Knock Knock
knock knock.
Who’s there?
Patsy.
Patsy who?
Patsy dog and he’ll wag his tail.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Harris.
Harris who?
Harris covering your
head.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tiny Mike.
Tiny Mike who?
Tiny Mike Robe coming to make you sick!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken I come in, I’ve been waiting for ages?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Stanton.
Stanton who?
Stanton here is boring. Let me in.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Les.
Les who?
Les go out and play.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Andrew.
Andrew who?
Andrew a picture of the principal and she’s in big trouble.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Felix.
Felix who?
Felix Sited to see me?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
[Shout] Boo! Did I scare you?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Nutty.
Nutty who?
Nutty as a fruitcake.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Element.
Element who?
Element to come
but she sent me
instead.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Rita.
Rita who?
Rita Selby book and you’ll laugh your head off.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken you come out and play?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Maida.
Maida who?
Maida a pie for you, let me in.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Noise.
Noise who?
Noise to see you.
Songs Songs Songs
Why is it That Everyone Hates Me?
Spoken verse 2
I opened my mouth for the dentist
Then I gave a big sneeze a-a-choo!
So why did he have to get cranky?
Just ‘cos I bit off a finger or two?!
(He still had eight more fingers!)
Spoken verse 3
I was helping the man at the petshop
Then he called me a terrible brat
Only because I saved pet food
By feeding the fish … to the cat!
(The cat was happy!)
Spoken verse 4
My Granny’s teeth fell in the toilet
I said, ‘I’ll get them out in a rush!’
I reached down with my little finger
And they disappeared in a flush!
(She needed some new teeth, anyway!)
Spoken verse 5
Our infants school teacher is special
She is in a class all her own
Because when she went to the dunny
I told all the kids to go home!
(Why was she so angry? I don’t know!)
This Sorry Hound Is City Bound
That’s it
About the Author
Duncan Ball is an Australian author and scriptwriter, best known for his popular books for children. Among his best-loved works are the books about Selby, the only talking dog in Australia and, perhaps, the world. The Selby books have been published in New Zealand, Germany, Japan and the USA, as well as Australia, and have won many awards, most of which were voted by children.
Among Duncan’s other books are the Emily Eyefinger series, about the adventures of a girl who was born with an eye on the end of her finger, and the comedy novels Piggott Place and Piggotts in Peril, about the frustrations of twelve-year-old Bert Piggott, forever struggling to get his family of ratbags and dreamers out of the trouble they constantly get themselves into.
Duncan lives in Sydney with his wife, Jill, and their cat, Jasper. As far as they know, Jasper likes the Selby books. But once when they were thinking of getting a dog, they bought a book about dogs. That night the book mysteriously disappeared. In the morning bits of the well-clawed cover were found floating in the loo.
By the Same Author
Emily Eyefinger
Emily Eyefinger, Secret Agent
Emily Eyefinger and the Lost Treasure
Emily Eyefinger and the Black Volcano
Emily Eyefinger’s Alien Adventure
Emily Eyefinger and the Devil Bones
Emily Eyefinger and the Balloon Bandits
Emily Eyefinger and the Ghost Ship
Emily Eyefinger and the Puzzle in the Jungle
Emily Eyefinger and the City in the Sky
Piggott Place
Piggotts in Peril
Selby’s Secret
Selby Speaks
Selby Screams
Selby Supersnoop
Selby Spacedog
Selby Snowbound
Selby Surfs
Selby Snaps!
Selby Splits
Selby Stardom
Selby Sorcerer
Selby’s Scrambled
Selby’s Shemozzle
Selby’s Joke Book
Selby’s Joke Book
Selby’s Shemozzle
Duncan Ball
Selby, the only talking dog in Australia, and perhaps the world, is in a bit of a mess. So much of a mess, in fact, that you might call it a shemozzle!
Selby’s shemozzle starts when he tells a joke that’s so funny, he puts the whole town of Bogusville in the hospital. And he doesn’t stop there …
Between being coated in chocolate and almost eaten by those horrible brats Willy and Billy, falling in love with the world’s first talking cat, pretending to be a seeing-eye dog and maybe — just maybe — changing the recipe of Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuits, Selby is in a right shemozzle. But the biggest shemozzle of all is when he becomes invisible …
How does he get himself out of it? Prepare to laugh yourself silly as you find out!
Copyright
Angus&Robertson
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, Australia
First published in Australia in 2001
This edition published in 2011
by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited
ABN 36 009 913 517
www.harpercollins.com.au
Copyright © Duncan Ball 2001
Illustrations copyright © Allan Stomann 2001
The right of Duncan Ball to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.
This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
HarperCollinsPublishers
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National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data:
Ball, Duncan
Selby’s selection / Duncan Ball.
ISBN: 978-0-2072-00
40-3 (pbk.)
ISBN: 978-0-7304-9516-1 (ePub)
1. Dogs – Juvenile fiction. I. Stomann,Allan. II.Title.
A823.3
Cover design by Christa Moffitt, Christabella Designs, adapted by Judi Rowe
Cover and internal illustrations by Allan Stomann