Raves for the Alien novels:
“For those craving futuristic high-jinks and gripping adventure, Koch is an absolute master!”
—RT Book Reviews (top pick)
“Koch still pulls the neat trick of quietly weaving in plot threads that go unrecognized until they start tying together—or snapping. This is a hyperspeed-paced addition to a series that shows no signs of slowing down.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Aliens, danger, and romance make this a fast-paced, wittily-written sf romantic comedy.”
—Library Journal
“Gini Koch’s Kitty Katt series is a great example of the lighter side of science fiction. Told with clever wit and non-stop pacing . . . it blends diplomacy, action and sense of humor into a memorable reading experience.”
—Kirkus
“The action is nonstop, the snark flies fast and furious. . . . Another fantastic addition to an imaginative series!”
—Night Owl Sci-Fi (top pick)
“Ms. Koch has carved a unique niche for herself in the sci-fi-romance category with this series. My only hope is that it lasts for a very long time.”
—Fresh Fiction
“This delightful romp has many interesting twists and turns as it glances at racism, politics, and religion en route . . . will have fanciers of cinematic sf parodies referencing Men in Black, Ghost Busters, and X-Men.”
—Booklist (starred review)
“Gini Koch mixes up the sometimes staid niche of science fiction romance by adding nonstop humor, blockbuster action, and moments worthy of a soap opera.”
—Dirty Sexy Books
DAW Books Presents GINI KOCH’s
Alien Novels:
TOUCHED BY AN ALIEN
ALIEN TANGO
ALIEN IN THE FAMILY
ALIEN PROLIFERATION
ALIEN DIPLOMACY
ALIEN VS. ALIEN
ALIEN IN THE HOUSE
ALIEN RESEARCH
ALIEN COLLECTIVE
UNIVERSAL ALIEN
(Coming in December 2014)
Copyright © 2014 by Jeanne Cook.
All Rights Reserved.
Cover art by Daniel Dos Santos.
Cover design by G-Force Design.
DAW Book Collectors No. 1651.
DAW Books are distributed by Penguin Group (USA).
All characters and events in this book are fictitious.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book may have been stolen property and reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the publisher. In such case neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.”
The scanning, uploading and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal, and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
Nearly all the designs and trade names in this book are registered trademarks. All that are still in commercial use are protected by United States and international trademark law.
eBook ISBN 978-1-101-63569-8
DAW TRADEMARK REGISTERED U.S. PAT. AND TM. OFF. AND FOREIGN COUNTRIES —MARCA REGISTRADA HECHO EN U.S.A.
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CONTENTS
Raves for the Alien novels
Books by Gini Koch’s
Title Page
Copyright
Acknowledgments
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
CHAPTER 23
CHAPTER 24
CHAPTER 25
CHAPTER 26
CHAPTER 27
CHAPTER 28
CHAPTER 29
CHAPTER 30
CHAPTER 31
CHAPTER 32
CHAPTER 33
CHAPTER 34
CHAPTER 35
CHAPTER 36
CHAPTER 37
CHAPTER 38
CHAPTER 39
CHAPTER 40
CHAPTER 41
CHAPTER 42
CHAPTER 43
CHAPTER 44
CHAPTER 45
CHAPTER 46
CHAPTER 47
CHAPTER 48
CHAPTER 49
CHAPTER 50
CHAPTER 51
CHAPTER 52
CHAPTER 53
CHAPTER 54
CHAPTER 55
CHAPTER 56
CHAPTER 57
CHAPTER 58
CHAPTER 59
CHAPTER 60
CHAPTER 61
CHAPTER 62
CHAPTER 63
CHAPTER 64
CHAPTER 65
CHAPTER 66
CHAPTER 67
CHAPTER 68
CHAPTER 69
CHAPTER 70
CHAPTER 71
CHAPTER 72
CHAPTER 73
CHAPTER 74
CHAPTER 75
CHAPTER 76
CHAPTER 77
CHAPTER 78
CHAPTER 79
CHAPTER 80
CHAPTER 81
CHAPTER 82
CHAPTER 83
CHAPTER 84
CHAPTER 85
CHAPTER 86
CHAPTER 87
CHAPTER 88
CHAPTER 89
CHAPTER 90
CHAPTER 91
CHAPTER 92
THE FIRST TUESDAY IN NOVEMBER
Excerpt from Universal Alien
For Colette Chmiel and Joseph Gaxiola, whose help and support has been and remains invaluable to my career and my sanity.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As always, I must thank, first and foremost, my awesome, supportive, and incredibly patient editor, Sheila Gilbert; my wonderful agent, Cherry Weiner; my fantastic crit partner, Lisa Dovichi; and my main beta reader, Mary Fiore. Not only for all their help, but also for putting up with me and a host of neuroses throughout the writing of this book. Special thanks to my daughter, Veronica, who spent an inordinate amount of time reassuring me that the book was indeed good, and doing other things that I’m sure she’ll make me pay for later in life.
Special shout outs to: my distance assistant, Colette Chmiel, who continues to ensure that I know what I’m doing when while also keeping the pirates at bay; my personal assistant, Joseph Gaxiola, who continues to ensure that I show up when and where I’m supposed to, who keeps me calm and laughing on the road, and who frequently allows me to be two places at once; Edward Pulley,
for letting me steal Joseph away so much and for always helping out whenever I need it, which is often; Adrian and Lisa Payne, Hal and Dee Astell, and Duncan and Andrea Rittschof, who continue to bring their smiling faces to every event I attend, ensuring that I always feel loved and supported; Jan Robinson for continuing to make adorable pieces of “soft artwork” related to all my books and then bestowing them on me time and time again; Robert Palsma, for continuing to like everything I do; Kay Johnson, for constant cheerleading; Lee Greenberg and Rachel Warner for all the fantastic foodie experiences and even better company at WorldCon San Antonio; authors Leo King and Thomas Olde Heuvelt for a great time talking the night away at WorldCon San Antonio; Tom and Libby for the best fudge in the world; Oliver and Blanca Bernal for always having a welcoming home; Missy “Whoosh” Katano, Colette “Sunny” Chmiel, Paul “Catman” Sparks, and my Montana Girls, Terry Lopez and Betty Russell for coming from far away to spend time with me at DarkCon; special thanks to Missy Katano for all the lovely prezzies and Betty Russell for giving me the greatest compliment anyone can—love you both; Brad “My Man” Jensen for great help at DarkCon; my Paranormal Romance Dream Team pals, authors Caris Roane, Erin Kellison, and Erin Quinn for laughs, advice, and solidarity; my Wyked Women Who Write friends, authors Jordan Summers, T.M. Williams, Sharon Skinner, T.L. Smith, and Marsheila Rockwell for fun times at cons and while eating cupcakes; Mysterious Galaxy San Diego, Mysterious Galaxy Redondo Beach, and The Poisoned Pen Scottsdale for support at cons, events, and book signings; and awesome author L.E. Modisett, Jr., who tells the best stories, for invaluable advice and encouragement.
And, as always, all my love and thanks to my husband, Steve, and daughter, Veronica. No writer could have a better family than I do and I love you both more than words can say.
THERE WAS A TIME, about four and a half years ago, when I thought the world was basically simple.
I was a single, carefree girl with a sorta-promising career in marketing, great parents, good friends, and a place of my own.
Then a superbeing formed in front of me and genetics I didn’t know I had took over. I killed the fugly monster, saved the day, and won the heart of the handsome prince. Literally.
Of course, my prince didn’t know he was a prince, though he did know he was an alien, even though he was born on Earth. His family was exiled from Alpha Four in the Alpha Centauri system. His very large, extended, and connected-back-through-the-ages family. All of whom are pretty much the most gorgeous people on Earth. Since they also have two hearts, hyperspeed, the ability to regenerate and heal quickly, and special talents, the fact that they’re also great looking sort of seems unfair.
It is unfair, really. But I manage to find the will to go on.
I also discovered a much more promising career in the realm of Superbeing Extermination, and moved quickly up the ranks to become the Head of Airborne for Centaurion Division. And, just as quickly, got moved over to become first the co- and then the only Ambassador for American Centaurion. Though I’ve protested a lot about the Peter Principle, everyone insists I’m at least as good at this job as I was at any other. They’re being complimentary. I think.
Jeff’s in the same spaceship, of course, because he got shoved into being the Representative for New Mexico’s 2nd District in Congress. Meaning he has to work with politicians every day. And to set the rumors straight, not all politicians are evil monsters, but most of them make us nostalgic for the superbeings we used to fight regularly.
There are plenty of nights where we argue about which one of us has the worse job. But at least we have each other.
And we have our daughter, Jamie, who’s very special with a heaping side of extra. In addition to her being a human-alien hybrid, some extenuating circumstances have led to her sharing head space with a collective superconsciousness. At two and a half, that’s probably a lot to handle, but she’s our daughter and she’s doing great with it. Overachieving is apparently our “thing.”
So, you know, fantastic husband, amazing daughter, important jobs we feel challenged in, great friends, wonderful family. What could go wrong with all of that?
• • •
Wow. You really haven’t been paying attention all this time, have you?
CHAPTER 1
“YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.”
“I’d like to say two words—Diplomatic Immunity. Then I’d like to say other words like, I want to call my lawyer, the President, my mom, and a few other people like Officer Melville.” The cop helped me up into the paddy wagon.
“That’s nice.” Of course, he was now actually helping my lawyer into the big metal van. Amy Gaultier-White patted my hand. “You and all the rest get to go to headquarters first, ma’am. Then you can make all those calls you want to make.”
“Diplomatic Immunity. We do remember what that means?”
The cop smiled as he helped several other women into the paddy wagon with me. “Yes, ma’am, Ambassador Katt-Martini. We do know.”
“I’m the Ambassador for the American Centaurion Diplomatic Mission. My husband is a congressman. And you’re risking pissing off a lot of important people.”
“Comes with the job, ma’am.”
“Why are we being arrested? Since when is arresting diplomats your job? Every woman with me is part of my diplomatic mission.” In some way, at any rate. Wasn’t sure if I could count the female members of Alpha Team as being part of the Embassy staff. Then again, I was the Ambassador, so I could decide I’d officially instated them as Disturbance Attachés before we left. Minor moral dilemma solved. Major dilemma still not solved.
“You’re at the scene of a disturbance, ma’am. Ambassador or not.”
“I’ll say it again, officer—Diplomatic Immunity.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The cop gave me the Concerned Officer of the Law look. “You’re being moved off the streets for your own protection, ladies.”
“Peaceful protest is part of our democracy,” Abigail said.
“My husband’s going to hear about this,” Serene added. “He’s an astronaut.”
“I’ll watch out for falling moon rocks, ma’am,” the cop said to her. Wasn’t positive, but I was pretty sure he was trying really hard not to laugh. “However, your own protection currently supersedes your immunity.”
“Since when?” Amy asked.
“Since now.” The cop closed the back doors. Nicely. But still.
“Well,” Lorraine said, “at least we’re not chained up or handcuffed.”
“Speak for yourself,” Claudia muttered.
“You tried to hit one of the officers in the face,” Lorraine pointed out.
“He was being rude.” Claudia looked around. “Can I get out of these now?”
“Sure. You want to break them or have me or Amy pick the lock?”
Lorraine Billings, Claudia Muir, Serene Dwyer, and Abigail Gower were all female A-Cs, or, as I called them to myself, Dazzlers. Dazzlers were, to a one, gorgeous, which was par for the A-C’s course. They were also all brilliant by human standards, usually focused on medicine, math, and/or science. My girls were also focused on butt kicking.
They all looked awed and impressed. “You and Amy have finally learned to pick locks?” Serene asked.
Amy and I both sighed. “Yes, Malcolm’s been working on it with us,” I shared.
“A lot,” Amy added, going for the Full Disclosure option.
Malcolm Buchanan was assigned to be my personal shadow. He was also pretty much the most comprehensively competent dude in covert and clandestine ops imaginable. During Operation Infiltration he’d taught the four Dazzlers with us in the paddy wagon how to pick locks. Amy and I hadn’t done so well with that. So Buchanan had made it a point to ensure that we knew how. Sadly, it hadn’t come that easily to either one of us, which was something of an embarrassment, but both Amy and I were proficient lock pickers now.
Amy pulled a metal nail file out
of her purse. “Too slow, Kitty.” She went to work.
“At least some of us made it,” Claudia said as Amy got the cuffs off her and she rubbed her wrists.
The doors opened again and two more women were put in—Doreen Weisman, our last Dazzler on Embassy Duty, and Denise Lewis, who was human but frankly gorgeous enough to pass for alien.
“Diplomatic Immunity!” Doreen shouted. “Do you all understand what that term means?”
The cops smiled, nodded, and shut the doors again. “So much for Claudia’s optimism,” I said. “I thought you two had gotten away.”