“ButIdon’tloveher.Ionlyloveyou,”Taisaid.HenoddedtoVal.“She canhavewhateverelseshewants,butyouandIhavetobetogether.”
Karimetherfriend’seyesandthennodded.“Allright:ontwoconditions.”
“Namethemandthey’reyours,mylove.”
“First,youdolikeyousayandgiveValwhateverelseshewants.”
“Kari,no—”
“Shutup,Val!”shegrowled.“Andsecond:youchangeeverythingback thewayitwasbeforewefoundtheStoneofChange.”
“Everything?”
“EverythingexceptwhatValandIaskfor.Allthegirlsattheclub,allthe girlsatTaiCorp,evenMissKilgore,theyallgobacktowhatevertheywere
beforeyoucamebackherewiththestone.”
“That’saprettysteeppricetopay.MaybeIshouldjustusethestoneto makeyouloveme.”
“You’vealreadytriedthat,haven’tyou?”
“Isupposeyou’reright.”Kriseerubbedherchin,deepinthought.Then hereyesmetKari’s.“Verywell,butIhaveoneconditionofmyown.”
“Whatisit?”
“I’llgiveyoubackyourpreciousmatriarchy,butthetechnologyisn’tgoing tomovemuchfartherthanitisnow.Nospacestationsorshipsoranythingbut satellites.”Kriseegrinnedathim.“Iwouldn’twantyoutwogoingbacktothat planettotryandfindouthowtogetridofthestone.”
Kariconsideredthis.Shewouldhavepreferredeverythingbethewayit was,butsheunderstoodTai’sreasoning.Andhewasgivingupfarmorethan she’dhopedforalready.“Icanagreetothat.Butassoonasit’sdone,youaren’t goingtochangethingsbackwiththestone.MaybeyouthinkIwon’tnotice,but Iwill.SoonerorlaterI’llfindout.”
“Iunderstand,mylove.”KriseetookahandoffKari’swristtostrokeher hair.ThetouchfeltsofamiliarthatKarialmostwept.“Thenwehaveadeal?”
“Yes,wehaveadeal.”
Epilogue
Theyracedtothetopofthesteps,Karimakingitfirst.Shetossedher backpackontotheporchandthenraisedherarmsintriumph.“Ibeatyou!”she shouted.
Kriseejoinedheronthetopstepandgrinned.“Youwantyourprizenow?”
“Sure.”
Karialwaysclosedhereyeswhentheykissednow.Solongasshekepther eyesclosed,shecouldtrickherselfintobelievingitwasstillKriseewithher armsaroundKari’swaist,Krisee’slonghairbrushingagainstherarm,and Krisee’stongueinhermouth.IfsheopenedhereyesandlookedintoKrisee’s, thenshewouldrealizetheywerereallythoseofTaiLecauandshewouldhaveto rememberthatshewashisslavenow,perhapsforever.
KriseepulledhertonguebackandthenbrushedhernoseagainstKari’s neck.“Yousmellsogood,”Kriseewhispered.
“Ithinkyourmom’smakingcookiesactually,”Karisaid.
“Yeah,probably.”
Kriseetookherhandandledherinside.Karihadjustenoughtimetoscoop upherbackpackbeforeshewassweptinside.Assoonasthescreendoor bangedshut,Valshouted,“Hikids!Ijusttooksomecookiesoutoftheoven.”
ThefarmhousewasalotsmallerthanTai’sestatehadbeen,makingjusta shorttripthroughtheimmaculateparlorbeforetheyreachedthekitchen.Val alreadyhadtwoplatesofchocolatechipcookiesandtwoglassesofmilkonthe counter.Shestoodbytheoven,wearingablueplaidhousedressandalighter blueapron.Sheself-consciouslypattedtheblackhairstyledasKari’shadbeen asaseven-year-oldandthenadjustedherglasses.“Howwasschool?”
“Itwasfine,likeusual,”Kriseesaid,soundinglikeanynormalsullen teenager,nottheshadowruleroftheentireplanet.
“That’sgood,honey.IsKaristayingfordinner?”
“Ofcoursenot.”ValgrinnedbroadlyatKari.“You’realwayswelcometo stayhere.How’syourgrandmother?”
“She’sfine.”Karireallydidn’thavea“grandmother”livinginher apartmentintown;shesharedtheplacewithMissKilgore,whothankstothe StoneofChangehadrevertedbackintoaplumpelderlywomanwhospentmost ofherdaysleepinginhereasychair.
“Tellherhelloforme.”
“Iwill.”
Kriseesnatchedhercookiesandmilkfromthecounter.Beforeshecould leave,Valstoppedher.Kari’sstomachchurnedalittleasValgotonhertoesto kissKriseeonthecheek.Itlookednormalenough,butKaricouldstillseethem astheyhadbeenattheclub.Notevenayearoflivinglikethiscouldshake thosememories.
ShetookhercookiesandmilkupstairstoKrisee’sroom.Itlookedlikea normalroomforaslovenlysixteen-year-old,withclothestossedalloverthe place,despiteVal’scontinuedeffortstokeepitclean.Therewerepostersof theirfavoritebandsonthewallsanddiscsscatteredallover.
Kriseesethersnackdownonhernightstandandthenploppedontothe bed.Shereachedintoherbackpackforafashionmagazine.“Ireallywishshe’d stoptreatingmelikeI’mten,”Kriseegrumbled.Thiswaspartoftheillusion theymaintained,thoughtheybothknewKrisee—Tai—couldusetheStoneof ChangeanytimeshewantedtomakeValtenyearsoldorintoanyotherthing shepleased.
Withasigh,KaricollapsedontothebednexttoKrisee.Shestaredupatthe pinkgauzeofthecanopybed.Sheclosedhereyes,againtryingtotuneoutthe realityofthesituation.AssheandKriseetalkedinanelyaboutschool,Karitried nottoremembershewasaprisoner.
ShetriednottorememberaswellthatValwasalsoaprisonerofherown making.Karihadhopedherfriendwoulddothesmartthingandgiveherselfa newlifefar,faraway.Instead,ValhadinsistedonlookingafterKriseeasher dotingmother.Karihadpulledherasideandpleadedwithhertoaskfor somethingelse.ButintheendValhadsaid,“Ihavetobeclosetoher.”
“Butashermother?That’ssick!Whynotafriendor—”
“Afriend?Why?SoIcanfeellikethethirdwheelallthetime?SoIhave tomakesomestupidexcusetocomeoverandseeher?”
“Youwon’tbeabletodoanythingwithherifshe’syourdaughter.”
“Doyouwantmetodoanythingwithher?Ithoughtyoutwoweregoingto besoooinlove.”Val’seyesnarrowedbehindherglasses.“Besides,youcan’t havetwoyoungteenagerslivingallbythemselves.Whowilldoallthecooking andcleaning?”
Thathadbeentheendofthediscussion.AlmostimmediatelyVal’sgeeky bodyhadgrownanotherthirtycentimetersorso,almostevenwithKari’smuch youngerbody.Wheneverythinghadbeensettledthatnight,ValhadtakenTai—
goingbyKriseenow—bythearmtoleadheruptobedwhileKarihadgone hometoher“grandmother”intown.
“Kari?”
“Huh?”
“Iwasjustaskingifyouwantedtogouptothelakethisweekendsowe couldgetawayfrommymom.”
“Oh,sure.Soundsgreat.Youthinkshe’llletus?”
“I’lljusttellherMrs.Stinsonischaperoningagroupofus.”
“Thatshouldwork.”
KarifeltanervousflutterinherstomachwhenKriseerolledoverandrana handthroughKari’shair.“Comeon,Ithinkwehaveplentyoftimebeforeshe callsusfordinner.”
“Ihopeso,”Karisaid.Thensheclosedhereyes.
***
Therestofthenightwentbynormally.Theyatepotroastfordinner,which thankstotheStoneofChangegivingValsomecookingabilitywasn’tburnedor raw.Karitriednottopickatherfoodorlookdownsullenlyatherplate.She triedtoactlikeshewashavingagoodtime.Valalwaysseemedtohaveamuch easiertimeofthat;maybebecauseshehadreallylovedTai.
Outofthecornerofhereye,KaricaughtaglimpseofTaiinthemirror.Not Krisee,thegirlshehadfalleninlovewith,butTaithecruelmanwhohad tormentedh
erforalmosttwoyearsnow.SometimeswhenKriseesmiled,Kari caughtaglimpseofTai’ssmuggrinthatonlyneededacigarblowingsmoketo makeherthinkshewasbackintheTaiCorpofficesasabimbooratoddlerora midget.ThenshetoldherselftherewasnoTaiCorpanymore.Thankstoher sacrifice,Jeri,Sheri,andTeriwerebacktobeingwhoevertheyhadbeenbefore thismadness.
Afterdinner,KariandKriseesatonthecouch,Kriseewithherarmaround Kariastheywatchedtelevision.Whentheeleveno’clocknewscameon,Krisee draggedKarioffthecouch.Onherwayout,shebentdowntokissVal’scheek.
“Goodnight,Mom.”
“Goodnight,sweetheart.Goodnight,Kari.”
“Goodnight,Mrs.Kree.”LikeKari’s“grandmother”the“Mrs.”waspurely forshow;Valdidn’thaveahusbandandneverhad.
KariletKriseeusethebathroomfirst.Shecameoutafewminuteslaterin onlyatanktopandshorts.ThetanktopallowedKaritoseetheprancing unicorntattooonKrisee’sarmwith‘Kari’writteninacloud;Karistillhada matchingoneforKriseeonheroppositearm.“Hurryback,”Kriseewhispered inherearbeforeKaristoodup.
ButKarididn’thurry.Shesatonthetoiletforalongtime,headburiedin herhands.ShehadlearnedtokeephersobsquietsoKriseecouldn’thearthem.
Thiswashernightlyritual,thoughatherapartmentshediditintheprivacyof herbedroomwhilehuggingSnowmane.
Oncehertearshaddriedup,shestoodupandthenwenttothemirror.She brushedherteeth,spittingmorethanwasnecessaryintothesinktotryinvainto getthetasteoffailurefromhermouth.Sheransomecoldwatertocleanthe brushandthensplashedsomeontoherface.Inthelastyearherhairhadgrown abitlongerandherzitswerelessplentiful,butshewasotherwisethesameas whensheandKriseehadfirstexperimented.
Shehadtobitedownonherliptokeepfromcryingagainatthose memories.Theworldhadbeenfarfromperfectinthosedays,butsheand Krisee’sworldhadfeltperfect.Whentheyweretogether,everythinghadfelt right.Butithadallbeenalie.EvenwhenshetriedtouseTai’slogicthatthe truthdidn’tchangeanything,shecouldn’thelpfeelingthosememorieshadbeen tainted.MaybeTaireallydidloveherasmuchasheclaimed,enoughtoliveas ateenagegirlforKari,butshecouldn’thelpthinkingitwasjustanothergame, albeitamuchmorecomplicated,drawn-outone.
Kariwipedawaythelastofhermakeupandthendonnedthegrayshorts sheworetobed.Thelasttouchwasalwaystopopinherretainer,notthatshe keptitinhermouthlong.Themomentthelightswentout,Kriseetookthe retainerfromhermouthtokissKari.“Ick,Icanstilltasteit,”Kriseesaid.
“I’msorry.”
“It’sallright.I’mkindofgettingusedtoit.”
Karipressedhereyesclosedwhiletheymadelove.Atleastitwasmaking loveforTai.Forheritwasjustfucking,likeawhoreinthebackseatofa stranger’scar.Hehadfinallysucceededindegradinghertoaprostitute,while makingitseemasifithadbeenherownchoice.
ShewaiteduntilshewassureKriseehadfallenasleeptoturninherlover’s graspsoshecouldfacethewall.Againshecriedsilently,hatingherselfforwhat she’dbecome.Stillcrying,shefellasleepinKrisee’sarms.
***
Karifeltsomethingcoldpressingagainstherback.Shereachedovertotry andpushitawayonlytofeelKrisee’sbreasts.Karigropedaroundwithher fingers,brushingKrisee’sbareshoulder,whichwasicecold.
Withagaspsherolledontothebed,landingwithathud.Herbreath becameraggedasshescrambledtothinkofwhattodo.Krisee’sbodyhadfelt socold—likeacorpse.ThatwasallKaricouldthinkofasshecrawledforward.
Shehadreachedthefootofthebedwhentheoverheadlightcameon, blindingher.Whenhervisioncleared,shefoundValsquattingdowninfrontof her.NotValtheprimlittlehousewife,butValthesoldier,resplendentinher greendressuniformwithitsglitteringribbons.“Val?”
“Youneverreallydidunderstandwhatittooktobeasoldier,”Valsaid.
“Val,whatdidyoudotoKrisee?”
“YoumeantoTai?Seeforyourself.”
ValofferedKariahand,pullingheruptoherfeet.AssoonasKariturned around,shethrewupherpotroastalloverthefloor.“Ohgee,nowI’mgoingto havetomopinhere,”Valsaidwithasnicker.
Kriseestilllaysprawledonthebed,herbodystiffandpaleblue,which explainedthecold.SomehowwhileKarihadbeensleepinginKrisee’sarms, ValhadslitKrisee’sthroat.BefittingasoldierlikeValthecutwasexceptionally precise,justonelonggashthroughthejugular.“ItoldthatfuckerI’dgethim.
YouknowIkeepmypromises.”
OnlythendidKariturntothemirrorandseethebloodonthebackofher pajamas.SheletoutaterrifiedscreamaccompaniedbyValchuckling.“Oh, poor,littleKari.Youthoughtyouweresobrave,didn’tyou?Youweregoingto makethebigsacrificetosaveusall.You’dbeherlittlebitchforalleternityto sparetherestofus,right?”
KariwasgratefulValputanarmaroundhershoulderbeforeshecould faint.Valstoodwithher,bothofthemlookinginthemirror.“ButlikeIsaid, youdon’tknowwhatit’sliketobeasoldier.Youdon’tunderstandstrategy.
Youdidn’trealizesometimestowinthewaryouhavetoloseafewbattles.”
Therealizationbegantosetin.“Youwereplayinghim?Fakingthatyou lovedhim?”
“OnsomelevelIdidlovehim,atleastIconvincedmyselfIdid.Butthat wasjustcamouflage.Hemademeabimbowhowouldswoonoveraguywith big,hardmusclessothat’swhatIbecame.Allexceptinhere.”Shepointedto herheart.“Itoldyouthat,didn’tI?NomatterwhathedidIwasstillasoldier inside.”
“Buthowdidyoukillhim?Whydidn’thestopyou?”
“Evengodsneedtorestonceinawhile.Andifthere’sonethingIknew aboutTai,it’sthathewasoverconfident—typicalofmales.Heassumedhe’d brokenus,gottenbothofustodancetohistune.Hell,heevenhadusfighting overhim.SoafterayearofplayingMommyDearest,hedidn’treallythink aboutitanymore.Plus,hewassoooobusyswooningoveryou.”
ValranahandthroughKari’sdarkredhair,someofthatdarkrednow beingblood,shewascertain.“Icanseewhy.Imean,youareprettycutelike this,evenwiththezitsandtheglasses.”
KariturnedsoshecouldlookintoVal’sactualeyesassheasked,“Thefight wehad,allthosethingsyousaidaboutnotlovingme,wasthatpartoftheact too?”
Valshookherhead.“Thatwasthetruth.Iwasgoingtodumpyou,Kari.
Assoonaswegotbackhere,Iwasgoingtoletyouhaveit.Iwouldhave brokenitalotnicerthaninthestoreroom,though.Forthat,I’msorry.”
Karilookeddownatthefloor.“Soyoudon’treallyloveme.”
“I’msorry,kid.Iwishthingsweredifferent,butyoucan’tchange someone’sheart.That’ssomethingthatassholeneverlearned.”
ThementionofchangepromptedKaritolookbackatTai’scorpse.Then shelookedbackatValinherresplendentuniform.Hermindhadbeeninsuch chaosthatithadn’toccurredtoKaritowonderwhereValhadgottenthat.“Val, whathappenedtothestone?”
“Youmeanthis?”Valreachedbeneathheruniformjackettopullouta pendant,fromwhichdangledtheblackcrystal.“Youprobablyneverfiguredout whyyoucouldn’tusethestone,didyou?”
“No.Ijustassumedtherewassomeritualheusedtomakeitwork.”
“Notquite.Yousee,thattempleyouguysfound,itwasfortheirgodof mischief.Thisstoneherewaswhatallowedtheirprieststocommunicatewith him.”ValgrinnedatKariinawayverysimilartoTaiLecau.“Butnotjust anyonecouldtalktohim.Youhavetobesomeonewithdarknessinherheart.
Thatdefinitelyisn’tyou,kid.”
“Idid
n’tthinkitwasyoueither.”
“That’showlittleyouknowaboutme,Kari.Itoldyou,I’masoldier.You knowhowmanypeopleI’vekilled?ActuallyIdon’tevenknow.AllIcansay isthere’salotofbloodonthesehands.”
“Butyouonlydidthattoprotectpeople.You’reahero.”
“That’stheKariIremember.Ifyouevergotyournoseoutofthebooks, you’drealizeoneperson’sheroisanother’svillain.Sure,mostofthepeopleI killedweretotalscumbagslikeTaithere,buttherewerestillafewinnocentones too.Irememberthisonevillageweraided,therewasacutelittleblondgirl, probablyfouryearsold.Iputabulletrightthroughherhead.”
“Why?”
“Wecouldn’tleaveanyonealive,noteventhechildrenandoldfolks.They couldhavegonetothenewsservicesandthenwe’dallbeintheshit.”Karitook astepbackoutofshock.“Iknowwhatyou’rethinking.YouthinkI’ma monster.MaybeIam,butIwasprotectingPherafromitsenemies.”
“Evenlittlegirls?”
“Littlegirlsgrowup,don’tthey?”
Karitookafewmoresteps,untilshewaspressedagainstthewall.When shelookedatValnow,shecouldn’tseethewomanshehadwantedtomarrytwo yearsago;shecouldonlyseeabutcherwithablood-stainedknife.“Are you...areyougoingtokillmenow?”
“Ishould,butalltheshityouputmethrough—putthiswholeplanet through—Ithinkyoudeservetosuffer.”
“Val,please—”
“Don’tevensayit.Don’tsayyouloveme.Webothknowthat’sover.You can’teverlookatmethesamewayagain.I’llalwaysbedamagedgoodsnowin youreyes.”
“Iwasn’tgoingtosaythat.Please,justkillme.Ifyoueverdidloveme, putmeoutofmymisery.”
Valonlygrinnedatthisplea.“RememberwhatIsaid:IdidloveTaion somelevel,evenwhenIwasbakinghimcookiesandkissinghischeekthislast year.Nottomentionyouabandonedmeinthatpreschool.SoIthinkIoweyou this.”
TheStoneofChangewinkedatKarifromtheendofitschain.Shedidn’t knowwhattoexpect,butitwasn’tasurprisetofindherselfshrinking.Val wouldprobablychangeherintoahelplessbabyandthenleaveherheretoeither berescuedordie.