A Bayard From Bengal

  CHAPTER VII

  THE ADVENTURE OF THE UNWIELDY GIFTHORSE

  When dormant lightning is pent in the polished hoofs of a colt, And his neck is clothed with thunder,--then, horseman, beware of the bolt!

  _From the Persian, by H. B. J._

  In accordance with English usages, Mr Bhosh, being now officiallyengaged to the fair Princess Jones, did dance daily attendance in hercompany, and, she being passionately fond of equitation, he wascompelled himself to become the Centaur and act as her _cavalierservant_ on a nag which was furnished throughout by a West End liveryjobber. Fortunately, he displayed such marvellous dexterity and skill asan equestrian that he did not once sustain a single reverse!

  Truly, it was a glorious and noble sight to behold Bindabun clingingwith imperturbable calmness to the saddle of his steed, as it ambled andgamboled in so spirited a manner that all the fashionables made surethat he was inevitably to slide over its tail quarters! But invariablyhe returned, having suffered no further inconvenience than thebereavement of his tall hat, and the heart of Princess Petunia wasuplifted with pride when she saw that her betrothed, in addition tobeing a B.A. and barrister-at-law, was also such a rough rider.

  It is _de rigueur_ in all civilised societies to encourage matrimony bybestowing rewards upon those who are about to come up to the scratch ofsuch holy estate, and consequently splendid gifts of carriage,timepieces, tea-caddies, slices of fish, jewels, blotter-cases,biscuit-caskets, cigar-lights, and pin-cushions were poured forth uponMr Bhosh and his partner, as if from the inexhaustibly bountiful horn ofa Pharmacopoeia.

  Last, but not least, one morning appeared a _saice_ leading an unwieldysteed of the complexion of a chestnut, and bearing an anonymously-signedpaper, stating that said horse was a connubial gift to Mr Bhosh from aperfervid admirer.

  Our friend Bindabun was like to throw his bonnet over the mills withexcessive joy, and could not be persuaded to rest until he had made atrial trip on his gifted horse, while the amiable Princess readilyconsented to become his companion.

  So, on a balmy and luscious afternoon in Spring, when the mellifluousblackbirds, sparrows, and other fowls of that ilk were engaged inbilling and cooing on the foliage of innumerable trees and bushes, andthe blooming flowers were blowing proudly on their polychromatic beds,Mr Bhosh made the ascension of his gifthorse, and titupped by the sideof his betrothed into the Row, the observed of all the observingmasculine and feminine smarties.

  But, hoity-toity! he had not titupped very many yards when theunwieldy steed came prematurely to a halt and adopted an unrulydeportment. Mr Bhosh inflicted corporal punishment upon its loins with agolden-headed whip, at which the rebellious beast erected itself uponits hinder legs until it was practically a biped.

  THE CANTANKEROUS STEED EXECUTED A LEAP WITH ASTOUNDING AGILITY (Illustration V)]

  Bindabun, although at the extremity of his wits to preserve his saddleby his firm hold on the bridle-rein, undauntedly aimed a swishing blowat the head and front of the offending animal, which instantaneouslyreturned its forelegs to _terra firma_, but elevated its latter end tosuch a degree that our hero very narrowly escaped sliding over its neckby cleverly clutching the saddleback.

  Next, the cantankerous steed executed a leap with astounding agility,arching its back like a bow, and propelling our poor friend into the airlike the arrow, though by providential luck and management on his parthe descended safely into his seat after every repetition of thisdangerous manoeuvre.

  All things, however, must come to an end at some time, and the unwieldyquadruped at last became weary of leaping and, securing the completecontrol of his bit, did a bolt from the blue.

  Willy nilly was Mr Bhosh compelled to accompany it upon its mad,unbridled career, while all witnesses freely hazarded the conjecturethat his abduction would be rather speedily terminated by his being leftbehind, and I will presume to maintain that a less practical horsemanwould long before have become an ordinary pedestrian.

  But Bindabun, although both stirrupholes were untenanted, and he wascompelled to hold on to his steed's mane by his teeth and nails,nevertheless remained triumphantly in the ascendant.

  On, on he rushed, making the entire circumference of the Park in hiswild, delirious canter, and when the galloping horse once morereappeared, and Mr Bhosh was perceived to be still snug on his saddle,the spectators were unable to refrain from heartfelt joy.

  A second time the incorrigible courser careered round the Park on histhundering great hoofs, and still our heroic friend preserved hisequilibrium--but, heigh-ho! I have to sorrowfully relate that, on histhird circuit, it was the different pair of shoes--for the headstronganimal, abstaining from motion in a rather too abrupt manner, propelledMr Bhosh over its head with excessive velocity into the elegant interiorof a victoria-carriage.

  He alighted upon a great dame who had maliciously been enjoying thespectacle of his predicament, but who now was forced to experience thecrushing repartee of his _tu quoque_, for such a forcible collision withhis person caused her not only two blackened optics but irremediabledamage to the leather of her nose.

  The pristine beauty of her features was irrecoverably dismantled, whileMr Bhosh--thanks to his landing on such soft and yieldingmaterial--remained intact and able to return to his domicile in afour-wheeled cab.

  Beloved reader, however sceptical thou mayest be, thou wilt infalliblyadmire with me the inscrutable workings of Nemesis, when thou learnestthat the aforesaid great lady was no other than the Duchess ofDickinson, and (what is still more wonderful) that it was she who hadinsidiously presented him with such a fearful gift of the Danaides as anobstreperous and unwieldy steed!

  Truly, as poet Shakespeare sagaciously observes, there is a divinitythat rough-hews our ends, however we may endeavour to preserve theirshapeliness!