She somberly shook her head that she heard him but didn’t bother to open her eyes. He saw that she was tired and stood up. He looked at Alexandra who glared at him with hatred. She couldn’t believe that these men who had caused Morgan so much time and energy trying to decide who she should chose to spend her life with, had basically abandoned her in her time of need. Her resentment was insurmountable and she couldn’t express in words the disappointment she felt as Troy stood there staring at her, knowing that he had just reached a level below the standards of a human being. But he couldn’t help it. His life was about risk and people come and go all the time. Pain was a part of life for him and so was loss. He had become desensitized to the world that people like Morgan lived in. He cared for her but she was now a liability he couldn’t afford.
Not having words to soften the blow of the pain in Alexandra’s eyes, he stood straight, held his head high, and walked out the door. Morgan kept her eyes closed. She didn’t want to face Alexandra, or even herself. She just wanted to sleep and pretend none of it ever happened. Alexandra wished she could kiss all her sadness away.
It had been almost a week since Morgan had her accident and Alexandra never left her side. When Morgan would sleep, Alexandra would caress her gently and kiss her face and fingers, encouraging her to stay strong. Morgan’s parents visited as often as they could from Chicago and brought love from Morgan’s sister Sienna, who was now out of the hospital and also resting. They had removed most of her bandages but her legs and arms were still in casts so she couldn’t move or feed herself or go to the bathroom by herself. She was completely incapacitated. Alexandra never let on to her friend what she heard and what had happened a week before with the men, but she remained optimistic, filling Morgan in on the happenings and goings-on at Flowers Bed. The doctor had told Morgan that she could be released if she was able to hire a home aide nurse to live with her and care for her until she was able to take care of herself. The road to recovery would be a long and difficult one.
Morgan was anxious to leave the sterility of the hospital. Being around all the sick people had her in and out of depression and the fact that she hadn’t heard from either Troy or Bruce for a week had her in a deep state of sadness, misery, and anguish. She would brush the thoughts of them from her mind and wondered what Seymen-Cansin would do if he saw her right now. She lectured herself on her lack of good judgment and felt she deserved the punishment that had befallen her.
“I wish there was more I could do for you, Morgan,” Alexandra almost whispered as her hands slid up and down the soft contours of Morgan’s right arm. “I still think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” She smiled charmingly at her.
“That’s what a good friend is supposed to say.” Alex blushed at Morgan’s words but she knew this was the chance she had been waiting for. Years of watching Morgan strut her stuff around the office, throwing around provocative subliminal messages that would stir Alexandra like no man had. She had never thought of herself as gay, never before thought she could love a woman the way she felt for Morgan, but as their friendship grew, so did her love to an excruciating and painful blossom. She had taken little chances to flirt, touch and/or kiss Morgan in playful ways, but her friend had never responded in any way to make her feel that there was a chance.
“Hey Alex, anybody home?” Alexandra smiled and adjusted Morgan’s bedsheets when she interrupted her thought.
“Sorry, daydreaming I guess.” She smiled coyly.
“Daydreaming about what?” Morgan prodded. “Com’on, you can tell me. This is the most embarrassing time in my life and there is nothing I can do but lie here. The least you can do is entertain me,” Morgan said, her eyes drifting off to a vacant spot on the wall realizing how badly it hurt her to actually admit that.
“Naaw, I don’t think this is something you want to hear,” Alexandra said, hoping for a way to actually bring the subject up. She was in luck.
“Okay, now you have my attention. It must be juicy and you know being stuck in here, juicy is something I could use,” Morgan joked. Alexandra looked at her and felt so magnetically drawn, so emotionally overpowered that she just couldn’t help thinking just how wonderful it would be to just kiss Morgan. Kiss her a deep passionate longing lingering kiss that she had always dreamt about doing.
“Alex,” Morgan said, tensing her neck by pressing her head into her pillow on the bed. Alex stopped and looked at her. She was face to face with Morgan, their lips almost touching. She was so close to Morgan’s lips she could smell the Dentyne Ice breath mint that Morgan loved to pop into her mouth on the run, the ones that she had practically been living on since she found herself incapacitated.
“Oh” was all Alex could say as she gradually eased her body back into an upright position and bashfully turned her head away.
“Alex, would you like to tell me what’s going on here?” Morgan asked, her fingers barely touching the tip of Alexandra’s.
“I . . . am . . . so . . . sorry, Morgan,” Alexandra stuttered. Blistering humiliation plundered her thoughts as her mind sped in various directions wondering what Morgan would do, wondering if she had just jeopardized their friendship.
“What were you doing just now, Alex?” Morgan asked again, confusion riddling her mind on top of everything else that had taken place with the men in her life.
“Morgan, I think I am in love with you,” she slowly confessed. She turned away her face and placed her hands in her lap, twiddling her thumbs as a distraction to the obvious rejection she was about to be admonished with. The silence between them created a ten-inch concrete wall as Alexandra waited for Morgan to say something. Her heart felt like a thousand wild horses dragged it from Tibet to Egypt and then placed it in her body with the expectation that it would still function. Her mouth felt dry as her breathing became labored. “I have been in love with you for as long as I have known you. You are the light of my days.” She spoke again, hoping to ward off some of the thickness in the room, hoping to get it all out before Morgan realized what she was saying and shunned her from her life for good. “I thought maybe you might feel the same way I did and—” She stopped when Morgan gasped.
“Feel the same, are you crazy?” Morgan looked at her, flabbergasted at what Alexandra had just said. “You see me running around here trying to figure out who my baby’s daddy is going to be and failing miserably at it I might add,” she chuckled, “and you think that I might decide to just throw it all away and be with a woman?” Morgan asked, incredulous.
“No, it’s nothing like that,” Alexandra started.
“Then what is it, Alexandra? Why would you wait until now of all times when my life is falling apart to pull some manipulating thing like this? Now, when I am vulnerable, helpless, and need your friendship more than ever?” Morgan looked at her as sternly as she could with her scarred features distorting the true intention of her expressions.
“That’s not the way I was thinking about it,” Alexandra whispered, her pride pierced and her dignity slowly slipping away from her.
“Morgan, I would never do anything to hurt you and I will always be your friend, please just don’t be mad,” Alexandra begged. “If you could just forgive me, just pretend this never happened I promise you I would never violate the boundaries of our friendship again.”
Morgan looked away somberly. She couldn’t believe what was happening to her. A bunch of catastrophes one after the other after the other, everyone she trusted and thought would be with her, people she thought she loved. What was going on here was the only question mark swimming around unanswered in her mind.
They stood there silently for what felt like hours before Morgan began to laugh. She laughed so hard she thought the stitches in her face would split open. She laughed until she began to cough.
“Water!” she gagged. Alexandra curiously looked at her and thought she was the final straw to push her friend’s sanity to the brink.
“What is so funny, Morgan?” Alexandra asked, not amu
sed as she poured some water in the disposable cup and helped raise Morgan’s head to sip from it.
“Gay, Alex, are you telling me that you are gay?” Relieved that the mood had lifted the glum from the room, Alexandra began to smile.
“No,” Alexandra playfully slapped her, “I am not gaaaaaay.” She emphasized. “I love my husband,” she admitted quietly, “I just happen to love you too.” She looked at her from the corner of her eyes to see her reaction. Morgan raised her eyebrow and looked at Alexandra suspiciously.
“You’re serious?” Morgan slumped into the bed; everything seemed so surreal, like an out-of-body experience.
“Morgan, I think you are amazing. I don’t want to mess things up between us. I just love you.” Alexandra poured her heart out, softening her voice and face in a silent request for understanding. “I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how this happened, I never would think that I could feel this way about a woman.”
“Do you think you are bisexual?” Curiosity edged its way from Morgan’s lips.
“I don’t think so, it’s not like I feel this way about other women. I think it could just be just you.” Alexandra smiled sheepishly.
“Alex, I love you and you are my best friend. Nothing will ever change that. I understand how you feel but I cannot get involved with you that way.” Morgan told her as tenderly as she could. “I hope you understand.” Morgan smiled at her gently, hoping to soften the blow of her earlier reaction.
“Morgan, I am just so happy to finally get this off my chest. I have been walking around on pins and needles afraid of doing something stupid to destroy the trust between us. It won’t happen again, I promise.” Alexandra was so happy she turned to throw her arms around Morgan but hesitated, afraid of the connotation.
“Oh please, don’t tell me we are going to be all subconscious about every time we hug now?” Morgan teased. Hearing that threw Alexandra into her arms and squeezed her tight even though Morgan could not move her heavily casted hands; she knew she was hugging her in return. Then just as quickly she stood up and walked outside the door, excusing herself.
“Where you going?” Morgan asked, confused.
“Just for a quick breath of air that’s all. I will be right back.” Alexandra walked outside the hospital room and stood in the hallway until she could catch her breath. As she stood there she saw a delivery man looking as though he was lost. When he walked up to her she pointed out Morgan’s room and then told him to bring what he had there. Walking back inside she grinned widely at Morgan.
“Morgan,” Alexandra called her name, pulling her from her thoughts about what her friend had just disclosed to her.
“Please Alex,” Morgan stated halfheartedly, dismissing whatever it was that her friend was trying to say. One more confession and she would ask the doctors to just pull the plug.
“Morgan, you have a delivery.” She jumped up and down excitedly. This time Morgan decided to take a second look at her friend and try to decipher what the excitement was about. She didn’t want to admit it, but the look of joy on Alexandra’s face brought about the first stirrings of mirth in her since she returned from Germany. At least she wasn’t trying to tell her another secret.
“Okay I will bite. What is it?” Morgan asked, struggling to adjust herself in her bed to get a better view, frustration tugging at her knowing that the little shuffling movements she made didn’t bring her much leeway but she sucked it up and waited as Alex ran to her hospital bedroom door and swung it open wide so that the delivery man could walk in with twelve bouquets of three dozen roses of assorted colors. The nurses and hospital administrators all giggled as they followed the delivery men to Morgan’s room, curious to find out who had sent all the flowers. One of the delivery men walked up to Morgan with a card the size of a greeting card and handed it to her. Realizing she couldn’t take it he became flushed with embarrassment.
“No it’s okay, don’t be embarrassed; Alex, could you please open it for me?” Morgan asked, excitement now building in her. She felt vindicated after feeling abandoned by the men who swore to love her and chased her when she was whole. Now she was in need of true love and care they left her to face only herself and no longer hold the burden of a decision in her heart. It was a painful lesson to learn.
“It reads, as beautiful as you are, as rare as precious diamonds, you deserve nothing less than to rest on flower’s bed.” Morgan smiled at the echo of oohs and aaaaahs that came from the awestruck women who now surrounded her speculating on who had sent the flowers.
“So who are these from?” asked one attendant as she moved from bouquet to bouquet smelling the roses.
“These are so beautiful,” another exclaimed. “You are a very lucky woman, Ms. Quixotic.”
“Well?” Morgan turned to Alexandra, her enthusiasm building with the anticipation of the women who now waited anxiously for the answer. Alexandra just stood there with a blank stare as she shrugged her shoulders to their urgent request. “What do you mean you don’t know?” Flabbergasted, Morgan looked at the blank faces of the women waiting for her to offer some clue as to her secret admirer, but she too drew a blank. “Let me see that card, Alex.” Looking over the card that was delicately embossed with typewritten words and no signer, she dejectedly sank deeply into her bed.
“But it’s so romantic, Morgan,” Alexandra chirped, trying to keep her on the brighter side of things.
“Ladies, please help yourselves to a vase and enjoy,” she offered. “I really don’t need so many flowers dying on me all at the same time in a place that is so reminiscent of death.” Excitedly the women took a vase and proudly walked out of her hospital room until only she and Alexandra were left to speculate over the mysterious card.
“Well, I will go back to the city now and check on things. Are you okay?” Alexandra sat next to her and hugged her tightly. “Your color is coming back. I love you girlfriend.” She giggled.
“Now you know that’s not true, Morgan. I will always be your biggest fan, and think you are the most beautiful woman in the world,” Alexandra said, resting her head on Morgan’s bosom. “I just don’t like to see you like this.” Changing the subject Alexandra sat up and smiled. “I am going now and I will be back to see you tomorrow, okay?” she told her, trying not to allow Morgan’s somber mood to pull her down from the elation she felt about bringing all her thoughts to the forefront and dealing with her inner demon. Morgan had forgiven and accepted her, she couldn’t be happier. Besides she had to stay positive in order to help Morgan through this time.
“I understand.” Morgan looked away to the side not wanting to face Alexandra.
“Hey what’s all this about now?” Alexandra quizzed. “You have so much to be happy for. You have your life, friends who love you. Your family who worries for you, and you are one of the most astute, accomplished, and successful people I know.” She sighed, waiting for her friend to respond.
“Thanks for saying those things, Alex, but the fact is that no amount of money can buy love, and now for the first time, I understand that. I haven’t heard from either Bruce or Troy, and what’s going on with Isaiah? He’s just totally just dropped me. I cannot imagine that he doesn’t know that I am ill or even tried to contact me. Someone would have told him, don’t you think so?” Shame burned in her words as she sought Alexandra’s eyes for answers.
“I don’t know what to tell you, hun.” She lied, refusing to divulge what she knew about Bruce and Troy, but she hon
estly hadn’t heard from Isaiah. “Maybe something’s happened to them. Maybe they are busy.” Her words sent Morgan into a fit of sarcastic laughter.
“Now that’s the funniest thing I have ever heard,” she said between giggles, then getting a bit more serious she looked at her friend. “In all the time I have known these men, neither of them has ever been so busy that they couldn’t pick up the phone and call. They certainly knew how to harass me when I had something they wanted. It’s amazing how easy it is to change people’s minds.”
“Normally that would be true, sweetie, but I have never stopped loving you then and definitely not now.” Both women were totally taken by surprise by the man’s voice that had completely snuck up on them and turned to look in the direction of where the voice had come from.
“Isaiah?” Morgan gasped. Alexandra looked from one to the other as the statuesque man sauntered toward Morgan’s bed.
“That’s Isaiah?” Alexandra’s shocked expression tickled Morgan pink and all she could do was shake her head to answer as words evaded her at the moment. She looked at the man who had just walked in and brought with him joy beyond compare.
“I guess you are Alexandra,” Isaiah said, stretching out his arms to greet her. His smile was soft and warm, his eyes twinkled brightly.
“Yes, how did you know?” She knew she sounded really stupid, and she admonished herself for her awkwardness.
“I will take that as a rhetorical question.” He chuckled deep down from his abdomen, sending a wave of sensuality across the room. Morgan couldn’t remember him looking that great. He had lost weight, must have been working out because he looked like a Greek muscular Adonis. His black skin glowed healthily and the casual linen outfit he wore clung to all the right parts of his body.
As he approached Morgan’s side, Alexandra excused herself and a twinge of jealousy stabbed at her.