Manchester, New Hampshire
Spooned Deep
Listening to the sounds
Buried deep so deep
In the complexities
Of the background
The littlest things
That others seem
To always miss
That’s what I
Specialize in
That’s what I
Like in my bowl
Coated with sugar
And spooned deep
Into the nooks and
Crannies of the folds
And bends of my brain
Sounds slathered like rain
Melodies on which I’m sold
November 9, 2003
Manchester, New Hampshire
Very off-the-cuff.
11:11
11:11
On
11/11
Too many ones
All in one place
Huge palindrome
Action in my face
Too much sameness
But it’s ok this way
In fact I kinda like it
Something comforting
Something calming
Can’t stop staring
At the digital clock
Only for a minute
And not a second longer
Because by then
The continuity of it all
Will be ruined
Best not to think about it
Until it happens
November 11, 2003
Manchester, New Hampshire
Mega-palindrome day. I usually find myself staring at certain times on the clock like 11:11 but that time seems super special today.
Second-Guess
Do it now
Don’t think
Don’t take the time
To mull anything over
No pauses
No chances
No hesitation
No repetition
No repenting
No way to
Second-guess
Just a one-off
And done with it
Raw and unrehearsed
Saw it all unearthed
The spontaneity
The honesty
The passion
Is undiluted
Not polluted
By overproducing
Constant worrying
And the reworking
That comes with
Too much tinkering
And too much thinking
November 23, 2003
Manchester, New Hampshire
Just reading Juliana Hatfield’s web site and I saw the word “secondguess”…all one big run on word and it struck me to immediately open Word and start typing.
Fruit On The Bottom
She likes her Dannon
The kind with the
Fruit on the bottom
Every time she reaches
For a yogurt it always
Seems to be the type
With the fruit on the bottom
Instinctively drawn in some way
That is somewhat difficult to explain
Especially with the current flavor
Held tightly in her greedy little hand
But too much of one flavor
Kinda sorta tends to make her
Get sick of it and shop around
And end up dropping the old one
Deep in the trash with the others
Once some newer flavor is found
November 25, 2003
Manchester, New Hampshire
Ah, the fickleness of supermarket shopping.
December
Bigger Man
From what I'm told
I'm the bigger man
I'm the winner
In this situation
Hard to feel so big
When I feel so small
Like a last-placed loser
Or unwanted leftovers
Inside feelings versus
Outside appearances
The innards are never
The winners
Ever at all
December 12, 2003
Manchester, New Hampshire
Remembering a conversation I had with a friend a while back and my feelings about it.
Living The One Way Ticket
Living the one way ticket
Riding this until the end
Not knowing
Not caring
When it’ll stop
Enjoying the sights
Enjoying the sounds
Enjoying the lights
Enjoying what I’ve found
Doing everything I want
Doing everything I can
Fit on this trip I’m taking
Not caring about
Luggage or baggage
Since I know
I can’t take it with me
When I get to my stop
Just trying to record it all
As a beacon to everyone
The friends I’ve known
The ones I’ve never met
As an inspiration to others
To live a life without regret
December 12, 2003
Manchester, New Hampshire
The first line came from another poem I was working on (“Common Goal”) and it didn’t fit…but I was so impressed with it I started and finished this one.
My Style Is Now
“My style is now”
I overheard someone say
And I turned to see
A man in his forties
Wearing camouflage pants
Dirty bandana sitting on his head
Crusty hair running down his neck
Like an out of control greasy waterfall
Gritty untied work boots on his feet
As he hit on the clerk
At the engraving store
At the mall
December 19, 2003
Andover, Massachusetts
I was at Things Remembered at the Mall At Rockingham Park, to pick up the stuff we had engraved for our hotel’s holiday party last night, and this happened.
A Big Step
A mother about my age
On the people-mover
With a toddler girl
Prepping her
Telling her
Coaching her
To take a big step
At the end of the
Moving walkway
As she gives a helping lift
And they make it
Safely back on stable land
Five steps to the left
And they immediately
Do a 180
Big step back on
And back down they go
Down the other side
To do it again
December 25, 2003
Dulles International Airport, Dulles, Virginia
This was a really heart-warming scene. Airports can probably be very boring awful places for little kids, but this mom was making it fun for her little girl.
One Year Ago
One year ago I sat alone
With a drink in front me
So very newly alone
On Christmas night
More depressed
Than I've ever been
More hopeless
Than I ever thought
Possible
Impossible
To think a year before
She and I were happy
And celebrating
The season
The last year alone
Got me thinking
Where would I be
Next Christmas
Well, next Christmas
Is now this Christmas
And here I sit
On a plane with a
Smile on my lips
Thinking back upon
The best year
&n
bsp; I've ever had
True, I was alone,
In a relationship sense,
But I discovered
I won't
Shrivel up and die
And I discovered
I don't
Need to be together
To keep a smile on my face
Which grows wider
Thinking wondering
Speculating hoping
Of what wonderful
Amazing things will
Happen to me and
Where I will be
Next Christmas
December 25, 2003
On a flight from Washington DC to Oakland, CA
2004
January
Pisces Drowning
In the light she hates it
In the dark she needs it
In the drink swimming
Despite her best intentions
She's at it yet again
Sign bound to water
She can't go without
Sinking ever deeper
With every passing weekend
Stealing more of her
Standing here on land
Watching her go under
I know she'll come back up
But for how much longer
Will she want to return?
She's fighting the boredom
And dying a little each time
I hate watching this happen
So I have a buoy at the ready
Just in case she needs saving
I know I shouldn’t be concerned
But I know all the signs she shows
Even the ones difficult to discern
And I don’t think she wants to be saved
It’s hard watching
People looking
Down frowning
And hearing
Them talking
Not caring about
Pisces drowning
January 10, 2004
Andover, Massachusetts
Concerns inwardly voiced.
Building The Facade
Building the facade
The front for all to see
Structurally silly
Visibly meaningless
Entirely unnecessary
That’s how it needs to be
Why didn't they consult me?
I could've explained
I could've told them
But they'd have none of it
Dismiss me as being full of it
That’s fine, have it your way
I’ve had my chance to say
To point out the futility
Of what you're doing today
January 11, 2004
Andover, Massachusetts
I was reading You Shall Know Our Velocity! By Dave Eggers when the title line popped into my head. Don’t ask me because I have no idea what it’s about.
Pavlovian Conditioning
Our friendship is like
A one-way mirror
And I feel like a terror
Suspect in interrogation
Emotional litigation
Dragging on and on
When it should have died
Way back when you lied
To me that fateful day
But no, we stayed friends
And now I wonder when
Our friendship’ll go one way
(More so than now)
When you need someone
To talk to, and listen to you
You don’t hesitate to call
When I want someone to talk to
Calling isn’t at all an option
I can voicemail you at work
Or a quick email.
Only when you have a free bit of time
Days later, you’ll reply back
Only when you have a problem
That you want me to help with
I’m starting to question you
And your deep down motives
Longtime friends shrug and say
It’s been going on for years
Only I’ve been blinded by
My Pavlovian conditioning
I’ve been so well trained
I don’t know anything else.
But now I know and I refuse
To be a part of this experiment
It needs to stop now
Because I’m sick of being used
January 12, 2004
Manchester, New Hampshire
The Girl Who Cried Crutch
Your crutch isn't in its place
It’s not where you left it
You expected it to be there
Like it always has
As long as you could remember
When you needed to lean
It was there
Right where
You left it
Right where
It’s always been
You used it to get by
Even when you
Didn’t need it
Just for fun
You’d use it
Such a subtle
Simply discreet
Form of torture
More like some
Hook, line, sinker
Emotional dragging
Lingering on and on
For too many years
Like the boy who cried wolf
You’re the girl who cried crutch
And when you needed to lean
For once for real this time
You'll fall flat on your face
Because I’ve wised up
And finally moved on
January 12, 2004
Manchester, New Hampshire
How I’ve been viewing things in my mind as of late.
Tried And Sampled
Relying on memories
Really isn't for me
Since they hold nothing
And always try thwarting
All my best intentions
So instead I believe in
Living life like a buffet
Sampling something
Different every day
Returning nothing
Untouched or
Untested for
We all pay
The same price in the end
And when the day is done
Would I rather reminisce
On what I saw was available
Or what I tried and sampled
Since vicarious existence
Is no match for
Real living experience
January 31, 2004
Andover, Massachusetts
I was up until about 2am in the early morning of January 31 reading You Shall Know Our Velocity! And after I had stopped reading for the night and turned over to go to sleep, this was practically writing itself, so I grabbed my Palm Pilot and tried to keep up.
February
Embering Pile
Setting fire to my sensibilities
I think I’ve been here before
But honestly, I’m not sure
I wish someone'd remember for me
I wish I could even faintly see
What the future holds
So I know with some certainty
What’s in store for me
Will I finally settle down
Or will I see life’s remnants
Burned and charred all around
Everywhere I look
Caused by the poor choices
And misguided actions
I carelessly leapt into
Or sometimes
Stumbled through
Any way it’s looked at
If I’m ever faced
With a smoking
And embering pile
Of what used to be
The things I once held dear
I’ll know that I’ll have
No one to lay the blame on
Since I chose the direction
Of this life that I steer
February 12,
2004
Manchester, New Hampshire
The first line of this poem is something that surfaces in my thoughts every once in a while. I honestly can’t remember if I’ve used that phrase in another poem (and if I have, oh well), but either way I took and expanded on it.
The Winter That Wasn’t
The winter that wasn't
So very few of those days
The kind that find you
Swaddling yourself silly
In the warmest comforter
Hot cocoa in hand
Mellow music in the background
The mood set
Sitting, staring
Out the large picture window
Past the disappearing car
Watching the sky
Restore the purity
To our dirty city
Not this year though
So few snow days
Instead it's been bitter cold
Looking at packed ice
And dead frozen lawn
Sets no moods
Inspires nothing
But the wishing
The longing
And the hurrying
Of the next season
February 24, 2004
Manchester, New Hampshire
It’s been bitter cold with none of the niceties that you look forward to with winter.
Experiences Of A Hotelier
Once you’ve been
You’ll know.
Once you’ve seen
You’ll believe.
You can’t fathom
Until you’ve lived though
Until you’ve seen life
From behind the desk.
When you know
What goes on
Here, beyond the doors
Experiences of a hotelier
Are past normal comprehension
Way too much information
Brushed with complication
Most want out
In the worst kind of way
Most can’t handle
What the guests often say
But I’m used to it
Because I’ve done this
For too many years
In too many hotels
So many things
That would curl
The hair of an ordinary person
Thirsting for situations
Unusual and consensual
From the sorta messed up
To way-beyond fucked up,
And then some.
Thousands of guests
So many stories
The famous
The infamous
And everyone in between
We’ve been there
We’ve seen it all
We know what happens
Behind our walls
February 28, 2004
Manchester, New Hampshire
I was on Tori Amos’ web site and saw how her new compilation is called Tales Of A Librarian and it got me thinking about the countless and interesting stories that hotel people have.