.

      “Take what?” Hera asked.

      “Him,” Sloane said. “I know he’s your friend. I like

      him, I do. I just can’t handle him living here.”

      “Is he here now?” Hera’s voice was very soft.

      “Yeah, he’s sleeping. And about half an hour ago,

      he was screaming so loud I’m surprised the neighbors

      didn’t call the cops.”

      “It’s only for a little while.”

      “I can’t do it.”

      “Sloane—”

      “I’m serious.”

      “I’ll talk to him,” Hera said.

      Aiden released the breath he’d been holding. He

      got up, stalked to the front bathroom, and slammed the

      door. He splashed water on his face, took a deep breath,

      dug the phone out of his pocket, and called Keaton. He

      was convinced panic would swallow him whole, but

      then he heard Keaton’s warm “hello,” and he held

      himself together enough to say, “It’s Aiden. I’ve been

      thinking about what you said today.”

      “Oh?”

      “I—If it’s still okay… I’d like to take you up on your

      offer.”

      “Certainly,” Keaton said. “When?”

      “Um… ” Aiden heard Hera call his name. “Could

      I… Is this weekend too soon?”

      “I teach until four thirty on Friday. A friend of mine

      has a truck. I can pick you and your stuff up.”

      “I don’t have much. I can just drive over.”

      “If you’re sure. Anytime after five.”

      Keaton gave Aiden the address, said he looked

      forward to seeing Aiden, and hung up. No instructions

      about what kind of underwear Aiden should have on or

      how Aiden should address Keaton once he was inside

      the house. Aiden felt relieved. Maybe the offer really was

      just a friendly gesture on Keaton’s part.

      Yeah, right. He’s a top. He obviously expects something.

      You’ll just have to wait until you’re there to figure out what.

      There was a light knock on the door. “Aiden?”

      Hera’s voice. “You all right?”

      He flushed the toilet even though he hadn’t gone to

      the bathroom, washed his hands, and reluctantly opened

      the door. Hera stood in the hall, looking concerned.

      “I’m going to stay with Keaton,” he told her.

      Hera sighed and gave him a quick smile. “That’ll be

      nice,” she said. “He’s a cool guy. Really smart.”

      Aiden nodded.

      “I’ll miss having you here.”

      Yeah, right. “It’s been fun,” Aiden said.

      “You want to watch a movie?”

      “No, thanks. I think I’m gonna go out for a little

      bit.”

      He made it to the parking lot behind Obey but

      couldn’t go in. He went to the coffee shop instead, and

      when they closed, he went to an all-night diner. He

      stayed out as late as he could, then crept back into Hera’s

      house and lay awake the rest of the night, afraid that if he

      fell asleep, he’d have screaming nightmares.

      On Friday he packed what little he had. His

      stomach knotted and unknotted as he waited for five

      o’clock to arrive. Kim tried to get him to eat some kind of

      soup for lunch, but he felt too sick. Five o’clock came,

      and Aiden waited until five thirty so as not to seem

      overeager. Hera hugged him good-bye.

      “Be a good boy,” she said.

      He snorted. “Shut up.”

      “You nervous?”

      “No,” he lied.

      “I think you’re gonna have a great time. You won’t

      even want to go back to your old place.”

      “We’ll see.”

      Hera looked like she wanted to say something. She

      opened her mouth, closed it, then finally said, “He’s not

      going to hurt you. You know that, right? He’s not like

      Scott.”

      “I know,” Aiden said, annoyed.

      “All right, dork.” She gave him another hug.

      He relaxed and hugged her back. Then he got into

      his car and drove to the address he’d written down. The

      house was modest—two stories, with a brick foundation

      and white siding. He parked on the street. Keaton’s blue

      Solara was in the open garage. Aiden slipped on his

      backpack, thrust his hands in his pockets, and walked up

      the drive.

      Don’t freak out. You can do this.

      The front door opened, and Keaton stepped out.

      “Can I help you carry anything?”

      “No, thanks. It’s just this and one other bag.”

      Keaton held the door open. “Welcome,” he said.

      The foyer was simple and elegant, with a patterned

      wood floor, cream-colored walls, and a small table that

      held the strangest vase Aiden had ever seen. It was a

      dark, translucent green, shot through with gold, and it

      spiraled upward and out in a way that seemed to defy

      physics. A few dark, gnarled twigs sprouted from it.

      “Did you make that?”

      “I did. Long time ago. Come on, put your bag

      down. I’ll get you a drink. Then we’ll take the grand

      tour.”

      Aiden followed him to the kitchen. “I’m not

      actually thir—”

      “Water? Milk? Lemonade? Root beer? Wine?”

      “Um, water please.” It was all he could handle right

      now.

     
    ; Keaton brought two glasses of water to the table.

      Aiden waited until Keaton was sitting before he sat.

      Keaton didn’t seem to expect him to await orders, but

      Aiden felt safer taking his cues off the older man.

      “You have any trouble finding the place?” Keaton

      asked.

      “No, Sir.” The “Sir” came out automatically.

      Keaton glanced at him but didn’t comment.

      “This is Oak Avenue. A couple of streets over is

      Oak Hills, and then there’s Oak Circle. Even the mailman

      gets confused.”

      “Have you lived here long?” Aiden asked.

      “Two years in February. I moved here to take the

      job at the community college.”

      “Do you like it?”

      “Pretty well. I’ve got a relaxed schedule this

      semester, so I’ve had plenty of time for my own work.”

      “What kind of art do you do?”

      “Mostly ceramics. And a little painting.”

      “That sounds… fun,” Aiden said.

      “You do theater?”

      “How did you know?”

      Keaton glanced at the table, blushing a little.

      “Someone at Obey told me.”

      Aiden regarded the man with interest. So he’d

      actually sought information about Aiden? “I used to. But

      not anymore. I mean, I was just in a show a couple of

      weeks ago. But I don’t, like, try to do it for a living. I

      went to school for it.”

      “I’m jealous.”

      “Why?”

      “I had musical theater aspirations when I was

      younger. But my singing voice is, ah, not so good.”

      “I don’t sing much. I mean, I can. I’m not great.

      Same with dancing.”

      “You have such a presence. I’ll bet you’re

      wonderful onstage.”

      “I have a presence?”

      “Don’t look so surprised.”

      “It’s just… ” Aiden blushed. “I don’t really feel like

      I have a presence anymore.”

      “Anymore?”

      Aiden shrugged and didn’t offer anything else.

      “Do you want to see the guest room?”

      Aiden nodded. Keaton led him upstairs. “This is

      my studio.” Keaton indicated the door to their left. “It’s a

      disaster right now, or I’d let you take a look. Next up is

      the bathroom.” He nudged the door open. “This is all

      yours. I’ve got one in my room.” The bathroom was

      spotless, which made Aiden curious about Keaton’s

      “disaster” of a studio. Is there, like, a paintbrush he forgot to

      put away?

      Keaton continued down the hall and stopped in

      front of a door with an old-fashioned knob and keyhole.

      “And here’s the main attraction.”

      He opened the door and made a sweeping bow.

      Aiden stepped into the room. The floor was dark

      hardwood, but a white area rug covered most of it. The

      walls were the deep blue of winter twilight, and painted

      on them in very faint, ghostly silver were winding forms

      that suggested human limbs, branches, smoke. The

      figures twined together, creating elegant patterns, harsh

      knots, delicate harmonies. The effect was subtle but

      stunning.

      “You hand-painted this?” Aiden asked.

      “Took about two months.”

      “Good grief… you’re like, insanely talented.”

      “Maybe just insane.”

      Aiden admired the faint, smoky shapes, trying to

      follow each one with his eyes. He finally tore his gaze

      away long enough to check out the furniture—a small,

      sleek wooden desk, a huge dresser, and a high, queen-

      size bed in a pale blue iron frame. There was a three-

      tiered night table by the bed with a digital clock, a box of

      tissues, and a lamp.

      “My room’s at the very end of the hall,” Keaton

      said. “Towels and washcloths are in the bathroom closet.

      There’s soap, shampoo… Extra toothbrushes, paste, Q-

      tips… What am I forgetting?”

      “This is more than enough. I really appreciate it.”

      Aiden glanced at the other man in time to see the quiet

      relief in his eyes.

      “Well,” Keaton said, “I’m very glad to have you.

      Make yourself at home. Anything in the kitchen is

      yours.”

      They stood there for a moment, and Aiden

      wondered if Keaton wanted to fuck now. Aiden still

      dreaded the idea of sex, even though he didn’t hurt

      anymore. Still, he figured he should offer Keaton

      something. He sat down on the bed. “I could show you

      how grateful I am?” He tried for a seductive tone, but his

      voice sounded small, uncertain.

      Keaton didn’t reply, merely studied him like Aiden

      was a strange taxidermied creature in a museum.

      “I give really good head,” Aiden hurried on. “You

      hear that from anyone at Obey?” Keaton still didn’t

      answer, and Aiden’s insides grew cold with fear. “You

      can fuck me, if you want, it’s just—”

      “Aiden.” Keaton held up a hand. “I don’t want to

      have sex with you. Not that you’re not a very attractive

      man—you are. But you don’t have to do any favors for

      me in exchange for staying here. I invited you as a

      friend.”

      Aiden stared at the rug, stunned and humiliated

      and more than a little angry. Keaton didn’t want to have

      sex with him? He tried to tell himself that he didn’t want

      to have sex with Keaton, either. But despite his

      uneasiness about sex, he couldn’t deny how attractive

      Keaton was. And he’d assumed Keaton wanted him, that

      that’s why he’d invited Aiden to stay with him.

      “Aiden?” Keaton said. “All right?”

      Aiden nodded. “I have to use the bathroom.” He

      got up and walked out of the room, down the hall, and

      into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. He

      stared into the mirror. Can you blame him for not wanting to

      fuck you? Hollow eyes with shadows beneath them. Skin

      too pale, hair in need of a trim, face gaunt and tense.

      He heard Keaton’s footsteps going downstairs. He

      washed up, then slipped out of the bathroom and into

      the guest room. He rummaged in his bag for a tight T-

      shirt, removed his button-down, and put on the tee.

      Keaton was in the kitchen. “I’m just going to heat

      up a pot of leftover chili for dinner,” Keaton said.

      “There’s plenty if you want some.”

      “I’m not hungry.” Aiden pulled his keys out of his

      pocket. “I’m going out.”

      He half expected Keaton to forbid it, but Keaton

      just said, “Let me give you the garage code, in case

      you’re out late. I leave the door from the garage to the

      laundry room unlocked.” He wrote the code on a sticky

      note. “The chili’ll be in the fridge for later.”

      Aiden nodded. Thanks, Mom. He bolted for the front

      door. For a while, he just drove, trying to convince

      himself he hadn’t made a horrible mistake agreeing to

      stay with Keaton. What the hell kind of top was Keaton

      Hughes? He could have demanded anything of Aiden.

      Instead he just calmly announced he di
    dn’t want to have

      sex, then offered Aiden leftover chili?

      Maybe he’s waiting to reveal his dom side. Maybe he

      wants to let me get comfortable first. Aiden shivered, wishing

      he’d brought a jacket. He drove to a local bar and started

      drinking, moving on to another bar, then another. He

      stumbled out of the last place around two a.m., left his

      car, and took a cab to Keaton’s, impressed he’d

      remembered the address.

      When he arrived, he realized he’d lost the note with

      the garage code on it. “Hold on a sec,” he muttered to the

      cab driver. He had no wish to discover how pissed

      Keaton would be at being woken up in the middle of the

      night, especially since Keaton had class the next

      morning. He searched his pockets one more time.

      “What’s the problem?” the driver asked.

      “Could you—could you take me somewhere else?”

      The driver rolled his eyes. “Your money.”

      Aiden had the driver take him to Hera’s. A light

      was on in the house. He knocked on the door. Kim

      answered. She didn’t seem surprised or ask him what he

      was doing there. She just stepped aside so he could

      come in.

      He followed her to the kitchen and sat down at the

      table. Kim left, and a moment later, Hera entered in her

      pajamas. “What’s wrong?” she demanded. “What

      happened?”

      “Nothing’s—I lost his garage code.”

      “What?”

      “I was out at some bars, and he gave me the garage

      code so I could get back in, but I lost it.”

      “So you couldn’t knock? Or call his cell?”

      “I didn’t want to wake him up.”

      “Why were you out? Did something happen with

      Keaton?”

      Just the opposite. “I felt like going out. Who cares?

      Just because I’m staying at his place doesn’t mean I have

      to hang out with him every second.”

      “You sound trashed.”

      “I am trashed.”

      “You can crash here tonight. I’ll drive you back to

      your car in the morning; then you can go to Keaton’s.

      Assuming he’ll take you back.”

      “Jesus Christ, we’re not dating!”

      “Relax. Come on now, you’re going to bed.”

      “Did I fuck things up?” Aiden asked, feeling

      suddenly small and miserable.

      “You’ll be all right. Come on.”

      She led him to the living room and helped him onto

      the couch. She made him drink a bottle of water, which

      reminded him of that first night with Scott. He fell into an

      uneasy sleep.

     


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