47. THE KING WAS IN HIS COUNTING HOUSE
Mainwaring, sensing ‘the last twitchings of the wounded Nazi beast’, has invited the platoon into his home to socialise in ‘a happy, carefree, relaxed atmosphere’. Then disaster strikes: a bomb lands on the strong room of Swallow Bank. There is £96,478 1s to be counted, guarded and then taken by Mainwaring – on a horse and cart – to the Eastgate branch.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Wendy Richard (Shirley) and Colin Bean (Pte Sponge).
Recorded
23/6/1972
First broadcast
17/11/1972
48. ALL IS SAFELY GATHERED IN
It is time for Mrs Prentice – a widowed lady friend of Godfrey’s – to gather in the harvest on her 100-acre farm, and the very gallant Godfrey requests three days’ leave from the platoon in order to assist her. Realising the importance of this task, Mainwaring puts the rest of his men at her disposal, too. All goes well – until, that is, the home-made potato wine is served.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Brenda Cowling (Mrs Prentice), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Colin Bean (Pte Sponge), April Walker (Judy) and Tina Cornioli (Olive).
Recorded
3/11/1972
First broadcast
24/11/1972
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE YOUR MONEY?
Jones arrives at the bank to deposit a donation by local shopkeepers of £500 for the servicemen’s canteen, but the packet that he hands over contains sausages, not money. He has, it goes without saying, permission to panic.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Harold Bennett (Mr Blewitt) and Tony Hughes (Mr Billings).
Recorded
10/11/1972
First broadcast
1/12/1972
50. BRAIN VERSUS BRAWN
Mainwaring’s men have been challenged to prove that brain is better than brawn. The exercise involves placing a dummy bomb in the OC’s office. Mainwaring devises a cunning plan to spirit his platoon past the guards: everyone will disguise themselves as firemen, and travel to the building in a fully equipped fire engine. They encounter one tiny snag: Hodges has spotted a house fire.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Robert Raglan (colonel), Edward Sinclair (verger), Anthony Roye (Mr Fairbrother), Maggie Don (waitress), Geoffrey Hughes (bridge corporal) and David Rose (dump corporal).
Recorded
17/11/1972
First broadcast
8/12/1972
51. A BRUSH WITH THE LAW
A 60 watt light bulb is left burning in the church hall’s office, and a vengeful Hodges responds by prosecuting the supposed culprit – Captain Mainwaring. When the verger informs the warden that he has the wrong man, the unscrupulous Hodges blackmails him into remaining silent. Things look bleak for poor Mainwaring, but then the wily Walker takes to the stand.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Geoffrey Lumsden (Capt. Square), Jeffrey Gardiner (Mr Wintergreen), Stuart Sherwin (2nd ARP warden), Marjorie Wilde (lady magistrate), Chris Gannon (clerk of the court) and Toby Perkins (usher).
Recorded
26/11/1972
First broadcast
15/12/1972
52. ROUND AND ROUND WENT THE GREAT BIG WHEEL
Operation Catherine Wheel has been set up in order to test the War Office’s latest weapon: a large, radio-controlled, high explosive-carrying wheel. The Walmington-on-Sea platoon is chosen for fatigues. When Pike and Walker sneak off to listen to the wireless, they cause interference to the wheel, which rolls promptly out of control.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Geoffrey Chater (Colonel Pierce), Edward Underdown (Major General Sir Charles Holland), Michael Knowles (Capt. Stewart), Jeffrey Segal (minister) and John Clegg (wireless operator).
Recorded
1/12/1972
First broadcast
22/12/1972
53. TIME ON MY HANDS
A German pilot has bailed out and is now tangled up on the town hall’s clock tower. Mainwaring’s men are obliged to retrieve him. Getting up is not a problem – they can climb a makeshift ladder. Getting back down again proves more difficult – Jones has broken the ladder.
Recorded
8/12/1972
First broadcast
29/12/1972
Series Six (BBC1, colour)
54. THE DEADLY ATTACHMENT
Mainwaring’s men – ‘Face to face with the enemy at last, eh?’ – have been detailed to guard a captive U-boat crew until an armed escort arrives. When the escort is delayed, however, the platoon has to guard them all night. It turns out to be the most trying of times: not only do the unrepentant Germans expect to be fed the finest and freshest fish and chips, but they also have a defiant leader who lets it be known that he is noting down enemy names (‘Don’t tell him, Pike!’).
Cast: Philip Madoc (U-boat captain), Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Edward Sinclair (verger), Robert Raglan (colonel) and Colin Bean (Pte Sponge).
Recorded
22/6/1973
First broadcast
31/10/1973
55. MY BRITISH BUDDY
The Americans have, at long last, deigned to join in the fight against fascism, and the first modest contingent of troops arrives in Walmington-on-Sea. Mainwaring tells them to make themselves at home, so they do – particularly with his men’s girlfriends. When the British are told that they do not know the right temperature to serve beer, and the Americans are told that they do not know the right time to enter a war, a fight breaks out. A photographer from the local paper is on hand to record the flowering of this special relationship.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Alan Tilvern (Colonel Shultz), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Wendy Richard (Shirley), Pamela Cundell (Mrs Fox), Verne Morgan (landlord), Talfryn Thomas (Mr Cheeseman), Suzanne Kerchiss (Ivy), Robert Raglan (colonel) and Blain Fairman (US sergeant).
Recorded
8/6/1973
First broadcast
7/11/1973
56. THE ROYAL TRAIN
‘Very exciting news’: King George VI is set to pass through Walmington-on-Sea by train, and the platoon is readying itself to provide the guard of honour. A train duly arrives, but it is the wrong train, and its drivers fall fast asleep after stopping off for a quick cup of tea ‘sweetened’ by the wrong kind of sugar. Now the platoon has to move the train in order to clear the line for the King.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), William Moore (station master), Freddie Earlle (Henry), Ronnie Brody (Bob), Fred McNaughton (mayor), Sue Bishop (ticket collector) and Bob Hornery (city gent).
Recorded
29/6/1973
First broadcast
14/11/1973
57. WE KNOW OUR ONIONS
The platoon takes part in a Home Guard efficiency test. If the men pass with flying colours they will be graded a 12-star platoon. Travelling with their Smith gun in the back of Jones’ van, they notice a huge mass of onions – Walker’s order for Hodges – and decide to use them as a novel form of ammunition.
Cast: Fulton Mackay (Capt. Ramsey), Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Edward Sinclair (verger), Alex McAvoy (sergeant), Pamela Manson (NAAFI girl) and Cy Town (mess steward).
Recorded
15/6/1973
First broadcast
21/11/1973
58. THE HONOURABLE MAN
When Wilson allows it to be known that his family has ‘moved up one place’ and that he is now entitled to style h
imself ‘The Honourable’, he finds himself being courted by the grandees at the golf club and being proposed as the right man to welcome a visiting Russian VIP. Mainwaring, of course, is furious.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Eric Longworth (town clerk), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Gabor Vernon (Russian), Hana-Maria Pravda (interpreter), Robert Raglan (colonel), Pamela Cundell (Mrs Fox) and Fred McNaughton (mayor).
Recorded
8/7/1973
First broadcast
28/11/1973
59. THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT
The night is dark and stormy. The platoon is lost. Jones’ van has only half a gallon of petrol left in the tank. Tired, cold and miserable, the men decide to spend the night in a nearby house. It appears to be deserted – but is it?
Cast: Jonathan Cecil (Capt. Cadbury) and Colin Bean (Pte Sponge).
Recorded
15/7/1973
First broadcast
5/12/1973
60. THE RECRUIT
Mainwaring is indisposed due to an ingrowing toenail, so Wilson takes charge temporarily of the platoon. When, however, he allows the vicar and the verger to join the ranks, the rest of the men are far from happy.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Susan Majolier (nurse) and Lindsey Dunn (small boy).
Recorded
22/7/1973
First broadcast
12/12/1973
Series Seven (BBC1, colour)
61. EVERYBODY’S TRUCKING
Nothing is ever easy. The platoon has to signpost the route for a divisional scheme, but this simple task is complicated by the fact that an abandoned steam engine is blocking the road ahead. There is nothing for it but to set up a diversion.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Pamela Cundell (Mrs Fox), Harold Bennett (Mr Blewitt), Olive Mercer (Mrs Yeatman), Felix Bowness (driver) and Colin Bean (Pte Sponge).
Recorded
27/10/1974
First broadcast
15/11/1974
62. A MAN OF ACTION
There may be trouble ahead: a landmine has ripped up 100 yards of railway track; gas and water supplies have been cut out; the telephone wires are down; and Pike has got his head stuck between the bars of a gate. Cometh the hour, cometh the Mainwaring: he declares martial law.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Talfryn Thomas (Mr Cheeseman), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Eric Longworth (town clerk), Harold Bennett (Mr Blewitt), Arnold Peters (Fire Officer Dale), Jay Denyer (Inspector Baker), Robert Mill (Capt. Swan) and Colin Bean (Pte Sponge).
Recorded
7/5/1974
First broadcast
22/11/1974
63. GORILLA WARFARE
During an exercise, Mainwaring casts himself as a highly important secret agent whom his platoon must escort to a clandestine destination. GHQ has put out counter-agents to catch him, so the platoon decides to trust no one – not the two stranded nuns, nor the woman with a pram, and certainly not the distressed-looking doctor who appears with some story about an escaped gorilla who is roaming the woods. It is all ‘sheer r-r-rubbish,’ scoffs Frazer, and Mainwaring agrees, but then Hodges arrives with news of ‘an ’orrible ’airy monster’ that is on the loose, and they have cause to think again.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Talfryn Thomas (Pte Cheeseman), Edward Sinclair (verger), Robert Raglan (colonel), Robin Parkinson (Lieutenant Wood), Erik Chitty (Mr Clerk), Rachel Thomas (mother superior), Michael Sharvell-Martin (lieutenant), Verne Morgan (farmer) and Joy Allen (woman with pram).
Recorded
27/10/1974
First broadcast
29/11/1974
64. THE GODIVA AFFAIR
As the town is still £2,000 short of the sum it requires for the purchase of a Spitfire, the platoon decides to drum up support by performing a morris dance at the fund-raising carnival. It is the identity of the Lady Godiva figure, however, that ends up grabbing most people’s attention.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Talfryn Thomas (Pte Cheeseman), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Pamela Cundell (Mrs Fox), Eric Longworth (town clerk), Peter Honri (Pte Day), Rosemary Faith (waitress), Colin Bean (Pte Sponge) and George Hancock (Pte Hancock).
Recorded
3/11/1974
First broadcast
6/12/1974
65. THE CAPTAIN’S CAR
The mayor has a Rolls-Royce, and now, thanks to Lady Maltby’s generous donation to the war effort, so too does Mainwaring. The mayor is due to greet a visiting French general, and Mainwaring’s platoon is due to provide a guard of honour. The mayor’s Rolls does not need to be camouflaged, but is, whereas Mainwaring’s Rolls does, but is not. Someone needs to find some black paint, and quickly.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Talfryn Thomas (Pte Cheeseman), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Robert Raglan (colonel), Eric Longworth (town clerk), Fred McNaughton (mayor), Mavis Pugh (Lady Maltby), John Hart Dyke (French general) and Donald Morley (Glossip).
Recorded
17/11/1974
First broadcast
13/12/1974
66. TURKEY DINNER
It was a night-watch. There was a prodigious amount of alcohol. Corporal Jones ended up with a dead turkey on his hands. Mainwaring decides to put things right by treating the town’s senior citizens to a rare and welcome feast, but, he adds ominously, ‘it must be organised properly’.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Talfryn Thomas (Pte Cheeseman), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Harold Bennett (Mr Blewitt), Pamela Cundell (Mrs Fox), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Olive Mercer (Mrs Yeatman) and Dave Butler (farmhand).
Recorded
10/11/1974
First broadcast
23/12/1974
Series Eight (BBC1, colour)
67. RING DEM BELLS
Mainwaring is not best pleased when his platoon is chosen to play Nazis in an Army training film. He is more than a little peeved when Pike is selected to play a German officer. He is positively livid when the men pop in to the pub for a pint, while still dressed in Nazi uniforms.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Jack Haig (landlord), Robert Raglan (colonel), Felix Bowness (special constable), John Bardon (Harold Forster), Hilda Fenemore (Queenie Beal), Janet Mahoney (barmaid) and Adele Strong (woman with umbrella).
Recorded
3/7/1975
First broadcast
5/9/1975
68. WHEN YOU’VE GOT TO GO
In spite of his chronically bad chest, his painful sinuses, his weak ankles and his recently acquired nervous twitch, Private Pike has been passed A1 on his call-up medical and is set to become ‘the second of the few’. Before the platoon can hold a farewell fish-and-chip supper, however, Mainwaring must compete with Hodges in a blood donor drive.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Eric Longworth (town clerk), Freddie Earle (Italian sergeant), Tim Barrett (doctor), Colin Bean (Pte Sponge) and Frankie Holmes (fish-fryer).
Recorded
6/6/1975
First broadcast
12/9/1975
69. IS THERE HONEY STILL FOR TEA?
Private Godfrey’s beloved Cherry Tree Cottage is set to be flattened in order to make way for a new aerodrome. Frazer, however, champions his cause: he knows the minister responsible for the plan, and he knows his father on the Isle of Barra, and he also knows all about a certain little incident in the draper’s shop. ‘Blackmail’ is an ugly word …
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Gordon Peters (man with the door), Robert Raglan (colonel), Campbell Singer (Sir Charles McAllister), Joa
n Cooper (Dolly) and Kathleen Sainsbury (Cissy).
Recorded
26/6/1975
First broadcast
19/9/1975
70. COME IN, YOUR TIME IS UP
Mainwaring’s platoon discovers a German aircraft crew in an inflatable dinghy on a lake. ‘I’ve never seen such surly-looking brutes,’ moans Mainwaring. ‘If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s sulking Nazis!’ Pike suggests that they shoot through the dinghy and sink them, but his captain reminds him about ‘being a sporting nation and playing with a straight bat’. Wilson comes up with a rather more civilised strategy, but Pike remains poised, with his gun, just in case.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Harold Bennett (Mr Blewitt) and Colin Bean (Pte Sponge).
Recorded
10/7/1975
First broadcast
26/9/1975
71. HIGH FINANCE
Mainwaring decides that Jones’ bank account has been in the red for far too long. ‘You’re rapidly becoming insolvent,’ he warns him, and a shaken Jones goes home ‘to have a little bit of a think’. An investigation into the elderly butcher’s affairs, however, reveals an intriguing chain of debtors, and it also transpires that Mr Swann, the grocer, has some news that he is keen to impart.
Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Ronnie Brody (Mr Swann), Colin Bean (Pte Sponge) and Natalie Kent (Miss Twelvetrees).