CLAUDIA
Jens and I stood right behind the VIP section, so we had a front-row seat for everything that happened.
And what happened… was pretty crazy.
METAWORLD CHAT LOG
<<Skronkmonster Ed. Note: Kalisha typing on Reese’s account: Hi, everybody! Welcome to my castle, and thank you all for coming to this historic event!!!>>
<<Reese4Freedom: Ed. Note: sock puppet/friend of Kalisha: YAY!!>>
<<WeLoveReese: Ed. Note: sock puppet/friend of Kalisha WHOOOOOOO!>>
<<nightstaker: Ed. Note: Hunter A. MOVE GORRILA cant see past ur big head>>
<<KuypersJens: sorry>>
<<ReeseFan: Ed. Note: sock puppet/friend of Kalisha EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!>>
<<Skronkmonster: It’s SO great to see you here, because that’s what this campaign is all about: YOU! I want to be #APresidentForEverybody!>>
<<ReeseFan: PREACH IT!>>
<<WeLoveReese: WE LUV U REESE>>
<<Reese4Freedom: #FREEDOM>>
<<Wenzamura: Ed. Note: Wenzhi: Is there free armor>>
<<Skronkmonster: That’s why I’m SO EXCITED to join forces with Max Esper! Max and I are VERY different—but we BOTH believe in #Freedom!>>
<<Reese4Freedom: #FREEDOM>>
<<ReeseFan: GO MAX!>>
<<WeLoveReese: #VoteReeseMax!>>
<<Wenzamura: srsly what abt armor I hrd u give it away>>
<<Skronkmonster: Take it away, Max!>>
<<EmperorMaximilian: Ed. Note: Max: Thank u! Thank u! I just flew in from Planet Esperience, and boy, are my arms tired!>>
<<MaxAssassin: Ed. Note: ????!!!!: DIIIIEEEEEE>>
MaxAssassin killed EmperorMaximilian.
CLAUDIA
I think I speak for everybody when I say it was a huge shock to see a giant avatar in a black mask rush the stage and cut Max in half with an axe.
I was so stunned I didn’t even think to take a screenshot until at least five seconds later. By that point, a second masked avatar had joined the first one, and they were slaughtering the whole VIP section.
MaxAssassin killed ElPresidente. Ed. Note: Atticus W. (Nerdy Boy)
FreeRangeMartyr Ed. Note: ???!!! killed ChangTheMerciless. Ed. Note: Dave C. (Nerdy Boy)
<<numbah_tehn: Ed. Note: Tucker: OMG THIS IS NUTS>>
<<ReeseFan: Kalisha is this part of rally>>
<<Skronkmonster: NO!>>
<<Wenzamura: this is awesome!>>
CLAUDIA
By then, I could hear Reese and Kalisha yelling at each other in the next room.
REESE
Kalisha was like, “WHAT’S HAPPENING?”
And I was like, “It’s an ambush! Get out your sword and kill that guy!”
But she didn’t know how to use a sword. And she wouldn’t give me the laptop. Which was seriously annoying.
CLAUDIA
Kalisha wasn’t the only one who couldn’t use a sword. The Society mode nerds were pretty helpless, too.
METAWORLD CHAT LOG
FreeRangeMartyr killed ChairmanMike. Ed. Note: Michael K. (Nerdy Boy)
<<KillrKickr: Fight them!>>
MaxAssassin killed Shabakazam. Ed. Note: Dimitri (Nerdy Boy)
<<HisHolinessTheDylanLlama: Ed. Note: Dylan (Nerdy Boy): how do u fight? my planet has no weapons>>
FreeRangeMartyr killed
HisHolinessTheDylanLlama.<<<br />
<<FreeRangeMartyr: c u in nirvana!>>
<<Skronkmonster: EVERYBODY RUN AWAY!!!>>
<<KillrKickr: no fight them!!>>
<<numbah_tehn: BEST RALLY EVER>>
<<TobiusGalacticus: what button is run>>MaxAssassin killed TobiusGalacticus.
<<TobiusGalacticus: Ed. Note: Toby (Nerdy Boy) o no my head is cut off>>
<<KuypersJens: wow this is terible>>
<<InvisibleDeath: I had nothing to do with this>>
REESE
By the time I got the laptop away from Kalisha so I could fight back, all the Society mode dudes were skronked. And the two bad guys had logged off.
CLAUDIA
The MetaWorld Massacre took out every single Nerdy Boy Reese was trying to win over.
And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t really, really enjoy all the yelling I heard coming from Reese’s room.
KALISHA
I just want to remind everybody I KNEW NOTHING about MetaWorld.
So the massive security failure and all its tragic consequences? Totally Reese’s fault.
REESE
No way! You’re the one who told me to keep my army in my castle so I wouldn’t look like a thug!
And if we’d given everybody armor like I wanted, none of those guys would’ve died!
Actually, they still would’ve died. Just, like, not as fast.
CLAUDIA
The situation did NOT look good for Reese’s campaign. And Kalisha knew it.
ASHLEY AND MOM (text messages)
Tutoring prob not going 2 work out
Why not?
Lots of yelling from bedroom right now
Not surprised. Doing math w/Reese can be frustrating
CLAUDIA
I have to give Kalisha credit, though: within minutes of the massacre, she was working the media to blame the whole thing on me. Ed. Note: “media” = Sophie) And she almost got away with it.
Almost.
CHAPTER 20
THE RUSH TO JUDGMENT
CLAUDIA
To this day, nobody’s ever come forward to admit they were the “MaxAssassin” and “FreeRangeMartyr” avatars who killed everybody at the rally.
But it was obviously Xander and James.
JAMES
That’s ridiculous! As leader of the Free Range Education movement, I’m against violence in ALL its forms.
But this is the kind of tragedy you get when you force sixth graders to sit at their desks for eight hours a day.
So even though I believe the killers should be brought to justice, I also think we need to address the root causes of this violence.
XANDER
Gotta get with dat Free Range program, y’all! Put yo’ X by da X to get rid o’ dem desks and chairs!
And peep this, yo: if you gonna be a straight punk and dump the X-Man as yo’ running mate? WATCH YO’ BACK! ’Cause you gonna get got.
REESE
It was totally Xander and James. I have the screenshots to prove it.
CLAUDIA
If you knew it was Xander and James, why did your campaign manager blame it all on me?
REESE
Uhhhmmmm… No comment?
KALISHA
All I did was make sure Sophie had the facts. And the facts were that there’d been a terrible tragedy… on a server run by YOUR campaign manager… that just happened to benefit YOUR campaign.
SOPHIE
And to be fair, Claudia—you and Akash DID have a history of killing Reese on that Planet Amigo thing. Ed. Note: again, VERY long story (which you can read about in The Tapper Twins Go to War)
CLAUDIA
When Sophie called for an interview and basically accused me and Akash of planning the whole massacre, I pretty much lost it. EVERYTHING I was mad at her about just came barfing out.
And then everything SHE was mad at ME for came barfing out of HER. Ed. Note: even though most of it was v. unfair
SOPHIE
It was pretty ugly. I don’t want to get into details—
CLAUDIA
I don’t, either.
SOPHIE
But yeah. It was a lot of drama.
It really seemed like it cleared the air, though. Like, I heard where you were coming from. And you heard where I was coming from.
CLAUDIA
When Sophie’s report on the massacre showed up in the Chronicle the next morning, it still didn’t seem completely fair. But at least it wasn’t a total hit job on me. And it seemed like Sophie was finally figuring out she couldn’t trust Kalisha.
MASSACRE IN METAWORLD!
6th grade Treasurer
Esper’s Avatar, 6 Others Slaughtered At Online Rally
by Sophie Koh, special correspondent
Tragedy struck last night’s online rally for the Reese Tapper-Max Esper sixth grade election ticket as masked avatars with battle-axes attacked the avatars of Mr. Esper and half a dozen members of the audience.
All seven avatars were reported dead and will have to be replaced if their owners want to keep playing MetaWorld, according to people with knowledge of the situation. Ed. Note: Sophie does not play video games (so totally clueless re. MetaWorld)
The identities of the two attackers are still unknown. Late last night, a group calling itself The Popular Front For Free Range Education emailed the Chronicle to claim credit for the massacre.
However, it is unclear whether this is a real group that actually exists.
Kalisha Hendricks, manager of the Tapper campaign, tried to blame Mr. Tapper’s chief rival, current sixth grade president Claudia Tapper, for the online violence.
“This senseless tragedy took place on the ‘Planet Amigo’ server, which is owned by Claudia’s campaign manager,” she said, referring to eighth grader Akash Gupta. “Coincidence? I don’t think so.” Ed. Note: INSANELY CHEAP SHOT
But Mr. Gupta dismissed this claim, stating that he had spent the night writing an English paper. “I haven’t even logged on since Friday,” he said.
He also explained that Planet Amigo is a “Conquest mode” server on which players compete in “deathmatches.” According to Mr. Gupta, “If you spend more than ten minutes on Planet Amigo, and you DON’T die a horrible death? YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.”
Sources familiar with Planet Amigo confirmed that this is probably true.
It is still unclear what impact the massacre will have on Friday’s election. But the issue is sure to be raised during Wednesday’s first-ever candidate debate Ed. Note: SHOULD HAVE BEEN ITS OWN ARTICLE , which will be held after school in room 432 (Mr. McDonald’s classroom).
CLAUDIA
Even though I had nothing to do with the attack, I was seriously hoping it’d mess up Reese’s chances of winning over the Nerdy Boys.
But when Akash polled them, it turned out the massacre actually HELPED Reese.
AKASH
All it did was make the Nerdy Boys realize how much cooler Conquest mode is than Society mode. Like, within 24 hours, they were all hacking each other to pieces in Planet Amigo deathmatches.
DAVE CHANG, Nerdy Boy/MetaWorld player
Conquest mode’s SO much more fun! Even when my avatar was getting cut in half at that rally, I was thinking, “This is WAY cooler than Society mode.”
And when I started playing deathmatches, Reese gave me this awesome suit of titanium armor! So I decided to vote for him.
AKASH
The polling numbers were bleak. After the MetaWorld rally, we lost all but one of the Nerdy Boys. Which put Reese in the lead by exactly three votes.
CLAUDIA
By then, it was Tuesday night. And the election was scheduled for Friday. So if I was going to turn things around, it pretty much HAD to be at Wednesday’s debate.
KALISHA
It’s true. At that point, the debate was your only hope.
That’s why I told Reese not to show up for it.
CHAPTER 21
DEBATE PREP: MY ONLY HOPE
REESE
I just want to say, even though it was TOTALLY UNFAIR that Mom and Dad made me agree to the debate? There was NEVER any chance I wasn’t going to show up. Because I gave my word. And word is bond. Ed. Note: pretty sure Reese stole that phrase from Xander
CLAUDIA
Oh, really? So when you faked a cough at breakfast that morning, it was a total coincidence?
REESE
It wasn’t fake! I really DID have something weird in my throat that made me think I wouldn’t be able to talk for a couple of days.
CLAUDIA
And that text from Dad had nothing to do with the weird thing in your throat suddenly disappearing?
REESE
No! I saw that text and was like, “I have NO CLUE what Dad’s talking about.”
DAD AND REESE (Text messages copied from Dad’s phone)
Hey, buddy—just a reminder that if you don’t debate your sister like you promised, you will lose phone for a month
What if Im sick
Then Ashley will take you to Dr. Rosenfeld. And if you’re not really sick, you will lose phone for TWO months
CLAUDIA
My biggest pre-debate challenge—aside from making sure Reese actually showed up—was making sure an audience would show up, too.
And Kalisha did not exactly make this easy.
KALISHA
Reese was ahead in the polls. So there was no upside to having a debate. All it could do was hurt us.
But if he absolutely HAD to show up, the fewer people that saw it, the better.
CLAUDIA
I get that, Kalisha. I do. But I personally do NOT think it was ethical for you to change all my signs.
KALISHA
You can’t prove that was me.
CLAUDIA
And spreading those rumors on ClickChat was a TOTAL cheap shot.
CLICKCHAT POSTS ON “CLAUDAROO” (AKA CLAUDIA TAPPER) WALL
claudaroo
claudaroo HEY, EVERYBODY—COME TO THE BIG DEBATE TODAY AFTER SCHOOL IN MR. MCDONALD’S CLASSROOM! It’ll be fun!
KaliHendo If you go, wear a head scarf. Lice problem still very serious in Mr. McDonald’s room
claudaroo There’s no lice problem in Mr. McDonald’s room!
KaliHendo Trying to keep it quiet so kids don’t panic? Gotcha. NO LICE PROBLEM IN MR. MCDONALD’S ROOM, PEOPLE
claudaroo THERE IS NO LICE PROBLEM, KALISHA!!!
KaliHendo #LiceProblem
KALISHA
I’m not saying I’m proud of it. But if you were me, and you’d seen the debate prep we tried to do with Reese at lunch that day? You would’ve been desperate, too.
REESE
Kalisha and Max were like, “What’s your position on cyberbullying?” And I was like, “What’s that mean?”
And they were like, “You don’t know what cyberbullying is?”
And I was like, “No… I don’t know what a position is.”
KALISHA
It was scary. Lunch is only half an hour long. So it would have taken a MONTH of lunches to make Reese non-clueless.
REESE
Kalisha told me since I didn’t know anything about the issues, no matter what the question was, I should just say, “Freedom.”
KALISHA
It made sense. If it was a question about soccer on the roof, he’d say, “Kids should have the freedom to do that.”
If it was cyberbullying, “Kids should have the freedom to write what they want online.”
If it was about Spirit Week, “Kids should have the freedom to wear boxer shorts on Pajama Day.”
MAX
Then I pointed out that Reese had two minutes for each question. And he couldn’t fill two whole minutes just saying “freedom.”
REESE
So Kalisha told me to start every answer by saying what a great question it was, and how important it was for the future of Culvert Prep. And THEN I should say “freedom.”
I was like, “I don’t think this is going to go so good.”
And Kalisha was like, “Don’t worry. If it looks bad, I’ll pull the fire alarm.”
CLAUDIA
While Kalisha was trying to make my brother non-clueless, I was on the other side of the cafeteria, having a very important conversation with Sophie.
Because Mr. McDonald had decided that as the sixth grade’s only member of the media, Sophie should be the debate moderator. Ed. Note: moderator = person who asks all the questions
SOPHIE
You showed me Akash’s polling numbers. Which were kind of shocking—like, up until then, I didn’t actually think there was a
ny chance Reese could beat you. So finding out you were losing was a real “OMG” moment.
But as a journalist—AND a debate moderator—I had to be fair and impartial to all the candidates.
So when you started telling me what questions to ask, it was offensive.
CLAUDIA