'The key,' said the dwarf, looking viciously about him, 'the
door-key--that's the matter. D'ye know anything of it?'
'How should I know anything of it, sir?' returned Mr Brass.
'How should you?' repeated Quilp with a sneer. 'You're a nice
lawyer, an't you? Ugh, you idiot!'
Not caring to represent to the dwarf in his present humour, that
the loss of a key by another person could scarcely be said to
affect his (Brass's) legal knowledge in any material degree, Mr
Brass humbly suggested that it must have been forgotten over night,
and was, doubtless, at that moment in its native key-hole.
Notwithstanding that Mr Quilp had a strong conviction to the
contrary, founded on his recollection of having carefully taken it
out, he was fain to admit that this was possible, and therefore
went grumbling to the door where, sure enough, he found it.
Now, just as Mr Quilp laid his hand upon the lock, and saw with
great astonishment that the fastenings were undone, the knocking
came again with the most irritating violence, and the daylight
which had been shining through the key-hole was intercepted on the
outside by a human eye. The dwarf was very much exasperated, and
wanting somebody to wreak his ill-humour upon, determined to dart
out suddenly, and favour Mrs Quilp with a gentle acknowledgment of
her attention in making that hideous uproar.
With this view, he drew back the lock very silently and softly, and
opening the door all at once, pounced out upon the person on the
other side, who had at that moment raised the knocker for another
application, and at whom the dwarf ran head first: throwing out his
hands and feet together, and biting the air in the fulness of his
malice.
So far, however, from rushing upon somebody who offered no
resistance and implored his mercy, Mr Quilp was no sooner in the
arms of the individual whom he had taken for his wife than he found
himself complimented with two staggering blows on the head, and two
more, of the same quality, in the chest; and closing with his
assailant, such a shower of buffets rained down upon his person as
sufficed to convince him that he was in skilful and experienced
hands. Nothing daunted by this reception, he clung tight to his
opponent, and bit and hammered away with such good-will and
heartiness, that it was at least a couple of minutes before he was
dislodged. Then, and not until then, Daniel Quilp found himself,
all flushed and dishevelled, in the middle of the street, with Mr
Richard Swiveller performing a kind of dance round him and
requiring to know 'whether he wanted any more?'
'There's plenty more of it at the same shop,' said Mr Swiveller, by
turns advancing and retreating in a threatening attitude, 'a large
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and extensive assortment always on hand--country orders executed
with promptitude and despatch--will you have a little more, Sir--
don't say no, if you'd rather not.'
'I thought it was somebody else,' said Quilp, rubbing his
shoulders, 'why didn't you say who you were?'
'Why didn't you say who YOU were?' returned Dick, 'instead of
flying out of the house like a Bedlamite ?'
'It was you that--that knocked,' said the dwarf, getting up with
a short groan, 'was it?'
'Yes, I am the man,' replied Dick. 'That lady had begun when I
came, but she knocked too soft, so I relieved her.' As he said
this, he pointed towards Mrs Quilp, who stood trembling at a little
distance.
'Humph!' muttered the dwarf, darting an angry look at his wife, 'I
thought it was your fault! And you, sir--don't you know there has
been somebody ill here, that you knock as if you'd beat the door
down?'
'Damme!' answered Dick, 'that's why I did it. I thought there was
somebody dead here.'
'You came for some purpose, I suppose,' said Quilp. 'What is it you
want?'
'I want to know how the old gentleman is,' rejoined Mr Swiveller,
'and to hear from Nell herself, with whom I should like to have a
little talk. I'm a friend of the family, sir--at least I'm the
friend of one of the family, and that's the same thing.'
Now, Mrs Quilp--after you, ma'am.'
Mrs Quilp hesitated, but Mr Quilp insisted. And it was not a
contest of politeness, or by any means a matter of form, for she
knew very well that her husband wished to enter the house in this
order, that he might have a favourable opportunity of inflicting a
few pinches on her arms, which were seldom free from impressions of
his fingers in black and blue colours. Mr Swiveller, who was not in
the secret, was a little surprised to hear a suppressed scream,
and, looking round, to see Mrs Quilp following him with a sudden
jerk; but he did not remark on these appearances, and soon forgot
them.
'Now, Mrs Quilp,' said the dwarf when they had entered the shop,
'go you up stairs, if you please, to Nelly's room, and tell her
that she's wanted.'
'You seem to make yourself at home here,' said Dick, who was
unacquainted with Mr Quilp's authority.
'I AM at home, young gentleman,' returned the dwarf.
Dick was pondering what these words might mean, and still more what
the presence of Mr Brass might mean, when Mrs Quilp came hurrying
down stairs, declaring that the rooms above were empty.
'Empty, you fool!' said the dwarf.
'I give you my word, Quilp,' answered his trembling wife, 'that I
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have been into every room and there's not a soul in any of them.'
'And that,' said Mr Brass, clapping his hands once, with an
emphasis, 'explains the mystery of the key!'
Quilp looked frowningly at him, and frowningly at his wife, and
frowningly at Richard Swiveller; but, receiving no enlightenment
from any of them, hurried up stairs, whence he soon hurried down
again, confirming the report which had already been made.
'It's a strange way of going,' he said, glancing at Swiveller,
'very strange not to communicate with me who am such a close and
intimate friend of his! Ah! he'll write to me no doubt, or he'll
bid Nelly write--yes, yes, that's what he'll do. Nelly's very fond
of me. Pretty Nell!'
Mr Swiveller looked, as he was, all open-mouthed astonishment.
Still glancing furtively at him, Quilp turned to Mr Brass and
observed, with assumed carelessness, that this need not interfere
with the removal of the goods.
'For indeed,' he added, 'we knew that they'd go away to-day, but
not that they'd go so early, or so quietly. But they have their
reasons, they have their reasons.'
'Where in the devil's name are they gone?' said the wondering Dick.
Quilp shook his head, and pursed up his lips, in a manner which
implied that he knew very well, but was not at liberty to say.
'And what,' said Dick, looking at the confusion about him, 'what do
you mean by moving the goods?'
'That I have bought 'em, Sir,' rejoined Quilp. 'Eh? What then?'
'Has the sly old fox made his fortune then, and gone to live in a
tranquil cot in a pleasant spot with a distant view of the changing
sea?' said Dick, in great bewilderment.
'Keeping his place of retirement very close, that he may not be
visited too often by affectionate grandsons and their devoted
friends, eh?' added the dwarf, rubbing his hands hard; 'I say
nothing, but is that your meaning?'
Richard Swiveller was utterly aghast at this unexpected alteration
of circumstances, which threatened the complete overthrow of the
project in which he bore so conspicuous a part, and seemed to nip
his prospects in the bud. Having only received from Frederick
Trent, late on the previous night, information of the old man's
illness, he had come upon a visit of condolence and inquiry to
Nell, prepared with the first instalment of that long train of
fascinations which was to fire her heart at last. And here, when he
had been thinking of all kinds of graceful and insinuating
approaches, and meditating on the fearful retaliation which was
slowly working against Sophy Wackles--here were Nell, the old man,
and all the money gone, melted away, decamped he knew not whither,
as if with a fore-knowledge of the scheme and a resolution to
defeat it in the very outset, before a step was taken.
In his secret heart, Daniel Quilp was both surprised and troubled
by the flight which had been made. It had not escaped his keen eye
that some indispensable articles of clothing were gone with the
fugitives, and knowing the old man's weak state of mind, he
marvelled what that course of proceeding might be in which he had
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so readily procured the concurrence of the child. It must not be
supposed (or it would be a gross injustice to Mr Quilp) that he was
tortured by any disinterested anxiety on behalf of either. His
uneasiness arose from a misgiving that the old man had some secret
store of money which he had not suspected; and the idea of its
escaping his clutches, overwhelmed him with mortification and
self-reproach.
In this frame of mind, it was some consolation to him to find that
Richard Swiveller was, for different reasons, evidently irritated
and disappointed by the same cause. It was plain, thought the
dwarf, that he had come there, on behalf of his friend, to cajole
or frighten the old man out of some small fraction of that wealth
of which they supposed him to have an abundance. Therefore, it was
a relief to vex his heart with a picture of the riches the old man
hoarded, and to expatiate on his cunning in removing himself even
beyond the reach of importunity.
'Well,' said Dick, with a blank look, 'I suppose it's of no use my
staying here.'
'Not the least in the world,' rejoined the dwarf.
'You'll mention that I called, perhaps?' said Dick.
Mr Quilp nodded, and said he certainly would, the very first time
he saw them.
'And say,' added Mr Swiveller, 'say, sir, that I was wafted here
upon the pinions of concord; that I came to remove, with the rake
of friendship, the seeds of mutual violence and heart-burning, and
to sow in their place, the germs of social harmony. Will you have
the goodness to charge yourself with that commission, Sir?'
'Certainly!' rejoined Quilp.
'Will you be kind enough to add to it, Sir,' said Dick, producing
a very small limp card, 'that that is my address, and that I am to
be found at home every morning. Two distinct knocks, sir, will
produce the slavey at any time. My particular friends, Sir, are
accustomed to sneeze when the door is opened, to give her to
understand that they ARE my friends and have no interested motives
in asking if I'm at home. I beg your pardon; will you allow me to
look at that card again?'
'Oh! by all means,' rejoined Quilp.
'By a slight and not unnatural mistake, sir,' said Dick,
substituting another in its stead, 'I had handed you the passticket
of a select convivial circle called the Glorious Apollers of
which I have the honour to be Perpetual Grand. That is the proper
document, Sir. Good morning.'
Quilp bade him good day; the perpetual Grand Master of the Glorious
Apollers, elevating his hat in honour of Mrs Quilp, dropped it
carelessly on the side of his head again, and disappeared with a
flourish.
By this time, certain vans had arrived for the conveyance of the
goods, and divers strong men in caps were balancing chests of
drawers and other trifles of that nature upon their heads, and
performing muscular feats which heightened their complexions
considerably. Not to be behind-hand in the bustle, Mr Quilp went to
work with surprising vigour; hustling and driving the people about,
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like an evil spirit; setting Mrs Quilp upon all kinds of arduous
and impracticable tasks; carrying great weights up and down, with
no apparent effort; kicking the boy from the wharf, whenever he
could get near him; and inflicting, with his loads, a great many
sly bumps and blows on the shoulders of Mr Brass, as he stood upon
the door-steps to answer all the inquiries of curious neighbours,
which was his department. His presence and example diffused such
alacrity among the persons employed, that, in a few hours, the
house was emptied of everything, but pieces of matting, empty
porter-pots, and scattered fragments of straw.
Seated, like an African chief, on one of these pieces of matting,
the dwarf was regaling himself in the parlour, with bread and
cheese and beer, when he observed without appearing to do so, that
a boy was prying in at the outer door. Assured that it was Kit,
though he saw little more than his nose, Mr Quilp hailed him by his
name; whereupon Kit came in and demanded what he wanted.
'Come here, you sir,' said the dwarf. 'Well, so your old master and
young mistress have gone?'
'Where?' rejoined Kit, looking round.
'Do you mean to say you don't know where?' answered Quilp sharply.
'Where have they gone, eh?'
'I don't know,' said Kit.
'Come,' retorted Quilp, 'let's have no more of this! Do you mean to
say that you don't know they went away by stealth, as soon as it
was light this morning?'
'No,' said the boy, in evident surprise.
'You don't know that?' cried Quilp. 'Don't I know that you were
hanging about the house the other night, like a thief, eh? Weren't
you told then?'
'No,' replied the boy.
'You were not?' said Quilp. 'What were you told then; what were you
talking about?'
Kit, who knew no particular reason why he should keep the matter
secret now, related the purpose for which he had come on that
occasion, and the proposal he had made.
'Oh!' said the dwarf after a little consideration. 'The
n, I think
they'll come to you yet.'
'Do you think they will?' cried Kit eagerly.
'Aye, I think they will,' returned the dwarf. 'Now, when they do,
let me know; d'ye hear? Let me know, and I'll give you something.
I want to do 'em a kindness, and I can't do 'em a kindness unless
I know where they are. You hear what I say?'
Kit might have returned some answer which would not have been
agreeable to his irascible questioner, if the boy from the wharf,
who had been skulking about the room in search of anything that
might have been left about by accident, had not happened to cry,
'Here's a bird! What's to be done with this?'
'Wring its neck,' rejoined Quilp.
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'Oh no, don't do that,' said Kit, stepping forward. 'Give it to me.'
'Oh yes, I dare say,' cried the other boy. 'Come! You let the cage
alone, and let me wring its neck will you? He said I was to do it.
You let the cage alone will you.'
'Give it here, give it to me, you dogs,' roared Quilp. 'Fight for
it, you dogs, or I'll wring its neck myself!'
Without further persuasion, the two boys fell upon each other,
tooth and nail, while Quilp, holding up the cage in one hand, and
chopping the ground with his knife in an ecstasy, urged them on by
his taunts and cries to fight more fiercely. They were a pretty
equal match, and rolled about together, exchanging blows which were
by no means child's play, until at length Kit, planting a
well-directed hit in his adversary's chest, disengaged himself,
sprung nimbly up, and snatching the cage from Quilp's hands made
off with his prize.
He did not stop once until he reached home, where his bleeding face
occasioned great consternation, and caused the elder child to howl
dreadfully.
'Goodness gracious, Kit, what is the matter, what have you been
doing?' cried Mrs Nubbles.
'Never you mind, mother,' answered her son, wiping his face on the
jack-towel behind the door. 'I'm not hurt, don't you be afraid for
me. I've been a fightin' for a bird and won him, that's all. Hold
your noise, little Jacob. I never see such a naughty boy in all my
days!'
'You have been fighting for a bird!' exclaimed his mother.
'Ah! Fightin' for a bird!' replied Kit, 'and here he is--Miss
Nelly's bird, mother, that they was agoin' to wring the neck of! I
stopped that though--ha ha ha! They wouldn't wring his neck and me