* * *
—
Outside the train window, the sky is framed by the Riverside Mountains. So beautiful. I am coming to accept that these are the let-it-go days. The days of getting my will in order. I will leave Duke the Bob Boltz six-by-five-foot car-crash photograph as a reminder to be cautious while driving. Dexter will receive Cindy Sherman’s self-portrait of a woman unhinged, so she can learn to stay calm when things go askew. Mom left me her Pottery Barn table. It sat in a warehouse until, one day, I finally let it go. I want that Pottery Barn table back. I want Randy back, too. I want to have another chance at being a better sister.
The train surges forward. I start singing an old Irving Berlin song Mom used to play on the piano: “How much do I love you? I’ll tell you no lie. How deep is the ocean? How high is the sky?…And if I ever lost you, how much would I cry? How deep is the ocean? How high is the sky?”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Robin Desser, whose brilliance guided the path all the way to the finish line
Annie Bishai
Dorrie Hall
Robin Bevington
Jean Heaton
Stephanie Heaton
Sarah Rothbard
Hillary McFarland
Delia Jimenez
Steve Barbour
Dr. Gary Pevnick
Marilyn Anderson
Roya Robati
Simon Toop
Lilly Sandberg
Kristen Wolf
Erinn Hartman
Demetris Papadimitropoulos
Lydia Buechler
Soonyoung Kwon
John Gall
Daniel Novack
Roméo Enriquez
Andy Hughes
Paul Bogaards
ILLUSTRATIONS
2Diane and Randy with Jack Hall. PHOTOS: DOROTHY HALL
3Halloween 1953 PHOTOS: DOROTHY HALL
4School portrait of Diane
5School portrait of Randy
6Portrait of Randy
7Randy with collage. PHOTO: DOROTHY HALL
8Randy with guitar. PHOTO: DOROTHY HALL
9Randy on beach. PHOTO: DOROTHY HALL
10Collage by Dorothy Hall, including photograph of Randy and Randy’s “the study of birds’ eggs”
11Four Hall children. PHOTO: DOROTHY HALL
12Family photo
13Randy with cigar. PHOTO: DOROTHY HALL
14Hawk landing on Randy’s hand. PHOTO: DOROTHY HALL
15Randy’s collages
16Randy’s collages
18Randy’s collages
19Randy at Belmont Village Senior Living. PHOTO: DIANE KEATON
All photos courtesy of Diane Keaton
A NOTE ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Diane Keaton has starred in some of the most memorable films of the past forty years, including the Godfather trilogy, Annie Hall, Manhattan, Reds, Baby Boom, The First Wives Club, and Something’s Gotta Give. Her many awards include the Golden Globe and the Academy Award. She is the author of the New York Times best-selling memoir Then Again and the essay collection Let’s Just Say It Wasn’t Pretty. Keaton lives with her daughter and son in Los Angeles.
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