And then there’s a love
That speaks of a bargain
Conditional love happens
Because you are in a barter
Some sort of a business deal
Of a relationship
You say, ‘I’ll love you
if you listen to me’
This is the 21st century
Kind of love
In Love with Love
I am in love with the feeling
Of being in love
Let me live in my happy
Bubble a little longer
Don’t come to me with
A bucketful of ‘love’
Love me with a big heart
I am in love with the
Notion of love
Don’t creep up
On me with your
Ideas of nihilistic love
I don’t want to fall
In love but in it, I
Want to rise and flourish
Don’t expect me to
Change to your
Extravagant opinions
Accept me with my ego
My judgements, my
Sensitivity and depth
Don’t expect me to
Put up with your frivolity
Choose me for all of me
And not your version of me
Trust
With you,
I am trusting
My heart, my love
Please keep it safe
You
Your twinkling eyes shine when they see me
Your soft lips caress me like velvet
Your fingertips touch me like feather
Your voice sends a shiver down my spine.
Your gaze bores a hole through me
I feel crazy and sane at the same time just thinking of you,
You are extra ordinary in your ordinary way.
For Her Love Is
When it’s raining, sit together with cups of steaming chai
That’s love for her
Read a book to her instead of going out everyday
That’s love for her
When you cook a meal together
That’s love for her
When you sing her a song even if you really can’t
That’s love for her
When you buy her a single rose
That’s love for her
When you quietly hold her while she’s breaking down
That’s love for her
When you hold her hand when crossing the road,
That’s love for her
When you ask if she’s feeling alright
Because she hasn’t said a word since morning,
She knows you care and
That’s enough love for her.
A piece of my broken heart
How did he know?
That I was damaged
I never said it
We never discussed it
‘Can you die of a broken heart?’
I had asked him once
‘Yes, you can,’ he said.
‘So, am I dying?’
I wondered aloud.
‘I won’t let you,’
He whispered into my ears
And his arms held me close.
Flying high
If you loved me
Truly
Deeply
Passionately
You wouldn’t
Want to bind me
You wouldn’t
Want to tie me up
With your sweet words
You’d let me shine
You’d let me fly
Higher than the
Birds in the sky
Loss
Void
An emptiness is gnawing at me
Like the bee sting that numbs the body
A hollow feeling at the pit of my stomach
Like the light-headedness after a punch in the face.
My life is as aimless as the algebra which nullifies itself
My life is as meaningless as someone trying to find a needle in the haystack
Sometimes I feel my life will be over
Just like a house of cards that topples over;
Like glass shards,
When it shatters, so silently that you cannot hear.
Like the oil lamp, that dims as it burns away.
I feel like the drowning man who's struggling for his last breath.
I feel so helpless at times
Like the mother whose child is dying in front of her
Like the father who cannot earn enough to feed his children.
I feel so lonely at times
Like the lovebirds who are separated
Like the lone survivor in the vast desert.
I feel so sad at times
Like I have lost some one very dear to me.
I feel such an intense pain at times
Like I'm in a leg amputation operation without anesthesia
A searing pain like someone has ripped open my chest and taken out my heart.
I am a void,
Like the Universe.
I am nothing
And I fade away...into nothingness.
Missing You
You know what I miss the most?
I miss your voice, nanubhai
The sweet voice you used to call me ‘nanu’.
I miss your smile nanubhai
That smile which would light up your whole face
The smile which I’d try so hard to be the reason for
I miss the life advice and stories
I miss how we would talk on the phone and how happy I felt
I miss sharing my daily events with you
I miss how you always had something to soothe me with.
I miss how you picked up on my mood the moment you talked to me.
I miss how you always had my back and supported me no matter what.
I miss how you gently pointed out if I’d done something wrong.
I miss how you taught me that even the smallest kindnesses matter in life.
I miss the fact that you were my one true friend that I no longer have.
I miss eating at restaurants with you.
I miss how we’d hug and cuddle into you
I miss the childhood memories of you reading bedtime stories to me, even when you had worked late into the night.
I miss the times you helped me with my homework even if you didn’t really know how to.
I miss the times you tried to make me watch sports with you and I’d watch just to make you happy (even though I never really understood cricket!)
I miss how you sometimes dropped me off to school or when I went to get you from work
I miss the times you helped me put on a tie because I didn’t know how to since I knew you would do it for me.
I miss that one time you cooked rice and fried eggs when I was little because I was hungry and there was no lunch prepared.
I miss all the everyday things we did together.
I miss having silly fights with you
I miss how you were the only one who kept worrying and thinking about our wellbeing.
I miss how we were together, like a team.
I miss your courage.
I miss your quiet strength
I miss the love you’ve given me.
I miss you very much, nanubhai
I miss you and your abundant love.
And I never knew I could feel this way.
And this feeling is hard to describe.
I feel like a bottomless pit, empty and hollow.
I feel like my tears would dry up but I could not stop crying.
I feel I’ve lost a father, although you were my grandfather.
I feel like I’ve lost someone who understood me more than anyone ever will.
I feel no one else would love me like you loved me, nanubhai.
I feel like I’ve lost my home-my safe haven.
I feel like I’ve lost something
so precious I thought I could never live without
But most of all, nanubhai, I miss you-the wonderful human being that you are.
There can never be another ‘you’ ever again.
I never knew someone could love everyone equally and still make each person feel so special.
So, now you know nanubhai what I miss the most about you.
I feel I have a ‘nanubhai-shaped hole’ in my heart.
A hole that cannot be fixed
A hole no one can fill.
This is what losing you feels like
This is how it feels like now that I’m not with you.
This is how friendless life is without you, nanubhai.
nanubhai-Bengali for maternal grandfather
nanu-affectionate pet name for a grandchild (from the daughter’s side)
Death Is Inevitable
I know death is inevitable
I know we are but mere mortals
All of us living until our times are up.
But I didn’t know parting with
You would be this painful.
But you told me to be strong
And I am trying hard, Nanubhai
I am…I am trying my best.
I miss you like I’d miss a limb
A piece of me gone—lost forever
In the infinite universe
When I looked at myself in the mirror,
I saw a different ‘me’.
A constant sorrow within me lingers.
I never want it to go away
I never want your face to fade
I always want the memories of us
To be in my mind
Lessons I’ve learnt
In the worst of times
Things about the great mystery called ‘Life’
The death of my favourite person
Taught me how meaningless life really is
I’ve learnt how easy it is from being alive to being lifeless
I’ve learnt how your world can shatter,
How brittle this hour glass of life actually is.
It showed me how grief becomes a competition
How you can feel lonely and on your own
Even though you are surrounded by a dozen people
How life seems to come to a standstill
How you feel your whole world is lost
Lessons
My dearest
Be you
Don’t change, darling
Be sweet
Don’t let their meanness make you bitter
Be soft, girl
Don’t allow the harsh realities
Of life make your heart hard
Be kind, my dearest girl
Let them learn how
To show kindness from you
Be gentle
Know it’s alright not to
Be a hardened cynic
Be caring
Don’t stop looking out for others’ emotions
Only because they don’t care how their
Words make you feel doesn’t
Mean you have to imitate them too
Be empathetic
At times, feeling other
People’s pain lessens yours
Be considerate
Remember to respect the
Needs of those close to you
Be compassionate
It’s important
Be loyal, my love
Even if it doesn’t get reciprocated
Stay true to yourself
Don’t be a fake,
Trying to fit in
Accept your inherent personality
Know that the nature’s guiding you
Glow, glow brighter, my dearest.
Be your own person
Love yourself the most
Fall in love with every
Inch of yourself
Accept your flaws
Understand your shortcomings
Admire your strength
Your perseverance
Your tenacity
Your resilience
Your soft core
Your kind soul
Your sweetness
Your beauty
Your imperfections
Your naivety
Your honesty
Your loyalty
Your truthfulness
Your idealisms
Your moral values
Everything about you
Makes you complete
You are perfect as you are
You are enough as you are
You are strong
You have to be tough
You have to be strong
The most common phrases people say to me
It annoys me because I am strong
Perhaps not how they know strength
And isn’t that how it should be?
We’re all different
Our strengths are too
You get hurt by mean words
And you still try your best to be kind
That makes you strong
You feel pain at every step
And you still go and face this cruel world
Full of people who make fun of you for being hyper sensitive
That makes you strong
Many things make you cry
And that’s not a sign of weakness
It shows you’re not
Scared of your emotions
It’s your way of
Letting out the poison
It’s what makes you strong
You don’t fight with words
Maybe you’re unable to
It shows your tolerance
It makes you strong
Do things that hurt people
It shows you’re polite
It shows you care
That you respect their feelings
It shows you’re strong
People say you’re too quiet
You don’t have friends
You know that’s not true
But then you’re too tired
To expend on your
Energy to explain yourself
You know you think
Before speaking because
Words matter very much
What you say are not
Just letters you utter
From your mouth
They change your life
It shows your wisdom
It’s not your weakness
It’s your strength
That’s why you are strong
Blossom
Like a flower that
Comes in full bloom in spring
Blossom into your full potential
Practical dreamer
Dream
Dream big
Dream the dreams that don’t
Let you sleep
Keep them alive.
Dream when you’re asleep
Keep them safe inside you
Hidden from the naysayers,
Who want to break you
And know, that it’s
Okay if your dreams
Change along the way
Just never stop dreaming
And believing
Don’t let your dreams fade
Plan and hope
But know the truths of life
Know that things you
Want won’t always happen just
How you long them to be
Know this and keep on moving ahead
Go on striving
Paradox
I am a free spirit shackled in chains
My happiness, laced with melancholy
I want to live dangerously but I want security
I wish to lead but I am a follower
I need to be independent but I want to be looked after.
I want to roar but I am snuffled out
I am a burning flame but I flicker in the darkn
ess
I want to shine like a sparkling star but I only give out a faint light
I am white but I am hovering between black and grey
I am a cynic but I want to be a believer
I am the thin line between drowning and staying afloat
I have a raging storm inside me
I am but a book of contradictions
I am a paradox.
Life to Me
What is life, anyway?
I mean, what is the point of it all?
This is what I think…
Wait, just hear me out
It all seems insignificant when
We realize we are but mortals
There is no elixir of eternal youth
When you see a person taking his last breath,
The life going out of his body
How does it make you feel?
To me, it feels like being helpless
Life, at that point feels futile
Life is a process
An institute to learn
To gather memories
Collect experiences
Living in the moment
A journey with incessant
Destinations until the final exit
Insignificant
Sometimes, late at night,
When I can't fall asleep,
Lying alone on the bed
Thoughts engulf me,
Lashing like giant waves,
Trying to drown me.
I think of the Universe,
Its vastness and its immensity.
I think of life and the people in it.
"Why are we here," I think
What is the meaning of life?