But it isn’t him at all, it’s a Fat Ferocious Fighting-Freak –
Then Bigfoot’s like a Terror!
Bigfoot’s like a Tiger!
Bigfoot’s like a Jetplane with a Stinger
in its
Tail!
Bigfoot isn’t Pretty, not unless you like the look of him.
Bigfoot isn’t Clever, he can barely chew his gum.
But Bigfoot’s always There, when there’s Rotten kinds of Dangerous,
And Bigfoot’s like a Terror!
Bigfoot’s like a Tiger!
Bigfoot always saves me, so he’s Num
ber
One!
Smelly Fred
A sort of beetle-bug is crawling
Up my running shoe;
His name is Smelly-Belly Fred
But Smelly Fred will do.
And if he crawls across my shoe
And starts to climb my sock,
I’m going to change his name, and call him
Freddie-On-A-Walk,
’Cause with a name like that he’ll want
To climb on legs instead;
And then he’ll climb up mine, and he’ll be
Skinny Winning Fred.
And Skinny Winning Fred will likely
Want to try my shorts,
And there his name will change again
To Freddo, King of Sports,
So then he’ll get excited, and he’ll
Scamper up my top,
And we’ll both shake hands, and cheer for grand
Sir Frederick-Never-Stop!
And then there’s only one thing left
Before he’s SUPER-FRED:
He has to crawl across my chin
And balance on my head –
And when he does, I’ve got an extra
Special thing to do! …
Darn it! Smelly Fred just tripped
And tumbled off my shoe.
Goofy Song
Well I’m going down the road
And I look like a toad
And I feel like Plasticine,
And the dust between my toes
Is like a tickle in my nose,
But the puddles make them feel real clean –
Hey!
And the hammer with the stammer
Is a dentist in disguise,
And the flyer on the wire
Is a wren.
And the pizza that I’ll eat’s a
Little skimpy on the meat, so
I shall have to lay an egg
Or eat a hen –
Yo!
Now I’m going down the road
And I’ll turn into a toad
And I’ll play with Plasticine.
And I don’t know where I’m going
But I hope it isn’t snowing
’Cause my underwear is showing
And the snow would start it growing
And my buddy’s sure to throw it
On my bean –
Ee-yow!
Bike-Twister
Place a foot upon a pedal,
Put your pedal-pushers on;
To the pedal pin a paddle,
Paddle-pedal push upon.
Place the paddle-pedal-cycle
On a puddle in the park;
Paddle addled through the puddle,
Pump the pedal till it’s dark.
On the puddle-pedal-paddler
Place a poodle with a pail:
Let the addled paddle-pedaller’s
Puddle-poodle bail.
The Big Blue Frog and the Dirty Flannel Dog
Then the big
blue
frog
And the dirty flannel dog
Said, “It’s time to go to sea
On the good ship Hollow Log.”
First they sailed to Saskatoon,
Where they stole the harvest moon
And they strung it as a headlight on the log.
Then they hitched
their
pants
And they sailed away for France,
Roaring, “Pour a pint o’ grog!”
As the waves began to dance.
But the North Wind with its spray
Blew them miles and miles away,
And it smothered up the moon in mist and fog.
As they lay
upon
the beach
Sadly panting, each to each,
Deep-sea creatures came to sing
In a wet enchanted ring.
And they lit the moon again
And they leaped with might and main
And they hung it in the heavens, glittering.
Then the moon
shone
bright
All the warm and blessèd night,
And they tore across the sand
Jigging high in pure delight.
And across the skipping sea
And they bowed three times to that majestic sight.
Then the frog
said,
“Friend,
Shall we sail on to the end,
Sail forever, straight ahead,
Far as light and sea extend?”
But the dog said, “No,
Much obliged – I don’t think so.”
So they turned around,
and paddled home to bed.
I Eat Kids Yum Yum!
A child went out one day.
She only went to play.
A mighty monster came along
And sang its mighty monster song:
“I EAT KIDS YUM YUM!
I STUFF THEM DOWN MY TUM.
I ONLY LEAVE THE TEETH AND CLOTHES.
(I SPECIALLY LIKE THE TOES.)”
The child was not amused.
She stood there and refused.
Then with a skip and a little twirl
She sang the song of a hungry girl:
“I EAT MONSTERS BURP!
THEY MAKE ME SQUEAL AND SLURP.
IT’S TIME TO CHOMP AND TAKE A CHEW –
AND WHAT I’LL CHEW IS YOU!”
The monster ran like that!
It didn’t stop to chat.
(The child went skipping home again
And ate her brother’s model train.)
Garbage Delight
Now, I’m not the one
To say No to a bun,
And I always can manage some jelly;
If somebody gurgles,
“Please eat my hamburgles,”
I try to make room in my belly.
I seem, if they scream,
Not to gag on ice-cream,
And with fudge I can choke down my fright;
But none is enticing
Or even worth slicing,
Compared with Garbage Delight.
With a nip and a nibble
A drip and a dribble
A dollop, a walloping bite:
If you want to see grins
All the way to my shins,
Then give me some Garbage Delight!
I’m handy with candy.
I star with a bar.
And I’m known for my butterscotch burp;
I can stare in the eyes
Of a Toffee Surprise
And polish it off with one slurp.
My lick is the longest,
My chomp is the champ
And everyone envies my bite;
But my talents were wasted
Until I had tasted
The wonders of Garbage Delight.
With a nip and a nibble
A drip and a dribble
A dollop, a walloping bite:
If you want to see grins
All the way to my shins
Then give me some Garbage Delight,
Right now!
Please pass me the Garbage Delight.
The Snuggle Bunny
The snuggle bunny
Likes to scrunch
&
nbsp; His body up
In a funny bunch
And wind his teddies
And his bears
Around and round
By their soft brown hairs,
And then he burrows
Like a mole
Inside the nearest
Snuggle hole
And he snoozles up
And he snozzles in,
And he goes to sleep
In his snuggle-down skin.
So if you stumble
Unawares
On a jumbly clutter
Of teddy bears,
Unzip the top
And sort and stir
Through soft brown layers
Of warm brown fur
And underneath,
With a faraway roar,
You’ll hear a snuggled
Bunny snore.
“What Will You Be?”
They never stop asking me,
“What will you be? –
A doctor, a dancer,
A diver at sea?”
They never stop bugging me:
“What will you be?”
As if they expect me to
Stop being me.
When I grow up I’m going to be a Sneeze,
And sprinkle Germs on all my Enemies.
When I grow up I’m going to be a Toad,
And dump on Silly Questions in the road.
When I grow up, I’m going to be a Child.
I’ll Play the whole darn day and drive them Wild.
The Operation
When you walk inside the kitchen
Very kindly do not shout:
Poor old Hannah’s getting mended
’Cause her stuffing all came out.
There’s a special dish of ice-cream
And it’s white and brown and red,
And there’s cookies if we’re quiet,
’Cause we think it hurts her head.
And we never bash old Hannah
On the floor, except today,
And my Mom has found her needle
And she thinks she’ll be OK;
And old Hannah’s pretty brave, she’s
Trying not to cry or scream,
And I’m sorry that I done it
And I’m having red ice-cream.
When you see the operation
If you tiptoe you can watch,
’Cause her head is feeling better
But she’ll always have a blotch.
And be quiet when you look, and
Very kindly mind her snout:
My old Hannah’s pretty sick, because
I pulled her stuffing out.
Well, I said I’m awful sorry
And it wasn’t nice to do,
And it might have been on accident
Except that isn’t true,
So I hope that she’ll be friends again
And let me play with her,
’Cause she’s special to my mind, and now
I’m going to comb her fur.
The Fly-Nest
I’ve got a sort of tying thing
For when I have to tie,
And a box to be a fly-nest
Cause I’m going to catch a fly.
But I don’t exactly get it –
How you get the fly inside:
Do you open up the lid a bit
And just go off and hide?
’Cause a fly could come along, see,
And he’s looking for a nest,
But he doesn’t understand, a box
Is what a fly likes best.
So he marches up and tells me
That a box was in the way,
And he rather liked the colour
But he doesn’t care to stay.
And suppose a bigger aminal
Is walking with his kid,
And he spies a cozy fly-nest
With a comfy sort of lid,
And they crawl inside, and then the nest
Is full up to the brim –
And then the fly comes back, except
There isn’t room for him!
So I’ve got to get my tying stuff
All ready for the plan:
I tell the fly to hurry
Quick as anybody can,
And before those aminals go in
We catch them round the chest,
And I keep them in my bedroom,
And the fly can have his nest.
The Tiniest Man in the Washing Machine
The tiniest man
I’ve ever seen
Sleeps deep in a heap
In a washing machine.
At eight each night
He goes downstairs
And he yawns and puts on
The pyjamas he wears;
Then taking a bottle
From out of the sink,
He fixes a mixture
That’s fizzy and pink,
And checking to see
That there’s no one around,
He hops in the top
With a chugalug sound.
The buttons click,
The washer thuds,
And he wiggles and jiggles
In strawberry suds!
And around and around
He topples and flops,
A prince in a rinse
Till the cycle stops.
The foam is a pillow.
The pillow is deep.
He dreams of ice-cream
In a strawberry sleep
Till the morning comes up
And the sun comes up higher –
And he pops through the top,
Straight into the dryer,
And after he’s shaken
The very last sud,
He roars out the door
And he rolls in the mud.
Beat Me and Bite Me
Beat me and bite me
And teach me to bark,
I looked in the water
And there saw the shark.
I looked in the shark,
And it showed me its jaws.
And that is the reason
I’m not, though I was.
Periwinkle Pizza
If you want to see a breakfast
Getting gobbled up and gone,
Give me periwinkle pizza
In the parlour in Saint John.
If you want to see a luncheon
Getting munched in seconds flat,
Give me periwinkle pizza
On a plate in Shediac.
If you want to see a supper
Getting shovelled into me,
Give me periwinkle pizza
In St. Andrews-by-the-Sea.
The Tickle Tiger
The tickle tiger
Has a tail
Which she can flip
And flick and flail
And tie into
A figure 6
And swish, to snuff out
Candle wicks,
And hang from with
The greatest ease,
And use to tickle
Enemies.
And if a person
Plays a game,
Like calling her
A rotten name,
Or roaring when
She’s not awake,
Or sitting on her
By mistake,
She doesn’t care
To go about
And bop the person
On the snout,
Or squish him with
A red toboggan,
Or plant a pine tree
On his noggin –
Instead she flicks
Her tickle tail
Around and around
Like a frisky whale
And with a whisk
And a fidgety blink,
She leaves the person
Tickled pink.
One day, a man
Came by to steal
The tickle tiger
For a meal;
He thought he’
d have her
For dessert,
With mustard (a dab),
And ketchup (a squirt).
He set the table
Neat and straight –
One knife, one fork,
One spoon and plate –
And then invited
Her to dinner,
Enquiring first
If he could skin her.
The tickle tiger
Didn’t pause:
She stood up straight
On her strong rear paws
And sharpened the tips
Of her sharp sharp claws
And opened the jut
Of her giant jaws
And then her tail
Began to whirl
And swizzle and quiver
And tingle and twirl –
And then, with no more
Half-and-halfing,
She tickled his toes:
The man died laughing.
The Pair of Pants
Johnny came from England
Jackie came from France
They went to see a wise man
About a pair of pants.
One said, “They’re too long.”
One said, “They’re too little.”
The wise man took the pair of pants
And ripped them up the middle.
Now each has got a pant-leg.
Each is freezing, too.
And yet it seemed the only thing
That anyone could do.
One Sunny Summer’s Day
A Jersey cow exploded,
One sunny summer’s day.
The farmer was in Flin Flon,
Combing his toupee.
The farmer’s wife was farming,
She didn’t hear a thing.
(A motorist was injured
And had to wear a sling.)
The Big Molice Pan and the Bertie Dumb
Once a big molice pan
Met a Bertie Dumb,
Sitting on a wide sock
Booing gubble chum.
“Hey,” said the molice pan,
“Gum and simmy come.”
“Sot your rotten kicking pox!”
Cried the Bertie Dumb.
Then the big molice pan
Rank Jamaica drum,
Wide at dunce, but grows with runts.
(Kate to strinkum. DUM.)
Bloody Bill
You say you want to fight me?
But you think I’d rather not?
Then listen to the story
Of another guy I fought,
And maybe you’ll appreciate –
I don’t like blood and dirt