Just go kick some
gladiator BUTT!
“Julius, Julianne, Julio! Whatever!” replied Pliny,
pushing Julius into his cage.
Tod
ay
is
the
day
I
win
our
free
dom
!
Th
is
is
IT!
Julius’s heart pounded as the cage lifted up toward
the ceiling, scraping roughly against the stone walls.
Over the creaking of the stiff wooden frames, Julius
could clearly make out the chanting of the crowd.
“ZEBRA! ZEBRA! ZEBRA!”
CHAPTER TWO
ZEBRAMANIA!
Hey!
The cage stopped moving with a great
THUMP, and Julius grabbed the wooden bars
to keep himself from falling over.
Just above him he could hear the voice of the
summa rudis, the referee.
“CITIZENS OF ROME!” bellowed the summa
rudis. “As you all know, to celebrate the Festival
of Quinquatria, Emperor Hadrian has decreed
that you should enjoy a day of FEASTING and
FIGHTING!” The crowd roared. “THE FIRST
OPPONENT,” he screamed, “Rome’s very own
PEOPLE’S CHAMPION, JULIUS ZEBRA!”
A trapdoor opened in front of Julius to
thunderous cheers and the blast of a hundred
trumpets. He bounded through the hatchway.
He should be
careful. One
day he’ll catch
that sword
in his skull.
With any
luck!
Julius threw up his arms to greet the crowd of
eighty-thousand roaring his name so loudly that
the whole amphitheater shook.
Eager to show off his skills, Julius leaped into a
backward somersault, throwing his sword into the
air. Then he deftly caught it while landing nimbly on
the arena floor like a cat. The audience erupted into
another round of chanting and cheering.
Watching from the sidelines, Julius’s friends were
on their feet, clapping and cheering him along.
Over on the other side of the arena, in his gold-
and-marble royal box, sat the Emperor Hadrian,
enthusiastically applauding his zebra champion.
Excellent! thought Julius. Hadrian seems to be in a
good mood. There’s no way he won’t grant me my freedom
today!
In the center of the arena stood the summa rudis,
a beefy man in a white tunic with two long blue
parallel stripes. In his right hand, he held a big stick.
Oof!
The summa rudis shouted to be heard.
“THE SECOND OPPONENT!” he screamed. “ALL
THE WAY FROM THE CITY OF ALEXANDRIA,
IN EGYPT, the mighty camel warrior IMHOTEP!”
From the gates, a camel came stumbling in, his
loose, ill-fitting armor rattling as he scrambled across
the arena floor. As he reached the summa rudis, he
tripped over his spear and landed in a clattering heap
on the floor.
Knock his block off!
Kill him!
The crowd roared with laughter.
On the sidelines, Milus shook his head in despair.
“Where do they find these idiots?”
Julius took up his position in the arena and
smacked his sword into his shield with a dramatic
growl. This sent the crowd into another frenzy.
Imhotep gulped and took a small step backward.
He glanced over his shoulder as the zebra-crazy
spectators hurled insults and rotten food in his
direction.
Imhotep timidly shuffled backward, his armor
jangling as he shivered with fear. “Come on!” cried
Julius. “At least TRY to hit me with your spear. Give
these guys a bit of a show. I promise I won’t hurt
Holding up their G-shaped horns, the cornicines
trumpeted the start of the fight, and the summa rudis
stepped aside. The Colosseum roared.
Flicking his sword from behind his shield, Julius
edged confidently toward the twitchy Egyptian
camel.
“GET HIM!” yelled the crowd. “LOP HIS
HEAD OFF! FINISH HIM!”
Use your
eye lightning,
Julius!
Yeah!
ZAP HIM!
Imhotep finally collapsed onto the ground,
sobbing. “PLEASE DON’T KILL ME, ZEBRA!”
he cried. “DON’T BLOW ME UP WITH MAGIC
LIGHTNING FROM YOUR EYES!”
you too much!” The camel shook his head. Rotten
vegetables spattered his nice shiny headdress.
Boo!
Boo!
So
funny!
Julius is
a comedy
GENIUS!
Lame!
Brilliant!
“Come on,” said Julius, turning to the crowd.
“You think I should bust this camel’s HUMP?”
Julius stood over the blubbering camel and kicked
his spear away with his hoof. “I shall spare your life,
Imhotep,” he declared. “No lightning shall pass from
my eyes today.”
He
skipped
out!
Hey,
where’s the
emperor?
Pliny turned to Milus. “Please tell me he didn’t
really just say that.”
“I’m afraid he did,” replied Milus flatly.
In the arena, the summa rudis grabbed Julius’s arm
and thrust it into the air. “THE WINNER!” he
announced.
Julius turned to the royal box to seek the emperor’s
approval and his long-awaited promise of freedom.
But the royal box was empty. Hadrian was gone!
Julius! Hadrian ran
off five minutes ago!
?
“Milus saw him get a message, then he stormed
away in a huff!”
Julius flopped to the ground in despair. “But he
PROMISED!” he wailed.
Felix tried to console him. “If it helps, Hadrian
didn’t look happy to leave. He was really enjoying
himself until he bailed. . . .”
Julius looked like he was ready to burst into tears.
“We’ll NEVER win our freedom!” he whimpered.
“We’ll be stuck in this Roman dump for the REST OF
OUR LIVES!”
Julius’s friends came dashing across the arena.
Hadrian
wants to see
you in the
morning.
Seems
he has
“exciting”
news for
you.
“OOH! A SURPRISE!” squealed Julius,
clapping his hooves. “I LOVE surprises!”
As Julius dragged himself up and began to shuffle
out of the arena, a familiar figure stood in his way.
“Then you’ll be pleased to hear my news, Donkey!”
came a gruff voice.
“Septimus,” groaned Julius.
The towering figure of the lanista, boss of the
gladiator school, stood in front of them, hands on
his hips.
W
e
’r
e
n
g
o
i
g
o
n
vacation.
T
ra
la
la
la
!
“I wouldn’t trust these scoundrels as far as I could
throw them,” Milus growled. “The only trip we’re
going on is to the forests of Germania to face the
BARBARIAN HORDE!”
“He wants to see you all in the school arena at
sunrise,” growled Septimus. “And make sure your
knapsacks are packed. You’re going on a nice long trip!”
Julius and the others were beside themselves with
glee. “A LONG TRIP?” cried Julius. “WE’RE GOING
ON VACATION!”
Come on.
WAKE UP,
everyone!
We’re going
on vacation!
?
All the animals quickly got dressed, ate their bowls
of oatmeal, and dashed down to the small arena in
the center of the school.
Septimus strode in, clapping his hands. “LINE UP
IN THE MIDDLE, YOU LOWLIFES! QUICKLY!
QUICKLY!”
At the first crow of the rooster the next morning,
Julius sprang out of bed.
CHAPTER THREE
ROMAN HOLIDAY!
This is SO
exciting!
I hear Naples
is beautiful this
time of year!
We can catch
crabs and
EVERYTHING!
And fish!
Imagine the
ROCKS
I’ll find!
Scream!
“I ought to send you all straight to the galleys as
punishment!” he yelled.
“BY THE FIERY BEARD OF JUPITER, WHAT
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ALL DOING?”
Septimus bellowed. “I said pack your knapsacks, not
dress up as CLOWNS!” He stormed up to Rufus,
snatched his fishing rod from his hoof, and snapped
it in two over his own knee.
Ooh! I’ve
always liked
the galleys!
Mmm . . . pebbles.
Y
ip
p
e
e
!
All the
rowing
builds up
your arms!
Septimus leaned in to Cornelius’s face. “It’s not
FUN, Warthog, it’s HORRIBLE!”
“Forget that!” cried Felix. “Tell us about this great
vacation! Will there be pebble beaches?”
I’ll explain
everything
now, Lion.
Hadrian?
Milus grabbed Septimus by his tunic and pulled
him up to his big teeth. “And please,” he snarled, “be
sure to explain how it is we’re being sent on vacation,
as opposed to being set free . . . ?”
Suddenly, from the east entrance to the arena,
Emperor Hadrian strode in, flanked by elite Roman
guards.
What,
even me?
Yes, Crocodilus,
even you!
How marvelous.
Milus reluctantly dropped Septimus, who
harrumphed and adjusted his crumpled tunic.
Hadrian addressed the animals. “Listen to me,
beasts: Julius’s battle yesterday at the Festival of
Quinquatria convinced me that he is one of the
greatest champions of Rome.” He walked up and
down, looking at the animals proudly. “In fact,
throughout the empire, you are now ALL legends,
heroes that every man and creature aspires to be!”
Win that, and
THEN I shall
grant you
your freedom!
I have
arranged a
tournament
for you all.
He stared Julius right in his eyes. Julius blinked
nervously.
“Sounds fair enough,” he mumbled. “Where are we
going, then? Gaul? Egypt? Will I need my sand toys?”
Hadrian stopped in front of Julius and placed his
hand on the zebra’s shoulder. “So much so that I need
you, my People’s Champions, to go to the distant
corner of our empire and INSPIRE my citizens!” He
waved his fist triumphantly in the air. “I want you
to show them what it means to be a WARRIOR
ROMAN!”
It is a strange
and distant land.
Only
A FOOL
would go
there for a
vacation.
“We are sending you to BRITANNIA!”
declared Hadrian. All the animals looked at one
another, bewildered.
“BRITANNIA?” cried Julius. “Oh, how PERFECT!”
“Ah.” Hadrian smiled, impressed. “You have heard
of our exotic little outpost, then?”
“Ooh, no, never heard of it!” replied Julius. “I’m
just excited about going on vacay!”
Cornelius’s grin turned into a grimace. “I’ve heard
of it,” he whispered to Julius, “and it’s not good.”
What
do YOU
think?
Milus was also unconvinced. “So, we just turn up,
entertain the locals, and then we can go free?”
“Yes!” replied Hadrian. “Something like that.”
He turned to Septimus. “Get them ready, Septimus.
The ship leaves at noon.”
“YOU HEARD THE EMPEROR!” Septimus
bellowed. “NOW PACK YOUR BAGS LIKE REAL
WARRIORS AND BE READY AT NOON!”
Felix put up his hoof. Septimus nearly collapsed in
frustration. “WHAT IS IT NOW?”
Hadrian wasn’t very clear.”
Felix thought for a moment. “I’m thinking . . . yes?”
Septimus moved his head closer to Felix’s face and
let out a low growl.
“NO!” squealed Felix. “I mean, no!”
Septimus leaned back. “CORRECT answer!
Now, get moving. And if I see one single sand toy,
you’ll ALL be on a one-way trip to the battlefields of
GERMANIA!”
Ugh.
O
h
,
I
do
li
k
e
to
b
e
b
e
s
i
d
e
th
e
se
a!
CHAPTER FOUR
ALL ABOARD!
By noon, everyone was packed and ready to leave.
They jumped onto the back of a cart waiting to take
them to the port of Ostia.
Julius was so excited that he decided it was time for
a sing-along to get everyone in the vacation mood.
“Come on, everybody, after me! OH, I DO LIKE
TO BE BESIDE THE SEASIDE!”
Up to no good,
I’m sure!
Hey, what
are those two
whispering
about?
“Those two are ALWAYS whispering to each
other!” replied Cornelius. “They’re like a couple
of old busybodies.”
Milus let
out a big huff. “Well, I don’t like it
one bit. In fact,” he growled, “I don’t like this
‘trip’ one bit!”
As the others joined in, Julius noticed that
Septimus was having a quiet chat with his champion
gladiator, Victorius.
Lighten
up, ya big
GRUMP!
Grr.
R
u
ff
le
R
u
ff
le
“You ALWAYS see the worst in everything! I’m
just desperate to get this trip started!”
Julius leaned out of the cart and called out to
Septimus. “COME ON! I’m sure you’ll see each other
again! Just give that idiot a big kiss and LET’S GET
GOING!”
“ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!” growled Septimus
as he stormed to the cart and hopped onto his seat.
“Insolent animals! If I had my way, you’d be well on
your way to —”
Julius gave the lion a big ruffle of his ratty mane.
Sigh.
We
know!
And so, finally, they all sped off to the great Roman
port of Ostia, where, an hour later, they found their
ship waiting for them at the dock.
Gosh!
Wow!
A
L
L
AB
O
A
R
D!
Do you
mean doing
jumping
jacks?
“CORRECT!” cried Septimus. “I DO mean doing
jumping jacks. AND peeling potatoes and any other
awful jobs I can think of to keep you out of trouble!”
“BAH!” blurted Milus. “I told you! Some
vacation this is going to be!”
They ran onto the deck and began exploring the
impressive vessel and all its nooks and crannies.
“Right, you dopes!” shouted Septimus as he
came on board. “Line up on the deck NOW!” They
all scooted to the middle of the ship, lining up as