(Beat.)
And Auggie told her I was pregnant.
BECCA
Why would he—?
(Stops mid-sentence, then realizes ...)
Oh my god, Izzy.
IZZY
I know, right?
BECCA
You are not.
(Izzy just shrugs “Whadaya gonna do?” Becca is not pleased.)
Oh my god.
IZZY
He’s a really good guy, Bec. You’re gonna like him. He’s a musician.
BECCA
(Oozing irony) That’s terrific.
IZZY
No, not like you think. He gets work. He’s a working musician.
BECCA
Is that why you’re here? To tell me you’re pregnant?
IZZY
Pretty much.
BECCA
I knew something was up. You’re not one to pop by on a Saturday afternoon.
IZZY
I pop by.
BECCA
How long have you known?
IZZY
A few weeks.
BECCA
And you’re just telling me now?
IZZY
Well Jesus, Bec . . .
BECCA
What? You didn’t wanna tell me?
IZZY
No.
BECCA
Why not?
IZZY
Why do you think?
(Beat.)
God, everything’s so fucked-up.
BECCA
Does Mom know?
IZZY
Yeah.
BECCA
You told Mom before me?
IZZY
I had to.
BECCA
Oh my god, Izzy.
IZZY
Stop saying that.
BECCA
What are you gonna do?
IZZY
Well I’m gonna keep it, if that’s what you’re asking.
(Beat.)
Auggie wants to, too. We’re excited about it. This is exactly the kind of thing that gives a person clarity.
(Beat.)
BECCA
Izzy ...
IZZY
Look, I’m sure this is really hard for you, for a bunch of reasons, but can I just say ...? I don’t need any advice right now. Or any lectures or whatever it is you’re composing inside your head at the moment. I just need you to pretend to be happy for me. Okay? Even if you don’t feel that right now. I’d like you to pretend that you do. All right?
(Pause.)
BECCA
Well ... of course I’m happy for you. I was just taken aback. If you think a baby is gonna ... fulfill you, or give you clarity or whatever, then, obviously it’s a wonderful thing. I am happy for you. I don’t need to pretend. Jesus, Izzy, gimme some credit.
(Izzy hugs her sister.)
IZZY
Thank you.
(Silence. Becca looks at the stacks of folded kids clothes.)
BECCA
Well I should probably hold off on this then.
IZZY
What do you mean?
BECCA
I’m washing all these clothes to give to Goodwill. I might as well save them for you. In case you have a boy. No sense in my giving these away.
(Izzy looks from Becca to the clothes. Piles of little pants and shirts and balled-up socks. They’re all clothes a four year old might wear. Izzy looks uneasy.)
IZZY
I don’t know, Bec. They’re in baby clothes for so long, it’d be a few years before he could even fit into this stuff.
BECCA
It comes up very quickly. You wouldn’t even believe it.
IZZY
Plus we don’t have a lot of room to ...
BECCA
That’s okay. I’ll keep them here. In the basement. You’ll be happy I saved them.
IZZY
But what if it’s a girl?
BECCA
Then I’ll bring them down to Goodwill. What’s the big deal? You’re gonna thank me. A couple years worth of free clothes here. Think of the money you’re gonna save.
IZZY
It’s not about the money.
BECCA
Well it should be. You need to start thinking about stuff like that, Iz. Especially if the dad’s a musician. It costs a lot to raise a child.
IZZY
It’d be weird, that’s all. If it’s a boy. To see him running around in Danny’s clothes.
(Beat.)
I would feel weird. You would, too, I think.
(Beat.)
I’m sorry.
BECCA
No, I’m sorry. Of course it’d be weird. I don’t know what I was—
IZZY
It was a nice offer. I just—
BECCA
You’ll get a lot of clothes anyway. Christmas and birthdays. You won’t have to worry about that.
IZZY
No I know but—
BECCA
It would be one thing if they were hand-me-downs but—
IZZY
Exactly.
(Pause. Becca goes back to folding.)
BECCA
It’s probably a girl anyway.
IZZY
You think?
BECCA
I’m definitely getting a girl vibe. I’m a little psychic about this stuff.
IZZY
Oh yeah?
BECCA
Remember I said Debbie was having a girl.
IZZY
You did.
BECCA
And Karen?
IZZY
Karen too, I remember.
BECCA
I think there’s a girl in there.
IZZY
I hope there is. That’s what I want. I mean, either way, so long as it’s healthy obviously, but if I had to pick, I hope it’s a girl.
BECCA
Me, too.
(Beat.)
What’d Mom say?
IZZY
She was happy.
(Beat.)
BECCA
Really?
IZZY
I know. I thought she’d lay into me but ...
BECCA
Huh.
(Becca clears Izzy’s crème caramel plate, and brings it to the sink.)
IZZY
Thanks for the crème caramel.
BECCA
Sure.
(Beat.)
IZZY
I’m sorry, Bec. If this is hard. I know the timing really sucks.
BECCA
Hey. What can ya do?
(Beat.)
I’m glad you told me.
(Beat.)
And I’m really happy for you.
(The lights fade.)
SCENE TWO
Becca and Howie’s living room, later that night. Dessert has moved in here. They’re finishing up their crème caramels, chatting.
BECCA
Ridiculous, right? Nine weeks pregnant. In a bar. Drinking.
HOWIE
You said she wasn’t drinking.
BECCA
No, she said. But you know Izzy. Plus the place was probably clogged with cigarette smoke.
HOWIE
Not anymore. Clean Indoor Air Act.
BECCA
She was in Yonkers. You think they enforce that in Yonkers?
HOWIE
I wouldn’t worry about it. If the babies in France turn out okay, I’m sure this one’ll be fine, too.
BECCA
You think this is funny, Howie?
HOWIE
Of course not. But you need to relax about it. Izzy could be right.
BECCA
About what?
HOWIE
The baby getting her on track. It can wake a person up. It did us.
BECCA
She was bragging about a bar fight.
HOWIE
It wasn’t a bar fight.
BECCA
They were in a bar. Fighting.
HOWIE
Izzy hit someone, she didn’t get into a fight. Blows were never exchanged.
BECCA
What is your point? It’s okay for a pregnant woman to be punching people?
HOWIE
Well so long as they don’t punch her back, it’s probably all right.
BECCA
What are you—? Why are you defending her?
HOWIE
I’m not. I just think it’s silly to get worked up about it.
BECCA
I’m not worked up. I’m just saying.
HOWIE
You’re right, it’s a mess, but what can we do? Maybe it’ll be fine. Izzy’s not a moron. (Off her look) Okay, she acts like one sometimes but ... A baby can be good for a person.
BECCA
I know that, Howie.
HOWIE
All right then.
(Beat.)
This was good. The crème caramel.
BECCA
Thank you. Izzy tried to eat one upside down.
(Becca clears the crème caramel dishes. She brings them into the kitchen.)
HOWIE
You want more wine?
BECCA
(From the kitchen) No, I’ve had two already.
HOWIE
Half a glass, I wanna empty this bottle.
(He empties the rest into her glass.)
BECCA
Mom’s thrilled by the way.
HOWIE
She called?
BECCA
Izzy must’ve told her I knew.
HOWIE
And how was that?
BECCA
What, two hours on the phone with Mom?
(Howie lowers the lights in the room as Becca reenters.)
What are you doing?
HOWIE
My eyes are sore, staring at that computer all day.
(Becca settles onto the couch with her wine.)
BECCA
You think this means she wants baby stuff? For her birthday? Maternity clothes or something?
HOWIE
(Joins her on the couch) No, wait for the baby shower. Just get whatever you were gonna get her.
BECCA
Good, because I was gonna buy her a bathroom set.
HOWIE
A what?
BECCA
A bathroom set. Shower curtain, bath mat ... a little skirt for the sink. They sell them as sets.
HOWIE
This is for Izzy’s birthday?
BECCA
The last time I was over there, you should’ve seen her bathroom. It looked like a frat boy decorated.
HOWIE
Huh.
BECCA
What?
HOWIE
It just seems like a funny gift. A bath mat.
BECCA
It’s the whole set, Howie.
HOWIE
No, I know. Still.
BECCA
I thought it’d be nice.
HOWIE
It is nice. But maybe she’d rather have perfume or something.
BECCA
Izzy doesn’t wear perfume.
HOWIE
No, I know, but—
BECCA
I was trying to be practical.
HOWIE
Okay.
BECCA
It’s a good gift. I’d like it if someone gave it to me.
HOWIE
I’ll make note of that for Christmas.
BECCA
You think it’s dumb.
HOWIE
No, get her the sink skirt, the set-thingy whatever.
BECCA
Bathroom set.
HOWIE
Get her that if you think she’ll like it.
BECCA
I’m gonna.
HOWIE
Great. She’ll love it.
BECCA
You should’ve just said that to begin with.
HOWIE
Yeah, I know. Now.
(Howie looks at her and smiles. She smiles back. A moment passes between them.)
BECCA
How was squash?
HOWIE
Good. I lost but it was good.
BECCA
How’s Rick?
HOWIE
Rick’s fine.
BECCA
And Debbie?
HOWIE
Debbie wasn’t there.
BECCA
HOWIE
Not really. I guess she took the kids to her mother’s this weekend.
BECCA
Rick didn’t wanna go?
HOWIE
He has work.
BECCA
How are the kids?
HOWIE
Fine, I guess. He said that Robbie’s doing T-ball now, and Emily has mastered the plié.
(Beat.)
Anything else?
BECCA
No, that’s it.
HOWIE
You can call her, you know. You can call Debbie and ask her these questions yourself.
BECCA
I don’t wanna call her. She should call me.
HOWIE
Okay.
BECCA
Why can’t she call me?
HOWIE
I don’t know.
BECCA
No?
HOWIE
She’s uncomfortable, Bec.
BECCA
Is that what Rick said?
HOWIE
Rick didn’t say anything. But obviously if she hasn’t called you it’s because she doesn’t know what to say.
BECCA
How about, “Hey, Becca, how you doing? Haven’t seen you in a while.”
HOWIE
If you’re pissed, you should call her and tell her.
BECCA
No, Howie, it’s her job to call me.
HOWIE
Okay.
BECCA
I would’ve been there for her if god forbid something had ever happened to Robbie or Em. I wouldn’t have vanished the way she did.
HOWIE
People get weird, you know that. It’s probably hard for her.
BECCA
Hard for her?
HOWIE
I’m just saying. Look at my brother. Spent the whole funeral talking about the Mets. Obviously he couldn’t deal. He’d talk about anything but Danny. And that’s my brother.
BECCA
Yeah, well, your brother’s an asshole.
(Beat.)
I should drop her a note.
HOWIE
Maybe you should.
BECCA
“Dear Debbie—just so’s ya know, accidents aren’t contagious.”
HOWIE
Okay, let it go.
BECCA
Let what go?
HOWIE
Whatever’s making you tense. You should try to relax a little.
BECCA
I am relaxed.
HOWIE
We’ll see.
(Howie grabs a remote and clicks on the stereo. Al Green’s “Livin’ for You” plays quietly.)
BECCA
Oh jeez, Howie.
HOWIE
What? It’s chill music. You need it. Now turn around.
BECCA
For what?
HOWIE
Just face that way.
(She does. He moves in to massage her shoulders.)
Thank you.
(Massages her) See? Your shoulders are all knotted-up.
BECCA
Yeah, well ...
HOWIE
Forget about Debbie and Izzy and whoever else is bugging you.
BECCA
She has no idea, by the way. Izzy. No idea what she’s getting into.
HOWIE
(Massaging her) I know.
BECCA
Do you remember how exhausted we were? Th
e feedings at all hours. The sleep deprivation. Do you think Izzy’s ready for that? The utter torture of it all?
HOWIE
Enough about Izzy.
BECCA
I’m sorry. But she’s a sleeper. Izzy needs sleep more than other people. You talk about wake-up call or whatever you were saying, well she’s gonna get one, big time.
(Howie continues to massage her. Becca seems to warm up to it.)
HOWIE
Maybe we should go somewhere. A cruise or something. You need to be pampered.
BECCA
You’ve taken off enough time as it is.
HOWIE
I’ll talk to Alan. What’s another week? I can handle most of my accounts from out of town anyway.