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      two sons doing well at Sydney, New South Wales - single, when last

      heard from. One of my sons (James) went wild and for a soldier,

      where he was shot in India, living six weeks in hospital with a

      musket-ball lodged in his shoulder-blade, which he wrote with his

      own hand. He was the best looking. One of my two daughters (Mary)

      is comfortable in her circumstances, but water on the chest. The

      other (Charlotte), her husband run away from her in the basest

      manner, and she and her three children live with us. The youngest,

      six year old, has a turn for mechanics.

      I am not a Chartist, and I never was. I don't mean to say but what

      I see a good many public points to complain of, still I don't think

      that's the way to set them right. If I did think so, I should be a

      Chartist. But I don't think so, and I am not a Chartist. I read

      the paper, and hear discussion, at what we call 'a parlour,' in

      Birmingham, and I know many good men and workmen who are Chartists.

      Note. Not Physical force.

      It won't be took as boastful in me, if I make the remark (for I

      can't put down what I have got to say, without putting that down

      before going any further), that I have always been of an ingenious

      turn. I once got twenty pound by a screw, and it's in use now. I

      have been twenty year, off and on, completing an Invention and

      perfecting it. I perfected of it, last Christmas Eve at ten

      o'clock at night. Me and my wife stood and let some tears fall

      over the Model, when it was done and I brought her in to take a

      look at it.

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      Dickens, Charles - Reprinted Pieces

      A friend of mine, by the name of William Butcher, is a Chartist.

      Moderate. He is a good speaker. He is very animated. I have

      often heard him deliver that what is, at every turn, in the way of

      us working-men, is, that too many places have been made, in the

      course of time, to provide for people that never ought to have been

      provided for; and that we have to obey forms and to pay fees to

      support those places when we shouldn't ought. 'True,' (delivers

      William Butcher), 'all the public has to do this, but it falls

      heaviest on the working-man, because he has least to spare; and

      likewise because impediments shouldn't be put in his way, when he

      wants redress of wrong or furtherance of right.' Note. I have

      wrote down those words from William Butcher's own mouth. W. B.

      delivering them fresh for the aforesaid purpose.

      Now, to my Model again. There it was, perfected of, on Christmas

      Eve, gone nigh a year, at ten o'clock at night. All the money I

      could spare I had laid out upon the Model; and when times was bad,

      or my daughter Charlotte's children sickly, or both, it had stood

      still, months at a spell. I had pulled it to pieces, and made it

      over again with improvements, I don't know how often. There it

      stood, at last, a perfected Model as aforesaid.

      William Butcher and me had a long talk, Christmas Day, respecting

      of the Model. William is very sensible. But sometimes cranky.

      William said, 'What will you do with it, John?' I said, 'Patent

      it.' William said, 'How patent it, John?' I said, 'By taking out

      a Patent.' William then delivered that the law of Patent was a

      cruel wrong. William said, 'John, if you make your invention

      public, before you get a Patent, any one may rob you of the fruits

      of your hard work. You are put in a cleft stick, John. Either you

      must drive a bargain very much against yourself, by getting a party

      to come forward beforehand with the great expenses of the Patent;

      or, you must be put about, from post to pillar, among so many

      parties, trying to make a better bargain for yourself, and showing

      your invention, that your invention will be took from you over your

      head.' I said, 'William Butcher, are you cranky? You are

      sometimes cranky.' William said, 'No, John, I tell you the truth;'

      which he then delivered more at length. I said to W. B. I would

      Patent the invention myself.

      My wife's brother, George Bury of West Bromwich (his wife

      unfortunately took to drinking, made away with everything, and

      seventeen times committed to Birmingham Jail before happy release

      in every point of view), left my wife, his sister, when he died, a

      legacy of one hundred and twenty-eight pound ten, Bank of England

      Stocks. Me and my wife never broke into that money yet. Note. We

      might come to be old and past our work. We now agreed to Patent

      the invention. We said we would make a hole in it - I mean in the

      aforesaid money - and Patent the invention. William Butcher wrote

      me a letter to Thomas Joy, in London. T. J. is a carpenter, six

      foot four in height, and plays quoits well. He lives in Chelsea,

      London, by the church. I got leave from the shop, to be took on

      again when I come back. I am a good workman. Not a Teetotaller;

      but never drunk. When the Christmas holidays were over, I went up

      to London by the Parliamentary Train, and hired a lodging for a

      week with Thomas Joy. He is married. He has one son gone to sea.

      Thomas Joy delivered (from a book he had) that the first step to be

      took, in Patenting the invention, was to prepare a petition unto

      Queen Victoria. William Butcher had delivered similar, and drawn

      it up. Note. William is a ready writer. A declaration before a

      Master in Chancery was to be added to it. That, we likewise drew

      up. After a deal of trouble I found out a Master, in Southampton

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      Dickens, Charles - Reprinted Pieces

      Buildings, Chancery Lane, nigh Temple Bar, where I made the

      declaration, and paid eighteen-pence. I was told to take the

      declaration and petition to the Home Office, in Whitehall, where I

      left it to be signed by the Home Secretary (after I had found the

      office out), and where I paid two pound, two, and sixpence. In six

      days he signed it, and I was told to take it to the Attorney-

      General's chambers, and leave it there for a report. I did so, and

      paid four pound, four. Note. Nobody all through, ever thankful

      for their money, but all uncivil.

      My lodging at Thomas Joy's was now hired for another week, whereof

      five days were gone. The Attorney-General made what they called a

      Report-of-course (my invention being, as William Butcher had

      delivered before starting, unopposed), and I was sent back with it

      to the Home Office. They made a Copy of it, which was called a

      Warrant. For this warrant, I paid seven pound, thirteen, and six.

      It was sent to the Queen, to sign. The Queen sent it back, signed.

      The Home Secretary signed it again. The gentleman throwed it at me

      when I called, and said, 'Now take it to the Patent Office in

      Lincoln's Inn.' I was then in my third week at Thomas Joy's living

      very sparing, on account of fees. I found myself losing heart.

      At the Patent Office in Lincoln's Inn, they made 'a draft of the

      Queen's bill,' of my invention, and a 'docket of the bill.' I paid

      five pound, ten, and six, for this. They 'engrossed two copies of

      the bill; one for the Signet Office, and one for the Privy-Seal


      Office.' I paid one pound, seven, and six, for this. Stamp duty

      over and above, three pound. The Engrossing Clerk of the same

      office engrossed the Queen's bill for signature. I paid him one

      pound, one. Stamp-duty, again, one pound, ten. I was next to take

      the Queen's bill to the Attorney-General again, and get it signed

      again. I took it, and paid five pound more. I fetched it away,

      and took it to the Home Secretary again. He sent it to the Queen

      again. She signed it again. I paid seven pound, thirteen, and

      six, more, for this. I had been over a month at Thomas Joy's. I

      was quite wore out, patience and pocket.

      Thomas Joy delivered all this, as it went on, to William Butcher.

      William Butcher delivered it again to three Birmingham Parlours,

      from which it got to all the other Parlours, and was took, as I

      have been told since, right through all the shops in the North of

      England. Note. William Butcher delivered, at his Parlour, in a

      speech, that it was a Patent way of making Chartists.

      But I hadn't nigh done yet. The Queen's bill was to be took to the

      Signet Office in Somerset House, Strand - where the stamp shop is.

      The Clerk of the Signet made 'a Signet bill for the Lord Keeper of

      the Privy Seal.' I paid him four pound, seven. The Clerk of the

      Lord Keeper of the Privy Seal made 'a Privy-Seal bill for the Lord

      Chancellor.' I paid him, four pound, two. The Privy-Seal bill was

      handed over to the Clerk of the Patents, who engrossed the

      aforesaid. I paid him five pound, seventeen, and eight; at the

      same time, I paid Stamp-duty for the Patent, in one lump, thirty

      pound. I next paid for 'boxes for the Patent,' nine and sixpence.

      Note. Thomas Joy would have made the same at a profit for

      eighteen-pence. I next paid 'fees to the Deputy, the Lord

      Chancellor's Purse-bearer,' two pound, two. I next paid 'fees to

      the Clerk of the Hanapar,' seven pound, thirteen. I next paid

      'fees to the Deputy Clerk of the Hanaper,' ten shillings. I next

      paid, to the Lord Chancellor again, one pound, eleven, and six.

      Last of all, I paid 'fees to the Deputy Sealer, and Deputy Chaffwax,'

      ten shillings and sixpence. I had lodged at Thomas Joy's

      over six weeks, and the unopposed Patent for my invention, for

      England only, had cost me ninety-six pound, seven, and eightpence.

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      Dickens, Charles - Reprinted Pieces

      If I had taken it out for the United Kingdom, it would have cost me

      more than three hundred pound.

      Now, teaching had not come up but very limited when I was young.

      So much the worse for me you'll say. I say the same. William

      Butcher is twenty year younger than me. He knows a hundred year

      more. If William Butcher had wanted to Patent an invention, he

      might have been sharper than myself when hustled backwards and

      forwards among all those offices, though I doubt if so patient.

      Note. William being sometimes cranky, and consider porters,

      messengers, and clerks.

      Thereby I say nothing of my being tired of my life, while I was

      Patenting my invention. But I put this: Is it reasonable to make a

      man feel as if, in inventing an ingenious improvement meant to do

      good, he had done something wrong? How else can a man feel, when

      he is met by such difficulties at every turn? All inventors taking

      out a Patent MUST feel so. And look at the expense. How hard on

      me, and how hard on the country if there's any merit in me (and my

      invention is took up now, I am thankful to say, and doing well), to

      put me to all that expense before I can move a finger! Make the

      addition yourself, and it'll come to ninety-six pound, seven, and

      eightpence. No more, and no less.

      What can I say against William Butcher, about places? Look at the

      Home Secretary, the Attorney-General, the Patent Office, the

      Engrossing Clerk, the Lord Chancellor, the Privy Seal, the Clerk of

      the Patents, the Lord Chancellor's Purse-bearer, the Clerk of the

      Hanaper, the Deputy Clerk of the Hanaper, the Deputy Sealer, and

      the Deputy Chaff-wax. No man in England could get a Patent for an

      Indian-rubber band, or an iron-hoop, without feeing all of them.

      Some of them, over and over again. I went through thirty-five

      stages. I began with the Queen upon the Throne. I ended with the

      Deputy Chaff-wax. Note. I should like to see the Deputy Chaffwax.

      Is it a man, or what is it?

      What I had to tell, I have told. I have wrote it down. I hope

      it's plain. Not so much in the handwriting (though nothing to

      boast of there), as in the sense of it. I will now conclude with

      Thomas Joy. Thomas said to me, when we parted, 'John, if the laws

      of this country were as honest as they ought to be, you would have

      come to London - registered an exact description and drawing of

      your invention - paid half-a-crown or so for doing of it - and

      therein and thereby have got your Patent.'

      My opinion is the same as Thomas Joy. Further. In William

      Butcher's delivering 'that the whole gang of Hanapers and Chaffwaxes

      must be done away with, and that England has been chaffed and

      waxed sufficient,' I agree.

      THE NOBLE SAVAGE

      TO come to the point at once, I beg to say that I have not the

      least belief in the Noble Savage. I consider him a prodigious

      nuisance, and an enormous superstition. His calling rum firewater,

      and me a pale face, wholly fail to reconcile me to him. I

      don't care what he calls me. I call him a savage, and I call a

      savage a something highly desirable to be civilised off the face of

      the earth. I think a mere gent (which I take to be the lowest form

      of civilisation) better than a howling, whistling, clucking,

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      Dickens, Charles - Reprinted Pieces

      stamping, jumping, tearing savage. It is all one to me, whether he

      sticks a fish-bone through his visage, or bits of trees through the

      lobes of his ears, or bird's feathers in his head; whether he

      flattens his hair between two boards, or spreads his nose over the

      breadth of his face, or drags his lower lip down by great weights,

      or blackens his teeth, or knocks them out, or paints one cheek red

      and the other blue, or tattoos himself, or oils himself, or rubs

      his body with fat, or crimps it with knives. Yielding to

      whichsoever of these agreeable eccentricities, he is a savage -

      cruel, false, thievish, murderous; addicted more or less to grease,

      entrails, and beastly customs; a wild animal with the questionable

      gift of boasting; a conceited, tiresome, bloodthirsty, monotonous

      humbug.

      Yet it is extraordinary to observe how some people will talk about

      him, as they talk about the good old times; how they will regret

      his disappearance, in the course of this world's development, from

      such and such lands where his absence is a blessed relief and an

      indispensable preparation for the sowing of the very first seeds of

      any influence that can exalt humanity; how, even with the evidence

      of himself before them, they will either be determined to believe,

      or will suffer themselves to be persuaded into bel
    ieving, that he

      is something which their five senses tell them he is not.

      There was Mr. Catlin, some few years ago, with his Ojibbeway

      Indians. Mr. Catlin was an energetic, earnest man, who had lived

      among more tribes of Indians than I need reckon up here, and who

      had written a picturesque and glowing book about them. With his

      party of Indians squatting and spitting on the table before him, or

      dancing their miserable jigs after their own dreary manner, he

      called, in all good faith, upon his civilised audience to take

      notice of their symmetry and grace, their perfect limbs, and the

      exquisite expression of their pantomime; and his civilised

      audience, in all good faith, complied and admired. Whereas, as

      mere animals, they were wretched creatures, very low in the scale

      and very poorly formed; and as men and women possessing any power

      of truthful dramatic expression by means of action, they were no

      better than the chorus at an Italian Opera in England - and would

      have been worse if such a thing were possible.

      Mine are no new views of the noble savage. The greatest writers on

      natural history found him out long ago. BUFFON knew what he was,

      and showed why he is the sulky tyrant that he is to his women, and

      how it happens (Heaven be praised!) that his race is spare in

      numbers. For evidence of the quality of his moral nature, pass

      himself for a moment and refer to his 'faithful dog.' Has he ever

      improved a dog, or attached a dog, since his nobility first ran

      wild in woods, and was brought down (at a very long shot) by POPE?

      Or does the animal that is the friend of man, always degenerate in

      his low society?

      It is not the miserable nature of the noble savage that is the new

      thing; it is the whimpering over him with maudlin admiration, and

      the affecting to regret him, and the drawing of any comparison of

      advantage between the blemishes of civilisation and the tenor of

      his swinish life. There may have been a change now and then in

      those diseased absurdities, but there is none in him.

      Think of the Bushmen. Think of the two men and the two women who

      have been exhibited about England for some years. Are the majority

      of persons - who remember the horrid little leader of that party in

      his festering bundle of hides, with his filth and his antipathy to

      water, and his straddled legs, and his odious eyes shaded by his

     


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