Announcements
Hotline
Megaphone
Ideas & Opinions
Robot Test
Genie
New Year’s Party
How I Felt
Socrates’s Publicist
Statistics
Bee Sting
Who I Am
Bugle Virtuoso
Some Drawings
TWO
Dad
Titles
My Band
Palindromes for Specific Occasions
Cat Calendar
Optimist, Pessimist, Contortionist
We’re Pregnant
Protagonists’ Hospital
Honors & Awards (for Which I Would Qualify)
Better Than Sex
Short Stories
Frustrating Uses of Etc.
Charts & Graphs
THREE
My Diet
Fortune Cookies
A Christmas Carol (the Deleted Scene)
WED
Fruit Vendor (Diary Excerpts)
Pets (a Conversation)
A Cappella Group Freak Accidents
My Checks
A Crossword Puzzle
Sheila
Products
A Picture (1,000 Words)
Epigrams, Fragments & Light Verse
One Phone Call
More Drawings
FOUR
My Powers
Human Cannonball Occupational Hazards
Eulogy
Flags
Painted Faces
Some Meanings
Goreburg and Spatz
Confessions of a White Guy with Dreadlocks
Spanish Teacher
Zing!
Results of Your Personality Test
More Statistics
Excerpts from My Often-True Autobiography
The Word Awards
Goodbyes
About the Author
Also by Demetri Martin
Copyright
About the Author
Demetri Mar
tin is the author of THIS IS A BOOK BY DEMETRI MARTIN. He is currently working on his next book. He lives somewhere in America.
Also by Demetri Martin
* Nothing yet. This is his first book.
1 NOTE: This turned out to be the final Zing.
Copyright
Co
pyright © 2011 by Demetri Martin
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Grand Central Publishing
Hachette Book Group
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New York, NY 10017
Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com
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First eBook Edition: April 2011
Grand Central Publishing is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The Grand Central Publishing name and logo is a trademark of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
ISBN: 978-1-609-41876-2