I wanted to ask how they were all doing but the thought was lost when the nurse placed our daughter in my arms for the first time. She was the single most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life, a perfect combination of the two of us. Garrett crawled into the bed with me and positioned himself so that he was holding both of us. I sobbed as I unwrapped the blanket and counted her ten beautiful fingers before I pulled off her socks and counted her ten perfect little toes.
I sobbed harder when Garrett took her into his arms and sang You Are My Sunshine to her, his voice breaking when he got to the please don’t take my sunshine away part.
Some time later, Dr. Bernard came in and told us there was a photographer who could come and take photos of us with Melody. It was an option available to parents of children that were born asleep, but it was up to us if we wanted to do it. Garrett and I didn’t even have to look at each other before we said yes in unison. I wanted photos of every finger, every toe, her ears, every lock of hair, and every eyelash. I never wanted to forget her sweet cheeks, the perfect little cupid’s bow on her top lip or the little birthmark on her left shoulder.
The photographer’s name was Kayla and having her there made it real. She handled everything perfectly, even when Garrett addressed the elephant in the room when she arrived. “I’ll give you any amount of money not to share these pictures with anyone aside from me and my wife. I’m coming to you as a husband and a father to beg you not to sell them,” he choked.
Kayla swallowed thickly and brushed her fingers under her eyes as she looked away. “I don’t want your money and I promise you that I will never sell these. What happens here today is for you and your wife—it belongs to no one else.”
She shot a roll of film of just Melody and another of the two of us with her, all together and separately, before Garrett called his father’s cellphone and asked if anyone wanted to come see the baby. It was impossible to keep it together when Goldie, Aubrey, Gabriel, and Alan came into the room. The six of us sobbed openly as we took family photos with our little angel.
Hours later, when it was just Garrett and me with our daughter, I lost it when the nurses came to take her away. Knowing I’d never see her again was unbearable, the pain so extreme I wanted to die. Nothing could soothe me, not even my husband. In the end, they had to sedate me in order to calm me down.
In a lot of ways, it felt like the sedative never wore off.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
July 2001
Leaving Garrett in the parking garage and reliving the loss of Melody on my drive to Las Vegas to stay with Goldie made me cry so hard that I had to pull over. I clutched the steering wheel and screamed as tears poured down my face.
I hated myself for the pain I’d caused Garrett, but I’d had no choice. He’d never understood that it was my fault our daughter was gone and as long as I stayed, he never would.
His love for me had blinded him to the reality. I’d seen the need he had to fix me every single day after we lost her. It had been wrapped around every look, word, and gesture in a way that had been impossible to ignore. What he prayed for was that I’d be okay, that somehow I’d survive this and go back to being who I was before.
What I knew that he didn’t was that those prayers would go unanswered, the same way mine had when I’d prayed I’d wake up from the nightmare of losing our child. I was lost, and only getting more so by the day. Our daughter had been alive inside of me. I’d felt her movements, had known the weight of her body inside of mine. I’d known the fluttery sensation of her first movements, and what it felt like once she started kicking. I’d felt the pressure of her on my bladder as I’d raced for a bathroom.
I also knew what it felt like when I realized why she wasn’t moving anymore.
No heartbeat.
No heartbeat.
No heartbeat.
I hardly slept anymore because I couldn’t stop hearing those words. I played the final day of my pregnancy over in my head on a constant loop, searching for a moment where she might have been trying to send me a distress signal and I’d missed it. The autopsy the doctor had talked us into provided no answers. Sometimes, they said, it just happens that way.
There was nothing wrong with our baby, which meant all signs pointed to me. I was positive that at some point, I’d been given a test and I’d failed. God took our baby away because he’d known I wasn’t fit to be a mother. After all, I’d been sad and confused when I found out I was pregnant. I hadn’t been joyful the way a good mother would have.
Our precious Melody had been taken before she’d ever gotten to make a sound, and it was my fault that she’d been silenced.
I couldn’t save her, but I’d done what I had to in order to set things right for her daddy.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Garrett
It felt like a fucking boulder was parked on top of my chest as I watched her pull out of the parking garage. My jaw clenched as her car disappeared from my view.
Whoever came up with that if you love someone then you need to set them free bullshit was a punk bitch.
That person had probably never bribed people to “misplace” divorce papers before they could be delivered to a judge. It fucking killed me to let my wife think that I’d given up and gone through with signing those goddamn papers, but it had been the only way.
I’d meant every single one of my vows, and there was nothing I wouldn’t do to save my marriage. Shaelyn was stubborn as hell, but I had absolutely no intention of letting her go.
Surviving the loss of our child had nearly destroyed us both, but I believed with every fiber of my being that giving up on our marriage wasn’t the answer.
I’d do whatever it took to remind her of the thing I knew to be true above all else. We belonged together.
Garrett & Shaeyln’s story will conclude in On The Way Back. It will release in 2019.
For more information on upcoming releases join Ella’s Facebook Group, FOX’S FANATICS
If you enjoyed On The Way Down I think you’ll really love the following three books.
Disrupt
I Don’t
All That’s Left to Hold Onto
All are available to read for FREE with Kindle Unlimited
Acknowledgments
Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me along the way. You know who you are.
Also by Ella Fox
The Enamorado (In Love) Series
I Don’t
I Want
I Need
Novellas
Sin’s Temptation
Sweet Like Candy
Amber’s Allure
Out of Formation
Until Mallory
Until Twyla
The Hart Family Series
Broken Hart
Shattered Hart
Loving Hart
Missing Hart
Finding Hart
The Renegade Saints (Rockstar Romance) Series
Picture Perfect
Twist of Fate
Between Us
Something to Believe In
Standalone Books
Consequences of Deception
All That’s Left to Hold Onto
Strictly Temporary
Disrupt
About the Author
Ella Fox is the USA Today Bestselling Author of Consequences of Deception, The Hart Family series & many other sexy and exciting books.
Ella is an avid reader, lover of music and all around goofball. She grew up loving to read. That's not surprising considering the fact that her mom is USA Today Bestselling Author Suzanne Halliday!
Contents
Playlist
Author Note
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapt
er 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Acknowledgments
Also by Ella Fox
About the Author