I see Helen smiling, on the beach with Bloomfield, in love with him forever.
I see my sister, and I feel her with us, in the heart of Lucas’s art.
He pauses, frowning, then begins the song again, creating, discovering, remembering.
Outside, Sara Rose is calling.
I lean out my window. She smiles up at me, bright as her scarlet sweater.
“Jessie, can you come out and play?” she says.
And this time Jessie says yes.
23
June 12
I’ve had the best idea for a story! I’m so excited! I got the idea from that paper I did for Ms. Tormey, the one about the phoenix and the concept of rebirth. It’s about this girl who thinks she’s dead but she’s not; she’s really in a coma, in this other world.
It sounds so sappy when I put it like that. I better quit blabbing and write it. But if I say so myself, it’s going really well.
And if you don’t believe me, take my word for it!
Feeling better today. Jessie made me lunch and she made me laugh. She’s so pretty when she smiles. I told her that. As usual, she felt obliged to make a face, but I think she might’ve heard me, for once.
I invited her to come with me tomorrow when I pick up my blue dress. I didn’t get around to mentioning Bloomfield yet. Why wreck her terrific mood?
Am trying to be a nicer person lately; not teasing my brother even though it’s such fun; or getting mad at Jessie (grrrrr) when she slobs up our room. And letting Mom and Dad know how much I love them.
And brushing after every meal, as Bloomfield would add.
I’m trying to live each day as though it were my last. Not because of the Big C, but because you never know, really. Today is all we have. And even though I feel lousy sometimes, I still love life with ALL MY HEART.
Wellllll, maybe not every single second. But usually.
I want to show that love in my writing. But I can never quite say what I mean. Maybe life’s too big to fit on paper. Or maybe my pencil’s too short.
I’d like to be able to make readers laugh and cry; to reach across the page and say, Hey, we’re alive! I want to show the courage of fathers and mothers who bring forth babies who brave the maze of childhood; learning to crawl, standing up, oops, falling, starting over, getting up, going on, finding love, losing hope, enduring pain and disappointment; believing that happiness is just around the corner, if we don’t give up, if we keep moving forward—
There is so much I want to say.
About the Author
Cynthia D. Grant has published twelve young adult fiction novels since 1980. In 1991 she won the first PEN/Norma Klein Award, for “an emerging voice among American writers of children’s fiction.” Over the years, Grant has received numerous other distinctions. Unfortunately, her Massachusetts upbringing prohibits her from showing off. She lives in the mountains outside Cloverdale, California, and has one husband, Eric Neel; two sons, Morgan Heatley-Grant and Forest Neel-Grant; two cats, Kelsey, an orange tom, and Billie, a barn cat–barracuda mix; and Mike the Wonder Dog, who packs two-hundred-plus pounds of personality into a seven-pound body.
All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 1989 by Cynthia D. Grant
Cover design by Liz Connor
This edition published in 2015 by Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.
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