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    The Beforelife


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      ALSO BY FRANZ WRIGHT

      Poetry

      Tapping the White Cane of Solitude (1976)

      The Earth Without You (1980)

      8 Poems (1981)

      The One Whose Eyes Open When You Close Your Eyes (1982)

      Going North in Winter (1986)

      Entry in an Unknown Hand (1989)

      And Still the Hand Will Sleep in Its Glass Ship (1991)

      Midnight Postscript (1992)

      The Night World & the Word Night (1993)

      Rorschach Test (1995)

      Ill Lit: Selected & New Poems (1998)

      Knell (1999)

      God While Creating the Birds Sees Adam in His Thoughts (2001)

      Hell & Other Poems (2001)

      The Beforelife (2001)

      Walking to Martha’s Vineyard (2003)

      Translations

      Jarmila. Flies: Ten Prose Poems by Erica Pedretti (1976)

      The Life of Mary (poems by Rainer Maria Rilke) (1981)

      The Unknown Rilke (1983)

      No Siege Is Absolute (poems by René Char) (1984)

      The Unknown Rilke: Expanded Edition (1991)

      I wrote these poems

      between December of 1998

      and December of 1999

      for my wife Elizabeth.

      F. W.

      CONTENTS

      Empty Cathedral

      Prescription

      Translation

      November 14

      Memoir

      Written with a Baseball Bat-Sized Pencil

      Not Now

      The Dead Dads

      The Midnight Snack

      I’m Sorry

      The Ascent of Midnight

      Body Bag

      The Beforelife

      Thanks Prayer at the Cove

      Accepting an Award

      Address Search

      Based on a Prayer of Rabi’a al-Adawiyya

      First Encounter/The City

      The Neighbor

      The Wedding

      Entry & Prayer

      The Poem Said

      New Page

      Doing a Line of Olga Broumas

      Communion

      After Apollinaire

      I for One

      Description of Her Eyes

      Tibetans Raped by Chinese Robots

      From a Discarded Image

      Self-Portrait at 40

      Scrolling Marquee

      Bathtub Improv

      Resurrection: Elegy

      Simultaneous Sentences

      Goodbye

      Slander

      Aesthetic

      When You See Fame Coming Run

      The Speaker

      Church

      Commercial for Absence

      Thinking of France

      The Way We Look to Them

      The Miracle

      Request

      Homage

      To a Blossoming Nut Case

      Learning a Language

      Fine Print

      Primogeniture

      Moving

      Planting

      PC Lullaby

      Dying Thought Near the Summit

      Empty Stage

      Clarification

      Nothingsville, MN

      Thus in the pursuit of consciousness it must be understood, first, that man must do everything by himself—that is, he must penetrate to another level solely by his own efforts; and second, he can do nothing by himself—that is, his whole endeavor must be to contact higher sources and levels of energy. For unless he succeeds in so doing, he will get nothing and can get nothing.

      Rodney Collin

      EMPTY CATHEDRAL

      There’s this pew

      at the back

      that’s been

      waiting

      for you

      all your life, like your death bed.

      Christ Criminal

      hanging

      above, eyes and mouth

      closed suggesting

      before you too enter

      the third person, light

      one candle

      for the here,

      will you.

      PRESCRIPTION

      While you lie in bed

      watching the movie

      of every last terrible

      thing you have done, you

      consider with high admiration

      and envy the one

      of unscared face

      and conscience come

      with his own slip of paper

      proclaiming

      bearer’s incontrovertible

      privilege to sleep,

      to ask

      and receive it

      right now

      by sidereal name.

      TRANSLATION

      Death is nature’s way

      of telling you to be quiet.

      Of saying it’s time

      to be weaned, your conflagration starved

      to diamond.

      I’ll give you something to cry about.

      And what those treetops swaying

      dimly in the wind spelled.

      NOVEMBER 14

      After church we had breakfast at a diner nearby, and when we got home provided a poor squirrel in our street with a burial: cardboard box, plastic bag, garbage can at the curb. He was perfect,

      a large, unmolested and sleeping-appearing squirrel with a little brilliant dark blood at its nostrils and the wind slightly lifting the gray and black hair on its tail and inside its small ear to make me cry.

      MEMOIR

      Just hope he forgot the address

      and don’t answer the phone

      for a week:

      put out all the lights

      in the house—

      behave like you aren’t there

      if some night when

      it’s blizzarding, you see

      Franz Wright arrive

      on your street with his suitcase

      of codeine pills,

      lugging that heavy

      black manuscript

      of blank texts.

      WRITTEN WITH A BASEBALL BAT-SIZED PENCIL

      You can meet them all

      here, these are the people

      who aren’t coming back:

      the young woman who lives in the room

      across the hall, the pretty blonde

      who enters in a speechless rage

      to leaf through your suitcase

      while you’re lying in bed and deny it

      when asked why, deny

      that she is there at all (“—don’t go telling tales on me”).

      The teenage stroke victim

      who keeps stuffing his clothes

      in his mother’s hamper

      at home, the black plastic

      refuse container

      in the bright sterilized

      kitchen we’re barred from when hungry

      between feedings, coming back

      to do it again

      each time they’re returned to him. Then

      there’s the seventy-year-old manic virgin

      who is having a hard time taking her eyes off

      your ass, mooning after you, floating

      downhall

      behind you wherever you turn—

      you can laugh

      until your heart stops, nothing’s

      capable of persuading her

      you aren’t the answer to her prayers;

      who secretly opens your door

      a crack in the blackness, she stays up all night

      gazing cadaverously down

      or she would

      if it weren’t for the guy in white come

      on the half hour shining

      his flashlight in your open eyes to see

      if you’ve killed yourself yet. And who knows,

      you might be one of them

      yourself

      by now, stranger


      things have happened—

      NOT NOW

      for Dzvinia Orlowsky

      Where is

      the man of heaven

      in me—

      my body’s

      filthy

      face and hands

      completely filthy

      with

      the man of dust

      This mask

      this glove

      of human flesh

      is all I have

      and that’s not bad

      and that’s not good

      not good enough

      not now

      THE DEAD DADS

      It’s easier to get a rope

      through the eye of a needle than

      the drunk son of a drunk

      into stopping

      into waking—oh no, not

      this guy he’s intent on

      finding out and finding out

      exactly

      what the poor old fucker felt like

      and hell,

      all he has asked

      is one good cold responsible

      look at the corpse

      when it meets him, living,

      at the door— …

      THE MIDNIGHT SNACK

      It was night, I was

      having a fairly nice time

      for a cockroach

      in a psychiatrist’s kitchen—

      chewing in the blackness,

      a terrified but unmolested listening.

      A bargain,

      I remember thinking,

      at twice the price I paid;

      perhaps I shall injure myself

      and require an injection for pain.

      A hungry ghost at any age.

      But it was night, and it would be

      for the time being,

      I was doing all right.

      I’M SORRY

      Child I helped

      to do away with

      you would be

      almost an adult now

      I hope my friend

      Like me you never got to have your childhood

      You never even got to exist

      yet

      you still bear the name

      I gave you

      again for my benefit

      mindlessly

      after your death

      your cheap and meaningless

      banishment

      forgive me

      THE ASCENT OF MIDNIGHT

      Sometimes I’d like to give up—

      I want to blindfold this head

      put a gun to it, and say

      shitface

      this is the way

      you caused me to feel

      nearly all the time.

      But what is the use of that type

      of behavior. I’m getting so tired, and I’m nowhere

      nowhere near

      my illustrious friends (yet

      I’m still fairly high

      in the mountains

      beneath the sea …)

      BODY BAG

      Like the condom in a pinch one size fits all.

      THE BEFORELIFE

      for Thomas Lux

      Meanwhile,

      I visit the word world.

      In between feeding my friends,

      the alert preternaturally unafraid

      birds

      of Purgatory Cove.

      THANKS PRAYER AT THE COVE

      A year ago today

      I was unable to speak

      one syntactically coherent

      thought let alone write it down: today

      in this dear and absurdly allegorical place

      by your grace

      I am here

      and not in that graveyard, its skyline

      visible now from the November leaflessness

      and I am here to say

      it’s 5 o’clock, too late to write more

      (especially for the one whose eyes

      are starting to get dark), the single

      dispirited swan out on the windless brown

      transparent floor floating

      gradually backward

      blackward

      no this is what I still

      can see, white

      as a joint in a box of little cigars—

      and where is the mate

      Lord, it is almost winter in the year

      2000 and now I look up to find five

      practically unseeable mallards at my feet

      they have crossed

      nearly standing on earth they’re so close

      looking up to me

      for bread—

      that’s what my eyes of flesh see (barely)

      but what I wished to say

      is this, listen:

      a year ago today

      I found myself riding the subway psychotic

      (I wasn’t depressed, I wanted to rip my face off)

      unable to write what I thought, which was nothing

      though I tried though I finally stopped trying and

      looked up

      at the face of the man

      directly across from me, and it began

      to melt before my eyes

      and in an instant it was young again

      the face he must have had

      once when he was five

      and in an instant it happened again only this

      time

      it changed to the face of his elderly

      corpse and back in time

      it changed

      to his face at our present

      moment of time’s flowing and then

      as if transparently

      superimposed I saw them all at once

      OK I was insane but how insane

      can someone be I thought, I did not

      know you then

      I didn’t know you were there God

      (that’s what we call you, grunt grunt)

      as you are at every moment

      everywhere of what we call

      the future and the past

      And then I tried once more

      experimentally

      I focused

      on another’s face, no need to describe it

      there is only one

      underneath

      these scary and extremely

      realistic rubber masks

      and there is as I also know now

      by your grace one

      and only one person on earth

      beneath a certain depth

      the terror and the love

      are one, like hunger, same

      in everyone

      and it happened again, das Unglück geschah

      you might say nur mir allein it happened

      no matter who I looked at

      for maybe five minutes long enough

      long enough

      this hidden trinity

      I saw, the others

      will say I am making it up

      as if that mattered

      Lord,

      I make up nothing

      not one word.

      ACCEPTING AN AWARD

      A voice

      neither cruel nor benevolent

      said—this

      was spring

      in 1996—

      look at him:

      he can’t live and pretends

      he is going to die …

      One eye in tears and one that’s never going to cry.

      And who could have foreseen I’d outevil them all,

      all my old evil friends

      put together?

      You,

      that’s who.

      Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid

      and her boyfriend Why

      why, why.

      So welcome back.

      How have you been.

      And for this immense pleasure and honor

      what will I owe this time—?

      ADDRESS SEARCH

      And you will find me

      any night

      now, try

      at the motherless sky.

      com

      How dare you

      interrupt

      me.com

      I’
    m sorry

      I was ever born.com

      No doubt

      you can always find

      me any

      time, any

      where

      in the damned world

      BASED ON A PRAYER OF RABI’A AL-ADAWIYYA

     


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