‘Your turn, Vivian.’ Edge smiled at her best friend who laughed and shook her head.
‘I can never think of good toasts! It’s been a great year. I turned from a granny practically into a femme fatale, sang in public again and got told I was talented, had near heart attacks at some of the stuff Edge got up to, met murderers, and was told I’m beautiful so often I nearly believe it. And I’ve laughed, so much, more than I have in years. I’m trying to think of things that wouldn’t have happened without the murders, but I can’t imagine it. Right here, right now, it’s been a wonderful year, despite everything.’
‘I have to tell her she’s beautiful ten times a day,’ William said resignedly. ‘I’ve tried to pave the way for our old age by saying she’s a lovely person instead, but she’s not having any part of it. So it’s what we’d have done this year without the murders? Much the same as previous years, for me. I’d have eaten too much, drunk too much, flirted too much, had a couple of unsatisfactory affairs, if I could have been bothered.’ He shrugged. ‘Probably dropped dead somewhere along the way. When my medication was spiked, and I collapsed, I was quite conscious, you know. And resigned to my fate. I’ve lived a pretty full life, I was ready to go. Even when I was in Frail Care, and responding to the new meds, it hardly seemed worth the effort. I’ve never felt like that before. And then cough, cough, cough in the next room, damnit, someone with no consideration whatsoever, and I went in to tell her so.’ He smiled at Vivian then looked back at the others. ‘Last Hogmanay we drank to new beginnings, without any idea of how big those beginnings would get. And here we are, about to begin again.’
As they touched glasses Horace pushed the door open on a roar of approval from the pub behind him.
‘Aha! Been looking for you! The first footer has arrived, if you want to come through. And I’m claiming my kisses. I insist.’
‘Well, if you’re going to insist.’ Donald got resignedly to his feet, caught Horace by the shoulders and leaned in as Edge and Vivian shrieked with delight.
Horace wasn’t impressed.
Fifteen Sixteen Maids In The Kitchen will be released this summer: if you want to get it at the launch price, add yourself to the mailing list on my website, all details below. It’s possibly my favourite so far in the series - it is certainly the most conventional, a whodunit in a manor house with a house-party, complete (of course!) with a body in the library ...
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If you enjoyed this Grasshopper Lawns book, please review it on Amazon, it is the best way a book can hope to grow a following and a review can be as short as twenty words. When you say what you liked about a book (and even what you didn’t) you are telling hundreds, even thousands, of other readers whether or not they should read it, and a positive review makes more of a difference to a writer than you might believe possible. Amazon will have a link at the end of this book, and will probably send you an email requesting feedback, or you can click in via the links detailed below.
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The website is definitely casual, http://elegsabiff.com, about life, the universe, and the occasionally alarming learning curves involved in being a writer. Going on the mailing list puts us in email contact, or you can email me direct on elizabeth.lamprey@yahoo.co.uk - attach the link to your review, and tell me which book you want (details of all the books coming up) and I will email you the book by return. You then forward the email direct to your Kindle address (which you will find under your Settings) and Bob’s your uncle. (EPUB version also available, just specify.)
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In One Two Buckle My Shoe, the murder of an unpopular resident sparks off an investigation. The police could use some inside information— fortunately, Sergeant Kirsty Campbell’s slightly eccentric aunt is right on the spot. The investigation really starts picking up speed when Edge and Vivian make friends with bon vivant William and the sardonic new resident Donald. It wasn’t that the friends set out to solve it themselves. They are keenly interested, of course—and they do keep coming across clues that no-one is giving to the police. . .
In Three Four Knock On My Door, it is Sylvia’s handsome devoted nephew Simon, and the enigmatic Dallas from Louisiana, with life-changing news for Vivian, who come knocking. The amateur sleuths of the retirement village combine to solve murder in between unexpected family, winter picnics, a new resident dog causing havoc at the Lawns, and Death paying a visit. In person.
In Five Six Pick Up Sticks, website dating for the over-fifties is definitely a boom industry, but for some it has been a dead end, and the Scottish police want to know why. The third whodunit in the Grasshopper Lawns series dives gleefully into the murkiest end of the senior singles dating pool (where the predators lurk) with Edge secretly hoping to meet someone special. It’s spring, and it seems the rest of the world is in love, is there someone out there for her? Preferably not the murderer, of course.
In Seven Eight Play It Straight Edge’s actress stepdaughter is performing in a successful Fringe show during the Edinburgh Festival, which attracts hundreds of thousands of visitors and is always a busy family time at Grasshopper Lawns. Long-standing hostilities are set aside when a violent and bloody killing strikes all too close to home, but the temporary truce doesn’t last after Fiona accuses Edge of the murder.
In Eleven Twelve Dig And Delve, there’s a newcomer at the Grasshopper Lawns retirement village, and she’s an absolute battle-axe. One requirement of residency is to have an interesting past and Beulah Quinn’s past has been interesting to the point of scandalous. Now nearly eighty, she was notorious for her lovers and her political machinations and has been described variously as the most beautiful woman of her day, a widow-maker, and a full-blown witch. Now, though, someone is trying to kill her, and family is family. To Edge’s horror, her aunt is moving in.
In Thirteen Fourteen Maids A-Courting Kirsty, Edge’s lovely young niece, is taking a brief holiday break from her job with Police Scotland to be wooed in the romantic surroundings of the beautiful island of Tenerife. Instead Drew vanishes, leaving her alone in the Canaries, unable to speak a word of Spanish and finding little professional cooperation being offered by the multiple policing services on the island. Edge and her friends are quick to the rescue but was Drew the real target, or just the bait?
Glossary
Bampot—lunatic
Bawbag—scrotum (and pungent slang)
Bidey-in—a live-in romantic partner
Birl—to twist or twirl around
Blether—to have a talk, chatter, gossip.
Cannae—cannot (pronounced canny)
Cailleach—pronounced ky-och – Gaelic for old woman
Ceilidh—(pronounced kay-lee)—a social gathering, usually including country dancing
Chap—knock (as in knock on the door)
CHS—Criminal History System (previously SCRO—Scottish Criminal Record Office)
Crabbit—b
ad tempered
Dinnae—don’t, pronounced dinny
Dinna fash—don’t worry (also spelled / pronounced dinnae fash, both versions in common usage)
Dreich—dreary
Embra—Edinburgh
Girning—complaining
Greet—cry
Haud—hold
Haud your whisht—Be quiet, pipe down. Literal meaning, hold your breath.
Hen—the closest equivalent is probably honey, or Missus. Used to women of all ages.
Jag—an injection
Ken—means variously know, I know, do you know. It’s one of the most versatile Scots words!
MSP—Member of the Scottish Parliament
Rondavel—pronounced RonDARvill—is the South African term for a round dwelling (as bungalow is an Indian word for a single-storey house)
Scunner—a rotter, a nasty piece of work
Skelped—smacked, slapped
Skinner—a gossipy blether (South African)
Sláinte—(pron Slann-cher) a friendly toast
Stramash—fight, scuffle
Swithering—similar to dithering, to be unable to decide
Taken the huff—offended.
Yin, and wan, are different pronunciations of one.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Elizabeth (E J ) Lamprey lives on the Firth of Forth, within easy distance of Edinburgh, and only a few miles from where Grasshopper Lawns would be if there was a Grasshopper Lawns retirement village.
Originally from South Africa, she’s the daughter of a Scot, looks like a Scot, dearly loves Scotland, but accepts that with a mere thirteen years residence she is still considered a tourist, albeit a tenacious one.
She has been variously a book reviewer on a city paper, a columnist in a national magazine, a copy-editor and critiquer, a commercial blogger, and a reporter on a country newspaper, as well as earning an actual living with more conventional jobs.
She’s looking forward to becoming a grandmother any time her busy daughter can find the time, but until then writing a series of cheerful whodunits about a Scottish retirement village is definitely her favourite occupation.
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
About this book
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Chapter 1 – Monday November 4th
Chapter 3 – Tuesday November 12th
Chapter 4 – Wednesday November 13th
Chapter 5 – overnight Friday November 15th
Chapter 6 – Saturday November 16th
Chapter 7 - Wednesday November 20th
Chapter 8 - Thursday November 28th
Chapter 9 - Friday December 9th
Chapter 10 – Saturday December 7th
Chapter 11 – Monday December 23rd
Chapter 12 - Tuesday December 24th
Chapter 13 - The plot uncovered
AFTERMATH
Hogmanay
A bit more about the books, and some specials for mailing list subscribers
Glossary
ABOUT THE AUTHOR