Rave reviews for the Alien novels:
“From alternate realities to alternate galaxies, Koch takes us on the wildest adventures. But it is the camaraderie between the characters that keeps the over-the-top tale grounded and compelling.”
—RT Book Reviews (top pick)
“Koch still pulls the neat trick of quietly weaving in plot threads that go unrecognized until they start tying together—or snapping. This is a hyperspeed-paced addition to a series that shows no signs of slowing down.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Aliens, danger, and romance make this a fast-paced, wittily written sf romantic comedy.”
—Library Journal
“Gini Koch’s Kitty Katt series is a great example of the lighter side of science fiction. Told with clever wit and non-stop pacing . . . it blends diplomacy, action and sense of humor into a memorable reading experience.”
—Kirkus
“The action is nonstop, the snark flies fast and furious. . . . Another fantastic addition to an imaginative series!”
—Night Owl Sci-Fi (top pick)
“Ms. Koch has carved a unique niche for herself in the sci-fi-romance category with this series. My only hope is that it lasts for a very long time.”
—Fresh Fiction
“This delightful romp has many interesting twists and turns as it glances at racism, politics, and religion en route . . . will have fanciers of cinematic sf parodies referencing Men in Black, Ghostbusters, and X-Men.”
—Booklist (starred review)
“There’s a reason why this series is so popular and it’s because there’s nothing else out there in the universe like it.”
—Under the Covers
DAW Books Presents GINI KOCH’s
Alien Novels:
TOUCHED BY AN ALIEN
ALIEN TANGO
ALIEN IN THE FAMILY
ALIEN PROLIFERATION
ALIEN DIPLOMACY
ALIEN VS. ALIEN
ALIEN IN THE HOUSE
ALIEN RESEARCH
ALIEN COLLECTIVE
UNIVERSAL ALIEN
ALIEN SEPARATION
ALIEN IN CHIEF
CAMP ALIEN
ALIEN NATION
ALIEN EDUCATION
ALIENS ABROAD
(coming soon from DAW)
Copyright © 2017 by Jeanne Cook.
All Rights Reserved.
Cover art by Lindsey Look.
Cover design by G-Force Design.
DAW Book Collectors No. 1757.
Published by DAW Books, Inc.
375 Hudson Street, New York, NY 10014.
All characters and events in this book are fictitious.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book may have been stolen property and reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the publisher. In such case neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.”
Nearly all the designs and trade names in this book are registered trademarks. All that are still in commercial use are protected by United States and international trademark law.
Ebook ISBN: 9780756411466
DAW TRADEMARK REGISTERED
U.S. PAT. AND TM. OFF. AND FOREIGN COUNTRIES
—MARCA REGISTRADA
HECHO EN U.S.A.
Version_1
To the memory of my father-in-law, Douglas Vernon Cook, who taught his boys how to be wonderful men, husbands, and fathers, and taught me what it was like to have a great dad in my life for the last thirty years. We’ll always love and miss you, Dad.
CONTENTS
Praise for the Alien Novels
Also by Gini Koch
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Chapter 70
Chapter 71
Chapter 72
Chapter 73
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
Chapter 76
Chapter 78
Chapter 79
Chapter 80
Chapter 81
Chapter 82
Chapter 83
Chapter 84
Chapter 85
Chapter 86
Chapter 87
Chapter 88
Chapter 89
Chapter 90
Excerpt from Aliens Abroad
About the Author
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book crawled over the finish line, last and late. Lots of reasons, the biggest one being that my father-in-law was diagnosed and lost a fast and furious battle with cancer when I needed to be finishing up the book. As Kitty knows, life, and death, happens, and you can’t necessarily stop it. Or not let it stop you for a bit.
I couldn’t have finished this book without the incredible support of Sheila Gilbert, the most amazing and patient editor in the world, Cherry Weiner, the most supportive and protective agent in the world, Lisa Dovic
hi, the most dedicated critique partner and best friend there’s ever been, and Mary Fiore, still the best and fastest beta reader in the West and the best mum, too.
Continuous love and thanks to Alexis Nixon, Kayleigh Webb, and the other good folks at Penguin Random House and everyone at DAW Books, especially Josh Starr and Katie Hoffman, for being amazing 24/7. Same again to all my fans around the globe, my Hook Me Up! Gang, members of Team Gini new and old, all Alien Collective Members in Very Good Standing, Members of the Stampeding Herd, Twitter followers, Facebook fans and friends, Pinterest followers, the fabulous bookstores that support me, and all the wonderful fans who come to my various book signings and conference panels—you’re all the best and I wouldn’t want to do this without each and every one of you along for the ride. (Yeah, I say that every time. Because it’s true every time.)
Special love and extra shout-outs to: my distance assistant, Colette Chmiel, my personal assistant, Joseph Gaxiola, and my inventory manager, Kathi Schreiber, for figuring out how to create calm out of my rampant chaos and being my rocks when I need strength and my goofballs when I need laughs—you’re all wonderful and keep me going far more than you realize; Edward Pulley for continually allowing me to steal Joseph away all the time with good grace and being willing to talk about whatever pop culture thing strikes me for hours on end; Brad Jensen, for helping at the drop of a hat and acting like I’m the one doing you a favor for it; Rhonda Moore and Al Barrera for doing such a great job of helping me with social media in 2016; Missy Katano, Edward Pulley, Kathi Schreiber, and Frankie O’Connor for using their strong Google Fu to become Team Research, thereby saving me tons of time and finding cool things I never would on my own, thereby making my books and stories all the better for it; Museum of Robots for making such awesome licensed products of my works every time I turn around and being awesome people at the same time; Shawn Sumrall, Amy Thacker, Joseph Gaxiola, Colette Chmiel, Jan Robinson, Craig & Stephanie Dyer, Koleta Parsley, Christina Callahan, Lynn Crain, Mariann Asanuma, Edward Pulley, Archie Bays, Anne Taylor, Terry Smith, Carol Kuna, Richard Bolinski, Duncan & Andrea Rittschof, and Chrysta Stuckless for fun, lovely, and delicious gifts that make the long nights and deadline stress totally worth it; Shawn Sumrall and Joshua Tree Feeding Program, for providing amazing prizes for my big Evening Erotica event year after year; everyone who puts in sweat equity with me at cons, especially Joseph Gaxiola, Kathi Schreiber, Brad Jensen, and Duncan and Andrea Rittschof; Slice of SciFi and editor Summer Brooks for giving me things to review so I still get out of the Casa, into the world, and continue to experience popular culture; Javier de Leon for once again being there and Robert Palsma for once again ensuring that he could be; Robert Palsma and Jan Robinson for still liking everything I do; Chris “Delicious” Swanson for awesome concert experiences and the hilarity of the Thor’s Hammer Story; Scott Johnson for still having the best little B&B in San Diego and being a calm, supportive friend when things were going sideways; Michele Sharik and Brianne Lucinda for going long distances, and coming home from long distances, to see the me all the time; Adrian & Lisa Payne, Duncan & Andrea Rittschof, Hal & Dee Astell, Richard Clayton, and Dori Lovers for always showing up and making every event all the better for your presence; Oliver & Blanca Bernal for being family we got to choose; Eric and Jennifer Olson, for being there; Dan & Emily “Amadhia” King for constant love angel music, baby; the Authors of the Stampeding Herd—Lisa Dovichi, Barb Tyler, Lynn Crain, Hal Astell, Terry Smith, Sue Martin, Teresa Cutler-Broyles, Phyllis Hemann, Rhondi Salsitz, and Celina Summers—once again, our competition and your support kept me going, and I remain proud to pound hooves with every one of you (psst, buy their books); author Sharon Skinner for being my road warrior buddy (psst, buy her books); and last but not least, Mumsy and Daddy for stepping up when we hit the panic button and giving me some desperately needed peace of mind.
Last only because that’s where you put the best, thanks to my daughter, Veronica, and my son-in-law, Kenny, for being awesome all the time, and my husband, Steve, who was hugely supportive of all my writer stress, angst, and pressure while going through an incredibly tough time himself—you remain the best husband, father, and son in the world and I’m ever grateful that you’re mine.
IT’S NOT EASY SAVING THE WORLD. Or worlds. Or galaxy, when you get right down to it.
And yet, I and my nearest and dearest seem to have to do it all the time. Some people vacation in Gstaad. Some people hit the yacht club. Some go out for dinner and a movie. We get embroiled in life-and-death situations involving crazed megalomaniacs, slimy politicians, and aliens of all shapes and sizes.
Of course, this is all because I’m married to the Alien of Aliens. Not only is Jeff the hottest thing on two legs—or any number of legs, really, since now I know a lot of aliens with a wide range of limb configurations—but he’s also a born leader. Literally.
The surprises never stop coming for us. First, we got to discover that Jeff was part of the Annocusal Royal Family from the Alpha Centauri solar system, which was shocking since no one had ever shared that with him. Then we got to discover that, because he’d refused the crown on Alpha Four to return home to Earth, Alpha Four had just declared him the King Regent of Earth and called it good, again without sharing that with anyone else, like Jeff. They were kind of bossy that way.
And sandwiched in between these exciting royal facts was the “fun” of Jeff getting shoved into a political career he never wanted and then, due to those crazed megalomaniacs and slimy pols, becoming the President of the United States. And doing a bang up job of it, too, if you didn’t mind that the President was kicking butt a lot more than his predecessors had. Hey, we might have been shoved into political careers, but you couldn’t prove that any of our enemies noticed or cared.
Of course, that made me both the First Lady and the Queen Regent, and the less said about how unprepared I was and remain for both of those positions, the better. However, it came in handy when a ton of aliens were fleeing to Earth for protection and asylum. And I definitely represented, since my view of decorum is that it’s best left to others while leaving the kicking of butt to me.
Some people might be upset if the majority of the galaxy seemed to think they were The One for every girl fight around. But, as Joan Jett & The Blackhearts sang so well, neither Earth nor I care about our “Bad Reputation” throughout the planetary systems. Earth is considered the scrappy, nasty, vicious underdog you should never count out. And I’m apparently considered the go-to girl for any alien looking for someone to stare down whoever’s bullying them.
So, bring on the galaxy! We’re not afraid!
Well, um, okay. Earth and I are, admittedly, a little afraid. I mean, we’re great at the fighting. But we’re not so good at the playing nicely with others. And that appears to be what’s now expected. Save the day, instantly turn into the poster person for your planet. And Earth, as a planet made up of a fractious species that’s spent the majority of its entire existence trying to kill itself, is not, necessarily, going to represent well in Galactic Polite Society.
Jeff carries it off perfectly, though. Because he was born to it with all that royal family stuff going on, and apparently the Force is strong with him on this one. I don’t. Because I was, as Motörhead so perfectly puts it, “Born to Raise Hell.”
• • •
In other words, I’m an Earth Girl, but I’ll never make it easy.
CHAPTER 1
“IT’S ANOTHER GREAT DAY on Good Day USA!” the perky morning show host shared enthusiastically. “In our first hour we focused on all the new alien races we’ve gotten to know over these past few months.” The audience dutifully applauded. “This next hour is going to be even better, though, folks. We can’t wait, because we’re just so excited to announce our next special guest!” More audience applause.
Didn’t share any of their enthusiasm, but then again, I was the opposite of a morning person and was still wondering
why I was awake at this hour. Also could not remember the host’s name, which was because, in part, I was never up to watch these shows and, in other part, I was never up because I wasn’t a morning person and therefore wasn’t sure I currently remembered my own name.
She was pretty and Hispanic and that was all I was getting, because my brain didn’t want to do any work beyond what my eyes were sharing. Was fairly sure her name started with a K, since that appeared to be a morning show requirement. My name started with a K, too. Perhaps, in another part of the multiverse, I was a morning show anchor. Though I sincerely doubted it.
Her handsome male cohost, whose name was also escaping me, nodded equally enthusiastically. He was perky, too. Obnoxiously so. “This is a guest everyone wants, who we’re really proud to have been able to bring to our viewers first, because we go out of our way to start your days right! Don’t we, Kristie?”
Bingo, and starting with a K. Now if I could only remember his name. The dudes’ names didn’t seem to have a letter requirement. Managed to remember that he was a former baseball player, so there was that. He reminded me a lot of the late Michael Gower—big, bald, black, and beautiful, with definite charisma. The audience was clapping again. Was pretty sure there was a sign somewhere telling them to do so.
“We sure do, Adam!” Kristie said, still sounding amazingly perky. Hurray for the requirement on these shows to use your fellow host’s name at least once every ten minutes. “You all know her as the First Lady of the United States. Coming out right now, here’s Code Name: First Lady, Katherine Katt-Martini!”
Yes, that was me and, barring my being really lucky, I wasn’t asleep and this wasn’t a nightmare, at least, not a sleeping one. There were a lot of hells that politics had put me into, but none worse than this—being a guest on a morning talk show.
As the audience clapped themselves into a frenzy and I was gently shoved forward toward the stage by my so-called friends, I once again asked myself and the greater cosmos why anyone had thought this was a good idea. And also who hadn’t shared with Kristie and Adam that I never wanted anyone to refer to me as Code Name: First Lady. Whoever it was would be receiving a very nasty talking-to whenever I got out of here.